你好，我是莊坌但。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoE0mXHrQn
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzfGp0Vcda
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz36G5UxpPv
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs2Qkj4A2e
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bfQ1t4e5h
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XqaO5fCvP
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRk5FihfKI
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaZP8NflDV
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9VmNT6Cph
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5EXtFjTgT
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AxUiEOXw4
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaV4IvPYyx
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37o3JNXTOj
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTjZ5OAvxd
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcMSMJj7tN
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVEOuIcZkd
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagMpVZuaHK
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFJZ3SnAJT
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYh6hk7PSy
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKcvZaHIFT
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WIzHm7Y9k
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZk01YkxmA
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdDqlcWTyA
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6Zk4OqIX2
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvbGfzZaZL
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3Pr1b0nR6
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7GURepNf7
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6CQZJOHbM
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYQPL4wBqc
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBJnAwhT2H
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQM1lLA5gSb
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIlGR5FxUP
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZroc4jVUzl
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakPit2ovdq
「你好，我是……」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AVJ86rsLi
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPa1AKbuXw7
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2Bi1L42u3
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RvCiWKrP4
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Pt0rScwSa
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFpZESIbsf
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LfJqsWR9q
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDHGmHvorf
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihDDww4bFr
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCw3vu2jEXx
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowHV0MR4h7
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKgmHj5zsR
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCn61ukNzr
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvTZdEXx0m
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFlhvzDkR4
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAwPHtxR3m
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqO7sdcMN2o
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdVGBcJ9Th
不好啊非常的不好啊！431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGyVneCETO
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASV4viNWmU
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrCoPZImSo
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfuHDmqVsq
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn69tva0tR
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z2Zynw4Hx
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aPyUo7KYF
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbt2jfw6nVR
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHm0wTUpiy
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZjkMSCM9V
出了社會，總是得找份工作。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89alvjoNa9
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl76nJkA7kz
我自己買了台50CC通勤。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinnRfA51Fi
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5KiGKosbr
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeUx4KaALD
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeG3KBbig3Y
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JoQakUYhg
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2xgbgUOTC
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZVws6QCEc
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6ze2EXWva
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKs76iQTXaH
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeWRAZH6Es
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69xJdVOQYi
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hvVrQ7kpn
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTF5T8TPLk9
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmXn7MpySo
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikQtNnVE0q
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqepS7u2G0k
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG740iNBLCF
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qfNxJUeYw
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKKcvLZJdU
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuEzHeKSdR
它熄火，我傻眼。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf9VqP3eUh
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoxAOeGmRC
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkz4eoJcDu
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9B32mkpwe
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUpkzksdEG
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKrPNMLIz5
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhdCyTqbVP
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nUtdf39n1
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0dtRwR2eB
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9USKa3tJW
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyuk0HA1AQ
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXNZ9PCAKN
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5xcWEaevN
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8S1G7TjPe
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHIV12sWxs
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcU50ClY2By
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIzT1YSU6u
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