There was no name for the kind of emptiness Morrigan felt.
No neat word in the English language that could describe how hollow her body had become, how every breath scraped against her lungs like broken glass. She moved through her days like a ghost, drifting from class to class with a vacant stare and a heart that no longer felt like it belonged to her.
Since the kiss, everything had changed. At the same time, everything had stayed exactly the same.
He was gone.
Not dead. Not missing. Just absent. Like someone had snatched him out of the world and left behind a phantom ache where he used to be.
She tried to go about life like normal. Smiled at Alice when she remembered to. Nodded along in lectures, though every word blurred together in her mind like melting snow. She drank coffee she couldn't taste. Read paragraphs she couldn't absorb. Laughed at jokes that never reached her.
And worst of all, she felt nothing.
Or- no. Not nothing. She felt him. Everywhere.
The weight of his absence was unbearable. The shape of him lived in her bones now. In the moments between thoughts. In the empty space beside her in the lecture hall, where she knew he should've been.
She cursed herself for kissing him.
Not because it hadn't meant anything.
But because it had meant everything.
And the moment their lips met, something in the world had shifted. The thread between them had pulled tight, unbreakable, and now? Now she was tethered to someone she couldn't hold. Couldn't talk to. Couldn't save.
Because the Pale Tribunal was watching.
Because feeling was forbidden.
Because the moment Samael let himself feel something human, the universe had reached for a blade.
He was protecting her. She knew that. Knew it with every aching, furious beat of her heart. But knowing didn't make it easier. It just made the silence worse.
And then -three days later- he found her.
She was walking to the library, books clutched to her chest like armour, when a hand reached out and yanked her into the dim, dusty darkness of a supply closet. The door slammed shut behind them.
"Morrigan," he breathed.
It was him.
But not like she remembered. He looked destroyed. Pale. Sunken. As if the very act of being here -of standing this close- was tearing him apart.
"They know," he whispered, voice hoarse. "The Tribunal. They know about us."
Her heart stopped.
"They're coming for me."
The words cracked open something inside her. The fear was instant and wild, sinking claws into her ribs.
"What do we do?" she whispered.
"I have to run. Tonight."
And then his eyes found hers, dark and bottomless and full of something that felt like longing, like loss, like love begging not to die.
"Come with me."
She stared at him, the world falling away.
"I can't do this without you," he said. "I'm not strong enough."
Her mouth opened, but the words stuck.
"I haven't slept. I haven't felt anything since I left. You're in me, Morrigan. I can't-" He broke off, voice shattering. "I can't be without you."
She stepped closer. Reached up, placed her hand gently against his cheek.
"I want to," she whispered. "God, I want to. But Samael..."
His name felt like a prayer. A funeral dirge. A curse.
"You running doesn't make this go away. It just delays it. And if you leave... I lose you either way."
He looked like he was going to break. Like the weight of her words would fold him in two.
"I love you," he said, so quietly it could've been a thought.
Her breath caught.
"I love you too."
Tears filled her eyes. Not the hot kind, full of anger. These were slow. Silent. Full of a sorrow so deep it hollowed her out from the inside.
"I can't go," she said. "If I do, we both become fugitives. Hunted."
"I don't care."
"But I do."
He pulled away like her touch still burned, "There's no way out."
"Let me try to find one."
He shook his head.
"I won't let them erase you," she said, voice breaking. "I won't."
He looked at her, eyes shining.
"I'll come back. I swear it."
Morrigan smiled through her tears. "I'll wait. As long as I need to- I'll wait."
He leaned forward- close enough that their foreheads touched. His breath was cold. Hers shook.
"I'll dream of you," he whispered.
And then he was gone.
Gone like mist.
Gone like a soul slipping from the body.
She stayed there in the darkness for a long time after, shaking, numb.
That night, she crawled into bed with her clothes still on. Pulled the blanket over her head like it could hide her from the grief. From the ache. From the unbearable truth that he was out there, somewhere, running from the heavens because of her.
And the worst part -the cruellest part- was that she would do it all again.
Even knowing how it would end.
Because that kiss? That moment? That spark of something that felt like destiny and ruin all at once?
It was the most alive she had ever felt.
And now that he was gone...
She was nothing but bones and longing.
And love.
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