— No, I don't feel like it.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykJZNC47CT
— But yes, it will be fun.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7gnLOeZkX
— What's the funny thing about going to school on a day when there's no class ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkKwUY5B9b
We have one of those discussions where I try to convince him to come out. This time, I set my sights on the Halloween party that the school organizes like every year on the evening of October 31st.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM15dySLzzC
I thought about his question for a moment. How can I make him give in this time ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoSECSjOnB
— The classes will be emptied of their desks. There will be entertainment, sweets… a ball.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDvo23Z7MG
He raises an eyebrow and makes me understand that this is not a given.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsymbSdepY
— Do you see me dancing ? ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnajSZUjij7
I ignore his reply and continue mischievously : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoin9pvr9TE
— We will be disguised, and you can annoy everyone who criticizes you from behind. Why else do you think I would go ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXPO2oBSDs
I can see by his expression that I have a point.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRWRtfCIcQ
— Hello, Megan.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmV7bduRSc
— Hello, Elise, are you well ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbzqSzKYrC
I spend so much time with Jessy that I have become very close to Mrs. Sutter. She is always happy to see me at their place and invites me to come whenever I want. I feel a bit like home there.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2LSJI8s3L
— Where will you go in disguise ? Asks Elise who heard my last sentence.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZTIZSAES6
— At the high school Halloween party.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxq1Fb72WCI
— Good idea ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfVr6S4kti
With one look, Jessy glares at his mother. Mrs. Sutter places a laundry basket on the dining room table where we are and begins to fold the clothes. I grab a T-shirt and spread it on the table to help him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9yvlnuD9l
— It will do you good to go out and have fun, you stay too cooped up here ruminating.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfQyKvpSN9
— I like to be alone with my thoughts, Jessy defends, grabbing the T-shirt I’m holding in my hands.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxm3ngOjsl
— Luckily you're here, Meg, otherwise he'd never leave his room.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDOZz7FV6y
I grab another piece of clothing and start folding it.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaYKzL99FS
— Mom, stop. It’s okay, you win, I’ll go to the damn party ! But Meg, please stop worrying about my clothes ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGSojK8x5p
I look down at the item of clothing I'm holding : it's one of his boxers. I let go immediately, but I already feel my cheeks turning red. Jessy grabs it and hides it behind his back. His face is as red as mine.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SkZn1QLBX
— Sorry… I’m… so used to doing it… at home, I said, stuttering.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGHGEdkmb3
Mrs. Sutter bursts out laughing as she watches us.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVi0pwDNpwl
— Mission accomplished, she comes to high five me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡos9CA7zJKx
— What are we going to disguise ourselves as ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPhwM7wRrn
— There's no way I'm going to wear a suit ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczy82UvxJj
Jessy responds quickly, looking at us in turn.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwcJFHK8vQ
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The next week, we're in the main hallway of the school during break time, talking about the Halloween party. I keep trying to convince Jessy to dress up but he remains stubborn.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodn5ESugsd
— I could see you as James Dean, I think out loud as I look at him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLV7JBa3WF9
— Is it because I'm going to die young like him ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjViEXP2LIy
Immediately, I grimace.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr553WWh39o
— Stop with that ! I was thinking of James because you are handsome and sexy like him but if you prefer to see the negative side...349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4s5yiSVNm1
— I was joking, he smiled. Beautiful and sexy, huh ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdyWtE5B5U
I roll my eyes, smiling as my cheeks turn red. My words came out before I could hold them back. In Jessy's presence, I feel like I'm losing my composure. It is enough for him to stare at me with those beautiful green eyes for my mouth to respond without having the approval of my brain.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYUwNqPxC8
— I’m dreaming where your cheeks are all red, he mocks, pointing to my face with his index finger.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQO0wbOrAsG
I give him a little tap on the arm which makes him burst out laughing. I love hearing this sound. I have seen him so angry, sullen, lonely, that when he laughs I am happy.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3o2CyC6KX
— At times, you remind me of my brother. You have the same dubious humor every…349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoSP487dG7
I leave my sentence hanging as my smile freezes when I see Amy passing near us. She gives me an icy look and completely ignores Jessy.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeLQAWjL0V
— Why is Amy looking at you like that ? Jessy asks me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPA2EigLpJ
I turn to him, trying to ignore my former friend. I don't want her to realize how much her attitude hurts and disappoints me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu93zs5E1E
— I don't know. Since I'm no longer with Chad, she doesn't speak to me anymore. To think that she was my best friend... As children, we were all together often : Chad, Amy and me. And today, I feel like I've lost a part of my past.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdXQSnjHz1
— People change and evolve differently over the years. She'll come back to you one of these days.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk4ulLQymT
— You think ? I ask him, hoping he's telling the truth.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulq5CKyTlA
— I'm sure. Who could give up a friend like you ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgA2W9lgOs
— Yeah, a friend, I breathe with annoyance while scrutinizing him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgt8Y730E0v
I would really like him to see me as something other than his friend.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGlFFAm9eI
— And with Chad, where are you ? He questions casually.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxK7rsk1ig3
— Nowhere. We haven't spoken in several weeks. I turned the page on him. On the other hand, I continue by staring at him. There are three other boys who asked me on a date.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYQIA095Ij
Am I dreaming or has his expression suddenly changed ? He lowers his face, staring at the ground as if it holds all the answers in the universe.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNVgENUIVu
— Did you agree to go out with them ? He whispers in a strangled voice.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7guGxsCAFy
— No, I refused. You're the only guy I want to spend time with at the moment.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOWRJg25WA
Suddenly, he lifts his face and smiles. I observe him carefully. Maybe he doesn't really see me as a friend after all. It’s enough to make me smile again.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wRo2BbN3J
— You and Chad broke up shortly after I arrived in town, but there was one thing that struck me from the few times I saw you together.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIEqH9pdXG
— Ah good ? What ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXPfmF8L4r
— The distance there was between you. I mean, you were never in each other's arms or making a move to touch each other.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwlUFIQbBz
— Is that what you did with your exes ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0LbWDKKPi
I scrutinize him to read his reaction which does not take long : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkW27TP1sx
— No, but I have never been in love.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hJs8etI7V
— Maybe Chad didn’t like me that much, I shrug. Or that I'm not the type of girl that guys like to hug.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsvBYnNowb
— Oh yes, any man would be happy to be able to hold you against him, he says without a shadow of hesitation.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerSoALbNcH
So why don't you do it ? ! I want to ask him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM17LJ4sty
But suspecting that this would turn him on, I just stare at him and remain silent. However, I am happy with his admission, so I continue with a smile : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneoM3fslVw
— So for Halloween, what are we dressing up as ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiMrqNQNcb
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u8e3lRObh
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWqE3lj8ab
On Friday evening, I found my parents in the living room while waiting for Jessy to arrive. I enter the room and turn around asking them : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuduA9qBeg
— Is my dress okay ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2X0jZHasm
— You are very chic, admire my father.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeHGY9w4ug
For the occasion, I opted for a black Charleston— style dress, and my hairstyle is adorned with a white feather. It's not my favorite outfit, but Jessy only agreed to wear a very classy suit jacket.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QypnCULCD
— Megan, why do you have a mask in your hand ? Nina asks.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHweNwXS8Ag
— I'll put it on when I get to school. I promised Jessy that, under cover of anonymity, he could annoy the students who criticize him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2WAd2CKPe
My mother laughs.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrh4i1rNT5
— That’s definitely your idea ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuXkGDFHfR
— It was one of the arguments to decide him to leave his house.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7mJK4yJsm
— You two spend a lot of time together, my father comments seriously.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZJM8wrSVT
— Yes, he’s great ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKoUq7xMum
— You know we love Jessy, but we're worried about you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NjxETbowi
— We are just friends.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSP1CKAGmO
— I'm not talking about that. Losing someone close to you is difficult.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaU3CQSjC05
— I know. I know that one day he may no longer be here, but if that were to happen, I would have time to prepare for it. And he's my best friend, I can't stop seeing him, that wouldn't be fair to him or me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GiJiyVrCL
— Are you sure it’s just friendship ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzMhrSvUhV
My father examines my face which immediately turns purple.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh7byMWxOc
— I preferred Chad, my sister objects, sulking.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxg6drOyFC
Without meaning to, Nina makes me smile again and distracts my father's attention. Admitting to myself that I'm in love with Jessy is one thing, dropping this bombshell in front of my father is another. I already know the moral lesson that would await me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WWXZJe8tF
— And I find this school rule stupid which stipulates that you have to be fifteen years old to be able to attend this evening. I would have liked to go there ! She says, crossing her arms over her chest.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaluYnFdmN3
— Then you should have asked Chad to invite you ! I said, provoking her.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgs8AvEdx6
In response, she taps her foot on the ground while the doorbell rings.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqeZnTD8D9
— I go ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfisM2pmoh
I rush to open the door to Jessy. And I literally stand there glued to the spot when I see him in his black suit with a white shirt, black tie and hat. In his hand he holds a white mask similar to mine. He exudes a particular charm that disturbs me even more than usual, which is saying something.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyUap3GdmF
After a few seconds of examining each other, he leans towards me to hang a white rose on the strap of my dress.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yD5Y5JBIW
— How pretty you are, he whispered to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY7iTfsLBU
His hands brush the skin of my shoulder and I feel myself melting. I take a deep breath to force myself to pull myself together.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DgXYqOpvV
— Isn't that okay ? He asks me, visibly worried.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWEwK7qZoI
I can't tell him the truth. He was very clear with me when I let myself kiss him. And even though he hasn't spoken to me about it again, I still feel a burning shame. Since then I have restrained my actions and am content to be the friend he needs so much.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSONR30rV44
— Yes, it's going very well. It’s just that it’s hot in the house and cold outside, the contrast struck me. Come on, just a minute, I'll get my coat.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4GqQjPRcj
He nods and follows me to the living room where he politely greets my family as usual.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8VvVHLXB9
— Wow, Jessy ! This costume suits you really well ! Launches my mother.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYoZNeAFyK
— Thank you, Mrs. Crawfords. Nina, I thought of you, I brought you a little thing to console you for not being able to come to the party.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVeibbTrH0
He takes a rose similar to mine out of his pocket and hands it to my sister, who is speechless for a few seconds.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6iLVvIIqq
— Thank you, Jessy, she finally said. Then looking at us, she adds : I take back everything I said earlier, it’s Jessy, my favorite ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfNCskECTE
We burst out laughing.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BZK5vgQk8
— Well done, Jessy, you managed to dethrone Chad ! My father is joking.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELRJzKP8Na
— It wasn’t won though, smiled the young man. — Here we go ? I ask him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLNKrWlKf6
Jessy makes a hesitant face and answers me without much enthusiasm : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFTUiVeu8z
— I would have done without it, but since I have to… let’s go ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6EOV0ViOq
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Two hours later, I see that Jessy is having a good evening. We took the route of anxiety : a walk in the middle of the corridors of the high school which, for the occasion, were decorated as a house of horror with skeletons suddenly appearing in front of us, vampires thirsty for blood who throw themselves on those who dare to approach them or even werewolves who run after us in the feigned hope of devouring us. There are many activities, but Jessy doesn't forget his little revenge either. When we pass a tall dark guy dressed as Dracula, whom my companion immediately recognizes as one of his persecutors, he puts on his mask, approaches slowly and manages to drop off without anyone, except me, noticing. has a large rubber tarantula on his shoulder. A moment later, we hear a scream echo through the classroom as the guy in question squirms in every direction to escape the spider. Jessy and I walk out of the room laughing until we cry.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPY7eIrCS1
— I admit, he said to me shortly after in one of the corridors, when we caught our breath, that just for that, it was worth coming ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDL135WeiAf
— See, I told you we’d have fun ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERBrOI0dwB
— You were right, thank you for forcing my hand. (He takes off his mask before staring at me.) Of all the people I know, you are always there for me, no matter what. For what ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkXuiVhvqs
He is suddenly serious.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Q1mov9gwa
Can't you see that I'm in love with you, idiot ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbsLBY7LI5
I want to tell him, but I hold back.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtC1C8Yav6L
Instead, I answer him : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4rCdymYq5
— Why not ? You're my friend, right ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUMJ30iP17
He nods, and his green eyes shine with a strange light.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGcxdGdaLj
— Oh, Jessy, come ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvl9YyyscKh
Without waiting for a response, I grab him by the sleeve of his suit and force him to follow me into one of the classes that says : Come discover your future through cards.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKFWd3d9ss
For the occasion, the room, deliberately darkened, was divided into three parts by curtains, thus constituting cabins where clairvoyants sit. We approach one of them.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeDVAX8yuk
— Can we ? I said, pointing to the seats in front of her.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnhUeFHAyd
— Of course, my children, come. Sit down.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5gxVeSYJG
She is a small woman with brown hair, with a fairly fleshy build, who inspires confidence at first glance.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiYfqeL6bV
— Who wants to start ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YB3MXhpqb
Jessy and I exchange a look.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8kcdkFWrN
"Iron, Meg."349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGWo0SAE5X
— OK, draw seven cards from the fan in front of you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTYCFz7Wd7
She turns the cards over one after the other, arranging them in a sort of large cross.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzIAFrXecS
— You are a nice girl, a little too serious at times, she said to me. You are always there for the people you love. This card, which designates the Empress, tells me that you are good at studies. I can assure you that you will go to university and study for a long time. A great job awaits you at the end.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQqYz9H0Ng
I'm happy, studies are very important to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTqovkiGrl
— This card, she continues, showing me the Lover, — tells me that you are hesitating between two boys. One has the key to your heart and the other relationship is more controlled by your reason, the first boy completely capsizes you, the second rather symbolizes security.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZYguTvBBv
I feel myself blushing from head to toe and, silently, I thank the heavens that the room is just lit by candles. Jessy and Chad ! Only I'm not in love with Chad and I'm banking on love... I feel Jessy's gaze weighing on me, but I don't dare respond.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVqfYPN1o3
— I can't tell you more, it will be up to you to choose between these two men, she places her hand on mine.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZn8XLfWzl
— Thanks.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOj9SbeELV
— Your turn, young man, announces the woman, shuffling her cards before spreading them again on the table.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8PXJbZf7R
As I did, Jessy takes out seven cards from the deck and turns them over as she goes.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yjTPWYcLe
— You are a kind boy, very sensitive, who has suffered a lot, but you do everything to keep it from showing. You play tough to hide your heart of gold. You are gifted in studies, but this card, it points to the Moon, leads me to believe that you are especially gifted in the arts. The drawing ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZNyug062R
— I painted a lot, but I stopped for a while.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwWqLWPkFu
— You should start again. You are an anxious boy, and this would calm you down.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidAsDIAtcX
She turns over another card : the Hermit.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaJQwOlQlE
— This one tells me that you tend to run away from others. You like to be alone and, at the same time, you experience this solitude as if you were afraid of the world around you. Yet you are not alone... There is someone in your life that you love, but, for I don't know what reasons, you seem to be running away from this love that life offers you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtgtnYZcet
I see Jessy growing nervous next to me as he stares intently at the cards.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3cUHNEvbX
The clairvoyant turns over the penultimate card : the Nameless Arcana. Despite myself, I flinch.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3UQtmF1S0
— Don't worry, the lady is reassuring, this card is scary with the skeleton reaping it represents, but it rarely means physical death. Above all, it is a sign of change in life. Your existence will be turned upside down, you will succeed in overcoming your fears to fully live your destiny.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAaAxlp9An
She turns over the last card : the World.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9ilQ5HBgz
— In the coming months, you are going to be very happy young man, much more than you imagine, but for that, you must open your heart to accept the gift that is being given to you, said the clairvoyant, looking Jessie.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQExWmH97Nr
— Thank you, Madam, he stammers, visibly embarrassed.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCanPNdUlG
— One last thing : Concerning your health, just live day to day without worrying too much. Destiny is destiny, you cannot change what will happen.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFg52Jt8yC
Jessy nods, looking serious, even though my heart is pounding. Has she just confirmed his imminent death ? His words are enigmatic to me but not to349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB9pTAJU9k
Jessy who gets up quickly and leaves the room, I follow suit.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPTTLv8umE
— Jessy, are you okay ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoonsts60T
— Yes, very good.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVr90nYugr2
— I'm sorry. It was a stupid idea to go see a psychic.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKQMvfjJNw
He stops and turns to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq1eUs3K9J
— Don't worry, she told us an ending that you and I already know.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiLN77XPwf
— It wasn't that clear to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUbMYPan2O
— Yes, but you are always overly optimistic while I…349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0flAZ11nPs
— You are disarmingly pessimistic.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoLtSL6M3j
My reply makes Jessy laugh.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyyKkbiT4z
— It's true. Between the two of us, we have the perfect balance.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x4BuRkzgT
I smile in turn, thinking about how we complement each other perfectly.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTe1j6DZYrh
— Seriously, are you sure you’re okay ? If you want, can we go back ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6CVfbTlov
— No, we're having fun. Come on, come on ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkXpoTXdmz
He gives me a reassuring wink. For the first time, he takes my hand, which suddenly makes me feverish, and guides me towards the gymnasium which has been transformed into a ballroom. Black and orange garlands cascade from the ceiling, paper pumpkins have been installed on the tables where soft drinks are served. In the four corners of the room, plastic skeletons held by wires move like puppets. In the center of the room, students wiggle to the rhythm of a wild Rolling Stones song.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjxTRfT2X2
— You are thirsty ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgPZ5g4lHm
I nod with a nod. Jessy leaves me to go get two cups. I look around the room. In a corner, I see Chad dressed as a vampire, and his friends. Apparently they are the ones responsible for leading the anxiety journey. Then a tall blonde girl comes and kisses him full on the mouth. Despite her Marilyn Monroe disguise, I recognized Amy immediately. That's why she's been running away from me since we broke up, she did everything to seduce him and it worked. Chad quickly forgot me and her, that traitor ! Jessy returns with the cups. I drink mine dry.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr90HD3WTWu
— What do you have ? He asked in front of my furious face.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxtWVmYdBB
I nod and show him Chad and Amy.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanlu6mbhJo
— Oops, is the only sound that comes out of his mouth.
Jessy looks over to the corner where Chad and Amy are watching us, seeming to be watching for my reaction.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUlgin07Ep
— Come Dance.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPaqnZ4fCS
He takes my hand again, which has the effect of calming me down immediately.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qtB1qRpzz
— I thought you didn't dance ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsgavkkiin
— I never said that.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLT5oHKEesL
His smile completely melts me. I let myself be guided to the dance floor. The music starts with a soft song. Like every time I'm in contact with Jessy, my heart starts racing. Without thinking, I put my arms around his neck, while he places his hands on my waist. Soon my head is resting on his shoulder. I breathe in its sweet and intoxicating scent, a mixture of flower soaps and aftershave. I feel wonderful, everything is so natural with him. But he stops abruptly. His gaze is focused on a girl, small in stature, with bobbed red hair, who turns her back to us and is chatting with friends a few steps from us.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkLMSKHHoz
Jessy doesn't take his eyes off her as I feel his shoulders tense.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDwoHNLAyh
— What is…349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM7bl3lg9L
The girl turns around, revealing her face to us. Jessy takes a deep breath before turning his attention back to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycPrxXCkCw
— I need to get some fresh air, he tells me, white as a sheet.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw360ZNzkDY
We push through the crowd to the parking lot where he takes a deep breath. A cold wind rose, carrying with it the dead leaves from the trees to our feet.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFwtaSMvxP
We lean against a car.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfezSjEUM42
— Why are you shaking ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZiKALeDPM
I question him timidly.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ630MIAOkZ
— I don't really want to talk about it.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSGHKfFZa0
— But you are livid ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMrH6Uh3z0
— I don't want to talk about it. Let's forget that, okay ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcKtyxl6I0
— Agree as you like.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iJFFGZ1C6
He raises a questioning eyebrow at my resolve. It's not like me to give up so quickly. Usually, I insist that he talks to me, but now, I'm afraid to know the truth.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt71CguEe0
— Shall we go back ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGwUQKecbX
— Yeah, I think it's better after all that.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutTfvq3KHe
We set off. The high school is only a few blocks from our homes.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27BGl2Bt7z
— All that ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuBfpQNLk2
— Between the clairvoyant, Chad and Amy…349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvw5WoByxHd
— And your latest conquest, I tell him, not being able to contain the feeling of jealousy that has invaded me since he saw this girl.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxJW9sYy1z
Jessy turns to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVHFflstR9
— It's not what you think. I thought it was Haley... The girl who gave me AIDS.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z6XwSrjhS
— Every time you talked to me about the virus, you told me you were handling it all. But after seeing your reaction tonight, I think you're handling things the wrong way. You didn't solve the problem with her. I think you should see her again, or at least talk to her.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKk8aqgW4S
— I don't see how that would help me. You know, it was just an adventure, but one that I will regret for the rest of my life... — Think about it.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsd82ta8iM
He nods silently.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9G0PQnpvsv
I don't add anything. It's his story, and only he knows whether he wants to look straight ahead after settling his scores, or stay immersed in a past that gnaws at him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXc1w5BO69x
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxcWBM6CCA
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WQ4Zl3GPB
The next day is Sunday; dressed in my coat, a scarf and my gloves, I leave my house, determined to face the morning cold which has suddenly fallen on the region.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80E1RZGZF9
A black car stops next to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwvo2KVLFm
— Hey, a familiar voice calls out to me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOImH2HIOi8
— Hi. Jessy, do you have a car ? ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBfsXaUhKF
— Eh yes ! I've been talking to my mom about it for a while, and this morning she came back with it. She was so happy to see me out of the house ! You come ? I'll take you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tADy5gitU
He starts and, quickly, I see that he is heading towards the highway ramp.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFRVYhtSkL
— Where are we going ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmvbLYsFJx
— It's coming ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6R1N39G5yN
— At the cinema ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iWEnqBQDd
— Non. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EsMDqne2W
— Take a walk in the forest ? No, that's not the road. So, maybe visit a museum ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiy0a2VZR4
— No. You'll see, it's a surprise, and he gives me a big, innocent smile.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEQ6PzPG3H
— OK, anyway, wherever it is, I'm up for it.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGdCFhU3Dn
— Your parents won't be worried ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5mzO5kRsP
— I told them I was going to see you. They suspect that I'm going to spend the day with you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RTzmSgFfa
— And that's going to be the case, because we're not going very close. I don't think we'll be back until tonight.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQF2HKpg5T
Still want to come ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQj2h0ZZDeH
He gets onto the highway.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuP5KcsXF9
— Totally ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ7kMLOlIv
— I want to show you Allentown. Today, we are going to walk in the footsteps of my past...349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamex43YxEM
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsU9qca1lDr
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After driving for almost three hours, Jessy parks in a small suburban street that seems very nice. All the houses are undoubtedly owned by wealthy people.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaRmh4nt5u
— We have arrived, he declares, getting out of the car.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vZZZZKOgB
I'm happy that he trusts me enough to show me the places that mattered to him. I get out and look at the house we are parked in front of. It is a single storey white villa with a well kept lawn. Large bay windows let the sun shine through, and a solid oak door welcomes visitors via a small path which splits the lawn into two parts.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoLyYqVKVr
— Is this where you lived ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnkRZC6nSo
Jessy has an enigmatic smile.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrk56LMxVZA
— No, it’s not my place. We're at Haley's.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKwuSw3neS
He gestures with his chin towards the beautiful house. I suddenly have a pit in my stomach.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8eclZBmLw
— What ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yfUs6NxQP
— I found her, it was very easy, actually. She told me her name and what neighborhood she lived in, a call to telephone information was enough.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2oDtXQx4d
He leans back in his car, staring at the house like he can see through the walls. Little by little, his enthusiasm seems to diminish. His face turns pale...349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqI0Ca0SFkY
Suddenly, Jessy comes around the car and announces to me : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQYgCHPBax
— Come on, let’s go.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCFeH7WJC9
I remain stunned.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZClnlLM6YU
— Oh no, we didn’t come all this way to leave now. You need to go talk to him ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBV8sYERjMM
He stares at me, his face frozen.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuLgZUKUxN
— I am scared.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9FArXywX0
— I know, but if you don't go, you'll be left with everything that's on your heart for a long time to come. You need to move forward Jessy, you can't stay stuck with all these emotions.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytl8zEA5VF
He nods and, taking a deep breath, heads towards the house. I see him approaching the door, taking the small gravel path. I'm afraid for him. It rings and only waits a few seconds before the door opens. Jessy enters. I'm not really thrilled that he's seeing one of his ex girlfriends again. What if he fell back into her arms ? This scares me as much as imagining him screaming horrors at him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1etLVUjVMa
After all, she is HIV positive, he could perfectly well have a real relationship with her. Not just a friendship like with me. Now I'm almost wishing I was sick, my God, I'm really going crazy ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ncugOcSiR
During his absence, I also wonder about his behavior. Just the day before, when we talked about the clairvoyant's words, he repeated to me that he had nothing to offer a woman who, in any case, would quickly tire of only being able to kiss him. I managed to tell him that some relationships go beyond that. But he remained firm in his positions. Lost in my thoughts, I don't see him coming back. I jump when he opens the driver's side door and slides behind the wheel. I see right away that it's not going well. He is even paler than when he went to ring the bell, and his hands are clinging to the steering wheel as if his life depended on it. His whole body is shaking. I feel him at the end of his nerves even though he tries to control himself. I ask him half— heartedly : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWOJeDEnT8
— Did it go wrong ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4cvAP70Ur
— It was his mother who opened the door to me...349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr8Y0PLZY4
His face expresses such hatred that I immediately think of the evening on the bridge when he was hanging above the void, screaming. I would bet that at this very moment, he would let himself fall under the wheels of vehicles rather than live another minute on this Earth. He struggles to speak, but I don't do anything to rush him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBEovrWckd
— Haley died five months ago.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3toPE4VXy
I immediately understand the dark thoughts going through his head at that precise moment.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAfzFTVmMs
— Is that all his mother told you ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBBzR2BfQj
— Oh no, he gets angry. She told me she is sorry that her child infected me ! She also gave me a letter that Haley wrote to me before she died. We're getting out of here ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLh6aHv3xMr
He starts off with a bang and rushes through the streets which, apparently, hold no secrets for him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84gi3WzQEX
— Jessy, please slow down a little, you’re scaring me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4N7pBD8yTc
He doesn't respond, but I notice that he raises his foot. He drives like this for several minutes, in silence. We enter downtown Allentown. He takes the main artery then branches off several times before stopping abruptly in a small street. On either side, tall buildings block out most of the daylight. Along the buildings with their gray walls, rusty iron fire escapes make the place even more sinister.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyUdN3U7Xm
Jessy gets out of the car and slams the door. I'm. I am so afraid that he will try to end his life. He walks to the center of the street, where metal garbage containers are piled up, and hits them with all his might several times.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw737MpP05
— Jessy, please calm down, I’m begging you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamIkGpk7G1
— For what ? Can you tell me what all this is for ? What's the point of living ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimf0nAOj5x
— Stopped. (I place myself between him and the trash can on which he pours all his anger.) You are alive ! You hear me ? Are you still alive ! And by the time the disease breaks out, perhaps doctors will have found a treatment. But the force you put into hitting this container, you have to put into fighting yourself.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyyPjrU84r
— But why ? What is keeping me on this planet ? Don't you understand that I'm going to end up like Haley ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQT6MO2b8Pp
He pushes me away with one arm before knocking again.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSWII8yruc
Soon his fist is bloody.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FK8pFA4qO
— But why are you hitting this trash can ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr43MwckCnp
— Because I'm angry, and even then, angry is an understatement for what I feel.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIZREptRf1
— For what ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRZ2NaTPW7
He, usually so secretive, finally decides to confide in me while now kicking the poor trash can.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYZmDBYb2O
— This is the place where my life changed, he said to me, out of breath.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRuEpYldqX
He stops knocking and points to a spot near the right wall, a little further away.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXzSk2TUg9
— Do you see there ? This is the place where my father, my real father, died. He was killed by a local gang who wanted to steal his money, they dragged him here before shooting him. When I was little, I was terrified of losing my parents. I don’t know where this anxiety came from, it was unreasonable, it woke me up at night. My father reassured me, constantly telling me that he would always be there to protect me, and when I was five, suddenly, he was no longer there. He let me down. He didn't protect me ! Things would have been very different if he were still here. And now Haley is gone ! And it pisses me off because, even if it’s wrong, I would have liked to scream at him with all the rage I have in my heart ! And all I have instead is this damn letter ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9nTmtrzNv
He takes the missive out of his coat pocket and shakes it in the air, as if he wants to get rid of it but is unable to.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYqAGPiPth
— I understand that well ! But when you calm down, you will want to know what she had to say to you. Your father didn't get to say goodbye to you, Haley did it through these words in this envelope.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwyxene7Ll
My voice is choked with sadness. Jessy looks at me, searching in my eyes for the reason for my sudden emotion.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDGbVTIL6f
— You’re right, he whispers, looking at the letter still in his hand. I must not condemn her, she was not the only one responsible for what happened that evening, he said more calmly.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrO3Vn3Z8j
— It's true. She didn't know she was sick at the time. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel relieved that you didn't see her again. I know, it’s awful to think that ! 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKASkRQYZNz
I turn away, I don't dare look at him anymore. I just told him about the fear that filled me the first time he mentioned Haley. Even though she infected him, he had a history with her, he was closer to her than he will ever be to me, and it breaks my heart to admit that.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIYu9z3QJn
Jessy stands in front of me and examines my face.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4CJXbQqbN
— Why do you feel relieved ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs18V6Q9dNa
There is no longer any trace of anger in his voice, just curiosity.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMwymt0Idu
— For nothing, forget it.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8zJMwFzGZ
— Yes, tell me, he breathes softly. I hesitate, watching his piercing gaze.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kwQHQgYrB
— Because I was afraid you would get back together with her.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyO40ka0VO
He looks at me, incredulous.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPSQ2nhpPO
— I know..., I continue but I quickly interrupt myself, no longer knowing how to continue without admitting my feelings.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxg6G4a1075
Jessy stares at me for a moment that seems to last forever.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDcR8WDu8L
— When you were with Chad, I said to myself : "Nothing will ever happen between us while he can do anything for her. "349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHL30sU5JeB
I remain in shock, did he just tell me that he is dying to be with me or was I dreaming ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUwo3a8ZOu
— I'm not going back with Chad.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorqIJAmjcS
— It's true ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUE5S8kj8h
I nod, grabbing the lapel of his coat.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVkFRH8uGA
— Chad has never been an obstacle between us. He's not the one I want to be with.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQE01Q3rxx
He wipes his forehead where beads of sweat appear and looks at his damaged hand.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkqaKzprC5
— Actually, I mainly thought that it would scare you to be with me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrmjRPdAlx
— Maybe you should have asked me ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsQximOSOB
I fiddle with a button on his coat.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVLldxcPAA
— It's true.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8dcTNr6vj
He purses his lips and says : 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8KbxPFbjh
— Do you want to go out with me ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UDvgpkwpw
Finally you decide ! I smile. Of course I want to be with you, that’s all I’ve thought about since we met.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhbk9B34ds
Jessy gives me a big smile.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDBePHHDio
— I don't know how long I'll stay alive.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ04MvDy9i8
— We'll see. We're going to make every day count.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmVCQPq27K
— And with Chad, is it definitely over ? Are you sure ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWBf5DgBKT
— Jessy, Chad and I broke up because you came into my life and offered another horizon to my future. When I met you, I realized I never really loved him. He's just a friend. That’s the real reason… At least for me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1WnypXNl7
I hand him some tissues which he wraps around his scratched hand, which has already stopped bleeding. Then he puts his arm around my shoulders, kisses my forehead and leads me towards the car, putting the letter in his coat pocket.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCQjVUWKfL
— I suspected that I was somewhat responsible for this story, he said, winking at me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iEHdyrO7c
Suddenly, he hands me the car keys.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMgxUnG3nF
— I don't feel like driving after all this, would you like it ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OBmsekBO6
Too happy to be able to get behind the wheel, I eagerly grab the keys.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVf9IG3YBU
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We enter Millisky, the town is deserted at this hour, only the street lights give a semblance of life to the streets. I glance at Jessy, lost in thought. Suddenly, instead of heading towards his house, I change direction and head towards the hill. I can't let him go home like this. Having reached the top, I stop the car. Jessy snaps out of his thoughts and looks around, surprised. He doesn't know this corner of the city where I myself rarely go.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHtWSQFeZ4
— Where are we ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BjnyKiOcK
— Come with me.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJby4eZDLfK
We are on a small dirt road bordered by a security fence. Tall grass protrudes from the slope overlooking the town. Jessy joins me in front of the car, I take his hand and lead him past one of the sumptuous mansions, which offers a perfect view of the sleeping city.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NDXSBihNu
— I know you’re not in good spirits and I understand perfectly why, I assure him. I also know that you're waiting until you're alone to read Haley's letter. But I'm not going to let you do it, I don't want you to be upset, alone, in your corner while I'm worrying about you. Please, Jessy, do this for me. I'm not asking you to read it, I just want you to read it in my presence because whatever you think about it, you're going to need support afterwards and I want to be the one to hug you to make sure that everything will be alright.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ638KCJgo1h
With tears in his eyes, he nods.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a35OsQ3mx
I move a few steps away to give him his privacy. He takes out the envelope, hesitates for a few seconds then opens it. From the first words he reads, I perceive the change in his expression, he seems to be decomposing. Quickly, I see tears rolling down his cheeks while I hold myself back from going to join him because I feel so bad for him. A few seconds later, he stops reading, leans over to lean on the safety barrier as a loud sob escapes him. I can no longer resist and will hug him. My arms are around his neck, my face on his shoulder.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bNyVCg09l
I'm here, Jessy, I'm here, I whisper in his ear.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre1Stz5BOO
He stands up, turns around and hugs me as if I were the only thing holding him back on earth.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY25khTg5gE
— Here, he said, handing me the letter.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtX6PzQcarF
— No, it’s meant for you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxLfspLxJS
— I don't want to hide anything from you about Haley, not after what you admitted to me earlier.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvAC7ePupF
Although it bothers me, I grab the paper.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCyxOOS8Eo
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Jessy, 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWitWaEDOo
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If you are reading this it is because I will no longer be here to speak to you in person. It’s also that you are looking for answers to your questions, explanations. I will try to answer it.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsq0XvqdWW1
First of all, I wanted to tell you that I am deeply sorry for having infected you. If I had known that I was carrying this virus, I would never have hit on you that evening. As I told you during that famous evening, I wasn't looking for anything serious, yet when I saw you, I liked you straight away. If I left so quickly once we slept together, it was because I could have had feelings for you and coming out of a difficult relationship, I didn't want that.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH2dHM5Ss6
If you are wondering how I became HIV positive, it was precisely this ex that I had such a hard time forgetting who infected me after cheating on me. He didn't know he was sick either.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ov33WvAtR
As I write these words to you, I am in the hospital. I don't think I'll get through it. I'm not telling you this to inspire pity, but to tell you that I pray that you never experience the same thing. I sincerely hope that medicine finds a cure before the virus manifests itself. In no case did I want to condemn you to live in this hell, neither you nor the two other boys whom I also infected.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9fLpIBbKc
I'm going to leave consumed with guilt. I pray that God forgives me, that you will be able to forgive me one day.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvOsAW4oSh
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Haley 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhp2ZkxGAa
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These words upset me because they seem so sincere to me. I turn to Jessy who has wiped his eyes but still seems disturbed.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIPlOenZRZ
— How are you feeling ? I ask him.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jkHj5ogEr
— Sad and relieved at the same time. In fact, I feel like life will never give me any gifts and that every one of my hopes will be disappointed.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9R9ATnwNM
— You are wrong, Jessy. You see that ? I point to Millisky lit up in front of us. This is your life today. It is no longer a dark alley in Allentown, nor even a state of the art residence in which many misfortunes hide. No, your life is here now. As for your future, I don't know what it will be like, just as I don't know my future, but there is one thing I am certain of : I will be with you.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplBS7phmwY
He leans towards me, I kiss him full on the mouth. This time he kisses me back forcefully. His body presses against mine, making me shiver. From my lips, he lets his mouth slide slowly down to my neck. I savor this kiss, this desire that pushes me to want him ever closer to me. Then he takes my mouth again with a mixture of tenderness and eagerness. With the tip of his tongue, he parts my lips, his tongue caresses mine while he sucks in my breath. No boy, no even Chad has never kissed me like that. I feel faint in his arms, my legs have difficulty supporting me. He moves slightly away from me, staring at me. I can read in his eyes that I won this first battle, he regained faith in life, in my love for him. For the first time since I've known him, he's happy.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RNg9EGgGW
Behind us, in the house, the group Divinyls can be heard with their songI’m on your side. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVfHJYc0P9
— Miss Crawfords, will you give me this dance ? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv40AgymCFy
He holds out his hand to me. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNjn9B5TMb
— With pleasure.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUcSr398Dy
« I’m on your side 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5Ws8uJs2n
You know I’m not the enemy. » 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1LGu5iG5k
It's not hot tonight, but sheltered in Jessy's arms, I'm not cold.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5Wupmx8A4
« I love you, babe » rises in the silence of the night.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2SImSdi4a
Jessy moves back a few inches and looks at me with a mischievous smile.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4InV4oPNP
— So in the end, who won ? The heart or the reason ? He asks me, quoting the words of the clairvoyant.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4zTGANEJP
– You are the heart, you always have been, I answer him forcefully.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt6KAFHKfV
« I’ll hold on to you. » 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFaQL3lYq9
This is how, snuggled in each other’s arms, the music rocks us.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2QgzyUoW4
« I love you babe, I love you babe, I’m on your side. »349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtZdckq9Mv
