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  • Writer
    YAYA
    YAYA
    I think I'm a crazy girl with so many interests. I'm a student of computer science master in Germany. I can speak Persian, Turkish, Azerbaijani, and English, and I wish one day I can tell I speak German too.
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tonight...
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I feel like loneliness will never let me go.
I should adapt to it, but still—it bothers me deeply.

I ask myself: What does a girl really want?
Maybe I just need a person who will love me completely—not a princess on a white horse...

I want people who will prefer me over others,
people I can turn to—any time—
whether I’m happy or sad.

I want someone who won’t sell me for their own benefits,
someone who likes me the way I like him.

You know, everyone around me has someone they trust,
someone who chooses them,
but not me—as always.

When I was a child, during every fight with my parents, I was alone.
I don’t have siblings,
so I was always the one asking for forgiveness.
I didn’t want to be alone.

In elementary school, they were my besties,
but I wasn’t their bestie.

It’s been like this ever since.
Now, I’m not afraid of being alone,
but loneliness still lingers.

I was in a relationship for 2 years and 7 months,
and he still preferred his friends.

Now I’m in a new relationship—
but maybe it’s worse.
Maybe I mean nothing to him.

But every time I try to leave,
I can’t.
Because if I go,
I really won’t have anyone.

Sometimes I wish I had siblings—like a big brother.
I would support him, and he would support me.
But I don’t.

In the old days, I was a stone for my cousins to rely on.
I tried so hard to keep them strong through difficult paths.

But when it came to me—
when it was my turn to enter adult life—
I was alone.

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