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413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BZuOVIbZp
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKT2E1IWLvT
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddrXx8IVWW
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLkPFyfPka
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBE23cieMVD
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFnWAQa65x
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarEBVAxp3S
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1XSsjwFJv
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75z8AfZxAN
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcTtBMZjhE
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uqv7cUSdV
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQChLL2gsH
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f27BQ3ghT
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwqLRd7lP7
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeZTIXkc2S
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOAkNq7e7Z
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqZIATi1hi
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRZmoEoDDs
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuJG3Zokgm
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORpREgC1we
「唉......」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0g44RGQnJ
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kHWHYN2uH
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPV00UQaGS
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5EDjO2QZg
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsqlEJijTK
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd127w1BDMD
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfekqUhx7U
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjeHWKo49I
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKesKA0fNb
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUbBpHvEot
「唉......」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFx5ZsqraaO
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6Z7AVXKlN
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRaBlHbF12
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN63yx8FKJK
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBBjPObzZB
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUllOK9o5s
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYGWSfZ0U4
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVysrE0ibg
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNXuTqRbQo
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwhhIXuMoP
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTqEno3Ukc
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSb4jZl1TMg
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr99KLhy7rg
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkA7cEbb0t
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBjeSEd958
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0h5ifQupG7
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXU9H9LWFy
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLq3ZS4CGXb
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq2qFdA81B
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvY7fy4gXsy
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OWZGwzpWC
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0uKNg7NvV
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWxo2SJhPw
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSpUD89cp6
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnTUwKpfnv
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Gz9PUIvDy
「真的沒發生什麼事。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINNU0CeOQd
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhZku6GGWa
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1m23nQt2MW
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdv9IUFy0z
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bMx0msJk4
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnyEHnRXpp
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgETi8yVJh
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoGQtAG5p5
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXDc128pKG
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIHYkpbkRn
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IKBh2tD9T
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWAzD15Kjp
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc7A3KANZe
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMmNSNyBct
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8Qj6TfPI1
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE0vIlEjOK
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D2GbN72sU
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLt0DPccAl
「其他事情？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmArIioXdC
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2irYJRFdx
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLDz6TwgBj
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuzd1DIJiB
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGEc2QPR6u
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotOBqjrpmM
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96vgQVtvXM
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NmyPbi55I
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7Fuek5PYX
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWoL63gI5b
「哪件事？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zcGQIBbu2
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiV4g0OmVGr
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVYU4f8oHT
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJWdiBRaME
「妳難道是指——」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2vqHW1XHD
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTMBToRFuP
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIsSmtvfm7
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyPJGZd7AY
「打.苦.鞭。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xDcP94sJX
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpliyyLCwn7
＊＊＊413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaZLUgk8GO
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbd5QbfGLO
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcJJ3vepCC
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzidUB9b2T
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsPz7OVyZU
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKJcw7VygN
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAT9YrnmDd
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdr32DOsuK
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwlbKXGUmh
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcabczU3Pl
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuHRxrvak4
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieaHnjE7Ly
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U5HmlRPFl
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2pllgPNSt
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnYpzuW09M
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZm9CWfsqr
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3t2ZQtfIYH
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmZrNL4eXm
「哼嗯......」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEoGQ0Adxp
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzu6bVp6vH
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe39WOOE7GE
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUQcFTND14
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuOeNaMAXQ
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezILlk3GyP
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Sny3acKVB
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxrnLF22Cl
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjC2pUXajI
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavoKCGSGqV
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHYfYF8tqr
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHpIJRKfFc
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuS1DHR2BoR
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfplyooGYsx
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxWwXXcPx2
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNkxeKf4if
只要鞭打得更用力......413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZzn3Fm9Ek
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGbVBixq2C
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFt2MFXWD0
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWLUEAKRxz
讓身體更痛......413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhu7Nbm6kGn
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7x9M0vpcME
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODkrrGJW6A
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6jO4CgP0L
就能夠忘卻一切......413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIllX8LpWXh
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIKaCYi5HH
咻——413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjn5ESAqtZ
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUcKkJGzzR
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGB8qiwCXz
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwtAm72m9x
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xChWfb1p3
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0TiWdcUPZ
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwMnJQVuRK
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRpgfUtfIO
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4bjjRDthX
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBRAPKeSTe
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxK4OHQkSn4
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlrT2vh3Xx
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAJKnXrRt9
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1P5lvbaZY
咻——劈啪！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTR8mB0zkk
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeXS712zIC
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh01jQtwcA
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNxFIjDhQG
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
