Denial.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzeaKQk5N8
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSPJaqIVxs
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiLpeUwNmD
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhCMXwwnPq
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtWNsLCyZ2
"I'm fine," I stressed.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk82yUSaljQ
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEyG0brLBI
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCmpxJNkP5
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8gS2XEIhk
***411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjbdBo32il
Anger.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGH1V4XHfnB
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSc9ml7Dotj
Things are always easy when you're a kid.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDclw5KIkwZ
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68rMYEZGfV
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAVFFNSyE4
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQypqrvo8SM
"Clara?"411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTsXy54mpv
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lwSxKNd1n
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvdacX6LIn
"When can I go home?" I asked.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWeeYO7lDE
He sighed. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpfeuNdVB0
"Well?"411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYg3szEjTX
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECb94GWTOT
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZ1qFq4sPi
"Talking helps."411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFh9mMmDKK
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyxMlgF7F3
"It doesn't work that way."411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohUyQwARfa
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVb9MgdPyo
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVoAv9UcW8
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoQ2TbfqMc
***411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodKIkwX9Nl
Depression.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUo2E4wVMs
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSmz6PTsEf
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsC94MPtEIv
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2DpalDyPo
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99au75uioA
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9S9OpLpcOs
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsumg56Znck
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQy110K09Y
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlE2hR7IxA
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzBUyJ7fW3
***411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgNitkcSHE
Bargaining.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBqEAucOay
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8H0IWxGxHz
They say it's the five stages of grief.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg8QejYhqC
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuU543vZbk
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67hSVoBmWm
But now, you don't. I don't.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGBLh07bw3
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStw0gldJ9I
***411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymQXlYhHkG
Acceptance.411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoZIFC2C81
There's nothing you can do to change it. 411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMmV3SfmE3
***411Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Qk09PxC3U
