我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。159Please respect copyright.PENANAmmBCNFrafp
159Please respect copyright.PENANArSq3gxz6Vy
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。159Please respect copyright.PENANAG2GqEK1HtT
159Please respect copyright.PENANAxpA4hn7cP5
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。159Please respect copyright.PENANAFjP9JRThJz
159Please respect copyright.PENANAydA6cqJUHS
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。159Please respect copyright.PENANA3lW19Ndd6e
159Please respect copyright.PENANAZa9l3prs09
壓力似乎一併消散。159Please respect copyright.PENANAVfclpXwj8X
159Please respect copyright.PENANAZDRIMUHwDT
茶盡。我再續杯。159Please respect copyright.PENANAGWLsYtNZ0x
159Please respect copyright.PENANAeA4kfFEMh1
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。159Please respect copyright.PENANAR63bqJbpBQ
159Please respect copyright.PENANAxSenjOdPrV
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。159Please respect copyright.PENANA7o40iBfRKk
159Please respect copyright.PENANAGQX7aDhM2n
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。159Please respect copyright.PENANAEi570ijTIe
159Please respect copyright.PENANAWnVRBwPZVm
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。159Please respect copyright.PENANA5WQ31vnX7l
159Please respect copyright.PENANATUOSQD9J21
夢醒一場空。159Please respect copyright.PENANASYs8apYPSe
159Please respect copyright.PENANAqlaYKygY1R
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。159Please respect copyright.PENANAlJ6v0PgJwW
159Please respect copyright.PENANA6h6HvHMv4o
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……159Please respect copyright.PENANAUAPY6Pg7iD
159Please respect copyright.PENANApqPlSCunuQ
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。159Please respect copyright.PENANAs477rPBs5X
159Please respect copyright.PENANAxJqN533hNX
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。159Please respect copyright.PENANA6W8F7wLlYo
159Please respect copyright.PENANAQczC2RpSSe
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。159Please respect copyright.PENANA1HAO4JXr9C
159Please respect copyright.PENANAdLnccBnvJY
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。159Please respect copyright.PENANAHEV6bDcjrc
159Please respect copyright.PENANAYWEFvplkeD
我沾沾自喜。159Please respect copyright.PENANAA7DKxqqjXe
159Please respect copyright.PENANAtjcxlNhzxK
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。159Please respect copyright.PENANA4QEh2f2Thc
159Please respect copyright.PENANAdYWbCFF92E
但我沒有向同學們坦白。159Please respect copyright.PENANA7IBIr5DF9A
159Please respect copyright.PENANAYvSNgnAfJx
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。159Please respect copyright.PENANA4ci34I2cHS
159Please respect copyright.PENANAP43PHLoNr9
努力,努力,努力。159Please respect copyright.PENANAgAhScLpbya
159Please respect copyright.PENANAccBSLLj3ii
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。159Please respect copyright.PENANA4oVctgBI8h
159Please respect copyright.PENANAiVrU1irsw7
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。159Please respect copyright.PENANAJG2rFCF6FP
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以為。159Please respect copyright.PENANAd7S0RKm74u
159Please respect copyright.PENANAA52iyuy0Fx
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。159Please respect copyright.PENANAWSpJn4dXig
159Please respect copyright.PENANAJv7i3XxVKx
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。159Please respect copyright.PENANA4RUkf19NWi
159Please respect copyright.PENANAiyXlEKDauZ
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!159Please respect copyright.PENANAQdLzVLJqoG
159Please respect copyright.PENANAahKII7vkgv
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。159Please respect copyright.PENANA409WNav8SG
159Please respect copyright.PENANAiuJCg8hMa1
我的作品感動了我。159Please respect copyright.PENANAsIZGlhSwbo
159Please respect copyright.PENANAuHP6n7Zij4
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。159Please respect copyright.PENANAzeQ4lzRhSA
159Please respect copyright.PENANALOLTuAdtpN
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。159Please respect copyright.PENANAjLI119WUiQ
159Please respect copyright.PENANAcqWb5cwi1C
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。159Please respect copyright.PENANAKYPvxFikrN
159Please respect copyright.PENANAirDdSKWxVm
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……159Please respect copyright.PENANA3aZyCa4ICs
159Please respect copyright.PENANATV0gLV6nzK
熱茶又涼了。159Please respect copyright.PENANA3FEiLdyzZa
159Please respect copyright.PENANA2374Dq8wDV
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。159Please respect copyright.PENANAtesdFSaE2r
159Please respect copyright.PENANAyUp7BFy1BA
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。159Please respect copyright.PENANAdPE06EQBwb
159Please respect copyright.PENANALuStd5IVUG
我的作品只感動了我。159Please respect copyright.PENANAVucFgw9y0W
159Please respect copyright.PENANAQB3tQH0UWP
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。159Please respect copyright.PENANA9OtYqV75yr
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
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