這種劇情發展怎麼跟日本毒撚動漫十分相似,突然有個陌生女子在家中出現,然後同居。這種既異想天開又陳腔濫調的劇情,連我在講故台看到都會唾棄。若是毒撚甚至是一般男生絕對會點首答允,這樁美事發生十個男生九個都嚮往,剩下一個應該是同性戀。不好意思,我是第十一個。285Please respect copyright.PENANAVYrWtSOlRL
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作為一名A0毒撚當然想盡快交女朋友擺脫這個稱號,但論到同居我絕不同意。先撇開她是一個不知從何而來的陌生人,與女生同居這種事沒你想像中那麼美好。為何我知道?全因我之前與家姐同住十幾年,徹底了解與女生這種生物在同一屋簷下是甚麼狀況。285Please respect copyright.PENANANTQnRtASCL
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女生與你老媽不同,她們不是照顧你忍讓你的角色,早上搶洗手間,晚上搶電視,半夜在床上與男朋友講電話使你無法入睡,還沒算上其他破壞形象的行為。285Please respect copyright.PENANAz1QMmK0yaO
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可能你會說家姐是有血緣關係無法與其他女生相提並論,起初我也是這樣以為,但實際例子往往是最好的論證。有一年暑假,家姐的同學來了我家住了幾星期。家姐的同學長得非常可愛,但這個印象僅維持了幾天,往後的日子仿如多了另一位家姐一樣,我平日遇到的痛苦乘以雙倍。285Please respect copyright.PENANAnw36G8pEJJ
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因此我對與女生同居一事只有一個看法,女生的形象率先崩壞,然後你的生活亦隨之崩壞。可能是我太偏激,抑或是我對上述女生本身沒有多餘的遐想。即使今天要與我同居的女生是岑月寧,我還是會拒絕,我怕會破壞她在我心目中的形象。285Please respect copyright.PENANAMHAEEt35fa
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「你傻架?你話係度住我就會俾你住架啦?就算我肯,我老母都唔肯啦。」我將老媽二字搬出來。285Please respect copyright.PENANAUMhH5qw61j
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「即係你阿媽肯俾我係度住,你就肯?」她抓我說話的漏洞。285Please respect copyright.PENANAQRhmlWafYZ
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我心裡想著老媽怎麼可能答允,我就放長雙眼看她怎麼垂頭喪氣的離開。285Please respect copyright.PENANAmZCL9K0ti1
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「睇下我老母點應你囉。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAUd9aj4kFN0
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我跟她說老媽在上班,要十二點才回來,讓她在客廳等。我趕緊換回衣服,然後自顧的走到廚房從櫃中拿出杯麵,打開杯麵提起熱水壺倒水進去。我提著杯麵進房間,打算邊吃邊看伍公子的公子玩walking dead。285Please respect copyright.PENANANoqu4tVvxk
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想不到她跟著我進房間,我回頭望向她,只見她望著我手上的杯麵嚥口水…285Please respect copyright.PENANAwepxof68Fu
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「又點啊?想食啊?」我問。285Please respect copyright.PENANAtBN2QAeJQD
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她按著肚輕輕點頭。285Please respect copyright.PENANAQKS3WKC581
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「又話自己係仙子,乜仙子會肚餓架咩?」我嘲諷著說。285Please respect copyright.PENANAwlSLggq8pM
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「唔食咪唔食囉,好叻咩!」285Please respect copyright.PENANAtDZ38TfXZi
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想不到她是如此倔強,我沒理會她繼續享用杯麵及公子玩。吃完後打算扔垃圾走出房間時,發現她坐在沙發一邊按著肚一邊怒視著我。她的眼神兇悍得猶如我是她仇人一樣,我怕了她,把垃圾扔掉後,便從櫃子裡拿出另一個杯麵,還注滿熱水送到她面前。285Please respect copyright.PENANAfzXLH4k6pP
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「嗱,食啦,廢事你好似隻餓鬼咁啤實我。」285Please respect copyright.PENANA5s7sHZqa1W
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「邊個話我肚餓。」她口嫌體正直,雙手已經捧著杯麵。285Please respect copyright.PENANAsU3Mcq3iAw
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看著她這種反差意外地帶點可愛。285Please respect copyright.PENANAmxH79YBhBO
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她打開杯麵用鼻吸了一口問:285Please respect copyright.PENANAxfDFyKMlR6
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「辣架?」285Please respect copyright.PENANA4vk7o7E4Ns
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我家的杯麵一向由我包辦,而我只會吃合味道的香辣海鮮味,要在我家找到別的口味是不可能的。我看她神情驟變便說:285Please respect copyright.PENANA7JraS1F5GP
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「唔食得辣啊?咁唔好食囉。」285Please respect copyright.PENANArxauMfTgzD
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她聽到後反而大口的把麵條吸入,看她吃得滿頭大汗就覺得有點好笑。這種杯麵的辣連譚仔十小辣都不如,居然有人會吃到出汗。285Please respect copyright.PENANADqSn54udyo
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我看她雙唇變得紅彤微腫,便倒了杯水給她,她接過水杯說:285Please respect copyright.PENANA9Nvu8kLv3h
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「唔該。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAAUkFmHVd45
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「唔駛,我唔該你就真,俾我發現原來有人咁渣,連合味道嘅辣都頂唔住。」我笑著說。285Please respect copyright.PENANAMlJMK8NLCR
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「好好笑咩!?」她突然怒吼。285Please respect copyright.PENANAHHWj3RiV6p
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我被她的神情嚇一跳,收起了嬉笑的嘴臉…285Please respect copyright.PENANAqE6zeHzOuM
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「你咁嘅態度對女仔,睇死你一定冇女朋友啦。」她噴出一句。285Please respect copyright.PENANAodWo77SnXs
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她這一句完全是我的致命傷,我不知如何反駁。285Please respect copyright.PENANABWC6M33MdI
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「唔出聲即係我講中啦。」她接連的攻勢讓我快招架不住。285Please respect copyright.PENANA2hhxPNkfT9
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被她說穿事實,我無法裝腔作勢…285Please respect copyright.PENANAvmygkyG3Hl
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「係啦係啦,你啱晒啦得未,我無拍過拖就係原罪,你地有拖拍嘅咪即管笑囉!」285Please respect copyright.PENANAcZIAxLU3Ar
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我突然想起今早韓信他們也攻擊我這一點,說完我垂頭回到房間裡再沒跟她講話。285Please respect copyright.PENANAek8L4YKdGT
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尷尬的氣氛維持良久,直到聽到開門聲,老媽終於回來…285Please respect copyright.PENANAAgqB8pPoEu
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老媽回來便看到那位女生,問我:285Please respect copyright.PENANAbbjOBZuq6t
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「阿仔,呢位邊個嚟?」285Please respect copyright.PENANAhDD5GMNlYn
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「你問我?你不如問下你帶返嚟個茶…」我說到一半嘴巴一隻手被捂著。285Please respect copyright.PENANADevEU1DDYX
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是她阻止了我,然後她把我老媽拉到廚房小聲的密談,我站在客廳聽不到對話內容。片刻後她們出來,我老媽對著我說:285Please respect copyright.PENANAEYyMcQ7Pox
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「仔,之後曦…啊唔係,呢位茶小姐會係度住一排。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAuqeID10g8c
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WTF!?老媽你搞甚麼?居然會讓她住下來?285Please respect copyright.PENANAijF4AJEyXm
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「吓!?點解啊?三唔識七點解要俾佢住?邊有咁多地方俾佢瞓?」我愕然的問。285Please respect copyright.PENANARvArRuBSLa
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「你咪理咁多啦,同埋你執返上格床啲野佢瞓返你家姐張床咪得囉。」老媽四兩撥千斤的化解我的問題。285Please respect copyright.PENANAdQ6mOe6vLS
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現在同居還不夠,還要同房是嗎?我完全無法接受,顯然我的抗議無法撼動我老媽,我便抓了那女生到一旁…285Please respect copyright.PENANA0t1fGDWB9i
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「喂!你好講做左啲咩搞到我老母咁順攤?」285Please respect copyright.PENANAZHCxhXqZ8P
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「我都話左我係茶碗仙子,呢啲野難唔到我,係你唔信我咋嘛。」她囂張的道。285Please respect copyright.PENANAjBanl6QYzc
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「仲有我唔係叫喂,叫我做茶小姐!」她接著說。285Please respect copyright.PENANAWI73bDxz5w
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「茶你老…」285Please respect copyright.PENANAyKqMXtqQFk
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「阿仔,今晚你瞓廳啦,俾人地女仔瞓房啊,聽日返嚟要執好上格床啊。」老媽打斷我的同時下了不人道的命令。285Please respect copyright.PENANA7b2ifbMkfE
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我不解為何要讓出我的床,怎麼說都應該是她睡在客廳吧…285Please respect copyright.PENANAok2KiVqi3S
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「瞓廳啦你。」她擺出欠打的表情說。285Please respect copyright.PENANAiAcQhyky5M
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「你都痴線,我今晚老虎蟹都瞓房。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAQCVHlzQxJ6
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我絕不退讓,可是強硬姿態敵不過她下一句…285Please respect copyright.PENANAynG3tNbPCF
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「今晚想同我同床瞓啊?咸濕仔…」285Please respect copyright.PENANAKcnkIdeW1X
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我不知道她是故意挑逗還是隨口說,換著別人恐怕早就把她吃掉,可是我在這方面是個廢物,面對這種事情就當機不懂反應,她看我呆掉便說:285Please respect copyright.PENANABTq2mKpi7L
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「你唔係真係想啊嘛?發夢啦你,同我死出廳瞓!」285Please respect copyright.PENANAxufo2yCGdX
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砰!房門大力關上,就這樣我與我的床相隔一道門,只好認命的睡在沙發。唉,我究竟做錯了甚麼落得如此下場,果然與女生同居就不會有好日子過…285Please respect copyright.PENANA5dmMM1LAoB