在與陳冬月告別之後，賴夏陽陸續找了他的親生父母。
賴夏陽沒住在媽媽家已經好一陣子了，真正的理由從來沒講過。也許是太吵、太累、太多話說不出口。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBT3De4Tmx
但這天，他提前傳了訊息給她：
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【晚上有空嗎？我想吃妳煮的麻油雞。】
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pPv1JDtBp
媽媽秒回：
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【怎麼突然想吃這個？你發燒？】
【可以。七點回來。】
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtDydT40vH
傍晚六點五十七分，他出現在熟悉的巷口，背著包，走進那間不大的公寓。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxtT8k6toN
門一打開，就是熟悉的聲音：「你知道你從國中開始只要說想吃我煮的，一定是心情不好。」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvOKjcgx9C
他沒回嘴，只換了拖鞋，坐進餐桌前。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIhAJCv3Xj
桌上湯還在滾，香氣四溢。媽媽盛了一碗給他，還附了滿滿一碗飯：「來，先吃。我還煎了你最愛的豆皮蛋。」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dxTYglkfl
「媽。」他沒動筷子，只是抬起頭看她，「我有件事，要跟妳講。」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOt7MJUrfuL
媽媽皺眉：「你交女朋友了？」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OrdNczNgF
他搖頭又點頭。
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「你要轉學？」
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再搖頭。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBj2gIm1rHn
「……那是什麼事？」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyl38izw25G
他低下頭，把那一疊醫院檢查報告從背包裡拿出來，輕輕推到她面前。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1CjM8R7nq
「媽，我得癌症了。肺腺癌第四期，醫生說，剩下三個月左右。」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosfg3hhyPF
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那一刻，時間停住了。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHo7bY6mTtO
媽媽的手懸在空中，沒接報告，眼神一瞬間從驚愕，變成失焦。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1cTwUtu22
她張口，像想說什麼，最後卻只擠出一句：「你在開玩笑對不對。」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw33EgSpweV
他搖頭。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfIlk2b1xg
「這不是真的。」她立刻站起來，走到廚房，像是在逃避什麼，「你才十六歲，你怎麼可能——你以前有咳嗽嗎？有血嗎？醫生是不是看錯了——」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqW1ZprWqM
「是真的。」他的聲音很低，卻像石頭一樣落進她的耳朵。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOocN8FUWm
她停在水槽前，手還捏著湯杓，背對著他不動了。
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—
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沉默很久很久。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7krLCyuBdX
賴夏陽終於說話：「我不是想讓妳擔心，我只是覺得——妳有權知道。」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnko58ffceq
媽媽的肩膀抖了一下。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcJa8YeIjd
「我不會馬上走，醫生說還有三個月。我會吃藥、我會乖一點。妳不要哭，好不好？」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ0XjuoCrm
他站起身，走近她，卻在她背後停住。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEqI5XmzGM
「我知道妳以前覺得我不夠用功、不夠成熟，什麼都吊兒郎當……但我真的有在努力活得像個讓妳不失望的兒子。」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19xFX4CqWN
他很想擁抱她，但又怕她會崩潰。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ERZANbW3M
媽媽終於開口，聲音嘶啞卻克制：
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAnnPQInnH
「你現在是在跟我告別嗎？」
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaJxbha0Pr
「不是。」他看著她的背影，輕輕說：「我只是想回家吃頓飯。」
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzi0Cs0feBo
她終於轉過身來，眼眶紅了，但努力沒讓眼淚掉下來。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF23gbStezP
她走過來，狠狠抱住他，像抱住什麼就不會被命運搶走似的。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jC9wKIcf4
「你給我撐過去，聽到沒有。」
「我會的。」
「你說過的話，不准反悔。」
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdn4AzQ3EB
那頓飯他們後來沒有吃完。麻油雞冷掉了，蛋也煎焦了。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxudpUKUKyj
但那晚，是他這輩子第一次覺得媽媽的懷抱不是責備，是心疼。
飯沒吃完。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0H1Bsna3L
夏陽坐在沙發上，抱著膝蓋，像個長大後還學不會放鬆的孩子。媽媽坐在他對面，眼神一直看著他，卻沒再問什麼。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8dZ3pbXUt
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過了很久，他才開口：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2tCIlcLdk
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4isRwEbIm
「媽，我想去找爸爸。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPjvXiLqgr
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2bFvBjXQ4
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媽媽聞言一怔，眉頭微微皺起：「你要找他做什麼？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk9rm1UxVn
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxO9l7PS0u9
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcPoLUFwuq
他低頭，聲音很淡：「只是想……親口跟他說。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhEhCTC79G
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYNS8PCRCu
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSy0G2Q3dp0
她沉默幾秒，然後問：「他知道你生病了嗎？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNy3yGebbn
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyLkKc7Fzv
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajm3uYoS22
「不知道。妳也知道，我們平常……也沒聯絡。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOt5MarSTbq
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBwljr7B4U
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUGHe2Uxtu
媽媽點點頭，沒說話。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTNycTQQ1l
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfR5ibccTs
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd3HriBEtx
客廳陷入短暫的靜默，空氣中只剩下時鐘秒針的聲音。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tqTu65P8Y
賴夏陽沒想到媽媽會同意，正準備站起來走人，媽媽卻忽然開口：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvLyz0VvuJ
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRLj2gEI37
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc70rT4e6x7
「我陪你一起去。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Wz8mXMT8q
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFx309tkPaV
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他抬起頭，有些訝異。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEKlOOhXXs
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2NoF77AT3
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmt8eJoxLG
「妳要一起去？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXJObl6eIj
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbcUWht4rP
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzxc5IPHWo
「不行嗎？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjxbaSQtRL
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAWOffiAGt
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eTPQfSmIT
「……只是覺得妳應該不想見他。」他輕聲說。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFOStny8YR
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMyk0NhQ2A
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcxkYAED62
媽媽垂下眼眸，手指緊緊握著膝蓋，過了幾秒才回話：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMEk5POwNA
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1to6jmqwFL
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXQIvBSfeP
「不想見是以前的事了。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gfTFaqTBS
她抬起頭，語氣平靜卻堅決：「現在我怕我不去，你一個人撐不住。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUSkUiJlFR
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNM0hFGVSFp
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwKsBDVYoC
夏陽看著她，眼底有一閃而過的顫動。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoYw0mawaa
但他笑了笑，點點頭。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNYEQhJHtz
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「好。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUMqeRC1dU
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—14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EYYZ4iLpd
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那天晚上，他沒回去自己的宿舍。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsi2txicBzs
媽媽把客房整理好，還拿出一床很舊的棉被，是他小時候常蓋的那條，邊角已經起毛球。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWI83Jt4kJ
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8XbzwjzLu
「我曬過了，還有點太陽味。」她放好被子，小聲地說。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcg1yKQE5E
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yb88nIbZc
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1O01TidT7t
夏陽沒說什麼，只是輕輕地：「謝謝。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIhFkYizED
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlu8vTk9xCE
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttnrgGwD2L
門要關上前，媽媽站住腳，回過頭：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadNO98BWCv
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1gDUzoQEi
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「夏陽……」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaKj5rvshI
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9izQ3RQReG
「嗯？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxomC9woJX0
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyiHe7lJYd
「你要是累了，就讓我知道。我知道我以前太多話，現在我……只想陪著你，好不好？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRR9GO9eY1Z
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloKNhDBGp8
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGzp3lkusU
—14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAaO88IARH
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房間裡的燈漸漸熄了。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPgMcMihni
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夜色籠罩整棟屋子。母子倆在不同的房間，卻第一次在這樣寧靜的夜裡，靠得這麼近。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52EsV2XPEu
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wm8bxBLHw
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRArztvDxM
這一晚，沒有誰睡得很好，但兩人都沒有開燈。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1KhaoEfL0
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKShmA3HVYD
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因為有些心事，已經不需要再說出口。
黃昏的光靜靜灑落公園。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwkUzKA5Mz
賴夏陽坐在長椅上，雙手插在外套口袋裡，一臉平靜。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gtdz60D1S
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他媽媽站在不遠處，一直沒說話，只是安靜地陪著。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRTUicW4so
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIMIiklsyW
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hinpxPi0e
不久，一道熟悉又有些陌生的腳步聲靠近了。是他的爸爸，穿著筆挺西裝，手裡還拿著剛下班的公事包。看到他們倆，他愣了一下，眉頭微微皺起。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPaxGBx9yC
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「怎麼妳也在？」他問。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Uw77U2MiH
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHXYm5JG0R
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlm7Mq2oj9
媽媽沒有回話，只淡淡說了一句：「我只是陪兒子。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bdVLNQb70
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlGFqr0V7j
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSNJPfLgL4
三人之間的空氣有點凝重。夏陽拍拍旁邊的座位：「爸，坐一下。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNYMneQSZZ
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBOR20TJeD
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC28EsNvXTU
他爸爸猶豫了幾秒，還是坐下了。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZfJgBYB6V
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39ALjDZZ3d
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWgT1QFZ5o
夏陽看著地面，語氣平靜到有些冷靜：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgRHdj7pdm
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJW1gsHjRc
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「我有件事要說。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLJpESDfgI
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfA3Zj749g
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3hge09nfn
他從外套裡拿出那張已經有些皺的診斷報告，遞過去。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3vt1N6kP0
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTxM1JnSev
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgyBCmg0cb
爸爸接過報告，看了一眼，臉色頓時僵住。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSsMA6dNKa
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLLPxefbdJ
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「癌症……？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtdiNTnsPb
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIN5T4ZAuoC
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSNf46UruH
「嗯，末期，三個月。」夏陽的聲音像是說著別人的事。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJEhIpbGMP
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsSe19HD3K
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpw0UMilij
「你什麼時候知道的？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bR3MO9pvN
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflbwQUij2y
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「前幾天。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xNZZiQuU7
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ngSeq6Z7T
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVRao2vGr5
爸爸緊緊捏著那張報告，眼神彷彿不知該看哪裡。他想說什麼，但喉嚨像被堵住一樣，只擠出一句：「為什麼……為什麼不早點說？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqo0THhMrl5
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2zoSTNQv1
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夏陽沒有立刻回話，而是望向遠方那一片橘紅色的天光。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0eVCWsQIP
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「我不是不說……是我不知道該跟你說什麼。以前我們太少說話了，說多了像是冒犯，說少了又像陌生人。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4kIoKVbJ1
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他媽媽這時才緩緩開口，語氣輕得像風一樣：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKLB8vaJqw
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「你以前太忙了，錯過了很多……我沒資格責怪你，因為我也一樣。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrqqbHdbhS
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爸爸望了她一眼，眼神裡有一絲說不出的歉意。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxN7Rx60emn
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夏陽笑了笑，目光落在自己腳尖：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqmyg9q4yD
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「爸，我今天找你來，不是要討什麼。不是要你愧疚、補償、負責……我只想說一聲：我真的曾經很想要你多看我一點。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI33976ZaL
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他抬頭看著父親的眼睛，那雙曾經讓他感到遙遠的眼睛。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtECbTDLIIJ
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「哪怕只是一次，真的為我感到驕傲。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2glCyyEv6
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那句話像是劃開了一道裂縫。父親的眼神終於撐不住，紅了眼眶。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hsxWZBSpT
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他開口，聲音沙啞：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTl9pEjZ52
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「對不起……夏陽。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBExGoyxgfJ
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他媽媽站在旁邊，眼圈也紅了，轉過臉擦掉悄悄滑下來的淚。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4wHUIGPfw
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父親看著兒子，說：「如果可以，我想陪你……後面這些日子，哪怕只是開車、陪你吃飯、哪怕只是看你寫字——都好。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovtqtyDiCO
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夏陽搖搖頭，眼神溫柔卻堅定：14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFprTdlLphT
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「爸、媽……謝謝你們今天肯來。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANsI6OE1vW
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他站起來，背對夕陽，影子被拉得很長。14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hi03XyVqw
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「但我要走了。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9aTJOc8uH
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兩人愣了一下：「去哪？」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pXIHfSfxi
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他笑著說：「去做一件事，在還來得及的時候。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZBq42O9US
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「我不想讓她哭，也不想你們送我最後一程。我想……她記得的，是我在最開心的那幾天。」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRjugX8l2W
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媽媽急忙問：「你要去哪？你……」14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HYdGqFWhm
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「東北，下雪的地方。」
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爸爸點了點頭，沒有阻止。只是背對他，靜靜說了一句：
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「那就快去吧，趁你還走得動的時候。」
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14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ChTnGRAnp
夜裡兩點，夏陽穿上外套，背著那只常背的包，輕手輕腳走出門。
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媽媽房間沒燈，但他知道她其實沒睡。
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他站在門邊停了很久，終究沒有打開那扇門。
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桌上留著三封信，還有一份他自己去訂好的機票副本。
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMpjYAbtFi
【媽】
謝謝妳今天陪我，也謝謝你的養育。
我不是想逃，我只是想用我剩下的力氣，再去看一次雪，去完成心裡那點任性的願望。
我不想讓妳看到我一天天虛弱下去，那太殘忍了。
我希望你能每天開開心心、健健康康。
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【爸】
你說得對，我最終還是變得有點像你。
但我知道你不是真的不愛我，你只是……不會說。
我也是。
所以這封信是我能給你的擁抱。
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【小月亮】
你一直問我，如果世界末日來了，我會不會還選擇喜歡你。
現在我可以告訴你，我的世界已經在倒數了，但我的答案還是你。
謝謝你喜歡我。
我想讓你記得的，不是我死去的樣子，而是我們最後一起看星星的那天，還有你抱著我說，我是你的太陽。
可是小月亮，我的天光快熄了。
你要答應我，等太陽落下的時候，你還是會好好活著，照亮別人。
我們分手吧，還有我愛你。
—
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清晨六點，媽媽起床，發現他房間空空的，桌上的信躺在光裡。
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她沒有馬上打開，只是手指在信紙上來回撫摸。
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爸爸也收到簡訊提醒，有張圖，是機票的登機證。
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而陳冬月，在學校下課時，收到一封沒有寄件人名字的信。她一看筆跡，手立刻抖了。
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那天的太陽很冷，冬天剛開始，風大得像一個沒來由的預告。
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她轉頭奔跑出去，眼淚在風裡炸開。
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