每次想及那傢伙，他心裡難免生恨。可是恨不了多久，恨意自然而然會被無奈與無力取代，彷彿不曾生起。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8YN9ADmw3
輕嘆一聲。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1pSmpzBNV
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媽媽的身影忽地浮現腦海。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOzvELhFQn
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她是個不起眼的女人，普通得他早已忘記那張臉。只記得她怕熱，喜在夏日穿寬鬆短褲散熱，露出一雙細長白腿。他常趁著媽媽在露台忙於晾衫時，從後環抱她的大腿，把滾燙前額緊貼被清風吹得微微發涼的幼滑皮膚上。嘻，消暑妙法。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnqaePwxJG
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以為這做法可以持續至小學畢業，或是直到他世故成熟得無法繼續假裝天真。誰料媽媽突然拋下一句「感情變淡」，離家出走。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49LMvoNxvq
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他反覆思考何謂「感情變淡」。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwOfielS9Y
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茫無頭緒，直至那傢伙有意無意向他指出重點：變。「感情」，對媽媽毫不重要，否則她不會狠心如此；「淡」是相對而非絕對，若無經歷過對立的「濃」，「淡」其實不是問題；由濃轉淡的過程稱為「變」，也就是問題癥結所在。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncGCHWaYmb
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為何會變？如何變？可否不變？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6faLMprXZ
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他百思不得其解。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCOlkNOWeh
再聲輕嘆。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJXe1Zea9G
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阿杰的身影忽地浮現腦海。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOn7e1WXdxH
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舊同學聚會裡，他和阿杰並肩而坐。昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑，努力尋找共同話題。阿杰唇邊盡是紅酒遊艇名錶，他只記顧商場即將在週末舉行的購物優惠日——妻子叮囑他務必買下保濕精華和優惠裝尿片。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnHhX4B4IY
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真懷念往時。他與阿杰一起為那些不值一哂的天大課題感到煩惱：學業、夢想、籃球、愛情、人生規劃……後來那傢伙教曉他——一切變幻莫測，根本不由自主。無力與無奈令他深深體會自身的無能。他妒忌，妒忌阿杰仍在那個未醒的夢裡。阿杰察覺到他的妒意，露出一個輕蔑笑容。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0skTVW4ad4
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昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑，不再努力尋找共同話題。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ocdkUn3Mz
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緣起緣滅，不由自主。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6sczvH3ig
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既要緣滅，何必緣起？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkXsRmV4K2
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他百思不得其解。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrR39SKqsq
輕嘆有三。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Jjk0nO8Hr
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自己的身影忽地浮現腦海。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKd1uljiHC
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身影有前無後。難怪，少有留意自己的背。妻子笑說他背部有七痣，像北斗，可導航。他苦笑，笑自己人生無方向。因為自己看不見北斗？只好抬頭望天。天無星，難打卦。無卦，有掛，掛心的掛。掛甚麼？不知道，總覺得人生缺失了甚麼。甚麼甚麼？不知道，難以言明。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3IXZM0GNm
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鬱悶。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Y4H8vC6vU
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懷念媽媽的腿，想要抱抱。懷念阿杰手中的籃球，想要奪走。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJofHx8shW
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去抱！去奪！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJXHkw94OU
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抱甚麼？腿已不在。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr2v8A3mwI
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奪甚麼？球已不在。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WibP0321v
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為何不在？為何統統不在？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbphdD7LzVq
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那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVt7gzzq3Kf
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停下來！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUio565wHeU
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那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WwQ1GGl8w
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慢下來！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71T2HFxOmO
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那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIm4P2QaOA0
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他只得拼命追趕。走馬看不見花，花開花落馬不知。馬累馬停，他累他停。回頭一望，是天不是地。何時開始背朝天？不肯定，許是拼命追趕期間、忘記自身當刻。竭力抬頭，盡力挺身。不果，只得餘生躬背望地，無法望背望星。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkrspEan0A
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孫兒笑問他為何腰背變躬，他答背上擔子過重。孫兒受驚拒絕背負擔子，他說無法選擇，人人不由自主。孫兒再問何解不由自主，他道是變幻莫測之故。孫兒三問為何會變、如何變、可否不變？他答不出話來，淚目凝視孫兒。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqERaNg5V4c
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昔日的他，今日的孫。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6GJYPPTcj
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永劫，輪迴。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlKW185wmS
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不敢思，不求解。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPBnW0JSKM
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嘆，嘆，嘆。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbprUdJkqe
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孫兒問他是否有煩惱，願為他出謀解決。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijEVgZu15q
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他搖頭。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzACkFhaypd
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深知世人永遠無法解決那傢伙。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》第八十一章403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso72SqtlAE
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