Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPCRKt10Ew
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Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVkbPlsW8M
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Her face remains serene.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXLsurCUp3
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh0ZvHtMEV
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrKxNiRCxm
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOI9o5kzSS
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwTiZqCmJH
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5V2Fvnd2Xs
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FUjmaPtZ5
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQEw1FWDed
This should have been her beginning.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbqzUMoNMy
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquRVvZYbQm
*/*/*968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgH199QP0M
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnV65BYFZ2
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlgMpRiNF2
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjgAx2DxBD
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXEreqaRW4
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZCYnlqSdl
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iYgL2qhMx
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTT6gG60Rq
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRmHcUSPgS
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxvX3JwLja
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LbKZgeSXd
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QWgHpjC9l
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAZc50dkzm
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8yI9ed08B
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2swcJ5a2fC
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlQW49QAgD
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJA1LGvKwv
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzKuCxvT58
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsn6F2PpGEK
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBRyKJQULc
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7jLNq6J7K
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTjJKfcLRg
*/*/*968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9m1IIfUrh
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6C5TEzAQQ
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm3vxGEbyM
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTVW3vOVIj
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsM7NX0wBJu
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbR951gQ5vP
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORBmsDbgfk
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcRdovdU1x
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK00lTchw2
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXl4IbWC3e
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6QCbSkuNf
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvougx0t0EV
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3iqRFqHyk
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD1YXNfv3j
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPkGbIhWOw
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU98qOWMQsp
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssPpHV6oOh
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9yVGNYHZf
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6QVUP2Q7i
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvUYmGpzCL
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNajkqpzK7
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpiReF2LXf
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYFhoDiaaH
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaufil5fOW
*/*/*968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWYCp0UVCl
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“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOvZjIJ1JQ
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt0zQjlX33
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lESEA89Ep
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0S0ozkebh
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXPGJ6WS86
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She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFlpH2msQT
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbD2cdoGAG
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRUk5PL4dj
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jxos9ZzSp
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eBLYlsvgM
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2WgNnDQrL
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPvW08NBIe
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNswjKnN9t4
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBhIW4go1j
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJOByGRl46
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjgMreyLC4
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLigY7M0gc4
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQu9b3wJ0I
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINvRl3KFx9
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2V6iwyIIv
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Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0rGnD7ARi
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KKQaI3xcM
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMSfTNPSPe
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZwBruCHS3
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkwXRupRV8
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She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtX9ScEVbJB
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5E0GLUHZg
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2NZBs7e8W
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMD9Wxfhb1e
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQMpoIZrFB
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The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoVKWdqoMj
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAr93IoQU3
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIQcXM7FWL
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBV89FG8U3
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VqIjQq1Ii
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MLa5mtfEr
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoZUvbUZow
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aEAUV6Lxx
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNRYeepVkP
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaauojqlHe
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuAOr7oijU
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsQz0sj6Cv
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFmtjLlNHN
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ykp0jR6XN
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7HwL3hdL6
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kJZkMo592
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbuIDENBvH
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOPaS4LLLL
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3gOF7yF9v
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabk2CFvYO7
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVmdLe66T7
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrgMHDd6r6
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0yTdqBC7Q
968Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAxt6wweEV
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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