如果讀者喜歡此故事，希望你能正評+留言，或到penana點「喜歡」，謝謝你的支持！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4otjpfau9g
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https://www.penana.com/story/59387/勵志-命運的顏色-一個書寫障礙患者的故事316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfztCMAxo7x
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＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3I1yCtBzC
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147章 - 不應該有的空閒316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPgMFsP0S6
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyOzxJIO5s
兩年多過去，我一直沒有全職工作，沒有跟半個朋友來往，過著封閉式生活。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCEhFbv54X
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINxHZdDekw
今天運動完了，我回到家裡，一如以往空無一人、昏暗的大廳，洗好澡，打算推開房門的時候，聽到身後另一道房門拉開了。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZU9ycRB8lW
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFCYAY53rI
「程，回來了嗎？」老爸說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5SNFH81PL
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaGipdJ40h
老爸數年前動過手術，幸運地，他的康復進度良好。數年過去了，傷口雖然還會隱隱作痛，老爸按時吃藥，依照醫生的指示，身體已沒大礙。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWcVtj6xx6
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3zGVbW6uD
從前老爸是夜班司機，大病之後沒有上夜班了。不言敗的他，總是希望重投職場，以較低薪水重操故業，當兼職日班私人司機，每星期上班三天，其他時間在家裡休息。據老爸說，他的體力能應付工作需要，老媽當然想老爸以身體作為首要考慮，但是考慮到終點是希望老爸走出疾病的陰霾，所以放任醫學上失去工作能力的老爸繼續工作。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QOLc1hl60
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxZhdCN9Ie
一個秋日的午後，今天老爸不用上班。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNFyNZphmT
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpTJ5kCEZ2
「嗯。」我說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iee02FWKe
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl73VNxGPp
難道這個衣裝要出去嗎？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocQeRcXMdF
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4En3sZm76c
「吃了飯沒有，要做飯給你吃嗎？」老爸說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNFF4GAv6n
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nGUSi9Ovo
「不…不用了，已經吃了。」我說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeGuJTLJRg
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZgG7Uee2n
「有空聊一下嗎？」老爸扶著牆壁，坐到沙發說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpeVmpvHKK
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5EmsO0fFL
「…」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jdvmIoMzT
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AQJx0BhQJ
突然要聊天，總覺得不會是甚麼好事。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARJqSsSlyP
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk8vSaWdLt
我倒了杯熱茶給老爸，坐到了老爸身旁，心裡準備好迎接老爸的訓斥。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMGoOZdIjB
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3wfsoa2RA
我稍稍察看老爸的臉，他是一張仁慈的臉。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQaIYiY3iD
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMw3Lch8KD
「今天沒有補習嗎？」老爸說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi2c2Nl0vC
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLHd6WO0rg
「有啊，晚上有一個學生。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uHUjfKmi4
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzehGQfjkQ2
「不用等你吃飯了？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UWn5V1j2J
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXFFgnu4Mw
「我吃了飯再出去。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SIcnJLovW
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IRkaA5DKR
「收入…還好嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGeHvk2VfK
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbja0y28nqL
兩年了，沒有全職工作的事實，家人當然知道，以前我跟他們說︰「我的開支會自理」，老爸老媽竟然沒有反對，光哥…自中學以後就不再管我的事了，所以沒人阻止我的決定。我一直依靠補習那份不高不低的收入過活，其他時間不斷做戶外運動和在房間做訓練，希望終有一天能打開那個「開關」，離開發展協調障礙這個問題。但時至今天，問題依然持續。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRk5X8Yh1L
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHky299Sxsq
「嗯。」我馬虎回答。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0pTx8flBY
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcf77B8uuU
「不夠花的話我給你一點？」老爸說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm0CgLzqe1
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYamxOSO9n
因為光哥的工程公司經營理想，他不時給一大把鈔票作為家用，感覺是送錢給父母的孝子，老爸老媽見到我的情況，不時問我錢夠不夠花，總是被我拒絕。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡED21BONJMY
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpod3kUGzW
「不用了，我還可以，老爸你把錢儲起來吧。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshB7wPKJeZ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdNEjP86Qk
路是自己挑的，到死，都要把路走完，為自己的決定負責。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLc2VFNgnb
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFJSEmF6WY
「想關心一下你的情況，可以嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPr2WHkwq6l
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhcY34Ddvy
你的身份是父親，沒有甚麼可以不可以啊，否定我的決定也是有道理的。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc73TLN6Pmi
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrsTihEwhO
「程你…真的沒打算找全職工作嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwlc80GLyg
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkH7gl2Pnk
「…」我盯著屋內的一角，思考怎樣回答。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREdco4194o
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaft8j9C7Ox
「雖然錢方面你現在不成問題，但是長久下去，人的擔子愈來愈大，我們幫不了多少啊。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3P5k6YvHZC
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBgpPJTZ3T
作為補習老師，時薪升幅不算理想，最理想方法是多找幾個學生，這樣就犧牲時間，跟我的主要目標相違背。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCWqgftGy6
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQTK0R5Fom
「你爸我，知道你不是沒有工作的心，你每天都有去上班，幹自己喜歡的事，沒有問我們要過半毛錢，這些我們是知道的，但是你的情況，我們開始擔心了。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSirscQiIL
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4fMZGUSge
要是老爸來硬的，我一定頂嘴，但是他用柔和的方式說這些話，我反駁不了，準確點說是「不忍心反駁」...316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjl4tae18p0
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFnzwZQLAJ
「喜歡教學生，為甚麼不當全職補習老師？我朋友的女兒就是補習老師，這樣工作會穩定一點吧？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zEZ2YB7ma
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2uYrVLv5l
我不是沒有想過當全職補習老師...全職就沒有時間了。我選擇維持這個狀態是希望找到更多時間，為身上的機能病找到答案，我深信自己能辦到，所以從來沒有放棄過，也沒有放棄過自己...316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7MZaz4Tij
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccJljnjvY2
這兩年裡，我不斷嘗試以前聽過的疑似答案，早就試過但沒甚麼治效、物理治療師的治療指示，還有白先生說的運動治療法，每天抽很多時間反覆做過無數次測試、鍛鍊，甚至中學確診之前被我否定了的方向也重新跑了一遍，有開倒車的感覺，但事實是︰所有都不像是答案，手部活動能力沒有突破性的改善...天啊...316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzjY9WncJK
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYm0ZArl7x
可能，我對自己是個「不正常的人」這個自我定位耿耿於懷，不想被別人標籤，也不想接受這個事實，所以才花費無數時間想要治好這個病。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdABFdth5Y
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeyQrwaIaU
念念不忘，結果白花了兩年。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdA0VaVKok
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuLsUYSM72
值得為一個旁人看來只是小問題的病花掉青春黃金期的兩年嗎？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevRwrFIgRl
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwkC3N5WSo
我想沒有經歷過這類病症的人，是不會明白我的痛苦。這個想法，從中學開始我已經抱持著。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxALcpehTrT
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQa0wjfBGp
即使是經歷過這種苦的白先生，也不太明白我的痛苦。他憑自己的其他優秀條件，成功找到其他類別的工作，他還「幸運地」解決了抄寫的問題，成就非凡。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj78Kx0jpQ7
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStHG8Lfrcz
一將功成，萬骨枯。有多少同病相連的畢業生被這個病折騰得死來活去，迷失在時間的洪流之中？難道失敗者會站出來分享失敗的經驗嗎？從來只有成功者有資格搞分享會，讓所有人看成功者美輪美奐的一面。於我而言，我覺得失敗者也值得搞自己的分享會，前車之轍，可以借鑒，但是世界價值觀否定了我的想法，我一直找不到經驗分享，不論是生活周遭，還是越洋到世界彼端的網絡世界。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oZeCZ6rzp
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL1KS4jN9u
「…」我好像有甚麼難言之隱似的，純粹低下頭。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8wDjZJMH4
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5X3JUdqUcO
「有甚麼事想要做嗎？」老爸說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5iwr23uxm
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79bPYDP6F6
我微微點頭。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80y0UiPwAO
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJkxGDLrxA
「是不是那個...甚麼病？」老爸問。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe11BBbzSWI
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGwMZrSM7V
原來老爸還記得我有這個問題。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAetCuHtyIK
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VEfi0PU86
我又微微點頭。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7S2wXXgYAn
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCWKqFURVH
「你爸我，還有你媽，唸書真的不多，不知道你發生了甚麼事，但是人的時間是有限的，你看我和你媽，臉上皺紋跟頭髮一樣多，不要留下後悔啊。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbyIOFtsLD
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfWAwD5ioa
不要留下後悔…316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6fOOOVo1E
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDRqjqQGtM
其實我現在做的事就是為了不留下後悔，但好像在製造另一個後悔…我開始搞不清了。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem9EKlUyIL
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfazS4BJs5
「聊別的吧。光快要結婚了，他有跟你聊過甚麼嗎？」老爸轉話題。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQtrSu4Yig
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAziVuCFgJN
「沒有。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0x4M6Gj3z
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABcUgIDnxo
這幾年我不斷向光哥搭話，他總是一句起，兩句止的回答，他怎會主動跟我說甚麼。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAQF1VIQmk
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0F4awu6o9
「甚麼？竟然沒有？兩星期後就是光的婚禮了。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oIeY2HwEC
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2v9jiI1D6
「甚麼時候安排的？我完全不知道啊。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYl8p3Zqgi
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZplfKlQYf
我只知道光哥跟一個叫歐陽家琪的女孩交往了幾年，她不時在我們家吃飯，感情穩定，就只是這樣。我真不知道婚期。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrLtfzSijC
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lpbzyNZUw
「光打算儀式簡單一點，把錢省下來。早上註冊簽文件，下午到雙方的家敬茶，晚上在茶樓擺幾圍，儀式就當完成了。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIfpF33ZW9
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAFV99Bkym
「沒有禮服之類的嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtLmeT0SF8
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4c51QBUAl
「沒有，光主張一切從簡，他打算穿運動裝而已。」老爸難掩萬分恩惠心情地說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxEYTTbStt
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGCsalH1zf
穿運動裝結婚…316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf36EpD4Du
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnSATA52AG
「即是說我們不用刻意打扮？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2NIMogkxr
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHytpU1Ltpi
「我想是吧，我跟你媽打算穿得像逛街一樣而已，不然比主角更好看又有點奇怪。」老爸笑著說。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GN1EbFdoc
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIdp64DyJr
「那天我有甚麼可以幫忙嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTRosOiBUE
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyPYkR2Sdl
「嗯…暫時沒有。你那天早點起床，給一天光吧？補習可以調動一下時間嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeKhBHunmt
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VGIcyVKmi
「好的。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLNKlY1v7d
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRVsc3mUk2
「還有，光說你不用買甚麼給他了，不用花這個錢。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIHBkXoPoY
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57uPN2JLI4
「…」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNnIEQ6bpy
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRyxL022FK
買結婚禮物的話，獨力選一份禮物，少說也要二千多塊，精美一點或者挑戒指可能要三千，可能光哥考慮到我的經濟狀況吧。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTubDP9Ylt0
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTOML218nX
「杜家終於有媳婦了，光真的混得不錯。」老爸的臉洋溢著幸福，老懷安慰般。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDRdWBLpPj
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHw28urhPsg
光哥中學成績太爛，沒有繼續唸書，早早踏入社會，卻因為找到自己前路去向，早早啟程出發、在社會混，混得理想；反觀自己…也是混社會，卻是「胡混」的「混」，事業還沒有起步。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PJtxpwqZu
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLytOR9hkr
「其實你爸我…雖然今天只有自己一個人吃飯，但是相當高興，因為你們都有自己的事業︰你媽要工作，你也要工作，光除了工作還要陪女朋友，能有這個家庭，我非常高興。現在我最擔心的是你啊，程。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGe5b9ln06
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15rvSANyx0
「…」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqVVKUZ5Vl
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaGrH57Efm
「可以的話，我真想你帶一個人上來吃飯，能倒茶給我喝就最好了。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW08J60C4fL
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e8smok3Xi
我就知道這個話題今天一定躲不了…你要喝茶是嗎？我倒給你，你要多少杯？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElTJn9luWn
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2Yi9zDzJR
「程啊。」老爸抓起我的手。「要學會為自己打算啊，人會老的。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzasdVqO8oT
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcrk04J1e2
…316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05Ux3iWZOt
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3rCrDdiUM
「嗯…嗯。」我只哼出一聲，表情苦澀，心裡被揪住似的。「呼…」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkHEzFLuPL
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuegTJiiDF
速度…到今天還沒有結果…316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnXj7Njmlt
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4JcNW0u7c
「肚子真的不餓嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6PRW0RodK
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSGFwnUnM9
「嗯。」我哼聲。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgvTxNb2aN
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz5jOb4xL2
「好吧，聊了很久，那麼不阻你了。」老爸說畢，蹣跚地回到房間休息了。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbakgnmVkGt
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X6bqKy4jS
為何一個病人，即使被評為「永久失去工作能力」，拼死擠出半點力量，成就出不可能；而身為健全人士的我，卻甚麼也做不到…316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirJPH1ns9O
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPg3UOViqfH
「為甚麼？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGN7OOTneTI
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9Rksht7gY
為甚麼…316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZLAw8LvVw
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3V7ARbh7DY
我不想再停留在這個階段啊，那麼接下來的路，要怎樣走？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvck4H4rcGf
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4UttFVzTj
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GdmLy8MgU
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNYhnOMk0Z
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yOtBpHTrl
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrro8nOoJwv
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsr88QMnzg
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbuLCu1Wr9
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXerlNbnXg
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