Denial.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vD0IbUd1f
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnLtRpWMyN
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyOlYQPBbm
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekD7c05kxO
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIStD3VwwB
"I'm fine," I stressed.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVdwCJJtri
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXWqvNRRoi
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cjaskMjOX
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7W0ptguWnd
***449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8ZWTeC2Vd
Anger.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpjY5IiQ0h
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzoK9JBRy1
Things are always easy when you're a kid.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM8DZA5iId
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsMQ2SD878
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjzW4yD8Hh
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJtViVUAf6
"Clara?"449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAhWHPVg11
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS63lzrNfjT
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpY8058pvAi
"When can I go home?" I asked.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnytWpXIwh
He sighed. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzuvmB3MUy
"Well?"449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmIbx2jNxz
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiQ3OiI15w
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3MFy34AXC
"Talking helps."449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qJyvvVUCb
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKL3q28Mb9I
"It doesn't work that way."449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhW0ExXIWPh
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFa2GWLpjTr
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbl4p5MeHx1
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjXdEjEztR
***449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWL5ZkGBqR
Depression.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkXqKbEyLE
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1827Zurmj
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlI0Mi8xVUH
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0iahPPyeW
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT8geoDC7A
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFXJlCfKk2
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcWZ7Ba22j
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzbgYaZKXu
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GvqUkhJ9v
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGYfzomJrM
***449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkYxI6piNA
Bargaining.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2MmhekYun
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0GFMLPeAE
They say it's the five stages of grief.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFiXYMMjGT
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3goqq42llQ
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVeWtL9JeO
But now, you don't. I don't.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqX3K6zrGW
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WalpNb14I
***449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsEREyjAKp
Acceptance.449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGkSA4gALM
There's nothing you can do to change it. 449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1EpaHlTrM
***449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdSZVvpD1E
