Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXqRakKNlH
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60WcPlYQjn
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZyBB83XCs
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7KB0mhX6W
Her face remains serene.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZDljlOy0r
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluN8vYYEFv
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5yWltEw9q
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbF4IHldcb
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71P19qFNyQ
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIqdeXsKgT
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQekRDHS21
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ67ZbI9Omk
This should have been her beginning.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9H3HNW2o3
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZVlmpQ6Ly
*/*/*930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJDfQfXvmD
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxo1Z6rNV9W
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4uLW62e1v
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWlXCBWQzw
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1ozlJordH
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0j8liJT7O
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhiXCzvItU
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLf9nBuqr8
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIOux0w1be
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLvwDJCewB
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTnDHhZU1f
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGb40OFk7gZ
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6c2z2D7Ml
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwDf4YvCpX
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjq5WTNYcD
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcO1fDDyrrD
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Mk65BdpTL
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZsiZlgQuQ
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡba9Tv6sQLr
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykKJ9s6tur
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcgYeDxtMS
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDWv2Rir05
*/*/*930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GSqKjzzV6
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIJthGRvD8
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnX3SRoF5q
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdy9RFyAEdS
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEGyL6861k
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgtkix9LNt
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHeKnIFosn
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrnWhelGwZ
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScE0RmShyr
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzKdsKye9d
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsksisQOSrl
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlyUyKZcqd
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7l2SvYIrE3
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZoNCImfGx
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNtG4koEZC
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdskvPQqIRv
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCBQciLx7h
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Zq4nZATXz
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZH8NqNyFuq
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLr0ri4WS8
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Oy9di0hVr
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg7PqPCRlm
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJAGOaEkjq
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6aYv21Jq7
*/*/*930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QsQ2EEg6t
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExw5WCqMlk
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0LXvT8Wbc
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbZgbcEWn7
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJsAZpcvwe
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLgHsfdTEH
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSRETMb6su
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10VGMFMEo9
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszMuNhj22T
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPspSn2gdBf
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9Qy5rmV35
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdz0RRf6OE
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuHuQ8xpC6
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulSwByYjWO
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAWWctaSdr
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CDGuD16q0
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCk9oIt6EO
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbJP3yuogE
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEVT9QxZow
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecqVDBepyV
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL6roA5GwD
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVgVsA1jXg
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJol9i9bTN
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVVtsFcRch
*/*/*930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMhAShd7li
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0potueJO6
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvryveX7wr
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfAkTKjomM
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDxKSAIwNa
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsUMAFUwGk
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSzpB7Vlim
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCToMgFNAC
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3TniaewC6
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGLsjyx8i5
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3N6PheSczO
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwMyTMlOHK
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8n5egHVY1
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbmzRCpX4F
*/*/*930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0qzX1LI1T
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry4bjL6JWY
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfy6Mee1cgj
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HNgoL8FTI
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNAw3kPCOF
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XOHpWUSEc
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6zWNtkTKZ
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6AhFWOEJq
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8FHApDQoh
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2y7kAnd7G2
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvS67sT8wva
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9BklCcdRU
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9NAr4FPUd
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcwHTciI5q
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrt5JA7ybjL
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEEGcUIflh
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DfhMS9ozo
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgNvr0NRFv
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKKwso1KxM
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4Q5txfdbl
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5FXoJb89W
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vzClQdJ2g
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sMBOPIcng
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX1k5vwT07
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHRH2YvWba
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsft8ImDLP1
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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