x
Every day i live with the pain that you hurt me and the memories we once shared i thought they would be good ones but you just left behind was more pain and un wanted love and i never thought i never thought you would be that kind of evil monster that i use to love. I never thought you would leave my heart so fucked up and damaged but i guess your evil dark monster would come out sooner or later and i think to my self i wish it would of came out sooner so i would not of given you all these chances to fix things in are marriage. I can not even look at you anymore without getting angry at you and the lies you told me and the nightmares that you put me through for no reason, I do not want to have people come up to me say you need to get over him well i am over him but the pain and the nightmares that caused me to have PTSD was left behind and he truly acts like he does not care he living his fake life with someone else, I have to live with the nightmares and crying from everything repeating them self and the triggers that come alone the way that mess with my PTSD Here was the thing about Paul if i did not sleep good i tried to talk to him he would get mad if i woke him up he would tell me damn it Karen i am sleeping i am trying to get some sleep and if i would text him if i was in the other room he would get so mad at me and i thought if you needed your spouse you could go to them cause that's what there for is to be there for you. I could of swore i thought Paul was a girl cause he acted like one when i needed him in the middle of the night and he would tell me you woke me up for this and when i knew he was off and i would text him no matter what he would get mad as hell if i woke him up and most of the time i did not know if he was asleep or not.
Paul was not a very good husband he was more like a spoiled brat and the attention had to be on him all the time and he will always be like that cause when your the only child of his mom his dad had other kids from a past relationship so Paul was his dad 4th kid. You know i thought when you get married you marry your best friend and no matter what the problem was day or night you can come to them about anything well parentally not Paul he acted like the biggest sissy there was he did not care about what was troubling me he just cared about him self o i have to work the night day or he was just tired from drinking the night before it was always something with him. I could not understand tho but Paul did flirt dirt text with some woman behind my back and you bet your sweet ass i posted that shit on social media on face book, Paul was so jealous of my first husband that remarried my first husband after i divorced Paul and Paul was jealous of me and my first husband Roger it was not even funny cause me and Roger where close cause we was high school sweet hearts and we went to school together and we basically grew up together . Paul would tell me i wish you and i was that close and i told him that me and him would never be that close and he asked me why i said cause Roger always had loved me and was always kind to me and still respected me after all these years than you will never be able to give me and with Roger love its real and it natural while yours is fake and you try to hard and I told Paul he was the fakest person i have ever met in my life. Anyone who would be around Paul could tell he was fake and he had to have that center of attention and he would drive you nuts with his favorite guitar player and he would show pictures of him and tell people o how he got to meet him and no one really fucken care to be honest Paul would talk about this until your ears would fucken bleed and i said Paul shut the fuck up about this shit who cares no one does and your setting here rubbing in to people faces and i said they are getting tired of it and sure as shit his friends stop coming around tho and the funny thing about it is Paul will say is that o its winter time and they are doing there own thing and when summer comes around again they will be back over and nope they was not lol
All i know is i have to retrain my self to really enjoy life now cause Paul took everything away from me that i really enjoyed from my crafts to me painting cause he would say he did not have the money but yet he could go buy bourbon tho.
I never thought Paul would have a drinking problem and try to blame it on me and i said you know what Paul i did not put a gun to your heard and tell you to drink you did this to your self and your the only one to blame, Paul never took the blame for anything he did wrong he would turn it around and blame the other person. I hope one day i can set down to talk to the women he dates cause i will warn them now to stay the hell away from him cause he is to selfish and will not change for any woman and he will not better him self and he wont get healthy for you he has to be the one to do so, He will say o my ex wife Karen is lying why would i do that i have no reason to all it boils down to is I know the truth about him and he knows he cant lie to me like he can to the new women in his life cause he knows i will call out his bull shit lies cause Paul does not like strong woman that speaks his mind and as a back bone and she is not afraid to tell him off and that was me cause i was not afraid of Paul and i would call out his bull shit and i was not afraid to and he knows it . I want Paul to see what i write and lets see him say o these are lies hahah lets take a lie detector test and see who passes it cause i know it won't be him he will fail a 100%.
ns3.148.206.183da2
