Denial.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5jlZQ8uQJ
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKRQLfIcA8
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4CCanZn2n
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeRSxvXBtQ
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfoHkAeSC8
"I'm fine," I stressed.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ1yDaW2X6
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLC2qeJq9qL
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPvfhQQEjz
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFuUE0qoBG
***388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknjf5SZNKW
Anger.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8gSdFCXRa
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fRzoiGy1C
Things are always easy when you're a kid.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc62suHVvg6
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfzKVn1lqZ
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpNFaAcG2F
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYN0vt654aJ
"Clara?"388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAB7w1WpnJ
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNLAfsgdkA
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNxyyrNzxQ
"When can I go home?" I asked.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Mr2xmbmTM
He sighed. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNBFTjzO6W
"Well?"388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHU5aIpDBpF
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8CSSfyuyn
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnVCfwEpCM
"Talking helps."388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu7z54TD0c
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdPcNCRn6b
"It doesn't work that way."388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnH6uUQrG3i
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFTx9XBQDO
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzcXvsXGQT
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGGnQzZK7T
***388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyPZsfQsUv
Depression.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzGkuZ4X0d
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSL2jdpOrj
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DwcrZffMh
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5t8OoVcfO
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E0RZ9rhBw
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVnY2tHdkQ
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohgd7sclrw
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasGLyyW9yx
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUstj4uMGB
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNtYDypKnC
***388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSzwGaUSoK
Bargaining.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0KCtAGHyW
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXbUm3G6ml
They say it's the five stages of grief.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8824kFnOWp
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl9UPzS2yA
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVLPoi0yaH
But now, you don't. I don't.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYU4WS1zlL
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9BgSc5iT4
***388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQW2VdMFMEn
Acceptance.388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXR3RcgTUBe
There's nothing you can do to change it. 388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKHubnJCZV
***388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONPIod88zK
