During history class that next morning, I couldn't concentrate. I was too busy focusing on Toby and the ludicrous things he said about me. To me. Everytime I heard his sweet words, a gigantic tidal wave splashed against the dam that held back my tears. I wanted to believe him but I couldn't. 

Twenty minutes had passed and I couldn't recall what the professor had been talking about, so I decided to pull out a notebook full of graphing paper start writing.   

I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for him. He's lying. He's playing with me. Why did I think he could actual like me.

“What’s that?” inquired a girl’s voice from behind me. It was Gwen, being her usual curious self. She was a new girl that started a couple months. She was always really nice to everyone and me, a little too nice I guess. 

As soon as I heard her voice echo in my ears, I closed the notebook half way and turned around to meet her eyes. “It’s where I write all my bad thoughts.”

“So, like a diary?” she asked.

“Yeah, basically.” 

“Well that’s no place to write something like that!” she grabbed her book-bag off the floor and started going through it. “My mom bought me a journal but I don’t use it!” she pulled out a thin purple notebook, and gave it to me.

I smiled at her. “Thank you, this really is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me.” 

She clapped her hands and then linked them together. “You’re more than welcome!” 

Right after school, mom immediately drove me to the mall. She wanted me to have fun. She wanted me to be a normal teenager. I stopped at a couple different clothing boutiques, and then to Hollister on the other side of the mall. I loved that store but they never had any clothes that could actually fit me. 

I became bored after a while, so I walked over to the food court and bought a Pepsi from a nearby vending machine. I sat in these orange plastic chairs at the side of a cupcake stand, and in front of me was this indoor ocean-themed playground. There was this one kid running around in a cowboy hat, which made me think about Toby the more I tried not to think about him.

On the opposite side of the playground was Hot Topic, with a relatively big One Direction poster in the window. Only staring at it helped me notice Abbie and Corene striding through the double doors. “Abbie!” I shouted as both their heads twisted around in my direction.

Corene Fields and Abbie Evans. Corene had long, jet black hair, crocked teeth, and tan skin. She had on bright blue skinny jeans and a t-shirt that read “5 Seconds of Summer” on it. Abbie was completely different. She had a reddish boy cut, with tight curls, her skin was dark, and her teeth were white and freshly straightened. Abbie was dressed a little the same though; bright blue skinny jeans and converse but with a black tunic shirt.

“Esther,” Abbie said. “Where the hell have you been, I haven’t seen you in a million years!” Abbie always had this certain look on her face, so you’d know she was attempting to make you laugh. 

“Where do you think?” I answered her.

“How are you Esther?” asked Corene as she stuffed her phone into the back pocket of her pants. 

“I’m good, How are you?” 

“Good.” 

Abbie clasped her hands together without a second thought. “It’s too awkward and quiet, let’s go to the store or something!” 

We all ended up going into Hot Topic. And as we looked around, Abbie kept picking out relatively short dresses and telling me how good they would look on me. And every time she did, I’d say, “I’d look like a whore in one of those!” 

“No you wouldn’t, you’d look cute!” Corene told me. “Oh! Do you like this one?” she pulled out a short, black and white elaine dress, and I nodded.  

“It’s too short though!” 

Unfortunately, none of us had enough money to buy anything, but we still all had fun. I loved them both like sisters so I could never tell them how I really felt. Even at that very moment, I felt that kind of deep sad that would only rub off on them like a disease, that couldn't be cured with just antibiotics. If I told them, they wouldn't want me around, they wouldn't want to talk to me. 

“Since we have nothing else to do, come over to my house!” said Corene as we walked through the door of the store. 

“Actually,” I muttered brushing the hair from my face. “I think I should probably go home.” 

❤

I had nearly nothing to do once I had gotten home. Mom and dad decided to order my favorite pizza but I couldn't really stomach anything. So, I nibbled on a small slice and stayed dormant inside my room. 

By the time I was ready to fall asleep, my phone went off in the silence. So I picked it up and heard Toby on the other line.

Toby: “Troublemaker.”

Me : “Cowboy.”

Toby: “How are you?”

Me: “I’m good, you?”

Toby: “Grand.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Toby: “Esther?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Toby: “Would you ever go out with me?”

Me: “Maybe someday.”

Toby: “I can't believe I have a crush on a girl who turns a guy down so fast.”

Me: “I never said no. I said maybe someday.”

Toby: “Maybe someday will be our thing then.”

Me: “Maybe.”