「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjLQtBafLL
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEwBppOl1k
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAODSHxHGo
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LTSe1tNqy
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNJSakpRUM
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkfxZFob2D
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiA6aRp8zWn
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV6PdWsvcv
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4niZXDSNtG
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ8zVSDkZm
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1Pu60MVIY
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KMAbkVaYa
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkau1fDRTyD
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjXHjkU0Rd
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3YUPOFn8j
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4t7UR8EZKU
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfD7KUH4HW
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPBh0XOAtW
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSTCpaBGoR
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3k86oJHNFK
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTjzkD6HtI
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HOBhFFzFN
咔——383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfRdoEdTkW
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtC5fWg1krj
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4t8JLI8day
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMy2JAm33b
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBLJMwOY2A
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVbE5DMsK6
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjDE3NcfmB
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhnlzW1YMC
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbbRJ8fEGv
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5IHfJKx99
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHxQkX8E1S
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkLd48vIPJ
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvybGDVpVtX
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwl0cj7LUB
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKINCDnYkG
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvVvnChpVU
至少三十年。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0XH1LON1D
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiZ5aKBuFL
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwwqB7WseG
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO3AkB4rzD
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNFN9FPvtr
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9U7WAC7er
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3zzGc53I1
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycErW3RJOL
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1uykfK6V1
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMQlG8uDF6
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpMddsr0af
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Nl6aeAXSZ
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZNZCk5vbH
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6Tp8Rmd4w
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FfnJ01z3W
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8yfuzpmX9
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfEKngnZtq
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVh5pJvyDDv
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAINGI2ap1q
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfCIDdC6rN
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Dhh5ZoTql
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwlP7YGLMo
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcQ1UnMDRf
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I4r5m1IVh
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpNJLyvBm0
感動退散，惡意再生。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sbBlOdRfK
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsEmeDauqV
缺失很多，要求更多。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JMWursPWo
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaDUg47HzI
缺失愛，索求愛。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuqr9uvtQ7
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaPXjftxNI
變本加厲。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxrFRQNLky
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeXaq8apKM
理所當然。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk7WE9ZE1m
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDacsmHePR
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsm4AYJFODp
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡribpQUhpEm
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvW6tNyVUT
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYN1fGT387
沒有永遠的愛。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvkY0PkADr
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcghLeDLoDq
缺失愛，索求愛。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVkqHcHE0H
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfu9urOa2X
鳳姐索價三百元。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79eMGuSxs0
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0y6z4ywC1
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzcg0q9owN
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tNjn8KnDW
完事。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0yt0zzgpg
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡll8vkEGYXS
一切歸空。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZrvSV4rLm
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuya8WamzNM
理所當然。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ30ETvOuF
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns216.73.216.239da2
