(溫馨提醒:這篇是惡搞文,將會顯出我最87的一面。如果你是三國演義的忠實讀者,請慎入,因為……這篇是惡搞文。)16Please respect copyright.PENANA5HWG6DkYfG
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孔明分撥已定,先派二千五百廚去冷凍庫搬運食材。忽然十餘次訂單報到,說司馬懿引外送十五萬,望店門蜂擁而來。時孔明身邊並無大廚,止有一班新員工,所僱用五千廚,已分一半先運食材去了,只剩二千五百廚在店中。眾廚聽得這消息,盡皆失色。16Please respect copyright.PENANAmbG35zVCCx
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孔明調監控望之,果然機車停滿,外送員分十五萬路望店門走來。孔明傳令:眾廚鍋碗,盡皆藏匿。諸廚全守廚房,如有妄行出入,及開瓦斯、烘碗者,立開除。大關店門,門上掛「已打烊」牌,派二十清潔工,灑掃街道,如外送員到時,不可「歡迎光臨」,吾自有計。 16Please respect copyright.PENANAi0v6uw9a9z
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孔明乃披圍裙,戴手套,引二小廚,攜鍋一張,於店中櫃台前,開水龍頭,清洗鍋具。16Please respect copyright.PENANAziCCICyrnR
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卻說外送前隊抵達店門口,見了如此模樣,皆不敢進,傳簡訊與司馬懿。懿已讀不信,遂止住全隊,自煞車遠遠望之,果見孔明坐於櫃檯之前,厭容可掬,清洗鍋具。左有一小廚,手捧抹布;右有一小廚,手執肥皂。店門外有二十清潔工,低頭灑掃,旁若無客。16Please respect copyright.PENANAno8Ru8DWnT
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懿看畢,大疑,便到隊中,教全體外送員聽令,打方向燈,向左向右轉,望大馬路而退。次子司馬昭曰:「莫非諸葛亮有營業,故作此態,父親何故退訂單?」懿曰:「亮平生厭世,不曾加班。今大關店門,必已打烊。我隊若闖,觸法律也,汝輩焉知?宜速退。」16Please respect copyright.PENANAkgsMKjBfad
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於是外送員盡皆退去。孔明見機車遠去,撫掌而笑。 眾廚無不駭然,乃問孔明曰:「司馬懿乃外送之頭,今統十五萬訂單到此,見了店主,便速退去,何也?」孔明曰:「此人料吾平生厭世,必不加班,見如此模樣,疑已打烊,所以退去。吾非不想接單,蓋因不得已而用之。此人必引隊投大馬路上去也。吾已請員警二人在彼等候。」16Please respect copyright.PENANAIo35niMNpr
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眾皆驚服,曰:「店主玄機,社畜莫測。若某等之見,必認命接單矣。」 孔明曰:「吾廚止有二千五百,若認命接單,必不能完成。得不為司馬懿所告乎?」言訖,拍手大笑,曰:「吾若為司馬懿,必不便退也。」16Please respect copyright.PENANAsdXPzFsaYC
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最近上課上到空城計,故作此篇。