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No Plagiarism!AazGMpwUmNXDAtm58DCMposted on PENANA
8964 copyright protection555PENANAIUtPACuwdU 維尼
大家好,今天我將爲森重光的作品《魔王傳》寫下心得。8964 copyright protection555PENANA939mHSsajA 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAC7uMF3WqHV
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首先,依然不厭其煩地先説明我對於心得的想法。8964 copyright protection555PENANAr5Vzskkszd 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAgkdVD43AAc
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在這個寫得好並不代表一定有人氣的嚴苛環境下,我希望心得不只是單純挖掘作者可進步之點,還希望作者能夠獲得動力完成作品,甚至……8964 copyright protection555PENANAgrhgjE5C1A 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAN0LoPndT5a
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能夠讓心得替這部作品召來更多讀者。8964 copyright protection555PENANA3XXXWm4FmV 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAyfC1XJlJgu
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有鑒於此,本心得將會分爲兩個部分:8964 copyright protection555PENANAuYeVUlhl3S 維尼
1)寫給讀者的宣傳式心得8964 copyright protection555PENANAB783XtYQEn 維尼
2)面向作者的分享式心得8964 copyright protection555PENANAwa4X0zGro9 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAXDSx6JjvJB
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事不宜遲,現在開始。8964 copyright protection555PENANAlMwmpAKOcM 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAt8z6ox8SkL
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559Please respect copyright.PENANA1trOYX5tRs
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1)寫給讀者的宣傳式心得8964 copyright protection555PENANAA45Ls03ziA 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANABK1kohQjAw
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《魔王傳》是個怎樣的故事呢?8964 copyright protection555PENANAYhfBpoErTp 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANASV8kh19qIL
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主角賽亞,來自偏僻村落的一名少年,夢想著有朝一日加入聖輝騎士團。8964 copyright protection555PENANAdUdIKJ1ucu 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAzmfjmzBJ1F
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某一天,賽亞與朋友們進行冒險游戲,進入了被禁止踏足的森林,遭遇魔狼襲擊。殲滅怪物後,賽亞等人回到村子,才得知......8964 copyright protection555PENANASSiQ3F6d2T 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAJYv2h16Jqq
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他們的村落並不平凡,村子裏其實隱藏著魔王的靈魂碎片。8964 copyright protection555PENANAbBdHcqy7BW 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAIj2650cqYo
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從此開始,賽亞也如書名所説,踏上了成爲魔王之路。8964 copyright protection555PENANA5d5M2dz79g 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAyj8k2pjzsh
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這就是我目前閲讀至#21所知道的劇情。8964 copyright protection555PENANAgGbqZHtGpN 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAvuPMaDDI9F
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若以一句話來概括,就是一部正統路綫的黑暗奇幻小説。8964 copyright protection555PENANAwgUUwERnhR 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAlepdJ5QTOk
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作者的基本功非常扎實,文筆也在我閱讀過的作品中可謂中上水準。若大家喜歡這種類型的作品,那不妨過去閲讀看看。8964 copyright protection555PENANAfB7J9kHt6M 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAcxlqg5jovD
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是不是開始心動了呢?8964 copyright protection555PENANAOwtq3CqPis 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAXcbOFJcOJW
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但需注意的是,故事前期爲了交代世界背景與歷史,花了不少的篇幅,但只要給點耐性繼續閲讀,就會有精彩的劇情展開。8964 copyright protection555PENANA83IhIPusAM 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANARvZMLKat6l
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數據也有所證明,從#6開始愛心的數量就穩定為9,甚至在#65(第一卷完畢的章節)也是9。8964 copyright protection555PENANApqrgMDhoLW 維尼
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所以只要有耐性閲讀到#6,基本上故事就不會讓你失望了。8964 copyright protection555PENANAEwtZZtI0xE 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAZY1KpaymCH
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那麽……做好心理準備了嗎?8964 copyright protection555PENANAqIdOtZlHAu 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAtKCcPJuWAW
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好,點擊以下連結,開始你的成魔之旅吧!8964 copyright protection555PENANAaAQz266aYm 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANApg14ycTvoP
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連結:https://www.penana.com/article/1444248964 copyright protection555PENANAjBtFatDt6g 維尼
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559Please respect copyright.PENANAw03I7UvrWS
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以上就是《寫給讀者的宣傳式心得》。8964 copyright protection555PENANANNtFYHPZRz 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAteHZrCnj7y
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559Please respect copyright.PENANAAVpZqgQFvj
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559Please respect copyright.PENANAJmLXzXZrez
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2)面向作者的分享式心得(含劇透)8964 copyright protection555PENANAYplB7oTzF0 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAFqPl8b2JZ8
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老實説,我一直有作者走錯棚的感覺。8964 copyright protection555PENANAl9B3DB7KXi 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANApCmavT2qPT
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指名時,作者提及希望得到關於長篇寫作經驗的反饋。但狩書魔的心得創挑可是有截稿日期,而且規則説明只閲讀前十章或首兩萬字,我充其量只來得及閲讀至#21,根本無法給予作者想要的反饋。8964 copyright protection555PENANAFEIPFoWNF6 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAUkadHfmiUF
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不過既然被點名,作者還寫了誠意滿滿的指名理由,那當然要盡力而爲了!8964 copyright protection555PENANAmY7FRnvewF 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAoQSoyREUGp
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撰寫這篇心得之前,我抱著甘願被劇透的心情,閱讀了星塵、林立和謎樣烏鴉對這部作品的書評。(還有一篇書評貌似消失了?)8964 copyright protection555PENANAgEbto7Gtz5 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAPP6WSBNetc
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閲讀了那些書評後,我才發現......8964 copyright protection555PENANA34lNixwSJ4 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANALp1gLLp5cV
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沒什麽好寫了。想説的,那三篇書評都已説了。8964 copyright protection555PENANANusOyzhVoT 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAzWsIcluKEl
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但也不能因此而交白卷,我就盡力而為。8964 copyright protection555PENANASpgK0Z8pZf 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA7OSMrqfiDt
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還有,我也會借力。曾被那三篇書評提出的問題,我就不再詳細寫出來,只會簡單述説,這就是所謂的借力。8964 copyright protection555PENANA8gBWEe0eMU 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAqYnrvErAup
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這不是懶惰,而是借力、借力、借力,重要的事情要說三次。8964 copyright protection555PENANA7XJIqReDjs 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAdoIoeDbNGu
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廢話說夠了,心得現在開始。8964 copyright protection555PENANAt8z6RCz7Z0 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANATgAurtf99o
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559Please respect copyright.PENANAGQXhOv1YGy
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首先,來看看#1至#10的愛心數量。8964 copyright protection555PENANA3xouMTNbne 維尼
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559Please respect copyright.PENANAX2CJDzFYQK
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當然,前面章節的愛心數量逐漸遞減實爲正常現象,但不能以此作爲我們不進行自我檢討的藉口。8964 copyright protection555PENANA2g350QAsvG 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANArcsheV0Ipl
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我會配合愛心量的數據,同時根據章節順序來書寫心得。8964 copyright protection555PENANAKCDwcHcHeZ 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA8O5FsfKCBG
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開始。8964 copyright protection555PENANAEpycVXHLm4 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANACywUuNc4Ed
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559Please respect copyright.PENANAGKTmai6b4w
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#1方面,主要就是林立説過的,感覺魔王的説話不夠簡潔有力。8964 copyright protection555PENANAia3tNkg0Cr 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAv9TpZ90DJP
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但仔細一想,林立兩年前已經提過,而作者似乎並沒修改,個人猜測是不是有自己的原因?例如那時賽亞還是帶領軍隊的新手?或者因爲賽亞是「溫柔的魔王」?8964 copyright protection555PENANAnvThEEgvqe 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANANVlAYanM9w
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#2方面,主要是介紹賽亞與莉蒂雅兩人,個人覺得以下這一大段内容都可以適當打散,或以後再説。8964 copyright protection555PENANAQ0XPiPQy98 維尼
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一個一個來。8964 copyright protection555PENANAqNfBRFLQl6 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAXf8fMdK5ZH
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其實個人對紅色那段沒什麽興趣,如果作者覺得很重要,建議留至他們在老師家裏才讓老師提起。8964 copyright protection555PENANAjecD885ijx 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAEfzuDS17NH
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深綠色為介紹村子,與#2主要帶出賽亞與莉蒂雅的目的互相抵觸,也是建議留到#5,兩人回到村子時再提出。8964 copyright protection555PENANAe2LLKiwRds 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAWCXJzVFV5L
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當然,若要説明這裏是村莊,那麽根據個人風格,一開始我會先形容夜色,再把鏡頭帶至村子,然後運鏡至河邊的一男一女身上。小小建議,僅供參考。8964 copyright protection555PENANAJ5oqbZb2dy 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAWnIxiFfdE3
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深藍色為介紹村人,建議由當事者也就是村人們直接演出來,之後我會再建議哪個時機,暫且略過不提。8964 copyright protection555PENANAg80Qna0iNu 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA4KpRIqAZCj
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接下來,黃色那一大段關於老師的背景,也是建議等到了老師的家再提。8964 copyright protection555PENANAe782H4zv0y 維尼
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至於紅色那段,個人建議由賽亞和莉蒂雅演出來。8964 copyright protection555PENANAb21efNREd0 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAeWS6M8lzHD
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反正都已刪除了一大堆,再加上#2斷在賽亞的吐槽,若是我就會安排莉蒂雅反擊,「老師説我更有天賦」之類的。然後賽亞就可以説出自己真正向往的目標,也就是聖輝騎士團。8964 copyright protection555PENANAbH6F5aSkUT 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA4yEGf2Sr7t
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#3方面,一開始賽亞與莉蒂雅的對話可以總結為兩點,分別是「賽亞想聽故事」和「莉蒂雅怕黑」。8964 copyright protection555PENANA9ZVbSGVZv7 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA9Fdr1qLHgt
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個人建議是......可以讓老師開門後詢問來此的理由,再由賽亞回答就行,感覺並非需要花費時間書寫的内容。8964 copyright protection555PENANAnZwy5ARjs6 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAZbCeN1tBhb
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而且探訪老師後,又寫到賽亞與莉蒂雅一起回家。短時間内寫了兩次這二人走夜路的内容,就……既視感有點強。8964 copyright protection555PENANAr4OUUrlwzj 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA82Y9sjIIr7
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#3和#4方面,几乎都在述説過往的歷史。值得注意的,是#4的愛心數下跌幅度較大。8964 copyright protection555PENANAylFLnxS7Mk 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAmafcYhD9QK
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相信這一方面在其他書評都提過,而我個人也覺得有點太長。8964 copyright protection555PENANAf1BG0c1X0U 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA1BmRKk5VdP
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我會建議再看重溫那些對話,將歷史事跡分成「緊急且重要」、「緊急但沒那麽重要」、「不緊急但重要」三種,再把「不緊急但重要」的歷史剔除,以後有機會再説出來。8964 copyright protection555PENANAXB4Y13TGad 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA6LUy1onK1v
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還有,就是建議嘗試切成兩段。8964 copyright protection555PENANAvOws7K4lbC 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANArSkZRPG4IK
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第一段歷史就依照現在這麽做,讓老師説出來。8964 copyright protection555PENANAkDMxwxmT84 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANATBGvBp8OSh
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第二段歷史,建議留到賽亞背著莉蒂雅回家時,利用男主的回想,嘗試以他的觀點來總結那一部分的歷史,畢竟都有提到賽亞回想老師的微妙表情。8964 copyright protection555PENANAq3e5AFFRjD 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAOuJpHRIUBQ
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如此一來,可以讓讀者更貼近賽亞的想法,也可以避免因爲歷史課太冗長而覺得煩躁。8964 copyright protection555PENANA9C7I92CarO 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAMLmelaEp3n
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然後回到村長家裏那段,本來想建議都刪了,畢竟#2至#5整體偏於平淡,最好更快進入衝突。8964 copyright protection555PENANAbiFXEyKVbO 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAwKZs34Axtk
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不過刪了會出現問題,就是無法交代賽亞如何得到真劍。或許也可以讓賽亞跟亞里德以木劍切磋,來點小衝突,再讓當事人承認賽亞並授予真劍。8964 copyright protection555PENANAb7FdwqzWPk 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANABb2d5SzMks
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#5的結尾,建議增加一小段引起氣氛緊張的劇情。例如描寫樹林裏,魔界寄生籐換身至另一隻狼,讓讀者期待即將來臨的衝突。8964 copyright protection555PENANAfO7e1UIcRa 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANApH9zOBR96G
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#6方面,其他書評也提過新角色太多的問題,我在遺憾地這裏深表同意。特別是複數的新角色+對白在前的配合,更是令我眼睛和頭腦大為混亂。這裏我就借力,不深入探討。8964 copyright protection555PENANA1IMkuCaajg 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA9SMHdHcKW8
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或許......8964 copyright protection555PENANAlBrc6he6qd 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA4ln4vjz3bJ
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可以考慮讓賽亞從家裏出發,跟同伴們一個一個會合,就能讓新角色輪流登場,而不是一股腦兒地出現。8964 copyright protection555PENANAvzKUwMiDYi 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAMOsLW35kGi
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如此一來,也可以趁機勾勒出村莊的全貌,並且讓這些村民將剛才提過的藍色那段直接演出來。8964 copyright protection555PENANAhcfPIZDRLs 維尼
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例如滿臉笑容的村民送蘋果,或單純打個招呼。8964 copyright protection555PENANA7b6lQ8dTFx 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAxOKFTuvXPq
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559Please respect copyright.PENANAHmqaVuL2G5
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#9和#10的銜接還是很奇怪,個人仍然建議清楚展現魔狼如何被解決,為這場衝突劃下完美的句點。8964 copyright protection555PENANA2JdZ2wcN9h 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAAFomU04V5K
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畢竟賽亞等人合力解決魔狼的過程,可以展現出他們的羈絆,也能爲之後發生的悲劇蓄積力量,進而引發更大的情緒爆炸。 8964 copyright protection555PENANAdPA3jbc2ki 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAQXaHB5QSNg
8964 copyright protection555PENANAR9P4mx9KHS 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAx3mN4EE6fW
8964 copyright protection555PENANA4kETMbtzP2 維尼
接下來的#14和#15又是歷史課。個人較爲建議先讓賽亞等人被帶去地下室,親眼看見魔王的靈魂碎片,引起强烈的好奇心後,才繼續述説那未説完的故事。8964 copyright protection555PENANA4iFNGdYxnS 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAzQdUkCbTL5
8964 copyright protection555PENANAhftMLpAJRA 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAvvbspM1bYi
8964 copyright protection555PENANA4tPJEPEdTD 維尼
寫到這裏,看看窗外,原來已經入夜了。8964 copyright protection555PENANA9A4VG3lFcN 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAuMi7fjQlA5
8964 copyright protection555PENANAEGbBDqBcVa 維尼
説實話,我仍覺得沒給予作者最想要的長篇寫作經驗相關的反饋。8964 copyright protection555PENANAiv129jXM3B 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA1E3wRVQjqr
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若問我如何用三年的時間寫出一百多萬字?8964 copyright protection555PENANAgiLAwMXTFD 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAEEEbQ9elEb
8964 copyright protection555PENANAL4IO3EsnCG 維尼
我覺得主要是先瞭解自己。8964 copyright protection555PENANAGb9MFvQodt 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAvKVKZ5WPKF
8964 copyright protection555PENANAtINxwMSQEZ 維尼
問問自己,我在怎樣的環境下才較寫得出故事?怎樣的創作方式最適合我?8964 copyright protection555PENANAkmDIo6SFum 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAkfVgPSXrY4
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就拿我自己爲例,比起坐在筆電前碼字,我用筆在紙上寫會更有寫作的FLOW。所以我都是先用手寫,再輸入電腦順便做修改。8964 copyright protection555PENANA29U6It7pyG 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANA2PVVxYOnTy
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我並沒說要大家也手寫,而是鼓勵各位去尋找適合自己的方式。8964 copyright protection555PENANA7AOSsn0CUa 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAKJug8Fc3qD
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瞭解自己,是我們一生的課題。8964 copyright protection555PENANADNQRkVOgjF 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAoH3DLou9wp
8964 copyright protection555PENANA13e2OOINz8 維尼
就寫到這裏,感謝指名,同時也希望能幫上些許的忙。8964 copyright protection555PENANArMDIkqKoOS 維尼
559Please respect copyright.PENANAdQHf9FRpjW
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216.73.216.6
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