午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFS7PWBBVx5
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmYtL9ReN9
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4kPu6zlM3
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAGPMDWmpf
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEijephOmDO
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp2FyuXYC2
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0iGDO8cEL
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaQUM8ySST
為何記住？我解釋不了。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpwR9SFgMs
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsLXNh2Jrc
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3AH3hnjZX
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbTLBhUqAK
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEyLxXRKQM
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrDyasUYJd
其中一個是他。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtw4AAvdVEu
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUDh8EPdkx
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsokkgGlOq
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgI05Q4jmW
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQDv2Hjl9f
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBDBRHJiSF
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBNX9n8Czx
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOraCmK7UaV
「你遺下銀包。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlo5E4Ggp8
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeYUmscpAE
「謝謝。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfctavPPle
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUY7EEAIBA
「不用客氣……」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FdBiSeBmK
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16BBRDqyUi
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfMe9flQ7C
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVtZ84xGYa
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbAMkS6DAq
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUQKO43qx0
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIvPD4hhc6
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lFGbDRIrX
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAbnL8T03x
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqwQAISkIQ
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmrJFM5Nqx
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtgxRrwwA5
「我是文班許家偉。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUYsBFtEMR
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fggachomq
「我是理班李浩榮。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmRbPwooMi
其實我早已知道許家偉。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iN1E3i7Hx
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXvm7dmbLW
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOgSPSqNIa
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1o4CurAh7m
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sYH4tlJ73
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRIR2t7hYq
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrNaNrVZUP
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXiymvAOKD
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaQKuVeeSc
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81PUBjBKQ6
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssEEBTNHJO
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCBOwX5WHV
不服氣。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgTJCquCCH
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkl79O1Fez
繼續觀察他。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdivvKJ0lpR
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfh6oa6winv
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnds7MLsRjQ
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYMYIp8NxV
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8Of41ula4
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5TQnyg1hK
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeoIonPHJV
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMJLCz6jUR
我急步追趕許家偉。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtKIvrSQxH
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMugmcfhmo
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcmns4797u
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyo57oBKed
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnZjwbMoyD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwQBtftRbR
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV8R2tFhAE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡST1WVXsG5i
「你遺下了銀包。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kF6ts9iTE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVHe5emxQY
「謝謝。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8ragkiYN3
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8NAfKcBxI
「不用客氣……」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTuOY2jIBM
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKUqBAG71r
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqjV0agFdb
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNvdOvhw8L
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9Boc62rR4
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUrwvrtso9
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwAiNbjpOl
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwasGQE1tLd
我望入他雙眼。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHazVKQbK4
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDpdD4TYC5
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJI35uiyzu
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhElOGNCSok
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ilGyTKBGn
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVDgqQ0U7a
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYdDHk7Ykp
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EM92FlRHw
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTrad8xQ3f
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCsb7NGZar
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0Q6Txmle8
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzsKMN0wd6
「我是文班許家偉。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8HShnCdVp
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpLU7ib9TG
「我是理班李浩榮。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogiifja0Eg
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Eii9bEYZr
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiDf8robCX
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPbECfryDF
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvYHC0L3hR
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SSlA4fh5S
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUAoGXd0k8
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlQJsBYdhJ
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPa2G91mEc
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXZrUeXB4b
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRhZItnLXc
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTb4MbLUQzq
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhiUOLH1lO
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6B2x7LXvJd
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOYTYWP1DE
但我沒有阻止他。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0OATzixSA
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyjsBOwzBc
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRiDTKdV7r
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9W71gqj6Px
我慫恿他繼續說下去。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJuugITZYO
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdB1t8k04c
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj1nsMEGVm
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAFaHNvOx2
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRkWEDKHSL
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3NEFpNGu8
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HTV7yRmKE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL1OP7ffOq
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4SZp2Xzuu
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhu6qHX3bJ
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqLLAgaTQE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojHsBGcXxX
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PVOWRY63x
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5GkONo2CK
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIiNdBFwxL
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8z4xIlqLb
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv7gD1pAJt
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa6FIqfNiY
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhv0s2y5T50
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOvPWlDHV7
但我掛念他。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xQ5BrGUzE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4csu3BQAN
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMK6VnZoet
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWHMs1UIFG
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSixMSxZk0
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJQEhORaU4
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtfBOQYqha
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nRkqiQwzo
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSGQN9PvDT
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCjbx7b6KA
不要說。不要聽。不要見。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xlQ7r9GpD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl83zeoSYKT
希望時間會沖淡一切。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhE7R8O0VZh
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYQ3lLoggQ
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwufuztOoS8
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4R28blHXR
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgilbceFGK
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRcFZlABrY
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxZ21gnRO3
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2TWR033CY
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9YjOPFmlS
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dgmspan47
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEdYJ5h8s1
「我也不明白。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajI4iei9gp
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzhJRUJZ0D
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB6CIWSjWj
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S8v9EqLsA
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzv3u2gJfW
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ952PaSSONF
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oS5HfFsQZ
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSqq9FgUFD
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zh96mvi7Q
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlQt9CmT6R
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnwZ0k3ObD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX821KKZ2zQ
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v16zXlEEQ
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU1qnriIn5
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcZ3mq2Nje
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMtI9SLSby
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCDJRHZgcl
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UAYlRBnZh
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNMaEBIsKF
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsfhGEhOSC
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxhAyEBt74
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqaA3rz7wh
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmCfvZu5uJ
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17nrhiVAFJ
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg36MIXV4ko
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57zQxQfehF
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrt6BOiyI9
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JghVeVi78
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWARCMC3x8
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kOGzvgv2V
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0c6up8iPHp
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGjJv9TYHn
為何要走到這一步？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOmsFr4rHn
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dmYumIB7S
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKBptRMaVn
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoylS0Fb0D
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0ZOOFysqC
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqnfu6aT0K
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkVTVSglSk
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8x1NlNBuc
「別倔強。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRk3DCUTWD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRI0aDsqsed
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NCwBYPIBa
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBF5N7jqCc
「我想你放棄。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvJkxlnvKq
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7Fs92jb1H
「原因？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmCIEJmzxg
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSkUg82OMS
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi9WVuM6nK
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62IzQbabwR
「我知道。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaNEoOxZXf
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6OKYo0K21
「何解還要繼續下去？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8qNDH7IHe
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVEmAfO9UG
「感情易放難收。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlyoQvG3o6
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceRoT4ojsa
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SO5C2e5Ij
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BcOg1cfoV
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYSJ0Dvimm
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v5LxCx0cf
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX63Y8vjhd1
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQNoBrhD8O
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPyhlzzsJK
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYfz13YMDs
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz2T6zH2uB
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIK9KQCyz6a
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBOhvbaQ0O
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsd3ZA6RkT
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbLU6uMDGD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlA31zId6V9
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwAnHKH5HR
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9mt0u9Qhg
小醉。半醉。大醉。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlDVejLRb8
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlb56iNpvk
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77YLtW9a5E
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBOtGqrTYx
「直接講我愛他。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb54URC58Jk
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxqWhkJgZz
「如果他拒絕？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvahaew5bSo
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDCKnXzPMa
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzyBm6PcHr
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepQkPfqFUj
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkmUEUDNUl
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ygup2PrKd
「我當然是高興！」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pxRinmVKq
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApE8VnEwey
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gUmF1VExv
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIkfwKtx7o
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSW9jVbn3Y
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpotOUBMLrO
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2KVj58ntW
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHhQA07wAE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRgKcuGNiO
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BcZtjsXi0
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqbgyZQ6si
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70EMROWKiR
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKP6pw4sdK
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSIpqjkZbn
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4uChvMWRB
「你仍然單身？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4H1T4TmTbv
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXsvaxjwUC
「是的。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ2S4mldfA
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cpw1m5MMD
「要我當媒嗎？」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeokcJgtjn9
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kJ22AiOt7
「不了。難為情。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZQL2KgNGE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpCU3dtFTp
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHL0wvERl5U
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1Qg66le2k
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnlgKQATKC
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJPUelUqno
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8DWIBgldL
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fBCkt86zn
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrK1ivxoNru
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR24J94XK2y
回家吧。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO25K14MCOP
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj1LDzYGJP
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwggUTTtE1
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQLucdvHxN
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJjxTdWXUK
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vIgLqTXtL
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGv6os4URt
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzApE4ZJB6
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEoM6ItwUb
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNas5H84KK2
大概是一見鍾情吧。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYljxzVoaL
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9wqRtVozK
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoOWHXi3Mq
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4QImkGptD
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1zU5H32RE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKwoIXY1v3
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPa0PRlDR3e
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Z0CS4Xm3P
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyS9v147yce
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBrZ2Xmf8V
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMG6OTcobE
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnw5uq2KYs
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcN3geSH7s
百感交集……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5Zf2HtpUZ
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcBhzFQhj9
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIaw8UV8B3
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7V3bmCrwfq
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVPWSgeFDu
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2ppTzvkhI
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKlRMoIhWz
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimFteHisoH
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMPNvH3NCF
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDM3XTbDipN
「認得。你是文班的。」289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEo3PzYP8NX
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHH0cWkiul
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Lh3YxRKc3
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3vQWJCeU6
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrga2uqXt1
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzp2E1MbB1f
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtR9Ys3k23y
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLe3T6H4p2
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7SOv4D4YX
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwo9eJhs95
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVK50wIBu5
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB58sOJ2sbI
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bAEsrE7DR
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmX407hkbCi
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqGzaVnbOp
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8VfDl2IPZ
我哭笑不得。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0rUBVZUWd
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCiXUwQu60
無意跟他繼續對話。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4Bm46cUsu
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXedmhQCd2L
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdEk3nw5RA
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ri1X4s17K
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAtK5ihuYz
