Denial.438Please respect copyright.PENANAzrXeIfOvIm
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 438Please respect copyright.PENANA83XqqBV2pg
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."438Please respect copyright.PENANAtTkt5seskF
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."438Please respect copyright.PENANAbUYRRLIgBU
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.438Please respect copyright.PENANA2FUrIB1ukz
"I'm fine," I stressed.438Please respect copyright.PENANAvwNcUHEGRq
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.438Please respect copyright.PENANAcKynvOGDjp
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.438Please respect copyright.PENANAPDrV7v4b0m
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.438Please respect copyright.PENANAsJbu8Hwjzm
***438Please respect copyright.PENANA2Ot1qN9lUS
Anger.438Please respect copyright.PENANAFVNjfZHLt4
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 438Please respect copyright.PENANAXonoj2hSzk
Things are always easy when you're a kid.438Please respect copyright.PENANAAwantqcLrD
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 438Please respect copyright.PENANAFdKPRdJ6sf
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 438Please respect copyright.PENANACi3gfW8Jul
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.438Please respect copyright.PENANA6aZNaao1j0
"Clara?"438Please respect copyright.PENANAODRldPOHlh
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 438Please respect copyright.PENANABl5uXAJ9ns
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.438Please respect copyright.PENANAJcn9XAoa6d
"When can I go home?" I asked.438Please respect copyright.PENANAYOywt81umY
He sighed. 438Please respect copyright.PENANANZlpKXdnLd
"Well?"438Please respect copyright.PENANA36UVVdbCRN
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.438Please respect copyright.PENANAkqADnpX7p6
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."438Please respect copyright.PENANANgAZAxNTjA
"Talking helps."438Please respect copyright.PENANAHICLG5L87x
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"438Please respect copyright.PENANAilug5no7zE
"It doesn't work that way."438Please respect copyright.PENANAvWyvA2aYfV
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 438Please respect copyright.PENANACNr7nSzP5i
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."438Please respect copyright.PENANALgyjC0mJKt
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.438Please respect copyright.PENANATM5nPsOgH8
***438Please respect copyright.PENANAGi7KT9TrvB
Depression.438Please respect copyright.PENANALAJinDCFIq
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 438Please respect copyright.PENANAWukle0X8ng
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.438Please respect copyright.PENANA1czSeuPjCq
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.438Please respect copyright.PENANAaRmEjNHuBc
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.438Please respect copyright.PENANAGtenuYAbEj
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 438Please respect copyright.PENANABnt9nDvoTB
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."438Please respect copyright.PENANAAv5HIj3yYH
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?438Please respect copyright.PENANAXfi97AUfB2
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 438Please respect copyright.PENANAGAR8svidwS
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.438Please respect copyright.PENANAlq3MfLA3UV
***438Please respect copyright.PENANAaJ5B1Ouh2B
Bargaining.438Please respect copyright.PENANAxUtz5kVrYh
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.438Please respect copyright.PENANAckDHEPAyPN
They say it's the five stages of grief.438Please respect copyright.PENANAtP7rQmO1tx
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.438Please respect copyright.PENANA7mK15XHRAP
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.438Please respect copyright.PENANABAuqyY46s4
But now, you don't. I don't.438Please respect copyright.PENANAkg7DcTRgUD
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-438Please respect copyright.PENANAIJiEfBgrdn
***438Please respect copyright.PENANAGxRGUcu7zj
Acceptance.438Please respect copyright.PENANASOfVg3y2B3
There's nothing you can do to change it. 438Please respect copyright.PENANANlrirwbbZs
***438Please respect copyright.PENANAgZDtwuR3RZ