如果讀者喜歡此故事，希望你能正評+留言，或到penana點「喜歡」，謝謝你的支持！329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvn2TeDX4D0
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https://www.penana.com/story/59387/勵志-命運的顏色-一個書寫障礙患者的故事329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxmdTLdQMN
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＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRWGuXaHaw
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147章 - 不應該有的空閒329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI77NXMoBTH
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwpuVYNaPJ
兩年多過去，我一直沒有全職工作，沒有跟半個朋友來往，過著封閉式生活。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEVbuIKRfi
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yTwegEuss
今天運動完了，我回到家裡，一如以往空無一人、昏暗的大廳，洗好澡，打算推開房門的時候，聽到身後另一道房門拉開了。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidtpoS9m1L
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「程，回來了嗎？」老爸說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVEe27f9Yg
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OwuHpGUHg
老爸數年前動過手術，幸運地，他的康復進度良好。數年過去了，傷口雖然還會隱隱作痛，老爸按時吃藥，依照醫生的指示，身體已沒大礙。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jewO0W5A9
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxltPLUp3y
從前老爸是夜班司機，大病之後沒有上夜班了。不言敗的他，總是希望重投職場，以較低薪水重操故業，當兼職日班私人司機，每星期上班三天，其他時間在家裡休息。據老爸說，他的體力能應付工作需要，老媽當然想老爸以身體作為首要考慮，但是考慮到終點是希望老爸走出疾病的陰霾，所以放任醫學上失去工作能力的老爸繼續工作。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaZ2eGoinf
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRBCvB2cNi
一個秋日的午後，今天老爸不用上班。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XoZmWaX5u
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「嗯。」我說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrCxlLqtew
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNp87eW1FCz
難道這個衣裝要出去嗎？329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeDy93uBOY
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsKo4Ha3WU
「吃了飯沒有，要做飯給你吃嗎？」老爸說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhkoQ82ns9
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xcotZOczb
「不…不用了，已經吃了。」我說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCdxdUOM8S
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsftLQU7ih
「有空聊一下嗎？」老爸扶著牆壁，坐到沙發說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHr3wYeti1
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「…」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHcps81f1u
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突然要聊天，總覺得不會是甚麼好事。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgOpw3VKDb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGIWZyzj2q
我倒了杯熱茶給老爸，坐到了老爸身旁，心裡準備好迎接老爸的訓斥。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcHiKLwhLr
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiIRLFG2w9
我稍稍察看老爸的臉，他是一張仁慈的臉。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡai5usk9Sd1
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡar91a3TDQJ
「今天沒有補習嗎？」老爸說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxd8QL41tit
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPNx9ruTM2
「有啊，晚上有一個學生。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6O0BMsIyl
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZef9Brunv
「不用等你吃飯了？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfpZKacVF3
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCWDFOEQ6H
「我吃了飯再出去。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbjStxJqAW
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxs5DmSkue
「收入…還好嗎？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aZvnXu8WQ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0iQS3NTLt
兩年了，沒有全職工作的事實，家人當然知道，以前我跟他們說︰「我的開支會自理」，老爸老媽竟然沒有反對，光哥…自中學以後就不再管我的事了，所以沒人阻止我的決定。我一直依靠補習那份不高不低的收入過活，其他時間不斷做戶外運動和在房間做訓練，希望終有一天能打開那個「開關」，離開發展協調障礙這個問題。但時至今天，問題依然持續。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxrO7lXpv3
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiDdcXPvoC
「嗯。」我馬虎回答。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W49aP9UXH
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyBo2vQaRh
「不夠花的話我給你一點？」老爸說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EE3CzLgo8
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3DvNlQ6lq
因為光哥的工程公司經營理想，他不時給一大把鈔票作為家用，感覺是送錢給父母的孝子，老爸老媽見到我的情況，不時問我錢夠不夠花，總是被我拒絕。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVwjm7ODql
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aDgEkvAfh
「不用了，我還可以，老爸你把錢儲起來吧。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqhvPun38u
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspXc1EPuYj
路是自己挑的，到死，都要把路走完，為自己的決定負責。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDjzYhCHOl
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VSIUOHyxM
「想關心一下你的情況，可以嗎？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2TIDlKC0t
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd0fOsUVmQ
你的身份是父親，沒有甚麼可以不可以啊，否定我的決定也是有道理的。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjAhRP8eWe
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjPUccYkRt
「程你…真的沒打算找全職工作嗎？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAyjBkpbQj
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXype6fBMUI
「…」我盯著屋內的一角，思考怎樣回答。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFi5tY9RhjD
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MZ0HQvASt
「雖然錢方面你現在不成問題，但是長久下去，人的擔子愈來愈大，我們幫不了多少啊。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AQT5uGxdC
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDCOCA2j9d
作為補習老師，時薪升幅不算理想，最理想方法是多找幾個學生，這樣就犧牲時間，跟我的主要目標相違背。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8R9SPkUDIa
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmFxJbbn5t
「你爸我，知道你不是沒有工作的心，你每天都有去上班，幹自己喜歡的事，沒有問我們要過半毛錢，這些我們是知道的，但是你的情況，我們開始擔心了。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLttKDnoMM1
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBvCxpuwUB
要是老爸來硬的，我一定頂嘴，但是他用柔和的方式說這些話，我反駁不了，準確點說是「不忍心反駁」...329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7PJXFudGR
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XnCBLhIZf
「喜歡教學生，為甚麼不當全職補習老師？我朋友的女兒就是補習老師，這樣工作會穩定一點吧？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfddnIp3XOk
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGB276ZkSLj
我不是沒有想過當全職補習老師...全職就沒有時間了。我選擇維持這個狀態是希望找到更多時間，為身上的機能病找到答案，我深信自己能辦到，所以從來沒有放棄過，也沒有放棄過自己...329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHreTUhyHtC
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDNP00ZPF3
這兩年裡，我不斷嘗試以前聽過的疑似答案，早就試過但沒甚麼治效、物理治療師的治療指示，還有白先生說的運動治療法，每天抽很多時間反覆做過無數次測試、鍛鍊，甚至中學確診之前被我否定了的方向也重新跑了一遍，有開倒車的感覺，但事實是︰所有都不像是答案，手部活動能力沒有突破性的改善...天啊...329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN7IPXGBdP
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1o5yS7Q78k
可能，我對自己是個「不正常的人」這個自我定位耿耿於懷，不想被別人標籤，也不想接受這個事實，所以才花費無數時間想要治好這個病。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4w7t6eUj0
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYWTv9txw1
念念不忘，結果白花了兩年。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKXrZBZU1d
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJqquruuVk
值得為一個旁人看來只是小問題的病花掉青春黃金期的兩年嗎？329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcb9W1RTliu
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY4Wla9KRC
我想沒有經歷過這類病症的人，是不會明白我的痛苦。這個想法，從中學開始我已經抱持著。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5n783ZPlQ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xlmCjdGx8
即使是經歷過這種苦的白先生，也不太明白我的痛苦。他憑自己的其他優秀條件，成功找到其他類別的工作，他還「幸運地」解決了抄寫的問題，成就非凡。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVl72cOj7Gt
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OXmn4u17e
一將功成，萬骨枯。有多少同病相連的畢業生被這個病折騰得死來活去，迷失在時間的洪流之中？難道失敗者會站出來分享失敗的經驗嗎？從來只有成功者有資格搞分享會，讓所有人看成功者美輪美奐的一面。於我而言，我覺得失敗者也值得搞自己的分享會，前車之轍，可以借鑒，但是世界價值觀否定了我的想法，我一直找不到經驗分享，不論是生活周遭，還是越洋到世界彼端的網絡世界。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd138zhYay
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e9xZWOYH4
「…」我好像有甚麼難言之隱似的，純粹低下頭。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7c3QZwqcuq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZHWLLAgC1
「有甚麼事想要做嗎？」老爸說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQf1GpvmAK
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1IFx5aPnD
我微微點頭。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAjAKsE84y
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i4y2bnrMF
「是不是那個...甚麼病？」老爸問。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzYKZSlDWR
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原來老爸還記得我有這個問題。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdTQEvAYk3
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdl9TvCOd8d
我又微微點頭。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JrpKd6vM9
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpb5E0qd6n
「你爸我，還有你媽，唸書真的不多，不知道你發生了甚麼事，但是人的時間是有限的，你看我和你媽，臉上皺紋跟頭髮一樣多，不要留下後悔啊。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWyECAvPju
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYtZzWjiCo
不要留下後悔…329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sSLidOI21
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv9r0dmetd
其實我現在做的事就是為了不留下後悔，但好像在製造另一個後悔…我開始搞不清了。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxd1g6bGREb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQbU1mgYfE
「聊別的吧。光快要結婚了，他有跟你聊過甚麼嗎？」老爸轉話題。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLZmPJ7MV5
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TK7vyP9wQ
「沒有。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmmEslMer6
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmE8NaGv2FM
這幾年我不斷向光哥搭話，他總是一句起，兩句止的回答，他怎會主動跟我說甚麼。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8r92wQZHb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVKTmpxxVx
「甚麼？竟然沒有？兩星期後就是光的婚禮了。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRX4samkoV
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAE7Ew2Dfq
「甚麼時候安排的？我完全不知道啊。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyCkrNsX4a
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBofjOoQzU
我只知道光哥跟一個叫歐陽家琪的女孩交往了幾年，她不時在我們家吃飯，感情穩定，就只是這樣。我真不知道婚期。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VZWaMeTnA
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UNOeGQjpK
「光打算儀式簡單一點，把錢省下來。早上註冊簽文件，下午到雙方的家敬茶，晚上在茶樓擺幾圍，儀式就當完成了。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTl9CXtPCP
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7l3FKZvNaO
「沒有禮服之類的嗎？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3swdBFONx
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8keKVHXOpB
「沒有，光主張一切從簡，他打算穿運動裝而已。」老爸難掩萬分恩惠心情地說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiImVyDVpxY
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4YNrIanQE
穿運動裝結婚…329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq2cyP6hkn
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXPVj1LKPt
「即是說我們不用刻意打扮？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEF28ocYae
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXjB5jV5qV
「我想是吧，我跟你媽打算穿得像逛街一樣而已，不然比主角更好看又有點奇怪。」老爸笑著說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDIkdyv7s6
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQiPBCgBf8
「那天我有甚麼可以幫忙嗎？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9hKWoG8BH
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcf5fbMcHlA
「嗯…暫時沒有。你那天早點起床，給一天光吧？補習可以調動一下時間嗎？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxFXtL3Hsz
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqsdrWRpmC
「好的。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAiYJQ54jC
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7cdlikBVx
「還有，光說你不用買甚麼給他了，不用花這個錢。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10BO0nlORh
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUrlc9sjR6
「…」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgF3ADFsXCv
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtFTZcstal
買結婚禮物的話，獨力選一份禮物，少說也要二千多塊，精美一點或者挑戒指可能要三千，可能光哥考慮到我的經濟狀況吧。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5M4phnxEoj
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9QlsieGPg
「杜家終於有媳婦了，光真的混得不錯。」老爸的臉洋溢著幸福，老懷安慰般。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDxkEaZ4sw
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu66gcbqAog
光哥中學成績太爛，沒有繼續唸書，早早踏入社會，卻因為找到自己前路去向，早早啟程出發、在社會混，混得理想；反觀自己…也是混社會，卻是「胡混」的「混」，事業還沒有起步。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhRPA4rjPr
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDprMSMnsGg
「其實你爸我…雖然今天只有自己一個人吃飯，但是相當高興，因為你們都有自己的事業︰你媽要工作，你也要工作，光除了工作還要陪女朋友，能有這個家庭，我非常高興。現在我最擔心的是你啊，程。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pBQsIzme9
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPpdRRezwM
「…」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChg5t07g3R
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsVIMC8q99
「可以的話，我真想你帶一個人上來吃飯，能倒茶給我喝就最好了。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZtKAEx9AQ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTFA971dzm
我就知道這個話題今天一定躲不了…你要喝茶是嗎？我倒給你，你要多少杯？329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjimdDjBIS
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7viWEOsXkL
「程啊。」老爸抓起我的手。「要學會為自己打算啊，人會老的。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxufc2rw3rH
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEYAzgmgr6
…329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyz91AIUI6
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWcS39pdZS
「嗯…嗯。」我只哼出一聲，表情苦澀，心裡被揪住似的。「呼…」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oeql5Fcax
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRK7qaQKAN
速度…到今天還沒有結果…329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pT8AU2vql
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDqZowy2cE
「肚子真的不餓嗎？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3U5G95YQPh
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMaRMU0Fle
「嗯。」我哼聲。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XayheuSCx
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcTOu3Y5ne
「好吧，聊了很久，那麼不阻你了。」老爸說畢，蹣跚地回到房間休息了。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uN8lrFJFU
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqM7aVmxPX
為何一個病人，即使被評為「永久失去工作能力」，拼死擠出半點力量，成就出不可能；而身為健全人士的我，卻甚麼也做不到…329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tbXRNz8WC
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlBhGwDKC8
「為甚麼？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLNZjSYPso
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRC3nNTMaZc
為甚麼…329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMN4fQ1Qjvd
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypy6D6URvr
我不想再停留在這個階段啊，那麼接下來的路，要怎樣走？329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdBOoXk6bX
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkoeXxlqw5
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvgmX3702k
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSroZfYbewB
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe46QAxRR2
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYFopLJhBC
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5AHKTjHRP
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLA9Zt2RucK
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8ZumRC3Lb
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