CONTENT WARNING
18+ CONTENT
WARNING: HEAVY USE OF SCATTERED CHAOS
PLEASE NOTE, SOME OF THE FOLLOWING CONTENT COULD BE CONSIDERED GRAPHIC OR TRIGGERING FOR SOME VIEWERS. THOUGH SOME OF THE CONTENT MAY BE BRIEF, OTHERS MAY NOT BE. POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING THEMES OF ALCOHOL ABUSE, HOMOPHOBIA, ANIMAL DEATH, BULLYING, VIOLENCE, MISOGYNY, TEENAGE SEX, MENTAL/MEDICAL ILLNESS, CRUDE MATERIAL, GROOMING OF A MINOR, INFERTILITY/MENSTRUATION/PUBERTY, CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE, FATPHOBIA/BODY DYSMORPHIA, DEATH, MENTION OF BLOOD, AND EATING DISORDERS MAY BE DEPICTED THROUGHOUT THIS SERIES…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ091tACvEDO
EVEN IF JUST IN BRIEF MENTIONING. WITH THAT — PLEASE BE ADVISED.
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt5dVmvRs7
QUOTE FOR THOUGHT13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZXeCT65E8
“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”
–Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl544TRyqZK
PREFACE FROM THE AUTHOR13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AKcErAP1k
This project is very personal, very near and dear to my heart, as I’m finally sharing my story by putting it out there in such a raw way. Perhaps a tad bit too honest, at times.
To be 100% upfront with you — I have a bit of an ulterior motive.
By doing this series as a combination of personal journal and storytelling-style podcast to pages kind of thing, I feel it will also be therapeutically beneficial for my mental health and well-being. Additionally, maybe even help listeners of the series find a sense of hope, despite any odds that might be stacked against them. My goal in this is stressing the importance of always being yourself, and never giving up… even when it feels like your only option.
It isn’t.
With that being said, I don’t want anything to overshadow or take away from the whole objective and premise of this series. To remedy that, and for the privacy of others — some names, information, locations, and/or landmarks have been altered or changed… including mine. I’ll give what details I can to highlight the necessary points of the story while maintaining some level of anonymity. To avoid any confusion from this point forward with this series, I’ll be going by my alias when the story calls for my name to be mentioned.
At the end of the day, I just want to help others while being a professional imagination user… daydreaming and just being myself in the process.
That’s all there is to it.
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K4Ol59VMU
AN INTRODUCTION… OF SORTS
Put a finger up if you have ever wanted to tell a story.
Put a finger up if you have ever had a secret… praying it stays hidden because you feel genuine shame for it.
Put a finger up if there are metaphorical skeletons in your closet… skeletons so dusty that you barely recall the foggy details. That’s a funny little thing about mental health and all its intricacies, I guess.
Put a finger up if the memory of those skeletons is so dusty because your brain did it for you. Thank your brain… it probably did you a favor all for the sake of your sanity.
Put a finger up if you’ve ever felt selfish because, for once, you needed to talk about yourself. But… not because you’re legitimately selfish.
Put a finger up if you’ve ever wanted someone to listen.
That’s it.
Just someone to genuinely listen to what you’ve kept bottled up inside all this time. Whether screaming it or telling it, just to know you’re not alone, and someone cares enough to hear you.
Now, put a finger up if you’ve ever once in your life been told, “Be you.” I’d reckon a decent number of individuals have been told the most cliché of things we were taught growing up in some capacity, “Be you. Just… be you.”
For as long as I can recall, among many other things, I have always wanted to be a writer, but I always struggled to find my writing style. I even have five books on different platforms self-published under my real name. I won’t tell you that information, as I am somewhat embarrassed by them and find them Cringe Fest-worthy. Feedback consisting of my overuse of run-on sentences was copious. I over-explained, gave way too many details, rambled relentlessly, and just, overall sucked. It took me a while to find my footing with it, and even after I somewhat did on my most recently released book… I still struggled. I just remember thinking, “I write how I talk… very scatterbrained. I just want to tell a story, tell it the way I want to tell it, and just hope it resonates with anyone who might be hearing it exactly when they need to.”
So, here’s the deal… I’m just gonna set this here. I’m gonna tell my story, just to tell it.
Those who would like to come along and join me on that journey, I’ll be glad to have you along for the ride. Because if you can relate to my chaos… we’ll get along great. I’m curious to see if we’re as alone as we truly think we are.
At the end of the day just… be you, be kind, be human.
Be you, being a kind human…
…you know what I mean.
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysYQmebF0F
PROLOGUE
The architecture that makes up the majority of what I have the audacity of calling my brain, is genuinely perplexing and hard to follow. It consists of a cattywampus system of never-ending tunnels, doors leading nowhere, and a confusing labyrinth of files strewn across an already collapsing floor. The mania-fueled disarray that I dare call my mind… truly is the sheer definition of the Hot Mess, Express.
So… all aboard, I guess!
If you can understand just fifteen percent of what I say, I’ll be thoroughly impressed. Bringing along some breadcrumbs to drop along the way to navigate this level of crazy, honestly wouldn’t be that bad of an idea, either.
For years, mental health professionals would often suggest that patients journal as a form of therapeutic release. Never really having understood why, I had always been against it. I often wondered, even if I did want to journal about my life story, what parts of my journey would I remember that even merits being written down?
My life has been a series of ups, downs, and even more misadventures…
…not anymore. Well, sorta. Lemme explain.
I want stability in having highs without any lows, or at least more highs and fewer lows from here on out. I know experiencing downs and misadventures are normal human experiences, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m merely saying that I plan on keeping them to a minimum in my life if I have anything to say about it.
That’s not to say I won’t tackle any challenges that may come my way head-on… as many challenges I’ve faced in the past, have often served as important life lessons.
I want small pieces of me to leave an imprint on this world when it’s time for me to leave it; not just to break free from my past by shelving the book of who I once was… but starting an entirely new one of who I aim to become.
I have a very vivid imagination and every character written about has a story that originated somewhere. So why not tell our own stories, in our own special and unique way, whoever will listen, will listen — but ultimately do it for you.
I can’t promise I’ll get the dates and timing correct as I recount the stories that have happened in this series. But I do promise to recount them as accurately as my memory serves me).
I’ve never been one for the flashier things in life.
Unless it legitimately sparkles… then it will get my attention, for sure. I get shiny ball syndrome (also known by many other terms) on the daily. Certain things not only get my attention… but heavily distract it.
I am, however, very simple-minded for the most part… at least, on the exterior.
However, if I tried to accomplish all the things that I wanted to get done internally… I would need an eternity plus a day. That’s not to say I don’t have my clutter with charisma just as everyone else does, just that my ADHD, specifically, does not allow me the luxury of structure.
Tabling that discussion for later, let’s preface this story with a hypothetical question for you to answer. You walk into a chaotic scene to discover what appears to be blood droplets leading further into what seems to be the cause of the clamor.
How would you proceed?
Any sane person would probably run for the hills.
Sane, however, is not on the approved list of words that could be used to describe me.
Quite honestly — I don’t think that I’ve ever been that type of person, even growing up.
Nope. As for me… my curiosity has always gotten the better of me.
So frankly, why shouldn’t this time be any different?
I followed the drops… because, of course, I did.
So… stay tuned.
As my Papaw used to say, “I can’t wait to see how this turns out!”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0lCoRu3ia
