我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxkEkGvRJw
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSByAm9r9Q
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8l06mkP42D
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFUy4xIzHs
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJBoNWfKFh
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMA38HaCKGH
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0GpjcQWjB
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSIhj3FQF4
壓力似乎一併消散。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqdJn5xYDH
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNSpMrvhQW
茶盡。我再續杯。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SzqYcx3Aq
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaLqgtMb2J
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV6QBy3aUH
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiD3s143pv
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjPQjNbOqN
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzRjBk69YC
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWU6dK35fd
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtSUmV4495
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERU5PTrO6H
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdWOal6wvA
夢醒一場空。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OgZwHKrsm
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgO9Ijl4eV
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡur1DszqMwZ
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHB096Bbso
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoJ2up0jql
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLq1rV6Wenp
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsskrzXbKBr
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTebG1nfom0
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwfxUKgjhX
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVqMNQDmy6
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWizKAmaJX
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPNGZXvwL2
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyPPOjg0Z7
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ8HWQxens
我沾沾自喜。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBipeBdA5uN
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgMoOtuqBi
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5TnHVhdVf
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRekXnEPCE
但我沒有向同學們坦白。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfLGgMwind
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03UNdAZycZ
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjm6OkRwBOH
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRA17mqz1dv
努力，努力，努力。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QjSFoGUGc
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNW64xZxx4g
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAJsGnGos2
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcJPNDMabm
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X0HNtziL4
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jaUj1t69c
以為。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoVYGAJe2X
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIguRt7PuMM
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQ5qdCRX1O
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTH7YFw7G1d
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIRP5wJ4NH
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOBQvlKfN2
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMD7KnN5M4
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZb6p57vdY
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFsmi4T8Af
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwpw7ThMly
我的作品感動了我。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTSVqkbNOq
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HMF2kHMkc
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1NiJxEmON
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT5Tpt8Hu6
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMCEzBwdS0
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDmOBFnRZz
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUN56cM9ZO
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63Aye8dR34
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ojo7DP3CB
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1WRbZ8Hv4
熱茶又涼了。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpaABP0zjU
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt58NFcXIS
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaAY45VTy3
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9ti3kTyvJ
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yx5A3VRLy
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjNXBsnZ6j
我的作品只感動了我。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGRBOw7bDb
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5G5NQo03Pk
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAPoPzTpxe
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.51da2
