I'm Darrel Blackflist. I know that nobody gives a fuck about my life or who I am but I have no one I can speak to. Just like in my other writings, I don't know why I'm writing this. People don't listen to my ideas because they think that I'm insane. Who knows, maybe it's because I don't tell them what they want to hear. Those who do not join the herd doesn't get love, those who challenge others don't get love either. My purpose is not to be loved anyways, I don't need to feel that stupid emotion. They should hate me, leave me out, see me as weird, change directions if we ever cross paths, throw insults at me. Because I'm not like them, not someone they would want or a pathetic nobody who only sees the world blankly. They should see hate in my eyes, the gaze in my eyes should eradicate all positive emotions. Their hatred empowers me, influence my thoughts and feed into my forever hungry ego. Hatred is a respectability for me, while people see me as a lower influence than themselves, they heighten the hate in their hearts. Being different is a reward, a victory, while love is my punishment. Loving or being loved lowers my guard, trying to look innocuous and sweet, waiting while lurking to abandon me, that damn feeling. Yet hatred doesn't hurt me, in fact, it eradicates the thing that could break me or leave me powerless. It teaches me how to kill my feelings by making me wilder, especially the feeling called pity.
People in the world who say that we can beat bad people with love are just a bunch of fools. They think everyone is equal. If loving people without discriminating anybody was the case, then why are people who are different always left out? If everyone was equal, then there wouldn't be such a thing called "justice". It would be an embarrassment to people's potential, putting those who work and don't work, those who think and don't think, those good and bad together! If we weren't surrounded by rivals, would we be able to find our directions? I think that this is an opportunity for letting our potential out. Most people are against the ideas that opposes their own ideas, but little do they know that the fact that they're right is caused by the other people's wrong ideas. I won't tear myself apart in order to fit other people's molds. I won't surrender myself to some measly fake affection or fake praise. People slowly lose themselves in the molds they created for others, while I just walk over them. Walking on the same ground that contains the thousands of thoughts of others makes me feel powerful. While the rotting thoughts become the best friends of worms, they simply become stray, lovesick puppies. They make me the targets to their insults because they are too blind to answer to my thoughts. This is why I hate humans. Believe me when I say that putting their basic sentences into more mixed up sentences is quite difficult. I know that they won't see what I'm writing, maybe because, as I said that they don't care about me. Although my sister is the closest one to me, even she doesn't know me. I'm just a regular maniac right, Maggie? All of you can continue thinking that way. I have my reasons for putting on this maniac act. Acting insane is just one of my masks. I put on a disgusting act in order to pull people my way. At times I'm a supportive friend, at times I'm an affectionate lover, and at times I'm a respectable student. They will become powerless and start obeying me when I have found information I could use against them anyway. And once that happens, I will be able to face them without a facade.
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