Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuD6JM00In
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6dn02udng
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aopsbDWPE
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFw6pTOM9G
Her face remains serene.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5j2HV7qSS
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuUm1Yw08z
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLE8eBYqjit
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5htpViwabY
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Bd5k8ilGH
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9emwnrTQmN
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5iC5PKAFE
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtemgWEBfH
This should have been her beginning.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTVSCb1vk8
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWI2YA9jFPU
*/*/*990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsn0dwHHGiV
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYV9u1vW2jT
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jVpjzrTTF
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaHrsfGH9k
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqzD8t5z0t
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPInouH9d9
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJqaWykDO0
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS77oFNAdTm
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Szi0nbVv8
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gox99Xfxh
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8L0Md20VW
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNhq7pcJ22
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUv9dxzQPr
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59Ro7WGxWH
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcDvKSCVMC
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1N4dmEPsON
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFl3E9f9Ebm
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnGBubtm2P
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFxITuTOjj
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFbrKqf3n5
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkJynoC4qd
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomJRBNvopG
*/*/*990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvdkOfzgSc
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pFI9g93e6
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTri7xdAVq
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjR0l1wPs7x
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16oeptkBF8
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyc2dMS5Nnm
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtmPeburw7
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl0n0hrYru
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOpi9bDDnN
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ABAZ20MFA
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEe0KQyhji
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKMwD1H5S6
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ofgdTFM5Z
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAxxnaXafM
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaIXYAYFy0
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7Alo1lZK3
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDW4N25WGuK
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVu0BhAKs10
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1xoNEMTIq
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIvsVnjjmG
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiulC2Yez8R
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4XngzU0X5
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5g5Pslfz4
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡig2b8PfnYb
*/*/*990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjxWB5BwPb
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2p3BxpB349
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvT1hfwrdF
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduToB9N3rY
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONawdYCmTg
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VX1EOeSKh
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyKVP4gVf5
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBc08msPlT
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPXHOlLwEJ
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWOUVMykAk
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxA4K7tqUya
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeqoxNUhLH
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZsdmaDyDm
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIchs0QPvtK
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLdYBILDeY
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoQqFIF8cX
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzqLWwgb4U
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0M50bL42mS
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAZwu61TAd
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZG6gbdkDwc
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsQilsv1u8
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaFTgXlQYi
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsBsDbFDhC
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7gCXQ1Y4d
*/*/*990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYPdr1Jnz5
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkzEK5QCqs
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDipqjmfi05
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqm1Q2toCO
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8tmiKhGpg
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejmhzW1IIW
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoP04N2pCN
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVaiqQEJQX
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgmk4XOtJz
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjp2jOHYXMQ
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrW3OMqNXd
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CpaYjbjqo
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfFbggxbjH
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDeKo76AUp
*/*/*990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRV78WDjxOm
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FFV5NvSYw
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHkhPo8zYv
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFrokP0K1X
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNX1QUJxsiR
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJ3iOJKoT7
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7s1seb8jN
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpDLxMyL99
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYRg4hGGCv
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQwjs4R9Dn
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk1bvlJTQw
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaZOUUMIJf
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrM1l0y7Va
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNTb7NYvm0
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssY4E7EKNb
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wMxn14BOB
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovApSQbwTQ
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMT1US8AYCN
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEPPE6eFv7
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLH674jQit
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPvQ0nhP6e
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMlTyESzFM
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnHDZBL4ko
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXVKobhaps
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AARbWXf6a
990Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkYXhoQ0Po
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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