在與陳冬月告別之後，賴夏陽陸續找了他的親生父母。
賴夏陽沒住在媽媽家已經好一陣子了，真正的理由從來沒講過。也許是太吵、太累、太多話說不出口。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfwYKzuchz
但這天，他提前傳了訊息給她：
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdgdnoeATf
【晚上有空嗎？我想吃妳煮的麻油雞。】
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媽媽秒回：
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【怎麼突然想吃這個？你發燒？】
【可以。七點回來。】
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傍晚六點五十七分，他出現在熟悉的巷口，背著包，走進那間不大的公寓。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIAh7Oxiuj
門一打開，就是熟悉的聲音：「你知道你從國中開始只要說想吃我煮的，一定是心情不好。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYu0EgvYOl
他沒回嘴，只換了拖鞋，坐進餐桌前。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgAs3Z9Uoj
桌上湯還在滾，香氣四溢。媽媽盛了一碗給他，還附了滿滿一碗飯：「來，先吃。我還煎了你最愛的豆皮蛋。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbMt0uwR8I
「媽。」他沒動筷子，只是抬起頭看她，「我有件事，要跟妳講。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYM3TL37V59
媽媽皺眉：「你交女朋友了？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiLySNC9cy
他搖頭又點頭。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaGL90gbX9
「你要轉學？」
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再搖頭。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡie57s54xOS
「……那是什麼事？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T6uWRrAcG
他低下頭，把那一疊醫院檢查報告從背包裡拿出來，輕輕推到她面前。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRcsCVw3r8
「媽，我得癌症了。肺腺癌第四期，醫生說，剩下三個月左右。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxwp30z60L
—
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuY8kDsiiaf
那一刻，時間停住了。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MA6jF2Bz9
媽媽的手懸在空中，沒接報告，眼神一瞬間從驚愕，變成失焦。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUzJoLZ0Nv
她張口，像想說什麼，最後卻只擠出一句：「你在開玩笑對不對。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytCBNcFVYQ
他搖頭。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hCkYHaDaW
「這不是真的。」她立刻站起來，走到廚房，像是在逃避什麼，「你才十六歲，你怎麼可能——你以前有咳嗽嗎？有血嗎？醫生是不是看錯了——」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdr2L1hucK
「是真的。」他的聲音很低，卻像石頭一樣落進她的耳朵。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM6x85KpRW
她停在水槽前，手還捏著湯杓，背對著他不動了。
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—
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沉默很久很久。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNeKZYX1MG
賴夏陽終於說話：「我不是想讓妳擔心，我只是覺得——妳有權知道。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAdBg6gSqQ
媽媽的肩膀抖了一下。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPG0p9R98ss
「我不會馬上走，醫生說還有三個月。我會吃藥、我會乖一點。妳不要哭，好不好？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZWBYgvfat
他站起身，走近她，卻在她背後停住。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TVKWSmye3
「我知道妳以前覺得我不夠用功、不夠成熟，什麼都吊兒郎當……但我真的有在努力活得像個讓妳不失望的兒子。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDGPmMMtc7
他很想擁抱她，但又怕她會崩潰。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zW1qGNWVY
媽媽終於開口，聲音嘶啞卻克制：
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDII9Y8qU3
「你現在是在跟我告別嗎？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmyjMefVcR
「不是。」他看著她的背影，輕輕說：「我只是想回家吃頓飯。」
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她終於轉過身來，眼眶紅了，但努力沒讓眼淚掉下來。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqJZvwjPeK
她走過來，狠狠抱住他，像抱住什麼就不會被命運搶走似的。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXRkq35qSc
「你給我撐過去，聽到沒有。」
「我會的。」
「你說過的話，不准反悔。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGjjTcfNmf
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那頓飯他們後來沒有吃完。麻油雞冷掉了，蛋也煎焦了。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfOAA8UnE3
但那晚，是他這輩子第一次覺得媽媽的懷抱不是責備，是心疼。
飯沒吃完。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrE4fTTT6e
夏陽坐在沙發上，抱著膝蓋，像個長大後還學不會放鬆的孩子。媽媽坐在他對面，眼神一直看著他，卻沒再問什麼。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8pVdud9Fc
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyY7A4AjxD
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過了很久，他才開口：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefv8b4V4RX
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsawg2b5tAI
「媽，我想去找爸爸。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9LevXb9aU
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzyOnO2ZY0
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媽媽聞言一怔，眉頭微微皺起：「你要找他做什麼？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwOIh4vPlP
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkA8vd4x8i
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSBQeWeixj
他低頭，聲音很淡：「只是想……親口跟他說。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsRxaYocsu
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iKUbqzAQR
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mhQJ83DhO
她沉默幾秒，然後問：「他知道你生病了嗎？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ083lyxFfRd
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「不知道。妳也知道，我們平常……也沒聯絡。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKAmWFy5h0
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmUl4k9SI4
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媽媽點點頭，沒說話。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEj0D64GrVm
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p5P8AVk5x
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqlKgElkKy
客廳陷入短暫的靜默，空氣中只剩下時鐘秒針的聲音。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2BEyKuC3x
賴夏陽沒想到媽媽會同意，正準備站起來走人，媽媽卻忽然開口：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJD6m4w4112
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhWog6pwWG
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「我陪你一起去。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡust6t2UwCt
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SWMxRivkD
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他抬起頭，有些訝異。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYFe5x4IGA
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmadt0Pl9L
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「妳要一起去？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhYrUKkAFy
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9kkVayU6L
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「不行嗎？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrm2alGQwx
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「……只是覺得妳應該不想見他。」他輕聲說。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWUYHetSgo
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡny3EqV9liz
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7RK84gWQ4
媽媽垂下眼眸，手指緊緊握著膝蓋，過了幾秒才回話：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuY1jAWvHTs
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「不想見是以前的事了。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEq2BL0WrL
她抬起頭，語氣平靜卻堅決：「現在我怕我不去，你一個人撐不住。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6G1Fh6cbxs
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEe674Rq9g
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiAFNOqg4v
夏陽看著她，眼底有一閃而過的顫動。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFWjjfuUS8
但他笑了笑，點點頭。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeSCq2Sqng
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「好。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjzq4EQBfT
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—20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GUgME6zDD
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那天晚上，他沒回去自己的宿舍。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡET4733j6wz
媽媽把客房整理好，還拿出一床很舊的棉被，是他小時候常蓋的那條，邊角已經起毛球。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcmjafL8LC
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nZyMjiuQN
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvq9KyCATNZ
「我曬過了，還有點太陽味。」她放好被子，小聲地說。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ773NdJ7jol
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0YyYXPHPe
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNkEw5VI7K
夏陽沒說什麼，只是輕輕地：「謝謝。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpk3jiPK9j
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaG5VTQK9l
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門要關上前，媽媽站住腳，回過頭：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbHMPyikCM
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「夏陽……」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwoTWPeF9p
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeHSKepHuh
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMVMXtEc6v
「嗯？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihErvIX8XD
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0KMGI4wFH
「你要是累了，就讓我知道。我知道我以前太多話，現在我……只想陪著你，好不好？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynHcVBQsbv
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2vRfkRpBY
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—20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzAmIAUNCH
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房間裡的燈漸漸熄了。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdcCLYYZEe
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFbIkO6EEd
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夜色籠罩整棟屋子。母子倆在不同的房間，卻第一次在這樣寧靜的夜裡，靠得這麼近。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRIzP18uh8
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1j2vxZZwL0
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這一晚，沒有誰睡得很好，但兩人都沒有開燈。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclvHWvuAXx
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoWbZABp0e
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因為有些心事，已經不需要再說出口。
黃昏的光靜靜灑落公園。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccEwzgFKqH
賴夏陽坐在長椅上，雙手插在外套口袋裡，一臉平靜。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVxGTPWn3E
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbye86N3u91
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqhHZoXmVV
他媽媽站在不遠處，一直沒說話，只是安靜地陪著。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc7KWGAzQm
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2izRB7bfyC
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtlHLy1mz8
不久，一道熟悉又有些陌生的腳步聲靠近了。是他的爸爸，穿著筆挺西裝，手裡還拿著剛下班的公事包。看到他們倆，他愣了一下，眉頭微微皺起。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQFqeUbnRj
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「怎麼妳也在？」他問。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsw6GvTY6a
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媽媽沒有回話，只淡淡說了一句：「我只是陪兒子。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rg6mW7MK6
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfHp7Wc847
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBjnhEiB2f
三人之間的空氣有點凝重。夏陽拍拍旁邊的座位：「爸，坐一下。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLm2VN3cY7
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjY2WWFaUN
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheWWYC0R1Y
他爸爸猶豫了幾秒，還是坐下了。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QKqURwuu3
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjsDBy3pc8
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夏陽看著地面，語氣平靜到有些冷靜：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzGF5PU9GH
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYTjlnlOps
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「我有件事要說。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDH4gsBX8L9
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他從外套裡拿出那張已經有些皺的診斷報告，遞過去。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbthc2Onwt2
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6Vf3TdzSo
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmxGu0qoGC
爸爸接過報告，看了一眼，臉色頓時僵住。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQMUFRbhWF
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodxyRJVjdc
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「癌症……？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycNGIHbIbc
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「嗯，末期，三個月。」夏陽的聲音像是說著別人的事。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsdLuX4Fjx
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISS3H5dTVo
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「你什麼時候知道的？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlE1LYiLU6f
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGfEUGdQcx
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「前幾天。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpw6PKv16rA
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爸爸緊緊捏著那張報告，眼神彷彿不知該看哪裡。他想說什麼，但喉嚨像被堵住一樣，只擠出一句：「為什麼……為什麼不早點說？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjzdpw4wK7
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夏陽沒有立刻回話，而是望向遠方那一片橘紅色的天光。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyFPV8ySE9
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy74L4HiTs8
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「我不是不說……是我不知道該跟你說什麼。以前我們太少說話了，說多了像是冒犯，說少了又像陌生人。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3SNaPw8bc
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他媽媽這時才緩緩開口，語氣輕得像風一樣：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSAALX9r4q
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「你以前太忙了，錯過了很多……我沒資格責怪你，因為我也一樣。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIx1DNUUG2
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爸爸望了她一眼，眼神裡有一絲說不出的歉意。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zk4py0FOu
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夏陽笑了笑，目光落在自己腳尖：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6vMcWQbM1
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzY4x4BTsPD
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「爸，我今天找你來，不是要討什麼。不是要你愧疚、補償、負責……我只想說一聲：我真的曾經很想要你多看我一點。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAmcnRhsfY
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrvCjw8TTV
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他抬頭看著父親的眼睛，那雙曾經讓他感到遙遠的眼睛。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzF5kGCoRBS
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「哪怕只是一次，真的為我感到驕傲。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmkZsPoCuJ
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATXUe8HTJj
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那句話像是劃開了一道裂縫。父親的眼神終於撐不住，紅了眼眶。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoha4Q5ipu
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他開口，聲音沙啞：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc6H99tMIv
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「對不起……夏陽。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6D1EAE4LJI
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他媽媽站在旁邊，眼圈也紅了，轉過臉擦掉悄悄滑下來的淚。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r8NjeaKMF
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父親看著兒子，說：「如果可以，我想陪你……後面這些日子，哪怕只是開車、陪你吃飯、哪怕只是看你寫字——都好。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqqCAxUfSm
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrBlGnppnH
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夏陽搖搖頭，眼神溫柔卻堅定：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg48jnYPBB
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y4URbyryc
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyE2TWOTFap
「爸、媽……謝謝你們今天肯來。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8G7OBd4sP1
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他站起來，背對夕陽，影子被拉得很長。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOZ5xahUej
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「但我要走了。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5jvW1QVyN
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兩人愣了一下：「去哪？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1wYITHhob
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他笑著說：「去做一件事，在還來得及的時候。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HDMhspogP
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuY2jT7LETt
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「我不想讓她哭，也不想你們送我最後一程。我想……她記得的，是我在最開心的那幾天。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBr85MRWLpw
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媽媽急忙問：「你要去哪？你……」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFhfOxCxfl
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「東北，下雪的地方。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1vrZCTQ74
爸爸點了點頭，沒有阻止。只是背對他，靜靜說了一句：
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVMtt6P7Zr
「那就快去吧，趁你還走得動的時候。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2A7EPffGqp
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltdO1PqBOQ
夜裡兩點，夏陽穿上外套，背著那只常背的包，輕手輕腳走出門。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9hhuSEw1O
媽媽房間沒燈，但他知道她其實沒睡。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsoYL2wrsk
他站在門邊停了很久，終究沒有打開那扇門。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUuxQE5oDg
桌上留著三封信，還有一份他自己去訂好的機票副本。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8tWBSwZPt
【媽】
謝謝妳今天陪我，也謝謝你的養育。
我不是想逃，我只是想用我剩下的力氣，再去看一次雪，去完成心裡那點任性的願望。
我不想讓妳看到我一天天虛弱下去，那太殘忍了。
我希望你能每天開開心心、健健康康。
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【爸】
你說得對，我最終還是變得有點像你。
但我知道你不是真的不愛我，你只是……不會說。
我也是。
所以這封信是我能給你的擁抱。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUt7lApfbIM
【小月亮】
你一直問我，如果世界末日來了，我會不會還選擇喜歡你。
現在我可以告訴你，我的世界已經在倒數了，但我的答案還是你。
謝謝你喜歡我。
我想讓你記得的，不是我死去的樣子，而是我們最後一起看星星的那天，還有你抱著我說，我是你的太陽。
可是小月亮，我的天光快熄了。
你要答應我，等太陽落下的時候，你還是會好好活著，照亮別人。
我們分手吧，還有我愛你。
—
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清晨六點，媽媽起床，發現他房間空空的，桌上的信躺在光裡。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSFHOexOqt
她沒有馬上打開，只是手指在信紙上來回撫摸。
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爸爸也收到簡訊提醒，有張圖，是機票的登機證。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJGXm1zboU
而陳冬月，在學校下課時，收到一封沒有寄件人名字的信。她一看筆跡，手立刻抖了。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtI7ypeoj9d
那天的太陽很冷，冬天剛開始，風大得像一個沒來由的預告。
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她轉頭奔跑出去，眼淚在風裡炸開。
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