x
＊＊＊
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcSxQEOkhF
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIeCCSLOcE
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mOd1CumHF
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWbEZyDV7T
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmXmzu0lI0
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNK4Ua6EnI
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJ5NSMVzeJ
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qG5sHQV46
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfu4IYN37u
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGV5lyNOTre
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh8IpLbIKO
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmJaPG69jk
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhm0QPpcJa
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡam4aI3shcf
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbBnfgJNI2
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3okoS7eK6
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMc5n3dYOe8
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlqa1Zv43u
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1CPlAwaLY
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGyJ7dnj0L
「唉......」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWLFwu3TJX
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaHoqM49nx
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72bJ1SvUvz
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU00MNmstUH
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkelPoYBrdm
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qA7vHFdUe
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9FBKDKI0m
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlARkexDxe
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DZCnEbpKb
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBUCDd1uBD
「唉......」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSdbaACQyY
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUOzcz0TFS
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZC2eQ4NbUC
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50xUdNwzyI
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYn6QqJ0jD
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nsnrmG3Wm
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoF8HosSlv
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOINvOF42G9
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡistc5lhJpj
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e80R7uiJH
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRitXcRqzT8
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjddDRHSmu
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Eyxbljqa6
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJz4Rd19dM
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagUk7YLxwY
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyN5GZniCu
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqRqPUqg5Q
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2TMf6J5Tv
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefMMfrNzTz
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEBlXtK26K
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXjqRNwt2B
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFEOcQibWp
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9RVEZUSe4
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0lSsrslmP
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsy0HvyoD2
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhJwsRlyHM
「真的沒發生什麼事。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NcZMQU1AA
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNU3As7By8
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr0DEbHHau
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeMcJY6tJ5
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eKMB6rR8g
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2OE2Ov1qf
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8sd8CgWkV
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatK5mH6pAU
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPpLNNVBMX
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvl2JSCM3F
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wlKGoRZnY
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBisehWRo2H
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOX35YYcPjL
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBKdtrOm9q
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u1kq18IQs
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC95aZ8MOx1
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfh6HJrucEw
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wnJupxzPv
「其他事情？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzj7SY8iDQB
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2RHKmtvKu
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLfsOavxXT
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpQyKkhWmQ
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEDGf2NIJr
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYkxnTDbGq
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8T2FOR5pq7
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWqrmi7Ulh
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuFyqcknMv
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUj5Md4fyt6
「哪件事？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ggc4o1RHX
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDXKKhoY55
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMuld5XIrk
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBvFRenQZ9
「妳難道是指——」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2xNkB7Db6
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3B7eyLoFs
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKgzpQiHWN
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVthC0v2gt
「打.苦.鞭。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXptib0fXe
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bbyWDtfAu
＊＊＊320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbLJTJU3Jt
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQyE8EYIpl
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIILXwMRulP
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUI11ToQ7gv
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzmeYbmMdt
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b5I1jXt19
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6e8rcjwHM
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOHf8GR5wO
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPhC3MM1UH
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3TzeEB4Qd
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXh6Ob9P5H
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIr9lcxqv3k
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOj6LotoVS
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWYzdMpnoQ
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAyWR19gYD
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j3haY4tYR
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzZUi0SbYS
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyGynMoYUG
「哼嗯......」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYyU499JNB
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihqRNdo3yZ
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrPeeM1KCC
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rYGolOfEw
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zhSLGA5Kt
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlJC3aEg3K
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMN7nJZWCd
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZlwCNHBOU
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyKlO4gmhJ
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIaVO64JwI
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxQd2sV8uN
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyBUudlV6J
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKDmCJ779q
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7mq6C8zjQ
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4C5tGHssLf
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCW50cpLIf
只要鞭打得更用力......320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGt7DubHT07
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSTwt46KZC
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvf5kA8nfX
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNZWkkUMin
讓身體更痛......320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3NYkJu1pn
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQbXYQsJwX
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuOrIO1k6A
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwwKXmnStA
就能夠忘卻一切......320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3onMcgFikg
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE7m66CpcB
咻——320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoCW9yWGAT
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPvPwWgFFS
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbe3VDzslwH
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cIuLPKVrX
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwLXAPuQbQ
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmgsM7vhj4
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSvEcWXVHy
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmiSuSRHI0
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrpfxRWtOo
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc56vJ4VqtT
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoaRMQyVag
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2ERwYWWlV
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPmdyN6JIM
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGTHzJ3QbL
咻——劈啪！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJMldS9efW
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fhH2xO8eY
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNScFADxvo
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXx8XPPNqtD
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
