我和他,有五年沒見了。279Please respect copyright.PENANA7xtssHwVM5
279Please respect copyright.PENANAkqKYWNV6H1
對上一次見他,是考公開試的時候,他竟然坐在我的後方。他當時在我面前,說他考完這場試後,就去找工作和進修,在打工的同時習得一技之長。至於父母,他並不打算再跟他們交集。279Please respect copyright.PENANAtZhJJ4dWBY
279Please respect copyright.PENANAn8ySJlqtEs
記得放榜的那天,他在學校出現了一會。當時我沒能與他打招呼,因為他到學校拿了成績單後,就飛快地跑掉了。記得當時的情景是很尷尬的,他從老師手上拿過成績單後,把它硬塞到小小的側背包,就好像人硬塞一件垃圾,到一個滿得溢出來的垃圾桶一樣。接著他便一言不發,奪門而去。279Please respect copyright.PENANA22z94ZjO8K
279Please respect copyright.PENANAhLPmKXDOu1
當其他同學在享受生活時,他卻銷聲匿跡,沒有人能從任何社交軟件找到他。直至昨天,他打電話來,約我在公司樓下的咖啡廳。279Please respect copyright.PENANAbZCCANzoLn
279Please respect copyright.PENANAbF8Kw6KnmX
他遲了十五分鐘,但我看著他跑過來,汗流浹背的樣子,也不好意思多說什麼了。279Please respect copyright.PENANA0W39U2QIKq
279Please respect copyright.PENANAzVPxHOxZuC
「呢幾年,你做咗啲咩?」我問。279Please respect copyright.PENANAfTnMhXuoi5
「放榜嗰陣係咪好尷?我嗰陣粒聲唔出就當住所有人面跑走咗。」279Please respect copyright.PENANA4Z40REOaHo
我不知道怎樣回答,只好裝作在回想的樣子。279Please respect copyright.PENANAGAquE6bjqo
「當時,其實我冇考衰到,Best 5 28分,其實好過好多人,但係我幾肯定我入唔到medic。我打電話同屋企人講我28分嗰陣,佢哋喺電話嘅另一面屌到我上天花板。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAaIK9AkKfF7
他的眼神,訴說著不能言喻的悲哀。28分是很多人夢寐以求的分數,考到那個分數的他,在別人面前根本沒有抱怨的資格。279Please respect copyright.PENANA3G6EUXNdTB
「其實我預撚咗。我預咗我考8科,計埋有15粒星,都會俾佢哋屌。於是我返到屋企,我當住佢哋面撕爛咗張沙紙。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAFU1TkR5Lkw
「吓?咁你後來點呀?冇書讀㗎喎。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAzvyDGsNCVq
「係呀,跟住佢哋話唔養我添。唔緊要,我之前做part time識得少少人,咁我咪靠佢哋,喺嗰度做full time囉,順便搵啲嘢學下。之前學咗沖咖啡,而家學剪頭髮,啲錢全部都我搵返嚟嘅。講真咁又有個好處,起碼我又唔洗借grant loan,又可以遠離『讀書』呢樣咁on9嘅嘢,反正俾我讀到又點,是但有科A-嘅話,佢哋咪又係嘈。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAl7RDZxV7NR
279Please respect copyright.PENANAsLkkLpCyU4
旁人只會說讀書比工作輕鬆,但你怎會想到,有人會這樣厭惡讀書,甚至撕毀接受更高等教育的入場券?279Please respect copyright.PENANAFJxQxB65cf
279Please respect copyright.PENANARBSaBY1MrN
不過,這都是個人選擇罷了。有些人學業成績極差,所有科目都不及格,但還是生龍活虎的。沒有人說過成績好的人要走什麼路,成績只是讓你有更多選擇。279Please respect copyright.PENANAneRYm1nTLQ
279Please respect copyright.PENANANJyxYKL6FH
就好像一個人有言論自由,同時他亦有「不言論自由」一樣。279Please respect copyright.PENANAxofTl3R7tG
279Please respect copyright.PENANAqTLR6EaOoQ
他有升學的權利,但他也有不升學的權利。279Please respect copyright.PENANAfFrkcizbwm
279Please respect copyright.PENANAHjf3W4RWbd
「會唔會俾人睇唔起?會!我阿爸阿媽嗰類人咪睇唔起我囉。Unironically,佢哋同時都幾睇唔起自己,因為佢哋都冇一個係讀神科出身,甚至俾份DSE卷佢做,都做得衰過我。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAKU8WRZqPzQ
「會唔會好辛苦?會㗎,但係嗰陣讀緊書嘅,有邊個冇呻過啲嘢好chur?其實咪又係咁辛苦。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAhokswH9x9k
「會唔會唔開心?都有少少㗎,但肯定開心過考試之前囉。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAMT6vmzy64s
「有冇後悔?我後悔走人之前冇當面屌柒佢哋。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAzjmcCrggQg
279Please respect copyright.PENANA4KqWv6Er6z
語畢,他打開背包的拉鍊,拿出一部電話和一疊圖片。圖片上的他,有些是騎著機車,威風澟澟的樣子;有些是在海洋公園和迪士尼公園拍的,有些是他和動漫展的「戰利品」的合照。279Please respect copyright.PENANAM1puTuKiI6
279Please respect copyright.PENANAmbV0bHV4Wb
這些照片都有一個共通點:他都是笑著拍的,而這個笑容,是打從內心感到快樂的笑容。只看著這些照片,是很難想像他的童年有多麼悲慘,也很難想像原來他曾有輕生的念頭。279Please respect copyright.PENANAXD7DiWI2Du
279Please respect copyright.PENANAGVaZRwMbkp
「我係咪好憎佢哋?」他再提出設問,卻當刻搖了搖頭:「嗰陣可能係啦,但係沉浸喺怨恨當中,又有咩用?」279Please respect copyright.PENANA3sGBaAk9d5
279Please respect copyright.PENANAo9WCP6bZVP
他開啟電話,讓我看他的對話紀錄。279Please respect copyright.PENANAL8daQqb5F1
279Please respect copyright.PENANARLluULpl8r
『屌,不孝子,幾撚時俾家用呀?』279Please respect copyright.PENANAmkujaeG8sq
『走撚咗去做鴨?』279Please respect copyright.PENANAMM0oFBwUPG
『都唔知邊個教到你條撚樣咁樣。』279Please respect copyright.PENANA5QMqtpL3DE
『養到你咁大都唔撚識感恩,嗰陣應該落撚咗佢』279Please respect copyright.PENANAxKZDCJ7May
279Please respect copyright.PENANAkpolFqLyrG
盡是一些人身攻擊和粗言穢語。還有些最近的:279Please respect copyright.PENANA6DxeroZZG4
279Please respect copyright.PENANAMJ3ovZbezz
『你爸爸死咗呀,你條仆街又唔撚嚟,掛住做鴨俾女屌呀?』279Please respect copyright.PENANA8tatuq03wM
279Please respect copyright.PENANAwdz5zoM8AQ
他留意到我看著那條訊息的時候,道:「諗下諗下,佢哋咪又係唔care我。你諗下,我危坐又危坐過,社工又見過,心理學家成日見嘅,嗰陣我仲要係top priority,每兩個禮拜就要見佢一次。但係我得到嘅就係一面倒嘅怪責。」279Please respect copyright.PENANA3IBupUhmgW
279Please respect copyright.PENANAPqF2uz5v6g
「咁我不如唔好理佢哋啦,就好似當時佢哋唔理我嘅精神健康咁樣。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAbs9WFA25i3
279Please respect copyright.PENANArAMxufCaWW
很多人都說不應不理父母,不應與他們斷絕關係。不過從他平淡的語氣可見,他的父母根本沒當他是人。279Please respect copyright.PENANA11seApovJo
279Please respect copyright.PENANA10jRzFC1Hz
「一切都係大話嚟。佢哋話好錫我?話我做鴨仲話錫我呀?佢哋話冇讀大學好辛苦?我而家嘅生活笑住過㗎。哼。」279Please respect copyright.PENANAv4lJMwA9Rb
279Please respect copyright.PENANA7CAdWCtITs
他『哼』的一聲,彷彿在嗤笑著父母,但這也在恥笑著曾相信他們說話的自己。279Please respect copyright.PENANAZqbpf9uzC0