Denial.437Please respect copyright.PENANAJupbfQetZM
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 437Please respect copyright.PENANAEeuJQBlzXS
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."437Please respect copyright.PENANAiT68z5kUPr
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."437Please respect copyright.PENANAhOznTPmdRc
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.437Please respect copyright.PENANAWVYO1oPEBb
"I'm fine," I stressed.437Please respect copyright.PENANAPuNnROUPty
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.437Please respect copyright.PENANAqJKmeUM6f0
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.437Please respect copyright.PENANAqzlT3yjuCn
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.437Please respect copyright.PENANAQ9jlPMDA2p
***437Please respect copyright.PENANAnvhpcNGtHa
Anger.437Please respect copyright.PENANAS2dbvyl2p1
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 437Please respect copyright.PENANAsvjvpPHmXW
Things are always easy when you're a kid.437Please respect copyright.PENANAiQiP83jpTC
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 437Please respect copyright.PENANAYRrzHDBUum
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 437Please respect copyright.PENANAtxBJOTZLja
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.437Please respect copyright.PENANAXO6opDQtYu
"Clara?"437Please respect copyright.PENANAYx3YOqAv0X
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 437Please respect copyright.PENANACNB99GRm5L
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.437Please respect copyright.PENANA72xKAcB6DW
"When can I go home?" I asked.437Please respect copyright.PENANA2o0igQEIvX
He sighed. 437Please respect copyright.PENANAX3IPfdJQC9
"Well?"437Please respect copyright.PENANAXEPlYDj0hX
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.437Please respect copyright.PENANAy6Yd3UpAfP
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."437Please respect copyright.PENANA5Ez40xMLYD
"Talking helps."437Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5lxUuurBZ
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"437Please respect copyright.PENANAxGtHNQVCCh
"It doesn't work that way."437Please respect copyright.PENANAjwGJGALaUe
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 437Please respect copyright.PENANAGzwK9gvQcl
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."437Please respect copyright.PENANACD4HvxYnVE
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.437Please respect copyright.PENANA5abR6etmg2
***437Please respect copyright.PENANAP2oVosGZLb
Depression.437Please respect copyright.PENANA0gAplo6p3l
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 437Please respect copyright.PENANAUgv8hCGtlD
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.437Please respect copyright.PENANAjWZgOmtf18
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.437Please respect copyright.PENANAJd2EQMiVfm
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.437Please respect copyright.PENANApkYoXyz5fa
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 437Please respect copyright.PENANALCR9wivp5p
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."437Please respect copyright.PENANANHKPHZaOdm
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?437Please respect copyright.PENANA3zSGcFL5CA
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 437Please respect copyright.PENANA541h9DvuAT
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.437Please respect copyright.PENANAR3xCzM8XYq
***437Please respect copyright.PENANAUxs2C4BePT
Bargaining.437Please respect copyright.PENANAWPZJeuLhX8
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.437Please respect copyright.PENANAHKlpKfnZEp
They say it's the five stages of grief.437Please respect copyright.PENANAbglmIib5bP
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.437Please respect copyright.PENANAW0FWJbytqp
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.437Please respect copyright.PENANAMW86og3ymx
But now, you don't. I don't.437Please respect copyright.PENANAW3lKdNSQz7
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-437Please respect copyright.PENANAbdAkwDCTax
***437Please respect copyright.PENANANnl45DrwWj
Acceptance.437Please respect copyright.PENANAWUwVWGOSYq
There's nothing you can do to change it. 437Please respect copyright.PENANAMJyNEi2PlM
***437Please respect copyright.PENANA1JC9I6Bwg0