Denial.323Please respect copyright.PENANArVEoYioopM
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 323Please respect copyright.PENANAuI3xEa3839
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."323Please respect copyright.PENANARrFEwsi2Fu
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."323Please respect copyright.PENANAs9vivxD0aR
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.323Please respect copyright.PENANAP9JM4pvx8P
"I'm fine," I stressed.323Please respect copyright.PENANArcLD0bSC8p
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.323Please respect copyright.PENANAUebistIq0n
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.323Please respect copyright.PENANA00qxNDjrTn
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.323Please respect copyright.PENANAT3pXtJECDC
***323Please respect copyright.PENANACMg1ZONeRg
Anger.323Please respect copyright.PENANAs5soqok4Z7
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 323Please respect copyright.PENANAPDhmBHSnHx
Things are always easy when you're a kid.323Please respect copyright.PENANAnVGfIClPpC
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 323Please respect copyright.PENANAMAr6Cp2Llj
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 323Please respect copyright.PENANAZOTadMGGtg
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.323Please respect copyright.PENANAloMlvE87WA
"Clara?"323Please respect copyright.PENANA5YyfXfsA1i
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 323Please respect copyright.PENANAdeqVauqNHX
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.323Please respect copyright.PENANAT2WzQVcS9b
"When can I go home?" I asked.323Please respect copyright.PENANAu8nQFhONQD
He sighed. 323Please respect copyright.PENANArXaMKvRFv9
"Well?"323Please respect copyright.PENANAzniMcZLqfA
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.323Please respect copyright.PENANAiDlEp9jLUg
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."323Please respect copyright.PENANAyyQhWvLuHd
"Talking helps."323Please respect copyright.PENANAlThToEbGDr
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"323Please respect copyright.PENANAx7r87MBDft
"It doesn't work that way."323Please respect copyright.PENANAIGEbKic9r6
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 323Please respect copyright.PENANAadSBwrNnxJ
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."323Please respect copyright.PENANALRK5OHxdnz
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.323Please respect copyright.PENANApYD00lT7kL
***323Please respect copyright.PENANAvAAFZvLXXU
Depression.323Please respect copyright.PENANAyzZE4B9O45
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 323Please respect copyright.PENANA5lwfiivNFf
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.323Please respect copyright.PENANAWGIxGG11Nf
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.323Please respect copyright.PENANAw9gNbdAcyJ
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.323Please respect copyright.PENANArsietM9bsU
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 323Please respect copyright.PENANAeJAUSKV9dI
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."323Please respect copyright.PENANAoC45OahJZ9
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?323Please respect copyright.PENANAe9gutZOjCn
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 323Please respect copyright.PENANA8SnCPiJ3zC
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.323Please respect copyright.PENANAif1uIK47SQ
***323Please respect copyright.PENANAr0XdH1VG6V
Bargaining.323Please respect copyright.PENANAiGfn1NpaWY
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.323Please respect copyright.PENANAFQPeOTnbP8
They say it's the five stages of grief.323Please respect copyright.PENANAcoq7dD8w0I
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.323Please respect copyright.PENANAU8T7f6Yv1R
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.323Please respect copyright.PENANALZFEEituzn
But now, you don't. I don't.323Please respect copyright.PENANAEqlqOb0a0m
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-323Please respect copyright.PENANAjgNkisqBYd
***323Please respect copyright.PENANA2rc7nnAgji
Acceptance.323Please respect copyright.PENANAlhnQ2drm8u
There's nothing you can do to change it. 323Please respect copyright.PENANAGaOvmZxbcR
***323Please respect copyright.PENANAgAeFxhuMZV