Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkrReeVklT
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3mePawUhs
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrvt05HdOM
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfulAhDCbQ
Her face remains serene.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj74eXmhiP
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ukLgphKtb
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej85kfYHpY
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPHOuQoxck
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbtoeCRyfA
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbonMyEJvo
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgFh9FTiLv
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwyjkNieUO
This should have been her beginning.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mUt6hFJfW
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9seKEPbKVQ
*/*/*931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmUp0YU7d0
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoHyXc0H42
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKmxC6KZ2P
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgt083vHaa
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrdiXmrFnJ
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lrRRUlkLH
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7qam0i733
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIOoJYK1Nl
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnrZUGFj6w
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjfM86mVgi
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGhm2A5mKo
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GnkxeTjgy
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2VFUVUjnI
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1VTu8RbrK
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt2dg4h9dH
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhgmG09pcd
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBFgKGAzjb
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhmOccXn4F
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPaSoIoE3f
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXkT2DHxUd
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMX0VMJilK
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEy9CBeCdvc
*/*/*931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC0BUd6kka
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7R5W6jSgrX
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkq0BJGMNtx
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhFnbSJd6A
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91QZuFmR4G
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLQRjMyx4A
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzqqKP9IAS
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsfLpZrSNq
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ed0WdwCsN
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyVmFqqyH4
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmaxOt9Wan
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzTleGWZFY
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHniCNE3pow
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9CFrq5Wdf
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCadAGTypJL
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡib4OLGZYt0
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsSqQvKkd2
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyYXscWbX0
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo0IcAZFLn
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJjQWg6xwK
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRqlnUvxsF
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRWSBa0aT1
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw04bi8GiUN
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YeePi6vH0
*/*/*931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeY5sDLaaL
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xkCz2bHkl
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dGNfL42ha
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzB3C12UMsx
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6AMndS7GG
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XLz5GCAXl
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeK1xXRNvS
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKH5ZJc9Xgk
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUXrb1NzB5
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXZSS4cCQ6
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86oh3kizBT
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgy4TrOR5WI
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0RIjtQ4vO
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9PSRXTRgR
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5DwlBIAO5
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQwWZ1X1wZ
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxdvJXpuUH
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAIYJvdMAW
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUPFE7X8Lh
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNFjfU90XT
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47P8hCGddq
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGWmA4KElj
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TFNdD3qLd
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhh5HxZllD5
*/*/*931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpycbbCkjd
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRlfmynfq6
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaq1MCs59xf
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7PcfQzdyP
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dcxM6cpXV
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvu6ObmqTB
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYy8Jh5axN
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCeL5aYj3W
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyJ2umcIbn
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHdtnO3F3s
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgC7bpsO6YV
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLY5hmw4a1
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZLtbAAMdi
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35LGCSJ4gk
*/*/*931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdVJ0PGreQ
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlJin7w0Ii
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ56KazdOJq
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyqtBTAJ5z
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50HwddgXIR
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpPhFOmzXv
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSQtVlJ6uv
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJHLfRcPxZ
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ144IyflB15
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlsWSz42Ij
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAYCQaV77T
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCzZElKA6x
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NqK4bw3Uw
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xc5io6jA4
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KgOtVgXx6
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XyTXrLHtQ
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrIE5khTNO
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcBbPzXkdM
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4TbQauFZF
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4z9yZundb
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5SWxH53Ky
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKaRDky9sK
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYfp00fltH
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dXBRAFdeB
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKx72jJcuV
931Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzRxP5iTjg
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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