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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexQfzvOeMa
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjMiCh9jFO
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOGF7vvcJz
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOML6Z32Uz
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oeAyH3h9Z
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzMcoGof3Y
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS59RtFdVhq
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIOOUvvFHI
為何記住？我解釋不了。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNcTax5EMC
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGlZkYBtii
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpWqXBMa88
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7suvmYMbv2
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8GFs1O2YT
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy07OkTRJO2
其中一個是他。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ayZU9iIB0
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBqFPgsBN9
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8yGarAfCh
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEkcTpCZLk
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6CueXkSb5
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp9IR8uIx3
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDxCP3YEY8
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwOnQWn4s1
「你遺下銀包。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxzHyIWNjC
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyw8iEZvyG
「謝謝。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4oZh3DokS
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKQGhv4Avm
「不用客氣……」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLQyBYA12L
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpHBa8LXMh
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z9hg8T1gC
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8pRGPN8Jj
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJdQaCX3gd
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRe2nfmR4l
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwRplDmPHK
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72gZTHKJzM
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwre8WpV1K
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXYoCEtwFH
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8qsFniN69
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8W6rkec5k
「我是文班許家偉。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYlb0qEXId
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWBJLiTqg8
「我是理班李浩榮。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhR7nr5jDEd
其實我早已知道許家偉。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM66tf2z0T5
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG8wRpn59z
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIKU9L7C3A
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XM92SltEl
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dNcKjKncX
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMr0KvEWYAl
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEY29ct7dd
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8rdrqaSlQ
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEanbOwzFz
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9q2eP7M4Z
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ENpViEDLf
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWt4ha7IruY
不服氣。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHBCLxThXR
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWepI0QG5Hn
繼續觀察他。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcKqubc4Te
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDnBQEcmHw
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGJIcirEEo
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfB9fWqSIEG
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3hvpm2GtV
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAF2O64wfhF
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4lykIAY8b
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZYMJMrEC7
我急步追趕許家偉。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOylRel7QTF
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJM4X0xCnM
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QJj3fwgig
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftQRWO957i
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclIXK9Afcc
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EV0aFfaW6
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIR10ooWrFa
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyTbZOD8mP
「你遺下了銀包。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ115SJsSD1Y
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr2Fdo5yWK
「謝謝。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYnciG2MnI
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi875LFLNAc
「不用客氣……」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGcg03bD4d
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYmJPD0WsS
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpgX42jJh8
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlbqPnVoOO
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qUevfbWUj
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzZpbr0nHp
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkv24wtV5Y
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1yaaAStHz
我望入他雙眼。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRl7m1JXsBI
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o02BQmjJz
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjEgtCvnxd
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14bOMvjA8p
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvU69GJuVBf
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRziEYUHcqC
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDTYYcXso9
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1INqcOVrpS
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZyN0ZRXOp
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oNpTgopyq
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nQiI0cGYG
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwezfILlqs1
「我是文班許家偉。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFNtVE0xyI
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4NPMKnsvr
「我是理班李浩榮。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxeW3VgmEv
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKrYjoDb5U
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpSbJXGb51
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVbjZ2PdKL
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx75HyXFDAV
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnelP3A0jg
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUilaTIgWWb
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNiL0oa8rR
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKT0k5W1x1J
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEbGAuMies
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnXg6g55XV
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17aFLPBeYr
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAtW6gTL3b
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGN9axwEHgg
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk1H1LeIyA
但我沒有阻止他。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1lFYIwlbv
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhqMp6CiHs
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCnkMqOUkS
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3GsGuaGBi
我慫恿他繼續說下去。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy49VI54CgT
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wnHqslyR1
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBcW4RXgD1
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlkfFPdC1O
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMruDaYbF7
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEovmtauNRu
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubmRVcb53T
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYm6RRUHdJa
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDWTPUDDMm
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdy9js4cSMO
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT19raSz1Fi
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxvsaxnXbT
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ99q7gfus5
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOCe9dAMnO
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSp2DJvKrzC
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CPAv5XRjA
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHeWUJt6kf
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2AVLb0BxJ
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ682e46QZkm
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceu4nm03cX
但我掛念他。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhI02uKBoW
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzW9z9rCJU
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMskdJinGGl
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMXqhWVdPJ
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGiSvTWPCR
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cjBzxgVXa
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlMQlc53MB
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBSIzxZDaD
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyx8X3ZroLL
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGgbHVu02b
不要說。不要聽。不要見。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWOxmgn16Q
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9hE1HvL0J
希望時間會沖淡一切。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiYT08LlfT
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XvICBAO6p
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIrdjmQpRW
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTkpIQVDNt
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIA5YEEKIYg
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbP47ixGzxO
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bluBnDItn
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy2Hvo34P5
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7MrgFvqov
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2igw5JsGCW
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId1TC8TE48
「我也不明白。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6CA04T0YH
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG8P8qLaxu
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkNDnnPQi9
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRiLutVfmi
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKmd92O3Xw
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kpYoStaIc
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNK3YmuHta
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPttgKfErx
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGy1p3hikG
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRx3zh1h9H
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lmN1D2zx7
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzHnnljzCc
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbXFNzvitx
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFqCaF46Bi
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvNxBP97tw
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyXHY8HTYr
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtI8bvynTS
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJm2ubkLnvF
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeU64wo4vLX
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf2t0IjBBq
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bl2yZykK2
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGi0SHiDBE
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlp18ObfYP
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNuhHxZj6p
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6EydMQ5X7
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gscMemayL
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvj3VGrWaB
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzQOjxb15O
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MjZ1OoHmM
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvvYgo3xGA
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwntYKJHOw
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1I1v5dUEz4
為何要走到這一步？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoS0Ehr2u6
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASynsIkKg9
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpylWvgVHmD
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduvDODL49A
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUeWq9cTI3
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrXyuWSYeh
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUWgG1Tq9X
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFINCdgSl6i
「別倔強。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKU9L46ztYv
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWUDDDcawU
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcx8yYlnVd
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2GHOw3gVy
「我想你放棄。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosJDc0CgMD
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECwYg7Wd4t
「原因？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjQzrrFhes
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbKPiRu13d
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNV72usOZJT
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1so1cnHTAI
「我知道。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw18RVTFpn
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSHAzvsqQU
「何解還要繼續下去？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPH541ExOO
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4Kj6Jboqq
「感情易放難收。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFgEOezaKq
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYUDT7wPKt
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUbkoMz48Z
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqObLx4o16
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJOHVd57bo
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej9RzPv44o
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFfhbknexd
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudJ5oHhuxW
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUUeqJb5KO
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUN0s4BO4fZ
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WGiwlsOge
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdF2cMSBf3
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnR34CNCZc
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WcobWUbgc
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuSuvgQcF1
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bDaN3ekqT
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtQdb3Vjtr
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TaMyy2r0S
小醉。半醉。大醉。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSEanyo9ll
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlM28u1QPCY
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRop6yovX49
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWNI6fjOEY
「直接講我愛他。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCLEUvGPsr
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UiPZ5tuI7
「如果他拒絕？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuFKx7ne6B
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8QAjHt965
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMJVUrpxo5
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5JHFzXhgk
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIHH14f8sF
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyJcr0fG0A
「我當然是高興！」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOzbimzHpk
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMiAB9mCar
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KNlR4HNEp
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxU6OIXR40
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEChILgUitQ
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGLgPrG6y4
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBCXfgWSqx
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHdiGrNjuT
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGcmOpfJ7x
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxkMcFsXP5
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLaG2PW7FQ
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS1RKwGbif
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWBq6uCu1f
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x0aFJbS1f
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZagKkBX42
「你仍然單身？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85WMcx8F3J
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPP9uhRZow
「是的。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgveGqgwIV7
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax329h7dS9
「要我當媒嗎？」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXlRyKBHeA
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjjEWDoaSg
「不了。難為情。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZj0LUyy4GW
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rK6BmKTCC
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkPiILJzmF
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeieIVUqLRj
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwb44L4YYXz
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQiUlco3bT
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdImjO6SRhr
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGGoLRV8Cf
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKvFZRqXiU
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiXPbpL4F8
回家吧。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKvfQjuxP8
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZLPIcU8Ab
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPxsGGvlCR
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDMaBwhaZe
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9QHthnxZp
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvS3H4Lx6W
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oc42Qbb75
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枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi20q8LN8b2
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大概是一見鍾情吧。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXBpQLl6nf
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qJloB57Pf
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0WgfNzsrp
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeavJEpr2v3
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEIbOnAGRu
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGzhpadAIK
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFD6f4ntqMS
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2eCR1I8l8
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nzdzsFNQG
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5U4gy9sgiO
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g77ko3AjG
百感交集……193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWn31rA7xk2
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4yDd2Ke2x
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYc8Sei9Nx
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9sY4LkTgW
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMV5FhjwJAo
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGPPJVys8h
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMp1d4hQjRy
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jtx6Lmd93
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAhzHl1g7B
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJX5AR6ODJ
「認得。你是文班的。」193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJgihvRX3p
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMW84IT1db
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBo3R4Cgf0H
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfsUvdjGIb
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfimxvkxD0x
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSVBaiu4Lq
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtgkIeyl2k
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCEMnypcgd
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbH3J6Vkmg9
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoHfbeVn7v
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvzHZBBZXL
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ191NBb3WUO
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPq7IorC5nH
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSHC0KhgxH
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6LsfUtFbR
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB1hsldyYC
我哭笑不得。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8Nzg5fWwR
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYtx6NLH1u
無意跟他繼續對話。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTa6AoAZgFh
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpgG3h0Ib8
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN1UpLCR5H
193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAMBOcgb8k
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。193Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95Azmiyi4X
