Denial.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrXeIfOvIm
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83XqqBV2pg
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTkt5seskF
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUYRRLIgBU
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FUrIB1ukz
"I'm fine," I stressed.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwNcUHEGRq
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKynvOGDjp
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDrV7v4b0m
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJbu8Hwjzm
***438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ot1qN9lUS
Anger.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVNjfZHLt4
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXonoj2hSzk
Things are always easy when you're a kid.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwantqcLrD
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdKPRdJ6sf
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCi3gfW8Jul
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aZNaao1j0
"Clara?"438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODRldPOHlh
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBl5uXAJ9ns
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcn9XAoa6d
"When can I go home?" I asked.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOywt81umY
He sighed. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZlpKXdnLd
"Well?"438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36UVVdbCRN
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqADnpX7p6
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgAZAxNTjA
"Talking helps."438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHICLG5L87x
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilug5no7zE
"It doesn't work that way."438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWyvA2aYfV
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNr7nSzP5i
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgyjC0mJKt
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTM5nPsOgH8
***438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi7KT9TrvB
Depression.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAJinDCFIq
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWukle0X8ng
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1czSeuPjCq
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRmEjNHuBc
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtenuYAbEj
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnt9nDvoTB
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAv5HIj3yYH
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfi97AUfB2
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAR8svidwS
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq3MfLA3UV
***438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJ5B1Ouh2B
Bargaining.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUtz5kVrYh
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckDHEPAyPN
They say it's the five stages of grief.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtP7rQmO1tx
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mK15XHRAP
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAuqyY46s4
But now, you don't. I don't.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkg7DcTRgUD
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJiEfBgrdn
***438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxRGUcu7zj
Acceptance.438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOfVg3y2B3
There's nothing you can do to change it. 438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlrirwbbZs
***438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZDtwuR3RZ
