Denial.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVrWRjpGwI
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LeC3UIbB5
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ52OiBfH5O
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNevXO1mauZ
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvp1ZeykXC
"I'm fine," I stressed.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cYFJ12Jt2
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7lhsyGKeE
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvimIdvfwDr
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Dp28GXy0T
***436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGCxmP1CC7
Anger.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLbG3iWRar
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡearcAiZ7sr
Things are always easy when you're a kid.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8yE7JhTvA
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWk5N4m5ne
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyd0psMX3eA
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP8ORxhrIB
"Clara?"436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vfGyEl3lZ
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rTAZEqjfA
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmVFVLtaCE
"When can I go home?" I asked.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wIjiuo2Nh
He sighed. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonCIKkC7MI
"Well?"436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiYyQtwZF4
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr0fBFK4h5
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UAHyWTIVv
"Talking helps."436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhkIciW7rl
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFpuPKMgIV
"It doesn't work that way."436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JFZzuT4jy
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ee7lvKa70
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxahxVbRJ72
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY681eR3oV
***436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM2PQdnNFd
Depression.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBeLFVrXgY
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbQGEjZx6A
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZ2PLYdbhl
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKTKdokJ1L
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AK8eDErHi
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfUfAp691D
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUAT7UhIis
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmcNUTgSXP
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpHSp6Y6Cg
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbS5Ef8D7M
***436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFFPFJkO2M
Bargaining.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RpCU095X0
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcHamWFh78
They say it's the five stages of grief.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0T7ou3Ozzn
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5q96Iu7aa
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJMpbMIkjm
But now, you don't. I don't.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlpHa15NNd
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7y5vyzK1Zf
***436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfR7v3AVtG6
Acceptance.436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUuoUinb7K
There's nothing you can do to change it. 436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3p68nKVWu
***436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSN1t5YTJc
