No Plagiarism!IAmpcKeVBwo4zHCnbCg9posted on PENANA
8964 copyright protection586PENANA4Btm66BR80 維尼
大家好,今天我將爲森重光的作品《魔王傳》寫下心得。8964 copyright protection586PENANAAHrAwVNXgs 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAmc8MDdV7Jw
8964 copyright protection586PENANAiGp63pypkV 維尼
首先,依然不厭其煩地先説明我對於心得的想法。8964 copyright protection586PENANAt04eHymxMq 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAPABpqE1eFb
8964 copyright protection586PENANAj2qX7FQyDo 維尼
在這個寫得好並不代表一定有人氣的嚴苛環境下,我希望心得不只是單純挖掘作者可進步之點,還希望作者能夠獲得動力完成作品,甚至……8964 copyright protection586PENANA24URGme8RZ 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAZcYaknwhsn
8964 copyright protection586PENANAB9dUo3lUwZ 維尼
能夠讓心得替這部作品召來更多讀者。8964 copyright protection586PENANA4aLqSJl2fX 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA74xJaIHE84
8964 copyright protection586PENANASt6YjsEqtd 維尼
有鑒於此,本心得將會分爲兩個部分:8964 copyright protection586PENANA4GIhbsUxDJ 維尼
1)寫給讀者的宣傳式心得8964 copyright protection586PENANA8qemXipn0U 維尼
2)面向作者的分享式心得8964 copyright protection586PENANA092SLirayy 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAwWD8Ib88uN
8964 copyright protection586PENANAzkh8mchHUY 維尼
事不宜遲,現在開始。8964 copyright protection586PENANA9nTp2mbEej 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAdkLNXpkyqO
8964 copyright protection586PENANAOcKqemjwzR 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANArr8Q9UsCyo
8964 copyright protection586PENANA86SCMpNE91 維尼
1)寫給讀者的宣傳式心得8964 copyright protection586PENANASJYxyNN3iY 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAqL0sicSVKy
8964 copyright protection586PENANArCIKVlNFkg 維尼
《魔王傳》是個怎樣的故事呢?8964 copyright protection586PENANAptIT9ysqqN 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAkKfpuvRl7E
8964 copyright protection586PENANABKlJDpES8j 維尼
主角賽亞,來自偏僻村落的一名少年,夢想著有朝一日加入聖輝騎士團。8964 copyright protection586PENANAN5v423x6nY 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAJhVBt2NmJe
8964 copyright protection586PENANAw4SjWHt4Zd 維尼
某一天,賽亞與朋友們進行冒險游戲,進入了被禁止踏足的森林,遭遇魔狼襲擊。殲滅怪物後,賽亞等人回到村子,才得知......8964 copyright protection586PENANAnjA5lpYROt 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAtUzzYJUFt5
8964 copyright protection586PENANA6n0bBi06iA 維尼
他們的村落並不平凡,村子裏其實隱藏著魔王的靈魂碎片。8964 copyright protection586PENANAqmzlkWInrj 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAw4Xcz9lNtZ
8964 copyright protection586PENANAVzA5SVhUQT 維尼
從此開始,賽亞也如書名所説,踏上了成爲魔王之路。8964 copyright protection586PENANAQwH7UfO0XJ 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAjqPpX0jpNs
8964 copyright protection586PENANAQBcYfX2c4m 維尼
這就是我目前閲讀至#21所知道的劇情。8964 copyright protection586PENANAbA9IsgFKoG 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAj0goT64l9T
8964 copyright protection586PENANAbep5opGDOM 維尼
若以一句話來概括,就是一部正統路綫的黑暗奇幻小説。8964 copyright protection586PENANALxfrMLdBYF 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5VFmwOv54
8964 copyright protection586PENANA5takUjlwfU 維尼
作者的基本功非常扎實,文筆也在我閱讀過的作品中可謂中上水準。若大家喜歡這種類型的作品,那不妨過去閲讀看看。8964 copyright protection586PENANA5RjgJFusU8 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAFmY516SOoh
8964 copyright protection586PENANApkwe4CMhAm 維尼
是不是開始心動了呢?8964 copyright protection586PENANAIcyHlhVgPM 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAaN2RA7g11m
8964 copyright protection586PENANAnroTf6qQT5 維尼
但需注意的是,故事前期爲了交代世界背景與歷史,花了不少的篇幅,但只要給點耐性繼續閲讀,就會有精彩的劇情展開。8964 copyright protection586PENANA0x6EYRD4wp 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAx3Pt8uS8MM
8964 copyright protection586PENANAkD4auiGI3N 維尼
數據也有所證明,從#6開始愛心的數量就穩定為9,甚至在#65(第一卷完畢的章節)也是9。8964 copyright protection586PENANAoXa0HwuFVw 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANACofhMl2kib 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANATreTvVzkkV 維尼
所以只要有耐性閲讀到#6,基本上故事就不會讓你失望了。8964 copyright protection586PENANArVQM3BrcmE 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAGwn3bh7N3G
8964 copyright protection586PENANACStcU93tjB 維尼
那麽……做好心理準備了嗎?8964 copyright protection586PENANAjpoN6qPQ04 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAA6tBHBmoEw
8964 copyright protection586PENANADiatKCWakJ 維尼
好,點擊以下連結,開始你的成魔之旅吧!8964 copyright protection586PENANANSiRiO7lI6 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANACmUpHRcZFH
8964 copyright protection586PENANAi7UIoELZZD 維尼
連結:https://www.penana.com/article/1444248964 copyright protection586PENANAItaH7Ea0NF 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANAg5Q9ttK1el 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAtSbqc7dTIk
8964 copyright protection586PENANAJL1l3jjIda 維尼
以上就是《寫給讀者的宣傳式心得》。8964 copyright protection586PENANAFJV2MnUoUX 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA6L9QltC0q6
8964 copyright protection586PENANAg5o49yc1pt 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAZSeAnNV3Fv
8964 copyright protection586PENANAltdb2Ul4mt 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA1zlJvXoTnj
8964 copyright protection586PENANAabseAP9ylG 維尼
2)面向作者的分享式心得(含劇透)8964 copyright protection586PENANAosIyih5pjm 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA0gxP09ndVD
8964 copyright protection586PENANAGbOFWLPnh5 維尼
老實説,我一直有作者走錯棚的感覺。8964 copyright protection586PENANAi8zQCw3DRW 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAMjO6UpRKLI
8964 copyright protection586PENANAlS6laWGOfL 維尼
指名時,作者提及希望得到關於長篇寫作經驗的反饋。但狩書魔的心得創挑可是有截稿日期,而且規則説明只閲讀前十章或首兩萬字,我充其量只來得及閲讀至#21,根本無法給予作者想要的反饋。8964 copyright protection586PENANAFNVRdsKmAk 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAWeOUlEoz2P
8964 copyright protection586PENANADOkPgKUE2S 維尼
不過既然被點名,作者還寫了誠意滿滿的指名理由,那當然要盡力而爲了!8964 copyright protection586PENANA1nJ4LN3CnS 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAShIaorJbXF
8964 copyright protection586PENANAkmpsDL394X 維尼
撰寫這篇心得之前,我抱著甘願被劇透的心情,閱讀了星塵、林立和謎樣烏鴉對這部作品的書評。(還有一篇書評貌似消失了?)8964 copyright protection586PENANA2tm3aqezHo 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAS6KltBbT7x
8964 copyright protection586PENANAHqH4dwlEjc 維尼
閲讀了那些書評後,我才發現......8964 copyright protection586PENANAL04qtDekQd 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA9UjGV4uOxx
8964 copyright protection586PENANA5IKF9AI6fk 維尼
沒什麽好寫了。想説的,那三篇書評都已説了。8964 copyright protection586PENANAzMalgd0TOd 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAv6bCD8mLN3
8964 copyright protection586PENANAt7iBuaaOnn 維尼
但也不能因此而交白卷,我就盡力而為。8964 copyright protection586PENANAR6A8PUuONz 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA5dNfHdCI65
8964 copyright protection586PENANAL7wpFF7JnA 維尼
還有,我也會借力。曾被那三篇書評提出的問題,我就不再詳細寫出來,只會簡單述説,這就是所謂的借力。8964 copyright protection586PENANA2GKLlqpmn6 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA3NfQMqKqIX
8964 copyright protection586PENANAhiqcrNE5QC 維尼
這不是懶惰,而是借力、借力、借力,重要的事情要說三次。8964 copyright protection586PENANA3bDjFcTgmy 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANARZFuD9Iu9o
8964 copyright protection586PENANAJLBGDyN9yh 維尼
廢話說夠了,心得現在開始。8964 copyright protection586PENANAbP3uwCZpFg 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA48aBZqDfHm
8964 copyright protection586PENANAbtSyJqiQts 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAKnrsQXG7S8
8964 copyright protection586PENANAReXYwCzqSd 維尼
首先,來看看#1至#10的愛心數量。8964 copyright protection586PENANA6Ns9asDvbP 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANAKCwcVnHgu4 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANAF3DCAknrQf 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAsi4pBE6CKK
8964 copyright protection586PENANAeDJH76eYCL 維尼
當然,前面章節的愛心數量逐漸遞減實爲正常現象,但不能以此作爲我們不進行自我檢討的藉口。8964 copyright protection586PENANAZPhQUcmGJj 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA4USvlICiZT
8964 copyright protection586PENANAwCQrlQe8i4 維尼
我會配合愛心量的數據,同時根據章節順序來書寫心得。8964 copyright protection586PENANAvW3viAWFL4 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAlwIKLRRzey
8964 copyright protection586PENANAhxfrB4ictW 維尼
開始。8964 copyright protection586PENANAnD3OpJA5Vh 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAJSKlEqISkS
8964 copyright protection586PENANApxZ9HFxtBy 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAmtIuH73H0A
8964 copyright protection586PENANA2SGwxBJF8a 維尼
#1方面,主要就是林立説過的,感覺魔王的説話不夠簡潔有力。8964 copyright protection586PENANAnuBqM6guA9 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAlIrjv1kIcJ
8964 copyright protection586PENANA1kCt0zHpOf 維尼
但仔細一想,林立兩年前已經提過,而作者似乎並沒修改,個人猜測是不是有自己的原因?例如那時賽亞還是帶領軍隊的新手?或者因爲賽亞是「溫柔的魔王」?8964 copyright protection586PENANAtheHqu5tKO 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAbuyLBhminY
8964 copyright protection586PENANAN4XjXwjy1S 維尼
#2方面,主要是介紹賽亞與莉蒂雅兩人,個人覺得以下這一大段内容都可以適當打散,或以後再説。8964 copyright protection586PENANAnxBD1S0Ip2 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANApYGOKcqIyA 維尼
一個一個來。8964 copyright protection586PENANARbjygE3m7O 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAR6msqDj6a4
8964 copyright protection586PENANAgpAkPQq7nH 維尼
其實個人對紅色那段沒什麽興趣,如果作者覺得很重要,建議留至他們在老師家裏才讓老師提起。8964 copyright protection586PENANARu6oGlxlJW 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAsSeos0xhdj
8964 copyright protection586PENANAR91OnntPz6 維尼
深綠色為介紹村子,與#2主要帶出賽亞與莉蒂雅的目的互相抵觸,也是建議留到#5,兩人回到村子時再提出。8964 copyright protection586PENANA4L1KftnY1d 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAMByoDOvgXV
8964 copyright protection586PENANAXDu5tCN0LS 維尼
當然,若要説明這裏是村莊,那麽根據個人風格,一開始我會先形容夜色,再把鏡頭帶至村子,然後運鏡至河邊的一男一女身上。小小建議,僅供參考。8964 copyright protection586PENANAJ870xdkX0l 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAbRKTIwTIgr
8964 copyright protection586PENANA5i9x6vz6HK 維尼
深藍色為介紹村人,建議由當事者也就是村人們直接演出來,之後我會再建議哪個時機,暫且略過不提。8964 copyright protection586PENANAORrymAQl5V 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAx5anxrn0Ut
8964 copyright protection586PENANA0pzdJooiLS 維尼
接下來,黃色那一大段關於老師的背景,也是建議等到了老師的家再提。8964 copyright protection586PENANAZl7mmyU4UL 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANAJqMC1NEJRW 維尼
至於紅色那段,個人建議由賽亞和莉蒂雅演出來。8964 copyright protection586PENANAnGpYgSeQzv 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAfdp2ST75iv
8964 copyright protection586PENANAYRCt2wviDw 維尼
反正都已刪除了一大堆,再加上#2斷在賽亞的吐槽,若是我就會安排莉蒂雅反擊,「老師説我更有天賦」之類的。然後賽亞就可以説出自己真正向往的目標,也就是聖輝騎士團。8964 copyright protection586PENANAedkyGdbadp 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAHxNGjxPCGB
8964 copyright protection586PENANAeMfCxWLqY9 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANAeVXMbUyHY9 維尼
#3方面,一開始賽亞與莉蒂雅的對話可以總結為兩點,分別是「賽亞想聽故事」和「莉蒂雅怕黑」。8964 copyright protection586PENANA8UztsoCaNp 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAgcA0cxWmKM
8964 copyright protection586PENANA83xZ8ZEur2 維尼
個人建議是......可以讓老師開門後詢問來此的理由,再由賽亞回答就行,感覺並非需要花費時間書寫的内容。8964 copyright protection586PENANAg8OBCcgUU9 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAnIBPFJx0Ae
8964 copyright protection586PENANAazCbBRc3po 維尼
而且探訪老師後,又寫到賽亞與莉蒂雅一起回家。短時間内寫了兩次這二人走夜路的内容,就……既視感有點強。8964 copyright protection586PENANAR5ywMkcF17 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA2QFhik5tK6
8964 copyright protection586PENANAo5c0sku57Y 維尼
#3和#4方面,几乎都在述説過往的歷史。值得注意的,是#4的愛心數下跌幅度較大。8964 copyright protection586PENANASYuV7rr21H 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAjwqg5mAeJO
8964 copyright protection586PENANAvmP50HuLZi 維尼
相信這一方面在其他書評都提過,而我個人也覺得有點太長。8964 copyright protection586PENANAXPoubf0au3 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAEkfxybDr14
8964 copyright protection586PENANApUlzuledCL 維尼
我會建議再看重溫那些對話,將歷史事跡分成「緊急且重要」、「緊急但沒那麽重要」、「不緊急但重要」三種,再把「不緊急但重要」的歷史剔除,以後有機會再説出來。8964 copyright protection586PENANAikXcQ0Oecl 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAzS5zF9Gm2l
8964 copyright protection586PENANAtw2B88m71B 維尼
還有,就是建議嘗試切成兩段。8964 copyright protection586PENANAZHHI4ncxal 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAzHl6Wff2K7
8964 copyright protection586PENANAUt0ybIfzsP 維尼
第一段歷史就依照現在這麽做,讓老師説出來。8964 copyright protection586PENANAvWwLvx3DLZ 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAoCGkPdaKC2
8964 copyright protection586PENANArQwCrw2CO6 維尼
第二段歷史,建議留到賽亞背著莉蒂雅回家時,利用男主的回想,嘗試以他的觀點來總結那一部分的歷史,畢竟都有提到賽亞回想老師的微妙表情。8964 copyright protection586PENANA8W1CfozqXj 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAZkjmzJVQjM
8964 copyright protection586PENANAOD3fIZG715 維尼
如此一來,可以讓讀者更貼近賽亞的想法,也可以避免因爲歷史課太冗長而覺得煩躁。8964 copyright protection586PENANAfKFJcXBebV 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAsLl29T8xpm
8964 copyright protection586PENANA1GdypzFQKt 維尼
然後回到村長家裏那段,本來想建議都刪了,畢竟#2至#5整體偏於平淡,最好更快進入衝突。8964 copyright protection586PENANA3sQmUEyf8J 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAvoou6pLRxd
8964 copyright protection586PENANAGT3s0LlDXE 維尼
不過刪了會出現問題,就是無法交代賽亞如何得到真劍。或許也可以讓賽亞跟亞里德以木劍切磋,來點小衝突,再讓當事人承認賽亞並授予真劍。8964 copyright protection586PENANA4wlXYsymkA 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAzfP8JI5laa
8964 copyright protection586PENANARKusRVT1z5 維尼
#5的結尾,建議增加一小段引起氣氛緊張的劇情。例如描寫樹林裏,魔界寄生籐換身至另一隻狼,讓讀者期待即將來臨的衝突。8964 copyright protection586PENANAmGNgsRYaB0 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA3qCo1TIa4I
8964 copyright protection586PENANAcDz1a3pykZ 維尼
#6方面,其他書評也提過新角色太多的問題,我在遺憾地這裏深表同意。特別是複數的新角色+對白在前的配合,更是令我眼睛和頭腦大為混亂。這裏我就借力,不深入探討。8964 copyright protection586PENANApMaw7N27h0 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAfWTisXaUv4
8964 copyright protection586PENANAZBlLOmlooc 維尼
或許......8964 copyright protection586PENANAHuYqgqLFAd 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAdZPSAlGj9R
8964 copyright protection586PENANAMaebMkqgfN 維尼
可以考慮讓賽亞從家裏出發,跟同伴們一個一個會合,就能讓新角色輪流登場,而不是一股腦兒地出現。8964 copyright protection586PENANAVDFNChPHg7 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAvYnAtH1iPx
8964 copyright protection586PENANAT9cN9f1u3v 維尼
如此一來,也可以趁機勾勒出村莊的全貌,並且讓這些村民將剛才提過的藍色那段直接演出來。8964 copyright protection586PENANAxRjeTdv6BN 維尼
8964 copyright protection586PENANA3NwcYNsDdv 維尼
例如滿臉笑容的村民送蘋果,或單純打個招呼。8964 copyright protection586PENANAYbJbxghlqY 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA1oiYDjx6WM
8964 copyright protection586PENANASuY6A2v03q 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAGc2PkBe1Gc
8964 copyright protection586PENANAa7SKcYCI8x 維尼
#9和#10的銜接還是很奇怪,個人仍然建議清楚展現魔狼如何被解決,為這場衝突劃下完美的句點。8964 copyright protection586PENANAQzuOMILqJh 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAmOM6LcwKES
8964 copyright protection586PENANA3wqQvGrGZu 維尼
畢竟賽亞等人合力解決魔狼的過程,可以展現出他們的羈絆,也能爲之後發生的悲劇蓄積力量,進而引發更大的情緒爆炸。 8964 copyright protection586PENANAphVHmyTGWz 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAGKS30yAGR7
8964 copyright protection586PENANAuozixXOPrh 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAY69QQcD6v3
8964 copyright protection586PENANANeu0nfbXmR 維尼
接下來的#14和#15又是歷史課。個人較爲建議先讓賽亞等人被帶去地下室,親眼看見魔王的靈魂碎片,引起强烈的好奇心後,才繼續述説那未説完的故事。8964 copyright protection586PENANAjLDwrGYnPz 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAqbUzqSkvec
8964 copyright protection586PENANAvxgOWA24tn 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAFdm2gBLrwH
8964 copyright protection586PENANADYxMSAjYDP 維尼
寫到這裏,看看窗外,原來已經入夜了。8964 copyright protection586PENANATTGdbcwaGS 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAHTdwDb7al8
8964 copyright protection586PENANA1FgBedcOke 維尼
説實話,我仍覺得沒給予作者最想要的長篇寫作經驗相關的反饋。8964 copyright protection586PENANAloNo5jWR3c 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAhWZalH8mvJ
8964 copyright protection586PENANAPdAOapb9H2 維尼
若問我如何用三年的時間寫出一百多萬字?8964 copyright protection586PENANAYb5FAwgvgw 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANALOTLbNVULr
8964 copyright protection586PENANAnil2hUIkEu 維尼
我覺得主要是先瞭解自己。8964 copyright protection586PENANAXufZA7CDXz 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAe98xfVjlwO
8964 copyright protection586PENANAM9cRccIkJB 維尼
問問自己,我在怎樣的環境下才較寫得出故事?怎樣的創作方式最適合我?8964 copyright protection586PENANA7FXwVLpAdq 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANADUqzP23aRj
8964 copyright protection586PENANAwGycGUKjws 維尼
就拿我自己爲例,比起坐在筆電前碼字,我用筆在紙上寫會更有寫作的FLOW。所以我都是先用手寫,再輸入電腦順便做修改。8964 copyright protection586PENANA612XmzZRsc 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAPe4Z6AXADh
8964 copyright protection586PENANAhUetzemqMm 維尼
我並沒說要大家也手寫,而是鼓勵各位去尋找適合自己的方式。8964 copyright protection586PENANALGOZ0WvHg8 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANALHVgAaYilY
8964 copyright protection586PENANAp3ssxjBwWn 維尼
瞭解自己,是我們一生的課題。8964 copyright protection586PENANAL4nAl0Fas6 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAn0Fmc9xTld
8964 copyright protection586PENANAU69Dd0TrdM 維尼
就寫到這裏,感謝指名,同時也希望能幫上些許的忙。8964 copyright protection586PENANAXWGJhyprUC 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAogZx04uMqm
8964 copyright protection586PENANA3pxsV6H8FF 維尼
216.73.216.238
ns216.73.216.238da2