I was 19 yrs old just got out of abusive relationship and i remember that my ex i got tired of him being mean to me he even set on the top of my chest until i passed out cold and I played stupid and acting everything was ok and when he went to work i called a taxi cab and i packed up my shit and when the cab came my ass was in it and i got on a ground hound bus and told my dad i was coming home and It took me a whole day to get back home and i got home the next night and let me tell ya i was glad to be home and my dad met me at the bus station in St. Louis Mo. and my dad just had a heart surgery from a heart attack and like i said he came and got me and after i was home and i got a hold of one of my friends at the time.
My Friend at the time she was married and they had a friend that went by Big Foot and that was his C.B handle on the radio and he made me laugh for sure but we did hit it off good tho but while i was at home i started bleeding heavy and did not know why at the time. My dad took me to the ER cause my mom would not for some strange reason or another but they ER told me i had a miscarriage and what was so messed up was i did not have any signs of being pregnant at all that was the strange part of it well i had to get a DNC and i was there for 16 hours and having to tell my dad i had miscarried and what made it so hard my dad was a retired Sgt from the Airforce and but lucky for me he was very carrying cause i was balling my eyes out for sure and my dad stayed by my side but at this moment i need my mom not my dad.
But so when we got back home my mom walks around the corner and ask me what happen what did the doctors says and i said they told me i miscarriage and my mom I shit you not she told me well I knew that and i am like what the fuck is wrong with you and my dad just told me to go lay down and rest ,he carried for me than my mom did and that is what is so fucked up about it so later that night I had to called my friend at the time and told her what was going on and I had to tell Jason what had happen cause for sure i thought this relationship was going to be over as fast it began .
But that night Jason came over and he visit me to make sure i was ok so anyways i was standing up and he told me i shit you not Jason told me and said you lost alot of blood you need to set down and he got up and gave me the chair and i was like holy shit a true gentleman and he waited for me to heal before he did anything with me like sex wise he was very understanding with it all but then after we started seeing each other i started to having nightmares from my past what had happen and then i started to feel a empty space in my heart that was missing i was missing the baby i lost and i could not get over that for the longest time but Jason was so sweet with everything when i would have nightmares in the middle of the night he would hold me close and rub his fingers through my hair until i went to sleep and i found my self going through a deep dark depression and Jason stood by my self through all of this fucken nightmare bullshit but then we was together for a year and we was always together and when he found work and was working after work we was always together and talking about deep talks when we had are special romantic moments they was special But one thing i will never for get was when he went and got me a engagement ring and it was in the winter time and it was around the holidays and at Rock Springs Park they had a carriage ride where we can see the Christmas lights and while we was going through the lights he whispered in my ear and said will you marry me and i remember looking at me and i said are you sure and he said yes and i told him yes and i remember people where clapping behind us cause there was other couples o n this ride.
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As time went on we finely got a place together we rented a apartment and we was together for 3 and half years before i broke it off i felt like things where changing with us and i was missing the baby i lost 3 yrs before and Jason said we was trying to have a baby i said no we was not we did not practice enough but i was still fighting depression still and the lose of my baby i had but Jason and i got in to a headed fight and i said i was leaving and he said if you leave i will cut my self and i did leave and i went to my parents house and i was telling my dad all about it and i had my dad follow me back to my place to make sure everything was clear well his car was there but when i open the door he was not and i walked in all the way in my place and i went in to the bathroom and there was a kitchen knife setting on the bathroom sink and i told my dad i said he did to something cause there was blood all over the sink and my dad told me not to touch the knife and so later on i had my dad go home and Jason came back with his mom and me and him and his mom talked and i said i can not live like this and i had him pack up his stuff and leave cause i was so afraid he was going to kill me in my sleep cause hell i did not know what the hell he was going to do next and we did spilt up for good and then 20 some years later i was divorced from my second husband Paul and Jason asked me and says Hey Karen my mom wants us to get back together and i said what the hell Jason so now your going to listen to your mom now and you can not make this decision on your own you had to have your mommy make it for you and i said that is so fucked up Jason and i said why would i would want to do that now and i said here you are with 2 college degrees you wont get off your ass to put them into good use. and i said you wont get off your lazy ass and get your driver license back from your DWI and you wont fight for that and i am not going to be with someone who is not going to better them self and you want to set on your ass and have a pity fucken party and that is when he called me a blue collar and i said how so cause i want to better my self i am like what the fuck ever and we have not talk since and the fucked up thing is he knows he is in the wrong and he isn't not the same person i fell in love with either and i know i will never see him again this i know but that is ok with me tho cause i can not feel sorry for someone who wont help them self or better them self
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