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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUkEnGdGb5
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfQExgHf3R
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErqHx9n92k
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw9BBikLdr
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45TBt5GNWG
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZW6kRWhCw
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14IUHqddlw
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ym0mJQSQz
為何記住？我解釋不了。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNemenWleCH
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4MN3yADPm
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12GeHwTEgk
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCFMNiKN5U
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguw8uR6PQq
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqlIKId3kj
其中一個是他。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58Y4qKeJZC
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisSknVxkxD
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVYK199UgB
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLMKfJbORt
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrrUdSeefO
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nzRBuiF6p
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIHDK9GJHI
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlHZTgzjIp
「你遺下銀包。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHc9LIHqbI8
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6viV7loTo
「謝謝。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMHNddYp8z
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh8CzStKe9
「不用客氣……」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPohwWxPZb
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThMH8E7RUY
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2kZaeFKwB
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHl8dSHJUgZ
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuprKNIyngK
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KNdDLZqNh
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoq7UAg6YX
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9i3I5dK0w
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHaee23dhO
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHsUKirVEk
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEfoOsGkcd
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboVvhJUhqG
「我是文班許家偉。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEqv4OngrH
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEDdYBQzjr
「我是理班李浩榮。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3FwTpwC85
其實我早已知道許家偉。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2ehdCyKgI
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePq5n5Orkd
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtDPaebAvt
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvy0lvQ7UE
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryhKrzoeKJ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5xaiTIgqt
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwTLV2cRIA
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNSeSdsy4f
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadatvYkC3k
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfScLvmawH
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwqeAXCo16
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTxmSkExb4
不服氣。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A7TP8QvmU
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmnLwje0LZ
繼續觀察他。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPEqbDEgfq
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2L3sBpHhI
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaWQrOD5O8
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbtoyxE3KR
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrZPAZyDHv
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LKNZX8Neb
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxcgHftfne
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf4iTxqDNx
我急步追趕許家偉。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOuLCQh0za
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4qdYVjLBb
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLod0CREvq
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAw3ajPssn
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYD17AHKaq3
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHB9NjqgQA
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJFvVtKFv2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaXOgkxMx8
「你遺下了銀包。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtVK1a5PqZ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUABfJcWHPH
「謝謝。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VHAXI9Q2n
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFWl0HjO4X
「不用客氣……」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXznIuL4zF0
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBt7cGqvD8D
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJ3Nx1oy8C
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCYD9OEcmy
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId6NcCSrFl
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHy8sY8Zud6
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyau08NU9n
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CrMjc2laQ
我望入他雙眼。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84q0FT6e0I
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGoO27e5kO
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKY2Rjc2eSc
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBu5v7bBvN
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE34XjadlGL
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5Wu3C6hq3
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvV3PW8JVBu
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrL0UIk4ow
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KCHH4FmiU
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tQJe4d0pQ
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjHO7fX1Rb
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4X0KTp7KV
「我是文班許家偉。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGOaHDuJD5
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcw7PeH04lF
「我是理班李浩榮。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNdpha4Ng8
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqNXGAg0oW
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1epBYOZmeF
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORh3BKIjOK
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrsge87lpQ
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhghfVCEO9
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3izF7bDbzp
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ORN5Laxmr
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXrhaSFUQe
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdt1nqerOm
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAphdAz85FZ
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMImG54cgJ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzICzkGpzZ
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34YIpfLtwz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpbg4TVyWQ
但我沒有阻止他。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUkZINp3y6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzv0OPvW7S
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ibbIprqX0
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9uGHAdali
我慫恿他繼續說下去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XbGiukmW2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGuldprlRm
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgnT4yfpqM
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5DLAbHpnu
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdlDFRHqUm
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcDyLV1gFN
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYzBjBXQFw
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYb5zPsb6Q
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpiL7MbURy
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JOvGY1nS8
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGetTs1ljTY
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LuG7ALoiM
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5rUrHhH87
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFv8AvGoSd
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6MkIr2eUO
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtB0SpwiXyT
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj1a80Rog0
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOluXGRRX5H
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykg4FDsYyY
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoUBu4rhsQ
但我掛念他。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCT0D0udPe
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUljN3hvfGz
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenMcmIPrZy
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmdX7rMtGR
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbarQgueWU
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpPnQVjzfR
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2edFrL23AC
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4NcAur7Kg
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckdUNy7cVX
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCaEYlH7IC
不要說。不要聽。不要見。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bjzZMNB3T
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMdqrvlpNg
希望時間會沖淡一切。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nqrRv1Grp
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYmDCTQQM9
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0p284CKYR5
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2OdQAKYj6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIbhHbKzYA
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmmBP1BxWW
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklwYOmW1Yp
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qO77H6zV7
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyV66w3XS9E
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxavT4osILH
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8O2gtiyxy
「我也不明白。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExyghgNi8l
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXF3rIMMyw
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVCxzELfQx
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdSm5hJksu
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMNpttfIMd
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGuj41ELYF
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEtDsYgl5F
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQH3nGOf4x
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHz4o2gGQO
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WHzZKPsO0
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHlomiBSds
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy43PbfHp4
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9HxehVaJV
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXh93lcoy9
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxX8vKebHS
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdeTKSAucM
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEDnRAxhcm
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9ToEmAwY0
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYind8YQgQI
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigixLKgIc7
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugCu2mmUqA
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bq0hRYJKQ
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL76LJIwK2n
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1DLI9SUkh
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpOsBI1zQU
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhkZ8rS4Fa
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3h0ZdGqVYO
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2uizQhgkC
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59mPZCPtHW
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxf3soWnXW
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcCEMszKQ7
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKULD57niAS
為何要走到這一步？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDt6X4QIaxR
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMRCZNJuMR
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nZkdOpccS
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7F9jvHPnrS
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV7Zd0DNKS
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkOrshpU9b
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFV63ET4jS6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzrfEw2Bnf
「別倔強。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32sNgSpeNn
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkLu6hMDQT
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXKGANtJP4
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQ3Q9SAPya
「我想你放棄。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmNqtFpJ5X
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX6mcymzFN
「原因？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp82B7zh3n6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnj8XUtGaUK
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0SIh5pHTY
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMHfknVJHs
「我知道。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqVQ5MgOHZ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpM9TtYXom
「何解還要繼續下去？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVjnylHsnn
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYC7ySoApln
「感情易放難收。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mHlphGVGD
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIcUSEdF4X
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZMO3CY4kM
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxZQIoRcDx
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpDj1e1wsl
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGotdm9RZYY
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yyq1oGMZu
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnr96BvC6Px
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviJJSz4e0L
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEOT8iOuY5
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFAaCd4UoM
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv71qEd5Zo
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYD4xH6giHz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY7boaCAED
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik1V0svWLj
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnJJ5eNorT
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU3KaE2zT2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLhiMyQ5Pc
小醉。半醉。大醉。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTNhpF3MnY
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZC6FJ7j5h
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtINHlG9x1p
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62uJbvckLj
「直接講我愛他。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzjdZIOXJL
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsxM6lfjrz
「如果他拒絕？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNECHDSpS3
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuytCSsgQ0
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5MxG5n710
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sTW79L970
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorL7EQNzM2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn7gowvgW1
「我當然是高興！」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRU0WD4en6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHchW1fBNv0
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLHz38y3Za
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrzrcZ6DbL
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvWVGDiCi7
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2m35aJMF4Z
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JCXkrtCHZ
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdUBMgTNLm
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsw2WtUq46
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8PBem5Bb3
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3DwbQs2qD
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUhQKNJRMB
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNALnf60T0
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4hG61eTz6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMqv6VFYjr
「你仍然單身？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVQCWOnVMz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpQUNtB06c
「是的。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eO5ljrn89
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSANHFhLfx7
「要我當媒嗎？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgmeAGYguz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeQ3Tne4bM
「不了。難為情。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEppJBPbZlA
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvb4bAKakB
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dxvK327XT
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqeWir5gLE
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaS4rIMhmVH
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyZsqrRaOt
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboPAVUuqv5
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SifGwkwEi
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlXsDM3oqU
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWhGR4jUTr
回家吧。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDdQ848BFA
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMqT2cPvET
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DCNj26oDP
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdo9o7yqTH2
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicLWDq9Lmh
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEYd1b7BU0
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCZ3dazR2n
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1Srwuocbn
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkkxWRvy7u
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtxZ7PZeSB
大概是一見鍾情吧。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5nDh7bLtc
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbMGBlytI8
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslYxoDgmI5
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKvyvEIUDw
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqyK7x0guK
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxqKFLVROL
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvShL3w9jLz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6diUbDEyp
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjwHtLZUlA
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPc5I6SRw9N
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApH7kYXvEp
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6r9tyoC44
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZHU9sPWUE
百感交集……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuX4ZMwtU5
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7cvoajTyE
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiqvSHyZdn
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4qTaIIz9z
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7I96vU4MwH
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuFOtjcjFX
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzRBMB8j8N
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTi3vHc6Xq
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9T8i7mccWG
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfQ2XDRNR6
「認得。你是文班的。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqomrXnzz4C
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFbgr5M9eB
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwaOakmQPi
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUc5jZ1WZN
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEg72MYKk9
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsEX1Drmi8
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOiQXuc8OC
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpxsT3TriE
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yG4s2ALgz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBgxbxKanP
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70YVolIl0W
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBhS7SN2z3
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyK8im4dzz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyzTrZUMxs
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVpI6dMM3s
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzYExjRPYr
我哭笑不得。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCKWlftTH8
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgIzIFj1W3
無意跟他繼續對話。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2W7O3McQk
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxeSa7kTK0
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFcOl1udCm
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcdmGrh3Nq
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ866RV7MMyp
