我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。160Please respect copyright.PENANAVoyI009MAA
160Please respect copyright.PENANAebEz6c28Ab
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。160Please respect copyright.PENANA8J4By4fQYS
160Please respect copyright.PENANA4QMJKJO2cp
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。160Please respect copyright.PENANAohLlTd4jfX
160Please respect copyright.PENANAWB8rX9Jvib
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。160Please respect copyright.PENANAOnOuZ5Ui0j
160Please respect copyright.PENANASA4W5SVrez
壓力似乎一併消散。160Please respect copyright.PENANAUSdaaEY7kg
160Please respect copyright.PENANAgJHgUduTdV
茶盡。我再續杯。160Please respect copyright.PENANACmt1rO4J5J
160Please respect copyright.PENANA6zsfYUtbUk
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。160Please respect copyright.PENANAn2ciYvhAER
160Please respect copyright.PENANAwvlr7qwajh
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。160Please respect copyright.PENANAlNkDMGQJ4y
160Please respect copyright.PENANA8a27HwMkYt
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。160Please respect copyright.PENANARgGKDGKc6d
160Please respect copyright.PENANASCDSChhIAN
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。160Please respect copyright.PENANAFczCMPFKhP
160Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1SyyTR0tC
夢醒一場空。160Please respect copyright.PENANAo7WKTSfyxK
160Please respect copyright.PENANAC08XHeyauP
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。160Please respect copyright.PENANAzBAfohMm3o
160Please respect copyright.PENANAkwn0qNd6el
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……160Please respect copyright.PENANA2bPrHqrBmd
160Please respect copyright.PENANAqEQiyPET6L
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。160Please respect copyright.PENANAkUXCcVm3OH
160Please respect copyright.PENANANEIvEs5E7U
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。160Please respect copyright.PENANA6w5Gwmlw3p
160Please respect copyright.PENANABO8GavO9Xk
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。160Please respect copyright.PENANA2RVUor3ovi
160Please respect copyright.PENANAWFP8MpWW3U
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。160Please respect copyright.PENANAlDE5D1qJqY
160Please respect copyright.PENANAW8h0fjIKY6
我沾沾自喜。160Please respect copyright.PENANABmYvgYJ3eX
160Please respect copyright.PENANAXyd7Pg0PBP
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。160Please respect copyright.PENANA5jwdiwI8Nu
160Please respect copyright.PENANAlKgHvwdoNV
但我沒有向同學們坦白。160Please respect copyright.PENANA59QXcYdFFt
160Please respect copyright.PENANAzCq9vQrTXp
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。160Please respect copyright.PENANAxCBRp71qio
160Please respect copyright.PENANAEH7W9goe7A
努力,努力,努力。160Please respect copyright.PENANAj3qVJrhCpD
160Please respect copyright.PENANApMHivs0v2a
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。160Please respect copyright.PENANAGpiir0HARv
160Please respect copyright.PENANA4kI8M1qk9W
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。160Please respect copyright.PENANAeIcbewrX7C
160Please respect copyright.PENANALb14QfZVOI
以為。160Please respect copyright.PENANABaoxgulnhG
160Please respect copyright.PENANAoZu4wqm1sA
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。160Please respect copyright.PENANAvzVrB9xGcu
160Please respect copyright.PENANA74Gcvl0B9h
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。160Please respect copyright.PENANAK6jMkXNWTK
160Please respect copyright.PENANAn2ZpbQoTVF
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!160Please respect copyright.PENANAcbXhJQDQoD
160Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9iBJyATgD
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。160Please respect copyright.PENANANvzmXXVpvS
160Please respect copyright.PENANAgvlFMfeKhS
我的作品感動了我。160Please respect copyright.PENANAaN0249U9nN
160Please respect copyright.PENANAiZfvHI1yCK
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。160Please respect copyright.PENANAYoj6GiTznU
160Please respect copyright.PENANA0U7m5NR5O6
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。160Please respect copyright.PENANAb0QgwUnYUJ
160Please respect copyright.PENANAIfbO1wZqjl
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。160Please respect copyright.PENANA0Lp3dIn4gY
160Please respect copyright.PENANA4SimaDIRVa
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……160Please respect copyright.PENANAKXi7LBHIeD
160Please respect copyright.PENANADPfszrvC6R
熱茶又涼了。160Please respect copyright.PENANAcKdTUvzuHz
160Please respect copyright.PENANAvF7Dapxrsa
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。160Please respect copyright.PENANAiTk4GRzqZJ
160Please respect copyright.PENANABoCgJ6m0bo
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。160Please respect copyright.PENANAXe8RDZ42BA
160Please respect copyright.PENANACe79Buw6TY
我的作品只感動了我。160Please respect copyright.PENANAQnJkZ8P9v3
160Please respect copyright.PENANAJPEVhFVyKc
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。160Please respect copyright.PENANAzCxlDIMNoE
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.70.100.160da2