Denial.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJupbfQetZM
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeuJQBlzXS
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT68z5kUPr
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOznTPmdRc
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVYO1oPEBb
"I'm fine," I stressed.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuNnROUPty
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJKmeUM6f0
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzlT3yjuCn
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9jlPMDA2p
***437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvhpcNGtHa
Anger.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2dbvyl2p1
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvjvpPHmXW
Things are always easy when you're a kid.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQiP83jpTC
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRrzHDBUum
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxBJOTZLja
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXO6opDQtYu
"Clara?"437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx3YOqAv0X
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNB99GRm5L
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72xKAcB6DW
"When can I go home?" I asked.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2o0igQEIvX
He sighed. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3IPfdJQC9
"Well?"437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEPlYDj0hX
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6Yd3UpAfP
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ez40xMLYD
"Talking helps."437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5lxUuurBZ
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGtHNQVCCh
"It doesn't work that way."437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwGJGALaUe
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzwK9gvQcl
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCD4HvxYnVE
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5abR6etmg2
***437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2oVosGZLb
Depression.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gAplo6p3l
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgv8hCGtlD
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWZgOmtf18
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd2EQMiVfm
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkYoXyz5fa
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCR9wivp5p
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHKPHZaOdm
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zSGcFL5CA
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ541h9DvuAT
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3xCzM8XYq
***437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxs2C4BePT
Bargaining.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPZJeuLhX8
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKlpKfnZEp
They say it's the five stages of grief.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbglmIib5bP
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0FWJbytqp
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW86og3ymx
But now, you don't. I don't.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3lKdNSQz7
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdAkwDCTax
***437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnl45DrwWj
Acceptance.437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUwVWGOSYq
There's nothing you can do to change it. 437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJyNEi2PlM
***437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JC9I6Bwg0
