我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeo08YeFU6
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiZazMzp6y
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLC6d0pROw
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjYDBd96oh
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomrWSwTxue
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijw4KED4pH
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8t36ZBQhLE
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9imZK93sv
壓力似乎一併消散。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1832U0Nnh
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg64t3KygaP
茶盡。我再續杯。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fHB6TXQHc
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7WNDm9Bn3
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVo8pc9ftyM
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OBYsBLeVI
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLyAGR4Tst
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs1lCQRC1T
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdaw3efRlE
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGVa9W9pwo
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJMwVjwXmH
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5AstcVjf9
夢醒一場空。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW6R06jv8k
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHcKtjDcR2
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74R0KMbyV1
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DWUQ2EhyW
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAqCJQl9vY
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqDuhr2nvi
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJvbijpuCP
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvOxqA76mh
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwk4ZnsujZ5
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7isyV6nqvA
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CKz8Q7t6l
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxwtymjXg3
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjC9B9c4On
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWYwpCbaLb
我沾沾自喜。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP5tjXNThf
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSs4509plU1
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7bRLtFON1
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKKgjxdJC3
但我沒有向同學們坦白。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1icoIrAOU
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6BA0iKA6U
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC9LqsoXEH
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4p2gQ03ZLH
努力，努力，努力。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQobvA30lD
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOfi5mkUAi
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJkbH5pm3L
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9Jiaog70W
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKw2fR98mvx
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYwhpZ549j
以為。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCie6dwB7AB
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2SnkGIz2r
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPvUFdPWCI
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uN4GzYSrE
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTeVoNm8x7
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa14LH0OaXq
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA17JcfmlmI
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQv6IoCstFq
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEhT7Gl7Bo
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5xsW0yLXZ
我的作品感動了我。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VREkIgKt4
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhCxZpSMsB
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SBo0V3Ts9
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdplPwZSPx
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1VQwRVaW5
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh9SC0fWTu
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImbX5YPBP3
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETmpivmnKz
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWDfdz2qXi
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvdCi47nKv
熱茶又涼了。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzE09taDcW
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVCNjZndpc
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJNHGYGI5c
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSzCm9DvfP
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBE7WuO7mE
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKMNXZDMba
我的作品只感動了我。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNPVTlqhB0
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOpcUZsQZ6
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzveOs0jsPx
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.51da2
