「爱(艾)麗絲,沒有錯喔」83Please respect copyright.PENANATmGXL14yhD
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將自己當成人類,模仿人類給自己的存在加上名字,少女外貌的怪物讀出不屬於自己的名字,在不知不覺間教導女孩「憎恨」的代名詞83Please respect copyright.PENANAUhsMOInfIq
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無心的愛麗絲,即人偶的爱麗絲83Please respect copyright.PENANAWzS23A8BPA
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「因為姐姐的名字不是英文啦,所以讀法不一樣囉」83Please respect copyright.PENANAVFjJH2vetA
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儘管「愛麗絲」這名字的確是指「夢遊仙境的愛麗絲」,然而當談及「缺心的爱麗絲」的時候,那名字的由來才不是自日不落,不是英文,反而是亞洲的語言,華文,畢竟「無心」的描述,只會在漢字上表現出來83Please respect copyright.PENANAGZbe1eIpOm
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名字最開始的典故,在被用作稱呼怪物的俗名之前,似乎是關於一宗兇殺案,死者的心臟被藏在一個愛麗絲人偶裏,之類的83Please respect copyright.PENANAui11NZxrn1
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但是現在,這個名字被賦予了新的意思,始終當這三字能離開其口中的原因,乃是簡單的「這個名字甚至不是直指自己」83Please respect copyright.PENANAi06k3t6i6m
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在這個世界上,存在着「爱麗絲」的都市傳說,相傳說,在夜裏,噩夢人偶會在夢中預言你的死亡,而當你看見它的時候,要不你順從之意見,被帶到仙境去,不然的話,你將面對最艱辛難捱的死亡 —— 你看得見的瞬間,你的命運已經被決定83Please respect copyright.PENANArQ2mtkleAN
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而它,則是「偷」走了這名字83Please respect copyright.PENANAkk2nhhEiLB
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在少女的罪行中,它的犯罪並非完美,純粹是社會無法將其捉拿,不過更何況人偶殺人的手段,和人偶本身一樣,也是非同尋常,一直以來,它的受害者也大普遍是自殺、他殺的,少女甚少將自己的雙手浸進血池之中
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偷走名字的它,算是都市傳說的原型,在這個世代,有着「崎品」—— 導致少女能變成人偶的原因,有這樣存在的世界,社會曾經主流着「反崎品」的風氣
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那怕現在也好,這陣營的殘黨還存在,而「爱麗絲的憐憫」,則是其眾多觀念中的其一:不論方法不論身份,對崎品宿主殺無赦
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而這個想法,也是少女所忠從的教條83Please respect copyright.PENANAImqiAedOvi
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雖然自身也是宿主然而83Please respect copyright.PENANAL3giI9q184
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自己也是個人類,實際上並非什麼英雄角色,凡人的她也是自相矛盾,固執且有私念
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這也解釋了為什麼現在的人偶,正坐在這,和孩子玩着「煮飯仔」、過家家酒,儘管不遠處的某東西在腐爛
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世界還是會繼續83Please respect copyright.PENANAIF97ok5nON
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「姐姐叫爱麗絲⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAz5rkyofu6K
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「這樣嗎⋯?是了,我叫 —— 」
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「先快吃飯吧,要不涼了喲?」83Please respect copyright.PENANALbmSQuLd9C
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人偶插話道,用說教的口吻打斷了孩子
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「⋯啊!好的!」
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女孩的專注力會因一句而瓦解,始終人類的言行很容易受外界影響,那怕是最微不足道、一丁點的刺激,也足以改變一個人的思想
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而對於怪物而言,畢竟其本心算是個人類,所以道理同是,所以她不願意,更加不希望聽到女孩告訴自己真相,瓦解自己的保護罩,把恐怖的現實堵在眼前 —— 女孩是一個活生生的存在、生命,擁有自己的未來、意志和想法,而掌握了現實的人偶則能預視得到未來,太陽花隨時間凋萎、死去的畫面
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拒絕知道女孩的名字,拒絕與之聯繫,正如她拒絕相信女孩是真實存在着
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因為若將那作為前題,她無法徵求自己的同意,她無法接受如此若無其事的自己,她覺得自己病態、噁心,失去做人的資格
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倒是,退後一步,究竟是誰定下標準,決定誰有資格的呢?
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這個社會?身邊的人?信條主義?道德規範?
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裝在人偶外殼裏頭的少女,嘗試無視理性的聲音
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模仿人類的禮儀,人偶靠在桌上,托着下巴,露出月亮般的眼神,嘴掛甜味的聲調,在人類的文化,被稱作「母性」的表現
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「粗茶淡飯,不成敬意」83Please respect copyright.PENANAWMD0lbSkxv
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渴求保護小孩子的欲望,下意識地擔上重責的慾望,這份「母性」又好,有些人會稱之為「愛的表現」
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卻由這麼一個身份的,展現出來,是不是有點奇怪呢?
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「那是什麼意思?」
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「啊⋯就是⋯我說⋯姐姐我盡力了⋯不好吃的話⋯對不起⋯⋯之類的感覺?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAEk4j5dF98y
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久違的責任感,人偶反應不過來
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「沒關係的說!爱麗絲姐姐!平時我就是吃這些的了」
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女孩卻不知道「空氣」是讀的,不是吸的,她那股天真包容着所有,反而成為了罪疚感的溫床
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「媽媽她每天都工作得很晚很夜,在我睡着覺的時候才回家,然後她工作很累很辛苦,不會煮飯,所以平日買便當盒,平時我也是吃這些便當,所以沒關係啦!」
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天真的笑容,發自內在的善心才格外叫知情者感到心酸,吃着便利店的飯盒便當渡日的小女孩,並非一個健康的孩子,唯獨身陷在不幸中,仍堅稱自己是幸福、開心的,這反差是一種折磨,更是一種毒藥
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對心靈的折磨,毒啞大腦的砒霜,尤其對人偶而言,堪比致命,對於在其身上看到自己影子的人偶而言,這是噩夢的原料
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與此同時,孩童心滿意足的景象,也令「追求真理」的聲音變大83Please respect copyright.PENANA02pKzy5k0G
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而事實?事實是你無法將傷口強行拉上,並稱之為「癒合」83Please respect copyright.PENANA54egZPK7av
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只是那把聲音一直重覆,直至你聽到為止,即使你聽到然後,那把「理性」的聲音會作為噪音,支配你的精神83Please respect copyright.PENANA7m8mpcOW6i
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畢竟真相的可怕之處,便是你無法忽視,把真實的想法瞞住的時候,再溫柔的聲音也會變得刺耳,然後煩燥的音調就會逐漸吞噬自己,到那個時候,「追求真理」的想法乃是傷口的形狀,腦中的缺口
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創傷的由來,這是83Please respect copyright.PENANAmqS7mfNt0O
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乃是真相,真相並非人人可以接受83Please respect copyright.PENANAdkmWgLP6RA
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而事實?事實是女孩的母親其實一點也不在乎83Please respect copyright.PENANAOpFIsiI85Q
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那個和她有血緣關係的雌性動物,女人她每晚都在外頭快活,享受酒肉,獨留兒童在家中,留下這個九個月也決定不了而出現的負擔
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不過人類真的是很好養,最好養的生物,不是嗎?
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病了,會自己照顧自己;餓了,會自己找食的;有什麼需要,也懂得去嘗試滿足自己
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正因如此,她的母親,才允許這樣的一件麻煩事,留在自己的家中
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然而不變的事實是:她並不在乎
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而事實?事實是,一切取決於自己罷83Please respect copyright.PENANAlhPDxy99AZ
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另一個事實乃,一切取決於人偶自己罷83Please respect copyright.PENANAr1BtC3k5nC
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無論做什麼好,你心中如何糾纏也好,當你真的下手的時候,你已經成功徵求自己的意見
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要不然,你怎會這樣行動呢?對不對?83Please respect copyright.PENANAQnoV7199Eg
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因此,人偶,那怕心中有許多說不出口的話,當她選擇閉上嘴巴的時候,她已經是默許自己的罪行,是軟弱的共犯,是冷漠的幫凶
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這樣沉默,為了的,只不過是在保護那遲早會破滅的幻夢
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而她也知道,今天和以往許多次一樣,結局也會那樣子,像預測的一樣
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女孩沒有未來83Please respect copyright.PENANAcIMprR1rMm
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卻,人偶真身的她只會把一切當成惡夢,把別人的真實當成虛假的故事,逃避,置身事外
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要不然怎樣?叫人偶負責任?83Please respect copyright.PENANAfGpv04YfDM
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人偶她想過
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不過
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想過、計劃過又如何?
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要知道的是,這世界不多少,是結果論的83Please respect copyright.PENANArfT9gEfJWG
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這是無可厚非的事實83Please respect copyright.PENANABl7gMtOQn0
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這全都是此世道的真相83Please respect copyright.PENANA6ebR6e3PyE
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而可惡的世界之所以可惡,因為它無時無刻地提醒着可惡的全人類們,活在這人間地獄須知道的道理,千遍一律且無情的可惡道理
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雪上加霜的便是可惡的人類從來不懂得記住,或是說,一直記不住
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始終可悲的過去、創傷,留戀傷疤的價值何在?你說對不對?
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你說,究竟為什麼?
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為什麼自己在關心無關痛癢的事情呢?83Please respect copyright.PENANAbY4KYkArsP
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為什麼自己⋯83Please respect copyright.PENANAtNak80dJQz
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「你爸爸呢?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAisEpU6iXKm
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問了些從一開始其實就不應該有的問題83Please respect copyright.PENANAegI71NH19G
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盯着小朋友認真思考,用心思考自己之後會選擇性遺忘的答案,這份天真的回報是世道一概的冷漠,況且還是自己選擇的結果,一想到這,人偶抿緊唇邊
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「唔⋯不知道咧⋯我因該沒有爸爸吧?我不記得自己的爸爸長什麼樣子,說話是什麼聲音⋯我都不知道」
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「『應該』才對」83Please respect copyright.PENANAYg6qlgrGE1
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真的把自己當成姐姐了,意識到自己正偏離軌道的瞬間,人偶那抿緊的唇下是牙齒,覺得心癢而大力咬住自己的下唇
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然後,在心內對自己說:
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又來了83Please respect copyright.PENANAwyAS7ftyMe
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又在管教別人,又是多餘的感情在作祟,明明已經自我警誡別再沾上關係,身體倒是在背道而行
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不過
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閉嘴、閉嘴,全都給我閉嘴83Please respect copyright.PENANAeqdEUug7EL
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安靜一下不行嗎?
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此刻的少女只想放鬆,只想和眼前的女孩感受着時間的流逝
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而當她這麼想的時候,要用現實的聲音蓋過其「心」音,腦海便迎來片刻的安寧,暴風雨的前夕
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靜下來,少女繼續
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「那麼⋯我說,我問,你平常都是你的母親照顧你了喔?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAJSs3Lh7mXE
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「對⋯⋯不過大部分時間我也是自己照顧自己就是了,媽媽又不是每天都回家」
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女孩擺出少許無奈的神情,但本來的純真快樂,很快便把怨言的表情抹殺掉
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純粹,因為有人交談而快樂,你要知道的是那種純粹的快樂,必定是未經世面的童真,想到這世界居然將兩個極端的情況放在一起,人偶不存在的心,感到心悒
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「學校呢?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAiSBhkzVV0u
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剛剛才出口,一旦目睹小朋友逃避眼光的樣子,即使是白痴也能分辨出「尷尬」的意思,明顯地,擅闖民居的「大姐姐」又踏了地雷,勾起了女孩那不怎討喜的回憶
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「這個⋯」
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歪掉的笑容,期期艾艾的小女孩在掙扎,不懂得把自己裝飾起來的後果便是會害怕受傷,變得膽小
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「人家⋯⋯」
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只見停止進食的她避開視線,側頭,尷尬地笑了一會,唯獨笑意一瞬便消退,剩下焦慮畫在臉上,低下頭的孩子靜視盤中餐,汗滴項下桌
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「學校⋯人家⋯」
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難言之隱,卻最終仍說出了何解83Please respect copyright.PENANAPmBDtasLZv
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結果論而言,也許這是大人和小朋友的差別83Please respect copyright.PENANAew8PYeMxzp
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「人家在讀週末班⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAPt2oDtVI72
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「這樣嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANARJsSchJJdn
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另一廂,大人和小朋友的其二差別是修飾、社教化、出於同理的自我審查83Please respect copyright.PENANAPFJwuqKiuS
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週末班也就是特殊教育班,「特殊教育」四個字給人的感覺往往是貶的,不過對這個領域有交涉的她而言,才不是什麼大不了的事情
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因此人偶只是很平淡地帶過去83Please respect copyright.PENANAJyQqIfZsVL
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「姐姐你⋯不會覺得我很奇怪嘛?」
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「為什麼呢?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAhns4iXaZ9A
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「因為媽媽說⋯是有問題的孩子才會進週末班⋯」
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聽到這,內心有少許不耐煩,甚至生氣,少女便稍微提高聲量,強調語道:
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「我說,別聽她說的」83Please respect copyright.PENANAbfF5d5OVdV
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「我說,看著姐姐」83Please respect copyright.PENANANa0piuEYuR
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靠近身子,人偶與女孩四目交投,那怕小小的雙眼帶着的感覺並不肯定,仿真的寶珠所映照的小靈魂,確實是無比珍貴,至少對沒有靈魂的怪物來說是這樣
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在那可悲的雙眼中,怪物將人性的低限劃了在奇怪的地方,然而自我矛盾的缺點,從僅存的人類身份中繼承過來了
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何止,無心的少女更是在教導別人何謂「本心」83Please respect copyright.PENANAExShBiOyAE
83Please respect copyright.PENANAPIYyomM2Kv
「你笨嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAcvNaSZzy0o
83Please respect copyright.PENANAt4SL8pH5wN
人偶清了清嗓子,然後以盡溫柔的聲線去提問,人偶本來的聲音是未睡醒的惺忪,弱質中既是魅亦是柔
83Please respect copyright.PENANAmPEd018oHb
這樣格外刻意的溫柔倒反而顯得嚴肅,「姐姐」的形象便從暱稱轉為敬稱
83Please respect copyright.PENANA5A1xYmaGUV
「可能吧⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAi9Ol68SsiN
83Please respect copyright.PENANAGSMN88U77g
女孩她,縱使有少許猶豫的表現,她還是讓自卑勝過了自尊83Please respect copyright.PENANAm0xCzbzVlO
83Please respect copyright.PENANAklSM6tZya9
這也算是大人和小朋友的分別吧
83Please respect copyright.PENANA9fG5HLDjSe
小朋友不擅長說謊
83Please respect copyright.PENANAj1tK0BQVsD
但大人會
83Please respect copyright.PENANAy2jLJ607RF
「那麼來背乘數表⋯捌柒是什麼?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAxm1bTD3hvL
83Please respect copyright.PENANAp7HFVr7dSJ
很會自欺,還有欺人83Please respect copyright.PENANAa1x4w3jIOd
83Please respect copyright.PENANAQJMVKKFFNG
爱麗絲又好愛麗絲又好,皆並非什麼公主童話,她只是一個少女,一個卑微而普通的孩子,一個沒有榮耀可言的野孩子,一個沒有貴族格的平民
83Please respect copyright.PENANAK5AYiqKuEn
少女對女孩施展名為「換個角度」的魔法,也是名為「混淆視聽」的黑魔法83Please respect copyright.PENANAfTadByv9zL
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4SfXbs8J1T
魔女知道自己罪行深重,然而看着小女孩的雙眼逐漸明亮起來,她不介意自己將來所要面對的業報
83Please respect copyright.PENANAgUP05dXCs9
「欵⋯⋯伍拾陸?」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAzNfKJAxcFu
「正確」83Please respect copyright.PENANAXwSPNDAG7A
83Please respect copyright.PENANAuclbQLf64o
「第二條問題:一天有多少個小時?」83Please respect copyright.PENANA8ZNKtwWcQm
83Please respect copyright.PENANAIjOFQVH53n
「我知道!貳拾陸小時!」
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4VBsyKimO1
女孩的眼神明顯地改善了,果然孩子和小動物一樣,小狗一樣,稱讚一下、鼓勵一下便會打起精神,要怎樣改變其情緒一目了然
83Please respect copyright.PENANAZIeMVJ86Ak
孩子回答着些其答案明顯不過的問題,表面上看,人偶甚至乎在侮辱她,只不過,當注意那對誠心的眼神,笑時出現溫柔的小酒窩,包容的表現是學着人的那套,無心的怪物也許一時三刻忘記了自己是「無心」的存在
83Please respect copyright.PENANAXiv02l6gsy
「沒錯!那麼⋯最後一題」83Please respect copyright.PENANAkGmC8IV95U
83Please respect copyright.PENANADCCdofhPT6
「如果有需要叫警察或是醫生的話,要打緊急救助電話,電話號碼 —— 」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAKnDNRfsQlj
「三個九!打電話九九九」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2wzJrcA2N
「大正解」83Please respect copyright.PENANAeZHltLNp2M
83Please respect copyright.PENANA6fkp1fIiX6
看着人偶的笑容,你能指控之虛偽嗎?還是說,純粹因為人偶是生命的仿真品,你就徹底否定造物不能模仿其造物者,而成為新的造物者?因為說了一個謊而不可能真誠?罪人其罪不可贖?難道你的世界是平面而無趣的?
83Please respect copyright.PENANAST0DCdqZgi
婉如童話?
83Please respect copyright.PENANAY3PnNPTAuD
缺心的少女知道這世界會怎審判自身,並確信自己的抉擇,那怕她不是自大狂妄或無知愚者,她純粹確信自己的「罪行」是善行
83Please respect copyright.PENANAns7VnHWhJP
確信犯83Please respect copyright.PENANA7JkjXkYZl3
83Please respect copyright.PENANALY90iR9mjw
自己的信者83Please respect copyright.PENANA60qb8GPRrQ
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「看呀?你根本就不笨,不是嗎?你覺得自己笨嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAm88oIpAL8G
83Please respect copyright.PENANA0T1udkLKxr
「⋯才沒有⋯!」
83Please respect copyright.PENANADH6U10XDNy
在那邊,它是殺人的怪物,在這邊,她是和藹親切的姐姐;雙重標準的重點便是當事人堅信偏見為「道理」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAlxod1iWsn1
人不會改變,孩子的真實狀況不會因為人偶的一句半句而發生轉變,但是人心易變,比大家想像更容易,畢竟人本來就是多面的,知道適當的咒語,乃能使人心逆轉
83Please respect copyright.PENANAeJJotka4B5
所以說,自卑又好自信又好,兩者皆是真實,而人偶選擇了自己的真實
83Please respect copyright.PENANAzxEeplHwLw
「自信百倍再來一次」83Please respect copyright.PENANAMdedBmhgm0
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「我不笨!」
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而當她看到小孩那天真的笑容,她滿意了,自己的干預有了結果,滿意的結果
83Please respect copyright.PENANAvBUyvQre1c
兩人出發點不同,卻阻止不了雙方達到共識
83Please respect copyright.PENANA7vUCRJgOgE
這是大人要教小孩子的道理,不論是剛提及的隱意又好,要自信點的明意也好
83Please respect copyright.PENANApuNb8TxHUu
儘管,大人往往都忘記這道理就是了
83Please respect copyright.PENANAY5GMmScnbZ
「當然」83Please respect copyright.PENANAXg9bzwjy3m
83Please respect copyright.PENANA0raW7YOBb4
「姐姐說,這個世界有各種不同的人,有些人要多點協助,或是不一樣的學習方法,所以說不用感到慚愧喔,週末班什麼的」83Please respect copyright.PENANArenSJEWb0B
83Please respect copyright.PENANAyEMMlRofiJ
人偶對視小孩子,語重心長地說教着,恐怕這番說話,是這怪物今晚至今唯一心對口對之如,更是三觀正確的發言,甚至比很多稱為「人」的行屍走肉表現得更好
83Please respect copyright.PENANAK9wWKQY68S
「你才不是有問題的孩子」83Please respect copyright.PENANAiiteoOHdjr
83Please respect copyright.PENANA3IyaVvt0nM
誠心鼓勵,完美的怪物道出了僅有的人性83Please respect copyright.PENANAQXFgQikzYd
83Please respect copyright.PENANASaiO3BEyOg
「謝謝你!爱麗絲姐姐!」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAOS9eeCIQ60
「看呀,第一次便讀對了我的名字了」83Please respect copyright.PENANAGI3kSGZ8Iy
83Please respect copyright.PENANAYmgS6dBgpp
「嘿嘿!」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAYtYFWeiumE
少女她的善意,直接使被稱讚的女孩再度畫上笑臉
83Please respect copyright.PENANAQr2qlFmnFt
然而,當女孩正樂在其中,戒心放鬆,翡翠明珠察覺到暗處的色澤差異,一個令人不寒而慄的景色
83Please respect copyright.PENANAE75GCfBSIY
人偶小心翼翼地提問道83Please respect copyright.PENANAUBqC9J8A7P
83Please respect copyright.PENANAWSUsRXTXXl
「我說⋯⋯介意⋯姐姐再問你一個問題嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANApOXb7JbAjh
83Please respect copyright.PENANAw4eCTgBtni
但其實,她沒有更好的問法
83Please respect copyright.PENANAE5G7LULbDd
「你的媽媽不太溫柔嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANA6mHvesJvsc
83Please respect copyright.PENANAYpdwKtOOU0
女孩聽到後,立即轉了個神情,面色馬上直沉下去,連忙把上手臂收回在衣袖的保護下
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4yi0GoMN6V
可惜,忘記,不是簡單,不在沒有時間的幫助下
83Please respect copyright.PENANAOksb7Kk6YV
人偶看到,記住了
83Please respect copyright.PENANA7QDnVYqzXQ
翡翠綠所映射的現實中,曾經在那皮膚上,辨認出啞色、深黯,在女孩的右上手臂,衣料下的那裏有紅斑,還有烏黑的一片,紫黑,瘀黑,瘀傷,好一片83Please respect copyright.PENANATqoIJLhONo
83Please respect copyright.PENANAILtnQkjMTG
「這個⋯⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANALAimwQSnLu
83Please respect copyright.PENANAoX7czRZl9G
只見本來打算以笑遮羞,女孩的雙眉卻捲起,笑意從其臉上離開,逐漸變為皮笑肉不笑,努力上揚的嘴角隨重力墮下,疲憊的眼神和無力的臉肌,似乎皆是在說明女孩放棄了掙扎,選擇屈服在真實
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4D895Khylo
她說,內疚的口吻,如同在告密、做錯事情的語氣吐出來,低聲下氣唸出最真實的說話
83Please respect copyright.PENANAdAGxfiWmkM
「⋯⋯有時⋯媽媽有點恐怖⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAPWpEDzREgN
83Please respect copyright.PENANATxrtB3LURu
停頓,哽咽着,低着頭,那神情軟弱得很,差在沒有縮成一團,而翡翠綠觀察到,小孩正用指甲,刺自己的手,刮着手背,磨擦指尖的肉
83Please respect copyright.PENANAFiuJqLMSfR
「她會⋯這樣⋯⋯」
83Please respect copyright.PENANADBLI8gEXFj
她說,聲音越來越小,愈來愈細
83Please respect copyright.PENANA3PsSZwSTeH
「⋯⋯那樣⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAjDYzMjBcJq
83Please respect copyright.PENANA44p2Ca9fJk
碎髮下的眼睛,小小的眼睛失焦了,她不在那
83Please respect copyright.PENANAXa7VFqPtzQ
「還有⋯⋯還有⋯⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAXxCGrHaqDX
83Please respect copyright.PENANAW8QdsgB6tr
人偶移動,坐在女孩的旁邊,它向前彎身,伸出了手,輕輕地捉住了小女孩的手,冰冷,是爱麗絲的發現
83Please respect copyright.PENANAYyJAQcpvQK
儘管她的手比自己溫暖,有血有肉的人類理應有更高的體溫,何況是小孩,因此,當低體溫的怪物觸碰她的手,感覺到暖水的溫度,而非熔爐的灼熱,怪物外殼的少女,不存在的心,沉了下去
83Please respect copyright.PENANAUUwMDQf0qY
「⋯⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAhTzSopeFVs
83Please respect copyright.PENANAf2SDZXLNQy
模仿人類的行為,以肢體接觸來安慰面前的孩子,畢竟除此以外,她不懂其他方法83Please respect copyright.PENANAM6J2ReZXA9
83Please respect copyright.PENANAq6f4Q9qtb7
盡可能平靜的聲音,背後是擔憂,缺乏人性的怪物,真心地不安
83Please respect copyright.PENANAWv8bRbU6il
「怎了?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAQxQr0o4H4q
83Please respect copyright.PENANAC5k8fN6atV
唯見,當女孩再次抬頭時,瞳孔中的靈魂又回來了,精神復位,扯線娃娃的糸絃再次被誰人拾起,被誰指示要露出快樂的表情
83Please respect copyright.PENANAfwyeKmtUzT
倒是回神過來的呆滯拒絕了如此的指令,問原因,也許是剛剛,表演的主事人丟下了杖頭,導致懸線受損,因此娃娃的動作變得生疏、生硬了,那個想法,開始控制不了娃娃
83Please respect copyright.PENANAG83Tb1Qhex
「沒事」83Please respect copyright.PENANAC5rMNQR1iX
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4asjHHr9eP
發現自己的手腳沒再被束縛,初嚐自由滋味的小公仔,一時之間不知道怎樣反應,她擺動四肢和身體,希望駁接身上的線頭能給予回饋,告訴她什麼該做、什麼不該做,該去那且不該去那,祈求感覺到線頭的拉扯,渴望誰人能給她指引,然而,扯線娃娃的這個舉動,最終使受損的懸線都斷掉
83Please respect copyright.PENANAkhNEFxAYuD
她自由了,卻也不自由
83Please respect copyright.PENANAOVPgaMwNrT
人偶,看着對狀況毫無頭緒的小孩子娃娃,只是表示理解,溫柔地說道
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4tIMAGT9Wm
「⋯不想說也沒關係」83Please respect copyright.PENANAqqktc1sfKY
83Please respect copyright.PENANAoi1oEsShxD
避開視線的這次是人偶,一心想減輕對女孩構成的壓力,方便她說出真話,畢竟問問題並非單純是自己想知道答案,而是希望小女孩自己也能知道真正答案
83Please respect copyright.PENANALNnh38DPYx
懷着天真的願望,爱麗絲問道
83Please respect copyright.PENANAl54c2Hyu12
「你喜歡媽媽嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAqbidQBTRLW
83Please respect copyright.PENANAbquj1kSQKC
「⋯唔⋯不知道⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAvsAYKWsMJj
83Please respect copyright.PENANAY1Z7Ze1yJK
過了一會,人偶又問
83Please respect copyright.PENANAeaMGMTEMNd
「那麼」83Please respect copyright.PENANAZsGdJR9Q0m
83Please respect copyright.PENANAQfv0O6lZQ3
「你討厭媽媽嗎?」
83Please respect copyright.PENANA33UFBHrD06
「不討厭」
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4uZu5ynsGT
想也不用想,孩子她本能地反應,彷彿這問題的答案是刻了在舌尖上,扯線娃娃相信着記憶中的感覺,堅決地認為懸線的意圖,是對自己的愛
83Please respect copyright.PENANAYLWF5WrAdA
「可是你不是剛剛說不知道嗎?我問你喜不喜歡媽媽的時候」83Please respect copyright.PENANAZxcjBuecXh
83Please respect copyright.PENANAajen96Loi2
而人偶,沒有懸線的人偶並不是為表演而誕生,不同扯線娃娃,名為爱麗絲的它不依靠誰人維生,觀賞用的人偶自由身,不用為討好別人而表演或起舞,城市老鼠因此質問鄉下老鼠,為什麼不想複雜一點點
83Please respect copyright.PENANATtuh8juMHs
鄉下老鼠卻從未想過自己為什麼會這樣回答,扯線娃娃既不懂怎樣像大人般思考,也不會人世的大大小小
83Please respect copyright.PENANAqiPtL9J1IV
縱使小孩子傷痕累累,她卻無法告訴人偶為什麼自己對此,不介意
83Please respect copyright.PENANAE95iuoSaV0
也許在她的心中,十個回憶,有八個不快的回憶,有兩個開心的回憶;在苦痛中時,前八個回憶會不斷重複;但當一切沉澱下去時,那兩個再微不足道的片段,小小的欣慰,也能蓋着充滿煩惱和雜念的過去
83Please respect copyright.PENANARUTXxUMkwh
人性、人的本質也是這樣的,不是嗎?「我們害怕失去」,我們更懼怯改變,而這個本性,在未成熟的腦袋裏,基因的影響力更是倍增
83Please respect copyright.PENANANjiZnCMPTm
「那麼⋯人家⋯我要收回那句」83Please respect copyright.PENANAtdRamWMK0e
83Please respect copyright.PENANAWn45hZYRm5
「畢竟無論怎樣也好!我喜歡媽媽!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAVFZSuXV6pf
83Please respect copyright.PENANAaLqyofrn3d
人偶無視着,裝聽不到那聲音,不存在的心音
83Please respect copyright.PENANAA0M2N4jPN2
是憤怒?是無奈?是心悸?是理解?
83Please respect copyright.PENANAZsFhkEBpUH
什麼也不是,是空洞
83Please respect copyright.PENANAXd58f6TbPn
人偶,知道自己沒有資格和能力,挑戰女孩所相信的現實,所以它將一切情緒壓縮成三隻字
83Please respect copyright.PENANAuy59vCgDUg
「這樣嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAopLnSs4iMT
83Please respect copyright.PENANAfHIcGfq3Gw
它又說
83Please respect copyright.PENANAq82ceRsLmP
「你的媽媽一定很開心呢」83Please respect copyright.PENANAeT9eLXFUKk
83Please respect copyright.PENANAqsjnZJ7ODg
「她會嗎?」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAvXuYyxbwIM
「嗯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAXtyzj4Euc6
83Please respect copyright.PENANA5DMdXJ84fa
嘆了口氣,擔當姐姐身份的它轉了話題,把多餘又不存在的心丟下,在臉上擦走負能量,留下空洞的笑容,並用和藹的聲音填補當中的虛偽
83Please respect copyright.PENANAjXHRv3W2wq
「好啦,吃完飯,快去刷牙洗面睡覺去,都什麼時間了?」83Please respect copyright.PENANASgB6otgIeF
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4pxv4qMAdn
「欵?!不要吧⋯⋯」
83Please respect copyright.PENANA7BN6X5UqmG
孩子的反應天然十分,先是露出不悅的表情,然後偷看自己的反應,女孩只是裝反叛
83Please respect copyright.PENANAjCUp8ECvAV
「⋯說笑的」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAzOahdDms5s
某程度反映,人偶的表現,女孩全盤接受了,還要反過來調戲自己,如此的互動,是信任的行為
83Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6Wu9DZxXG
理應開心,不是嗎?
83Please respect copyright.PENANAs1eQA3sddo
人偶卻沒有一絲愉悅
83Please respect copyright.PENANADWQ0jhCOUe
「真是的」83Please respect copyright.PENANALFqqXWf2sp
83Please respect copyright.PENANAOg78VkRCXt
「還不早點睡?姐姐我會用魔法偷走你的美夢喔!」83Please respect copyright.PENANA54ecut7OyC
83Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5DvJIToFd
如果,電影只播放這幾幕,觀眾會產生和實際情況相反的印象,認為她們兩人是對姐妹,始終兩人相處得和睦之極,而這些互動,這場「家庭遊戲」是會叫人羨慕的程度
83Please respect copyright.PENANAuyad75SsZb
「好可怕!⋯的樣子!」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAEPNUw5H6zO
「⋯的樣子⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANAliVXFKyDFT
83Please respect copyright.PENANAB6Y1PQqWzp
可惜,事實上不是這樣
83Please respect copyright.PENANAhrpLJ0dSah
爱麗絲心生畏懼之情
83Please respect copyright.PENANATVYnd2TeEy
罪疚感,刀片似,憤怒而無情地破壞四周,把心臟攪碎
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的確,女孩很喜歡自己
83Please respect copyright.PENANAlehDTkErP9
但是,如果,萬一如果,她知道了自己到來的目的,或者是領略了禁忌的事實,小女孩到底會有什麼反應呢?
83Please respect copyright.PENANAc48bLGaTEB
人偶不敢想像83Please respect copyright.PENANAuXlT6xWt9K
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時間的流逝在呆滯的雙眼前不會出現,但存在,當聲音再次進入耳中,爱麗絲只見自己坐了在女孩的房間裏,坐在床邊的高背椅上
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「吶」83Please respect copyright.PENANAu45ZqcjjoY
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「姐姐⋯哄人家睡覺嘛!」
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女孩請求着姐姐,希望少女運用想像力或是什麼,給自己帶來有趣的感覺
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她卻不敢想像83Please respect copyright.PENANASXCxZ57wyp
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因為不敢承認,所以她選擇抹殺那把聲音,將其污名為「怪物」,拒絕聆聽現實的聲音,因為痛,會痛,她害怕,所以她當作自己不知道
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一心只想停止思考,那怕知道這場遊戲總會結束,少女卻寧願長痛,而非短痛
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少女因此說⋯人偶因此認為⋯
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不要想,停止思考83Please respect copyright.PENANAAxRUVPPSUu
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「那麼你先閉上眼睛」83Please respect copyright.PENANAduy4JMOoAH
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「好的」
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乖巧聽話,女孩想也不用想,閉上雙眼,乖乖地躺在床上了
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這也是大人和小朋友的分別吧
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因為孩子,還沒有那把聲音
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始終,成為大人的條件,是把自己心中的孩子殺掉83Please respect copyright.PENANAIF33RbesBm
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不過呢,想法呀,觀念之類的,本性什麼,是無法消滅的83Please respect copyright.PENANA8tCRGTxjPJ
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你只是不去——
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閉嘴83Please respect copyright.PENANAPiRe84tseV
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閉嘴!
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現在83Please respect copyright.PENANAxJEPjeel3M
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說故事就夠了83Please respect copyright.PENANAcOwj44Rgg7
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閉嘴
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安靜83Please respect copyright.PENANAMrvhugHuCv
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現在是說睡前故事的時間83Please respect copyright.PENANAxMmQ9vr6oD
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小孩子該睡覺的時候83Please respect copyright.PENANAr6IFOjOKkW
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人偶從記憶中選了一個故事,開始唸給床上的兒童聽83Please respect copyright.PENANAbHY4TW6VJb
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「很久很久以前,有一個牧羊為業的小男孩,他的工作是看守羊群」83Please respect copyright.PENANAx7dVKkqbVB
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「太陽出來時,他便要把羊群帶出村外的草地吃草,黃昏之際,他便要把羊群帶領回村莊,是份很簡單的工作」
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真懷念呢
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「不過呢,日復一日,工作內容一如概往的他,開始覺得自己的工作很枯燥,每天也真的過得好無聊」83Please respect copyright.PENANAjcx2R5ZryE
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「所以呢」
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「男孩他就萌生了一個想法」
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「他就這樣想了」83Please respect copyright.PENANAoJrDQqU0vY
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「『如果我騙村民說,有狼出沒的話,他們究竟會如何反應呢?』」
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「一心想看村民的反應,打着壞主意的男孩隱藏着自己的笑意,便裝作慌張地跑到村莊」
83Please respect copyright.PENANAeCIdkDBhLh
曾經有一段時間,這是我每晚的例行公事
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人偶,不,少女它,少女她,這樣想着
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「在村口,他大叫道」83Please respect copyright.PENANAHdYv8MPUOB
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「『狼來了!狼來了!』」
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「果不其然,村民們都馬上跑過來了,真的以為有狼來了,要吃掉村莊的羊群」83Please respect copyright.PENANADkjPQr4KQo
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「男孩他只是在一旁的樹後奸笑着,眼見村民在什麼也沒有的草坪上,尋找不存在的狼隻,因他們的笨拙而心感可笑」
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出於某些原因,回憶過去對我而言卻不見懷舊,只有一份憤怒的感覺,對自身的怒火,而當記憶片段開始從腦海中離去時,其留下的痕跡,乃是內疚,一股刺痛,數萬根鐵針在心臟中長出,由內至外扎,刺開胸口
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別看我現在的樣子,好歹我也嚐過「幸福」
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我的腦子也有正常過的日子
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直至某天,一切都改變了
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在一個沒法預料到的時候,再也平常不過的日子,我在瞬間失去了小小的聽眾們
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還有⋯
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其他我不願意回想的細節83Please respect copyright.PENANAMteZGMGxZE
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是因果報應吧83Please respect copyright.PENANA4aVTrIQWWd
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不對,時間序錯了
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是命運的「預訂金」才對,我種的惡果,恐怕早已穿越時光,懲罰着那個時候的自己,還天真的自己
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即使現在的我,不斷破壞着不同的家庭,明明我懂得那種痛苦,討厭回想起這種感覺
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我到底在做什麼?為什麼我要施加痛苦在別人身上?又不是不懂「己所不欲,勿施於人」的道理83Please respect copyright.PENANAyLF1tjQlUl
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我問你,難道這不活該嗎?令人家破人亡的怪物,自己也得同樣下場
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還是說呢,其實命運早就是定局83Please respect copyright.PENANAOxZmGUS0Je
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命運的捉弄,我,注定要雙手染血:「這一切也是世界指示我做的、犯下的罪」何等眾人皆醉我獨醒的一句83Please respect copyright.PENANAmyDic9ONWH
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是推卸責任的說法,一個令人噁心的想法83Please respect copyright.PENANAjvh5nzlBhA
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我卻無恥地相信,有一部分的自己,對這句深信不疑,因此,我對自己感到厭惡
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如果你問我:「那麼為什麼不放棄這個信念?」
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夢話還是留在枕旁吧
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這個世界上,那會有人承認自己是錯的?
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人只會堅信自己的歪理
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我也毫不例外
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我相信那些可笑的聲音
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「我是正確的」83Please respect copyright.PENANAtTU1cNLt1B
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「我不是錯的那個」83Please respect copyright.PENANArD6oDz8Gx0
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才怪83Please respect copyright.PENANAigAWe3AM60
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人只是不想認錯罷
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口上是這樣說,但是自己不是白痴,倘存的理智知道真相,並恨不得把自己殺死
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而那把聲音的變異體,比較溫和的版本,則是不停煩擾自己
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腦海中煩人的聲音,如同蚊子一樣的惱人聲音在提議:「再不然的話,現在停下來」
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「直接重新開始吧?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAVRaxMNvHqJ
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我會回覆它:那麼女孩她呢?她願意嗎?她明白「重新開始」的意思,是指我奪去了她的所有,再叫她無依無靠地過她的人生嗎?像自己一樣,我是要他人過上和自己的生活嗎?難道我只是在單純地洩憤嗎?是嗎?不是嗎?你又何從得知?!那麼還請你告訴我,我問你,你告訴我為什麼我會擁有把自己消滅的念頭?對自己怨恨?我又是為什麼,持之以恆地,一次又一次地為別人送上噩夢?理由是什麼?83Please respect copyright.PENANAHrAm2gSbqS
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看呀,你根本什麼也不懂
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和我?女孩和我一起生活?你說
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你這還真是斗膽的一言呢,我說
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這樣的我?腦袋不正常的自己?
83Please respect copyright.PENANA4U4gigqcf0
這樣深陷業火裏頭的自己,那來的資格?好歹我也清楚自己是怎麼回事,好歹我也知道我已經再也沒有為他人送上祝福、美夢,賜予安寧、幸福的能力
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因為我早就瘋了,不對嗎?那有正常人會一直思考着謀殺,怎會有?你要知道,想傷害別人,強烈得要之死亡,令一個人失去了所有,奪走生命,使之成為過去式,迫使一個人不再是人,是那麼病態的想法
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你才不懂83Please respect copyright.PENANAHBPVIGHHbZ
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要不然,你也不會萌生那恐怖又噁心的念頭,我又想問說,問那種念頭能夠出產的理由究竟是因為無知?還是因為蠢?是不經大腦,抑或是你的思維和我一樣壞掉了?
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你看不到嗎?我的情況沒有什麼退路可言,一不做二不休,我要是後悔的話,我早就把自己的頭放在油壓機下了
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當然,可以,沒問題,你可以說,這一次,導致女孩失去親人的人不是我,不關我事,我只是個思想犯,但也僅限這一次
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對照實驗的外部效度不高的原因,是因為在真正的世界裏,每一件事,每個選擇都建基於無數個其他曾經的抉擇前提之上,世界由形形式式、各種各樣的連串因果構成的,而沒法獨立事件地審判所有事情
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比如說,一個人殺了另一個人,你、人們會說作為凶手的他有罪,卻把時間點往前推,發現是自衞殺人時,同一個人卻是無罪
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確實,那個「無盡回溯愕論」存在,若然你過度分析、推斷的話,你會自作聰明地問:
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「然後羣眾發現了本來死者也預備謀殺凶手,然後人們發現凶手在之前便有嘗試傷害死者的意圖」
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那麼用這個邏輯,莫非一切罪犯也無罪了?因為他們的惡行乃是人類的「原罪」導致
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你是在反對自由意識嗎?那麼,一切早是絕對的前提下,你為什麼還對你的人生前途感到迷惘?
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坦白說,你無法否認人類的心智接受不了那種想法
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我說,我又怎可以重新開始?
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我更無法容忍自己放下這一切83Please respect copyright.PENANAq3IGOvHpM4
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在這之前,我的其他受害者呢?83Please respect copyright.PENANAqaEysBOwcl
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其他人呢?過去無數個的家庭又如何?誰來拯救他們?
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我擔當不起做大家的救世主83Please respect copyright.PENANAmMTbXOnj9H
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倒是83Please respect copyright.PENANAy4FsXcleOh
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我可以當大家的「代罪羔羊」83Please respect copyright.PENANANYLdpOEDSp
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「⋯⋯男孩最後⋯」83Please respect copyright.PENANArzklBynaAC
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「孤零零一人」
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「⋯⋯」
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再不是的話,我還有另一出路
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如果在這裏
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現在,在這裏
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就這麼⋯了結她的話83Please respect copyright.PENANAXoHLYZ005Y
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殺了她,貫徹始終也沒有「的話」了83Please respect copyright.PENANAfTzosQc96r
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這樣就是正解——83Please respect copyright.PENANAx3P56WbenU
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嗎?83Please respect copyright.PENANAiIp1g25kWJ
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「吶⋯姐姐」
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雙手打算碰上肌膚之際,說話了
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此時,提線娃娃張開了雙眼,弱小的光澤如其靈魂,竟敢直望翡翠綠,看破了躲在自然之母後面,那葉綠的脆弱
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害怕的人,是心術不正的那方
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「姐姐要離開了嘛?」
83Please respect copyright.PENANArjCSKfozkR
聽着面前的這具肉體,發出聲音溝通,怪物先是感到噁心,然後是一股酸感,由頸後的脊棘突,突起骨頭那處,燒下去,使四肢忽冷忽熱,像身體不屬於自己一樣
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或是說,身體在排斥自己,擁有這個意圖的自己
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不是內疚,而是極度的自我厭惡
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為了掩蓋原先的意圖,它改正了手的移動方向,把手伸向幼兒的頭,撫摸重要的頭部,安慰着這塊令人不安的肉團,心臟還在動的生命體
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「⋯對喔」83Please respect copyright.PENANAPyg0f39ZWt
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「那麼—— 再見!晚安!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAhCLuoWIBSs
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「真是的⋯剛剛不是睡着了嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANARAMbOe7pmD
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女孩純真的笑容,刺進自己
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「裝睡的⋯嘿嘿!」
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「真是的⋯再不睡,我生氣了喔!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAc5GleBlCiJ
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「好啦,快去睡」
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「嗯!」
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「OO我睡了喔」83Please respect copyright.PENANAkdo8WK0N4R
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「快睡覺」83Please respect copyright.PENANAyBJUG2lzFM
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爱麗絲的聲量蓋過她的聲線,好使自己聽不到,聽不到名為夢理的女孩她在說什麼83Please respect copyright.PENANA7M8cO5MqH1
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「晚安」83Please respect copyright.PENANACLmSjNes0u
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「晚安姐姐」
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「謝謝姐姐給我讀故事」
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「嗯」83Please respect copyright.PENANA376uVDGppM
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少女姿態的怪物便從房間走出去,忍着痛
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一旦走出房間,架勢全部瞬間崩潰83Please respect copyright.PENANAbt41zVcVWm
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「今後要平安快樂喔」83Please respect copyright.PENANA13elE62n67
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人偶自言自語道,顫抖的指頭輕輕從門把上滑走,生怕破壞門把的樣子,如同是在放下珍貴的水晶擺設,小心翼翼,生怕小尾指一個不小心便會打碎寶貴的存在
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倒是,即使是對她那半清半醒的大腦而言,所謂「矇蓋事實」的障礙物,站在現實和眼睛之間的,只是一片玻璃,透明的謊言
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那是連孩子也能指出問題所在的歪理83Please respect copyright.PENANAiSksf91WJA
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這個小孩子根本不可能平安快樂,今後不能,畢竟等待着之的未來,是無親無故的孤獨83Please respect copyright.PENANAxsOAv6jigK
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提線娃娃不能自立維生83Please respect copyright.PENANAf4m1em6Wik
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縱使人偶也意識到這件事,唯獨在那個不存在的「心」裏,堅信著自己的行為無誤83Please respect copyright.PENANACupS2anmKZ
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諷刺的是,「伽藍堂」—— 空虛的心靈,所相信著的道理,其實又不完全是歪理:
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「至少,對受害者而言,有一個可以責怪的存在」83Please respect copyright.PENANAqjstWO9OFP
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名為「爱麗絲」的存在83Please respect copyright.PENANAAfHYPhoCeT
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這是她幸福的哲學:
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可遷就的痛楚83Please respect copyright.PENANA1KfKLFcPbq
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爱麗絲盯着木門,一動不動83Please respect copyright.PENANAvmDme3Qiey
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此刻,人偶的頭殼裏裝了什麼?它或許在想:如果可以的話,它甚至想捏住自己的心臟,讓一切停下來,完全靜止
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儘管這一次,責任不在自己身上也好
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只不過,只不過在無數次的以前,那些曾經所踏入的地方,對別人而言是家的地方,人偶,爱麗絲它,摧毀了無數個
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它有罪,少女確實有罪83Please respect copyright.PENANAZcojoqCBDm
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因此她既無法得到幸福83Please respect copyright.PENANAWqbu8JgVab
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亦無法給予別人幸福
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「還有⋯不要再見了呢」83Please respect copyright.PENANArdQZTSH8eG
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「永遠不要再見」83Please respect copyright.PENANAv477ZAd937
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她就是不幸的代名詞83Please respect copyright.PENANA82oEKoFZdl
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「永遠不見」83Please respect copyright.PENANADVRwT7P7Iv
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人偶的眼睛作痛,隱隱作痛,還有自己的口腔,預備大喊大叫的嘴形,聲音卻出不了來
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她希望大叫,發洩,但她不能
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她不值,她不配83Please respect copyright.PENANATtmXaz8Cki
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她要吞下去,情感又好,責任又好83Please respect copyright.PENANA6X4hBqoQJC
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直至永遠
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「對不起」83Please respect copyright.PENANAUxWLfWGPQT
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這是,爱麗絲的序章83Please respect copyright.PENANAb39FuzUtAS
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