文: 譚嘉燕 FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/katetam1228/
珍如就是一個習慣事後孔明的人，每天大部分時間都活在懊悔之中。她習慣不斷回想過去，回想「過去中的她」有多糟糕，所以「現在」才會不是她期望中的那樣子。她會猜想當初應該要怎樣做才可更好、才可以沒有出錯，她慣性不斷幻想另一選擇的人生會比較合心意及圓滿。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Tgucnzh3Y
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「當時我不應該這樣做的，應該要想到其他做法才對。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRcYRp7pRt
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「早知道我就不這樣說了，如果我就能再表達得更好就好了。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0y1y7Oh322
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「如果出門前我有帶傘就好了，現在就不用停滯在商場內了。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAanVTFWHkN
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「啊，如果我能在之前就做好決定就好了，現在時間愈久，愈拖就愈膽怯，也愈來愈多憂慮，更躊躇不前。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhRrJklSGU
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「櫻桃口味的煎餅好難吃，早知道我就點巧克力口味啦。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh4duF8New
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「好像還是黑色皮帶比較美，早知道我就買黑色皮帶的手錶了。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAyaakkkt9
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「如果我作了另一個抉擇，一定會比現在快樂。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegrLSWPhdL
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今天晚上，珍如又和老公吵架了，任她費盡唇舌，她也不能令他明白多一點她的心思意念。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa919b0ZEYp
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每次吵架過後，她無處可逃時，都會躲進樓下24小時開放的快餐店內，一直待到早上，等老公上班和公婆出門喝早茶後才甘心回家。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvq24zygt0
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黑夜時份，反而是快餐店內最熱鬧的時候，這裡容納著每個不願進睡、不捨入睡、滿懷煩惱、心裡寂寞的人們。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjV7qRkv0ta
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燈光昏暗的快餐店，在夜裡有種迷幻的情調。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ytc6CzghW
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珍如穿著短T恤、短褲，腳上踏著拖鞋，一身輕便又破舊的家居服，拖著疲憊的身驅走了進去，點了一個蘋果批就坐下來開始發呆。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0p2YC8m4uu
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被捨棄了的人生決定通常都會很像鬼魅，常常在脆弱的黑夜裡冷不防就出來徘徊一下下。雖然所有人生處境和細節都不會完美，但活在另一個人生決定裡的自己會是怎麼樣的呢……425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX75kD8OsNI
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珍如以寂靜的眼神望著坐在對面桌子的年輕女生，她大慨是中三、中四的年紀吧。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTGayedkGp
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「年輕真好。」珍如大口嚼著蘋果批，心裡慨嘆著。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIpeCCvaVl
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珍如今年29歲，結婚快6年，也意味她過了6年當家庭主婦的日子。她沒有兒女，但老公非常大男人主義，他要求珍如婚後就要全心全意把家庭照顧好，他們也一定要和公婆同住。所以就算不用照顧小孩，但還有兩個比小孩更難服侍的老爺和奶奶在家，珍如更加覺得自己失去了自由。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7kNZCbIHD
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剛開始婚姻生活的頭一年，珍如還是覺得非常甜蜜，她的老公還是會細心對待她，和公婆相處也算融洽，但從婚後第二年，珍如經歷了小產過後，一切都改變了。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TMw1d6yyd
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但她還能怎樣呢？珍如已經6年沒有接觸社會，她也沒有獨立的經濟能力，就算她有大學學歷，她還可以填回空白的部分，同時重新過她的人生嗎？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhf8xpYQ39z
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「早知道我就不跟他結婚了，現在的他超惹我討厭的，整個人都變成另一人似的，我後悔了啦。」珍如雙手掩臉，雙眼開始水盈盈。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7C8UhGyZIM
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如果她當初沒有選擇結婚，沒有一時意亂情迷就敗在男人手上，她應該會當上老師吧？這是她一直以來的心願和夢想，但就在畢業的那一年，她遇上了她現在的老公——浩華。他們突然急速陷入暴風似的熱戀之中，當時的珍如，甘願為他放棄自己的夢想來換取婚姻。那時他們只交往四個多月，珍如現在回想起，當時的她，根本沒有真正認識過浩華。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD7fko8DNu
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同時，她還放棄了她交往了5年的初戀男友——阿遙。而3年前，珍如得知阿遙遇上意外過世的悲痛消息，自此之後，珍如更加厭惡她的家庭及人生。如果那時選擇了阿遙，和阿遙走到最後，說不定還比較幸福吧，他一直都是一個溫柔，又懂得遷就她壞脾氣的男人。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJPd2YwKVD
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現在，珍如露出可憐兮兮的樣子。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXd2yQi499w
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「珍如，是妳嗎？」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUg2ROSXfI1
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快餐店的嘈雜聲彷彿被吸進另一世界裡，空氣變得好像靜止了。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuLcw55lpU
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聽到有人喚著自己的名字，珍如轉過身來。站在她旁邊的，是不可能在此時出現的阿遙。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWbNaGfV5R
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多年不見，阿遙現在的容貌比珍如印象中成熟及老成許多，肩膀也厚實了。但他還是喜歡在右耳上配戴黑色寶石耳環。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cfNoszCtp
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珍如瞪大烏溜溜的雙眼，怔怔看著阿遙，喉嚨發不出一絲聲音。她曾經去阿遙的墓碑前「探望」過他，那張黑白照片，還有相中人的笑容仍然深刻她的內心，而現在，她看見活生生的他在眼前出現……425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0tBi2zkOF
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「我果然沒有認錯人，雖然好久不見，但珍如還是同一個樣子，沒有很大的改變啊。」阿遙的笑容仍然非常溫暖人心。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSjJaTCXin
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珍如盡量維持平靜的表情，但內心激動不已。她是否已經神志錯亂？她已經發瘋了？同時她也尷尬不已，她一身隨便得有點失禮的家居服，加上她糟糕到極的人生，讓她羞愧得想找個地洞跳進去。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9UZrOPjmY
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「是……是我沒錯啊。」珍如不敢再直視阿遙，眼神只能落在他耳珠上的黑寶石耳環，身體微微抖震。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0nEqGnRBZ
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珍如覺得寶石剌眼的光芒很令人感到煩躁和心痛。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98WRoPWuR6
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阿遙在珍如身邊坐下後，她嗅到他身上像牛奶糖般的味道，是她曾經熟悉過、感到安全感的氣味。珍如覺得胸口有股快要爆炸的灼熱感覺，這一切到底是什麼一回事？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHluCfLI8O
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阿遙積極地想要了解珍如的現況，但珍如只有面露難色。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaRBWzq67H
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「啊，對不起。」阿遙搔搔頭。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlscCG952w
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「沒關係啊，你不用和我道歉。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHlSb4vdsl
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「也是，道歉只會顯得太過假惺惺吧。」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZUkw9m1fb
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「咦？」珍如露出不解的表情，該道歉的，不是她嗎？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDKn1m3adc
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「妳一直都對我很專一，但3年前我竟然愛上別的女人，背叛了妳，讓妳傷心了。離婚後我都不敢再打探妳的消息，但我一直都真心希望妳能再遇到一個好男人，過得比以前幸福。」阿遙說出珍如聽不明白的話，但神情無比認真。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7Q0gnXKi2
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阿遙沒死，浩華沒有在我生命中出現過，我和阿遙在後來的日子中理所當然地結婚了，但我們卻……沒有永遠都過著幸福甜蜜的家庭生活嗎？這是另一個世界的場境嗎？是否因為在這個世界裡她當了壞人，在另一世界的她就要受到同樣的懲罰？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgMlfH7G2o
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雖然如此，但阿遙在另一世界並沒有死去，也安然生存著，還是一件令珍如感到欣慰和心滿意足的事。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpowWbQzmL
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「能和你再遇見，我覺得……現在很幸福啊。」珍如忍住快要奪框而出的淚水。她猜阿遙應該覺得她在語無倫次吧。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZKno1jZ1k
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「什麼？妳不要開玩笑了啦，妳恨不得我消失吧。」阿遙哈哈大笑地揮揮手。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOx1qDB5AB
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珍如不知還能說些什麼，只是隨心底的渴望給了阿遙一個懷抱，久久沒有放開過。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSZttUQRYa
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另一邊廂，到了早上時份，在偌大的辦公室內，穿著高級白色套裝、臉上施著薄妝的珍如，重重地吐氣，如適重負地把身體往後躺，讓自己完全放鬆地倚靠著椅背。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzRV8DW4Uk
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坐在她對面的，是城內一位最火紅、最權威性的算命大師。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQGHYg8GEl
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年近半百的算命老師笑問：「怎樣？昨晚嘗試了另一人生的苦痛滋味，也再窺探了另一個自以為是夢想中的生活，感覺怎樣？」425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKayCTP46lw
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「謝謝你的神秘力量，讓我發現現在這個人生，是我最喜歡的。最喜歡最喜歡，抉擇原來沒有之一。」仍然單身的珍如露出甜美、燦爛的笑容。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEjtmBJR4G
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還好她當初還是因為內疚而同時放棄了浩華和阿遙。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvz05NGGIS
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之後的她，果斷地踏上教師之路，一步一步完成她的夢想。現在的她，當上了城中補習名校的當紅教師，事業攀上高峰，但因與男明星正在傳出緋聞，現在她的每個行為舉止都會成為城中熱話。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxaLqXVWb9
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當中她會有遇上人事上的挫敗、對教學失去熱誠之時，單身的她回到空無一人的家裡，背負著沉重的事業壓力，那她就會開始猜想，如果當初她選擇步入婚姻，有男人疼愛的她會否過得比較輕鬆和快樂？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpb5rpWjpO
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她沒有想到，當初浪漫又會甜言蜜語的浩華讓她後來的人生過得這麼苦，阿遙更在那個世界中死去；而原來就算她沒有在畢業時因浩華放棄阿遙，和阿遙結婚後的甜蜜生活也沒有維持很長久，他們還是不能安然走到人生的最後，命運還是讓他們分道揚鑣了。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnPB7O5vMc
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHgxxEKkBo
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnOEQItA0N
「擁有」和「遺憾」好像雙生兒，而人，只能一直往前走。每個人都有自己的路要走，那條獨特的路程，只有此時此刻的自己能走吧？我們都只能擁有現在、那唯一的自己。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjjk4MxzPk
文: 譚嘉燕 FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/katetam1228/425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbo8lKnRCa
