我和鄰居大姐姐的故事（已完結） - 四百一十二點五

四百一十二點五

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（鄭海欣視角）

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我記得…自己細個果陣…係一個好開心既女仔…

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雖然爸爸媽媽要返工，平時我都係婆婆湊，但佢地成日帶我去公園玩，又會帶我去沙灘、商場行街食飯同玩……

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然後……

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小學一年級既時候……有一日daddy突然帶左我去醫院……我冇入到去病房，嫲嫲佢睇住我等爸爸同公公婆婆佢地可以入去……

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然後……

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我就冇再見過媽媽了……

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我大個之後先知當媽媽發生左一場好嚴重既交通意外，而我當冇入到果間都唔係病房，而係殮房……

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雖然爸爸好錫我，甚至比起以前加倍咁錫我，但係我都係好掛住媽媽……

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應該就係由果陣開始，我變左一個內向既女仔。

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我記得有次我無意中向同學講左話我冇媽媽之後，佢就周圍同人講，然後有啲同學就會聯群結隊咁走過黎笑我，又話我係石頭爆出黎，次次我聽到之後都會忍唔住喊……

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除左因為佢地講既野真係傷害到我之外，仲有因為我真係好掛住媽媽……

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或者就係因為呢件事，令到原本就已經變得內向既我更加唔敢相信身邊既同學，響學校唔會同其他同學傾計，淨係收埋自己響一邊……

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呢件事甚至令我對屋企人以外既大人都失去信任，老師同我講野我都唔肯回應。後尾老師同爸爸傾過之後，擺多左心機響我身上面，又搵社工跟進媽媽過身後我既情緒，情況先有稍為有改善，起碼識回應老師……

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我既小學童年基本上都係咁過。因為我內向同唔信人既關係，就算有同學想搵我傾計，我都傾到唔敢回應……所以……唔好話男仔朋友，我連普通既朋友都冇乜……

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我就係響咁既情況之下，升入左區內一間幾出名既學校。

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不過，我唔認為自己升左中學之後會識到朋友，更加唔好話會搵到個鍾意既人……

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我好慶幸入到1B班。

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開學之後，其實我都係打算好似小學咁日日返學同放學就算，不過……就響返學既第一日，坐我隔離既女同學好友善咁同我打招呼……佢就係淇淇……

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最初我都唔係好識同好敢去回應佢，但淇淇佢冇放棄，不斷咁同我傾計……然後仲介紹埋阿儀比我識……

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其實之後都好，我都唔係咁識主動去同佢地傾計，但淇淇同阿儀完全冇介意我唔識講野咁……除左同我傾計，仲會邀請我一齊食飯、一齊放學……

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雖然我唔識向佢地表達謝意，但其實我心入面好開心架……

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呢次應該係我人生入面第一次識到朋友……

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我會永遠都當佢地係我最好既姐妹。

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然後……

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因為佢地既關係……

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我第一次識到男仔朋友……

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熙熙……

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雖然次數唔多，但佢係第一個同我用正常語氣講到野既男仔……

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唔知係咪因為咁呢…我好似成日都掛住佢，想試下多啲同佢傾計……但我又唔敢……

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我地既交流其實唔算多……有時可能幾日都傾唔到幾句……但我開始覺得，就算淨係可以望住佢，我已經好開心……

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呢種感覺去到社際足球比賽更加強烈……見到熙熙響場上面表現得咁犀利，我個心就跳得好劇烈……

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佢真係好有型啊…

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即使只能夠響遠處望住熙熙，可能偶爾可以傾到幾句計……但如果日子一路都係咁過都唔錯吖……

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直至有一日……

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淇淇同我仲有阿儀講……

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佢鍾意熙熙……

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我諗我都係果一刻先意識到……

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原來我都係鍾意熙熙……

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阿儀呢個時候就好肯定咁應承淇淇話會幫手……

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而我？

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響我心目中，淇淇係無可取代既好姐妹……冇佢既話，我可能仲係好似小學果陣咁自己一個人……

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而且……我平時見到淇淇同熙熙之間既感情真係好好……熙熙對其他女仔都唔會咁……最多係偶爾見到佢家姐好溫柔咁對待佢……

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淇淇又靚，讀書又好，打排球又叻……

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佢地真係好合襯啊……

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而我？

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我完全襯唔起熙熙啊…

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所以我決定將對熙熙既感情埋響心入面，全力支持我既好姐妹……

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有冇唔開心……？

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一定有……

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有時見到佢地兩個行到咁埋，我會有一種心如刀割既感覺……

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不過我會努力忍住……

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中二果陣，我同熙熙同一班。

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我心入面其實係好開心……

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甚至響中二旅行既時候，我可以同熙熙一齊燒野食，知道佢媽媽同我一樣已經唔響度……我竟然可以咁樣同佢傾心事……

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果種感覺好奇妙……

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我覺得……

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就算佢同淇淇真係響埋一齊，我只要可以響遠處祝福佢地、或者有機會可以再同熙熙咁樣傾心事就夠架喇……

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只不過……

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佢地既進度比起阿儀既預期中慢……甚至係負進度……

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中二既時候，有個叫阿朗既同學接近淇淇，熙熙同阿必就曾經因為呢個人同淇淇、阿儀鬧交……

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我自然係幫返我既好姐妹……

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因為就算我幾鍾意熙熙，我兩個好姐妹先係最重要既……

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不過都係因為咁，淇淇果段時間日日都好唔開心……

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而我地既男仔朋友，都由熙熙同阿必，變左做陳日朗，佢既朋友余嘉成同李子發……

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但係我總係覺得尤其是余嘉成，佢望住我同阿儀既時候，眼神總係不懷好意咁上下打量住我地……

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我比佢望到有啲驚，總係覺得全身都唔自然……

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阿儀其實睇得出架，佢同我講：「妳唔想應佢既唔緊要，我幫妳答晒佢。」

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阿儀呢…真係我既好姐妹……

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不過突然就有一日，陳日朗就話熙熙同緊個中一學妹拍緊拖，連相都有埋……

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果一刻我先知咩係心如刀割，而我都好清楚淇淇既感受，唔會比我少……

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但係阿儀佢好叻，為左幫淇淇就主動搵阿必求證，最後仲令我地幾個和好……

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雖然我好開心，不過都意味住我要再經歷一路暗戀緊熙熙，一路幫手撮合淇淇同熙熙果種心痛既感覺……

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我今次再忍唔住……終於響私底下搵阿儀傾訴……

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（待續）

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四百一十二點五

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