"Stop walking so fucking fast." Maverick's voice sounds from behind me, along with his heavy footsteps.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0m2NveQMEX
"What, Maverick?!" I spin around on my heel, making him come to a sudden stop in the middle of the hallway.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHToUkY7pg
His eyes float around, taking in the passing stares before grabbing ahold of my left arm. He pulls me to the side, by the lockers.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswT9DwEN3S
"You're mad at me." He states blandly, searching my face that has every bit of anger and annoyance written on it.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbm0QMBVAC
I'm about to go in on him but he stops me by putting a hand against his chest. "I can understand why." Dropping his hand, raising a shoulder and letting it fall, he says; "But you didn't seem mad at all that night, Lilli. You did it without any resistance." He arches a perfectly bushy eyebrow. "Why now?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjv8iA2Tt1
I make a dismissive sound before snapping at him. "It's not about-!" I pause before adding too much detail. "...that."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwGdyU54Vo
Maverick rests a shoulder against the locker door. "So then what's it about, Lilliana?" He asks as if bored with the conversation.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rvh4VB0eP
"Are you so serious?!" I try not to raise my voice too loud, remembering I'm at school. "You know what, never mind. Clearly it doesn't matter that much."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWJWBRaPI1
He groans. "Let's not make things complicated."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbgDdj84KG
"I knew you knew what I was talking about!" I then bring my voice to a whisper. "You're the one making things complicated by completely ignoring the fact that we kissed the other night. That's a little awkward, Maverick."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokkuM3yCq6
"I'm not ignoring it, we just haven't had the time to talk about it yet." He states.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmLzZtPH1b
All day I've just wanted to be left alone. I've kept my eyes low and head down even in the presence of my 'friends'. I don't want anyone to talk to me, look at me, be around me if they don't have to.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡts8swUiHtV
It's not about feeling like anyone knows that I killed that man...not about feeling guilty...it's still about being incredibly confused. The more I think about it, the more I feel like a ward is the best place for me. It's like I'm living in some kind of alternate reality, in the continuous state of an out of body experience. To be sitting in classrooms all day, walking the halls and living daily life is delusional.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBk7jbZDAY
"The party tonight will cheer her up." Bella is telling Quinton as they approach us. "Won't it, Lilli?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFwHbZMRi4
I shift my weight from one leg to the other uncomfortably, giving a shrug and keeping my sight on anything other than them. I'm really just hoping neither of them sense the off vibes between Maverick and I...or sense
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrmihy4wF3
"I don't know." I give a shrug. "I was thinking I'd chill at home."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECOPPjwpJR
Bella gapes at us. She doesn't reply right away, as if waiting for the laughter or any hint that I was joking. "You must be kidding." She laughs, face twisting in disbelief and disapproval. "When was the last Friday night you stayed at home? You never do that."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkB5JohNWx
"Yeah, Lilli..." Maverick agrees, making me dart my eyes up at him. He raises a brow as he stares down at me. "You never do that."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mcAwkmxhV
Mentally I'm rolling my eyes and cursing him out. In reality, I'm not given much of an option but to aim my best fake smile at Bella and Quinton. "Okay, okay. I'll go." I tell them. "But keep in mind I was sick just yesterday." I lie, moving a pointed finger between them both. "If I start feeling worse, both of you are to blame."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HgRzV2Rj7
Bella purses her lips, hip poking out with a hand thrown on it. "Like you're really sick." She says sarcastically.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVdXPmQjTh
Quinton nods his head along with his own words. "If anything, it was a hangover."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8t3Pwg7M1
Well that's not completely wrong.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPe9EnUX25
Bella, with the help of Quinton, has progressed since Kennedy 'went missing'. When I say she's progressed, I mean she's learning how to pretend that she's moved on. It's still fresh and new to most of the school. Everyone is just now learning how to make this their new normal.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ7nFyhydT
Hearing Kennedy's name mentioned in almost every conversation you're apart of or pass by, has dwindled. The teachers aren't constantly giving saddened smiles throughout class.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjjw5pwKIz
"It's high school." Malachi had said. "There's something new to talk about every day. It won't take too much longer for this to pass."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtEKdLu6BQ
Bella still gazes at Kennedy's locker when she walks by it. But it's different now; the feeling behind her eyes as she looks at it. It used to be optimistic, hopeful that one day soon, she'll get to see Kennedy opening it again. Now, she gazes at the locker solemnly, a part of her more than likely knowing that Kennedy won't ever come back.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodMxtUyc2F
Although we aren't that close, especially nowadays, I still feel a twinge of guilt every time I see Bella and Quinton. I'm still waiting on that to go away like Malachi and Maverick said it would.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSYCyLXjA4
________________________________
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltPuCGEGOZ
I was lucky Malachi had made a little pill delivery to my house; it got me through the remainder of my school day, through small talk with my mom. Since everything has gone down, the small amount Maverick has been leaving me with isn't taking away the misery like it should. Malachi gave me enough to triple up on doses for a week straight if I wanted to.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy75yjCWyml
Although I don't ever want to, if I'm forced to look someone in the eye, it isn't too hard when I'm three extra doses in since I woke up. Conversations don't feel as tragic as before, feeling like I'm in a spotlight even if it's about something meaningless...but I still don't ever plan on having them unless I'm approached or talked to first.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp6qjqdR0L
Maverick, unknowingly is losing the reigns on the frequency of my bad habit, our bad habit. I blame him; if it weren't for everything he told me, what he made me do, I wouldn't be seeking a higher high. He shouldn't be too angry when he finds out I've been taking more behind his back.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UW8deL1zS
Currently, two of Malachi's pills is getting me through this party.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW109UgnZW0
They're aiding with ignoring the fact that his attitude after the kiss could mean a million different things. But at the end of each day, Maverick is only hurting the situation by blowing me off. Without them, I'd be fixated on the fact that he's able to go about this party like all is well.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Taxx4cz9u
Instead, I'm pretending to listen to Bella rant on about the little things Quinton does that makes her think he likes her. Fucking duh. Times like this makes me wish Kennedy was still around to do 'girl talk' with her. I can't do the whole bouncing up and down, getting excited for one another thing. And I'm not sure how to tell her that I just don't give a fuck.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Jua9CAFt8
From the kitchen, Maverick is knocking back shots with Quinton. If I know them as well as I think I do, Maverick is probably egging Quinton on, daring him to match him. Maverick, always feeling the need to play games, knowing good and well that Quinton handles his liquor like a sixteen year old girl getting a buzz for the first time. It's gotta be some form of bullying.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl8aZhkSRR
Malachi is working the living room, putting his gift of persuasion to use as he makes money off the bags of various drugs in each of his pockets. Despite it being dark outside and in the house, he wears blacked out sunglasses over his eyes, a wide smile on display as he weaves his way through the crowd.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHgO4Yr5H2
Seeing them enjoying the party, smiling, talking, makes me wish I wasn't always disassociated.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ktbmM7Rgi
"Are you even listening?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt5ceWBTMt
I blink at Bella a few times.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZJhXOv6FQ
No.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwCZrXOsMt
"Yeah."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCejPU8I50b
"So you agree?" She waves her bedazzled phone in my face that is impossible to focus on with it moving like that. "That's totally flirty."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvVRqCAVWQ
When the phone stills, I scan over the texts about them enjoying each other's company. Honestly, it's so cheesy it makes me want to vomit. I can never understand some girls desire to have such a romantic, sappy relationship.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DYGgogvOx
I nod, trying my best to seem into the conversation. "Yeah, I'd call that flirting." I even put a little life in my voice to satisfy her. "Just tell him you're interested already, what's the worst that can happen?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66pyJ60H0o
A presence lingers behind me.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrkQ2M1LCX
"Anything." Malachi answers for Bella from over my shoulder. "You should know that, Lilli."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfN7HHXgUG
Even though Malachi has once again announced himself by saying something sarcastic, I'm kind of relieved that he's interrupted us. I didn't know how much more pretending with Bella I could do. She's killing my high.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqokE0gwxaa
"I'm only kidding." Malachi chuckles, waving a dismissive arm out next to me. "She's right, Bella." I can practically hear his mental laughter as he tells her; "Life can be very short."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaltJVpcydU
I can see the curiosity about the nature of our relationship floating through Bella's mind as her eyes flicker between us. She doesn't make any comment about it, not that she's given much of an opportunity from Malachi.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjg22RfohNG
"Mind if I borrow her?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7regJGeOME
Malachi doesn't give her time to answer either as he gives me a nudge in my back, almost making me trip over my own feet on my way past Bella.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPjdxZtR82
"Why so glum, Lilliana?" He asks from behind me.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRITWnEZmY3
I don't bother answering him as he guide me by a hand on my hip across the living room.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyOsVCtUJQ
"You're bored." He says factually.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNIf6GQKIb
Once he's stopped me by the wall, I shoo his hand away, only making him grin.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMoPJsiLfT
"I'm not bored." I counter. "Bella and I just don't have much in common."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcffhisDVl
"I wasn't talking about being bored with Bella." He clarifies, retrieving a blunt from behind his ear and putting one of the ends in his mouth. "I meant in general." He continues with the blunt still dangling between his lips. He draws the lighter up, giving it a few flicks before the flame appears.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0Cddb9CG5
"And you're still wrong."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhebLRjVfz9
Malachi's smile forms from around the blunt as he brings the flame to the opposite end. He then takes a few puffs, causing the smoke to roll and the blunt to catch fire. He holds it out in front of him, blowing out the flame before taking another drag.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Mrriad8PZ
"You're even more mopey now than you were before." He says with lungs full of smoke. "And we both know it's not because you feel guilty." He exhales, stuffing the lighter back in his pocket.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vAlypmKdK
I cross my arms over my chest. "Then tell me, since you know everything, what is it about?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYki4RY8UY
"I was getting there."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJWWHmdXlz
My eyes roll dramatically.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVKPqkPo74
"You've had a very eventful past couple weeks." He explains. "Full of twists and turns, yes?" My eyes narrow, not finding him funny. "Today, yesterday, they've been stagnant. Your boredom isn't even coming from waiting on ol' Maverick to make his next move." He adds with a dismissive tone. "You just need some more action, some more 'wow' factors...continuous chaos to keep you occupied." He then chuckles lightly. "It's why you can't have normal fucking conversations; like Bella simply telling you about a crush. That's nothing compared to the drama you're going through, it is?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNl95HCBvx3
"You're really suggesting I want you and Maverick to make me do that again?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXCPhc2F2i
Malachi takes another drag. "Of course not, Lilli." Another grin. "I'm suggesting that you want to do it on your own accord."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsBTb7uwY0
That's just what the guys want for me. I don't want it...
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRS9bNPYxX1
Right?
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjS8Jt9AoWB
They're making me question my own mental.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIkRlLCA40
"Let me hit it." I wave a hand towards myself, urging him to hand the blunt over.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYE5eMpMHA
A mischievous gleam appears in Malachi's eyes, paired with a smile to match.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv6TLI7MyA
He holds it out next to us, out of my reach as he instructs..."Say please."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcK3kR2sTOe
I notice Malachi's eyes raise from mine to look over my shoulder.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHSbW9U4Ti
"Perfect timing, as always." Malachi announces as Maverick stops to stand beside me. "I was just about to come find you so we could tell Lilliana about our vacation coming up."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sJGdIsdhU
"I wouldn't call it a vacation." Maverick replies, looking down at me and then back at Malachi as if expecting something.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxGZtCebri
"A getaway, if you will." Malachi reiterates, offering up the blunt to me.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRz8tnIeUR
I take it from him. "Where? To do what?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wL9VqOgm9
Maverick hands find his pockets. "Atlanta."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PrtyrWG3A
I give them a moment to answer my second question. When both men keep that indifferent expression, I ask again. "To do what?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVa7AwmyE1b
"We're gonna see Travis." Maverick tells me as I exhale a breath of smoke. "The guy we work for."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYAuHbvIUJ
I don't know rather to be weary or excited. Maybe a bit of both is fine. I don't know what seeing this Travis guy has to do with me but all I'm hearing right now is that I get to leave town. No parents, no burden of the dreary town we live in. It sounds like a vacation to me.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnifIFKwcmg
When Malachi and I's eyes meet, I know we're sharing the same thoughts as his lips turn upwards...this will cure my boredom.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWDL4seHMu
"And what role will I be playing?" I pass the blunt back, putting my hands on my hips and turning towards Maverick.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYda1lT0pK
His eyes sweep over me. "What role would you like to play, Lilliana? It seems you have your pick these days."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzCer3hrTa
"The depressed drug addict." Malachi suggests with a shrugs. "Maverick's love interest." He waits a moment before adding; "A killer."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezn6nKsX3R
"Malachi!" I snap through gritted teeth.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaxb08XxMp
"Don't like your options?" Maverick chuckles. "When we go, you just do what you always do...follow my lead."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYiO1lbH2l
I don't know if I should be insulted or turned right now.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEhUbiV3Nc
When Malachi was waved over by a few people, it left Maverick and I alone to stare at each other.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ghEOptYOg
Neither of us says a word for what seems like forever. It isn't really awkward, it's more like we're just reading each other. We're both finding the same thing; readiness, vulnerability, patience. It's like we're both just waiting on the other to give the green light.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8B6SmtpE8
Both of us know he's the one in control right now. It's not like it's ever been much different. He literally kills people for a living at only seventeen. I don't see why he doesn't just make the next move already.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczZcbmET00
"How are you holding up, Lilliana?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEn2QZXjyE
The question catches me off guard. Maybe a week or so ago I would've expected it, but so much can happen and change in a matter of days. Him killing Kennedy, then making me kill someone as leverage has made him completely disregard why we're so close in the first place; our mutual sadness. That's something he used to be tentative of.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RAxG7HHyv
I am not only confused about the direction our relationship is going, but also why he hasn't even treated me like a friend, like normal.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPeTdLHIGx
"Do you really want to know or are you just trying to find something to talk about?" I cross my arms back over my chest, like it's some kind of barrier between us.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS50oiAyQL
"Both." He answers bluntly. "But you know I care."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgjnbAwxj6
"Do I?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9SujRmJiT
Maverick's hands reach out, pulling my arms back down to my sides gently. "Yeah, you do." His hair falls forward into his face as he looks down at me, standing close enough for me to have to angle my head almost all the way back. "You just get stubborn when you're upset."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfmVeg0LPq
I look away from him, trying my hardest not to literally melt.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilt44bCSg2
"I know not much has changed emotionally for you." He observes. "It just takes a little time."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPHn1vE5YQ
My face twists, looking up at him again. "Everything has changed, Maverick. Everything. The only thing the same is how much I want to kill myself."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8Ha0nPro9
"Which is exactly what I was referring to." He tells me. "We've only taken the first step." He then gives an expression of being pleased. "But it's good to know your worry isn't about what you did."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmQRY91nDE
Embarrassment washes over me as raw feelings are being put on display for the one person's opinion I truly give a shit about. There's no hole to crawl into, no hiding anymore.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDw0eAyKDLd
"Of course I'm worried about that." I lie the best I can.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbwraqMsfK
"No you aren't." He claims, leaning in a little closer to his face is next to mine. His breaths fan my exposed neck. "You're worried about me too. Us. You can't stop thinking about me, can you?"
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuv0z1J6ks
My face heats up as I fight the urge to touch him.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAiXaGxUrT
"Stop."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBwfnX9sHc
"I can't stop thinking about you either, Lilliana." His husky voice sounds from right next to my ear. "But that's always been a habit of mine."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmhPb7rCXs
My heartbeat's pace speeds up, anticipating another unforgettable moment between us.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yKSofBtp8
"I've kept my hands off you for so long." He tells me right before taking ahold of the left side of my neck. I'm sure he can feel how quick my pulse is. "It almost feels wrong to touch you."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSgW2wglkP
My eyelids close at the feeling of his palm on my skin, causing a tingling sensation throughout my body.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaO8dMmMeBH
"Sorry to interrupt whatever this is but I've got something a bit more important than this to talk to you about."
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1HFw59tFT
Malachi inserts himself at the worst possible time. I suppress a groan as Maverick detaches himself from me.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndYwREYYgk
"Yeah, okay." Maverick says in a dull tone with a short nod before turning away from me.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzr5dnOaxY
He doesn't send a word my way before following Malachi.
ns216.73.216.197da2
