我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNztoLNgqj
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarYQTG1KqA
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdGKdMXrZe
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQTfkrJVPO
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknUiZkRPeQ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSu647CL63
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpmh1eQCx2
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9l7cKg28l
壓力似乎一併消散。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhH6OH0Bui
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYuukWYdJg
茶盡。我再續杯。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvi4ry4tcoE
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfq3F9XwEQ
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fmyquMyUB
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujiBAFkKvz
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQzeTXwerE
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgP5kYtY54
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuVv6vsPE3
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7a9ysiXb4
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SITSZiRcS
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP3Ko5iTBX
夢醒一場空。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLgnG5yBAQ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFoV8BB8EQ
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBlQUTXsR1
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y4UdIvSSe
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBLxkIJ4L7
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXwWip0IAB
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwmySDswPU
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumgMrGJwA8
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwItTwFnkc2
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhbHEcLuFM
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgaZz7L3of
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGdJ7oVWX3
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhTVASbE7T
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxsH3sT78A
我沾沾自喜。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEPBibBwrw
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEl2iIuQ49
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBIGyB7JId
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0RTkRQFut
但我沒有向同學們坦白。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHd5uXhh3kM
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HOIeJSbf1
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl5R70IF5E
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtFahG61CA
努力，努力，努力。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1iJ0UWXpX
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcylDUol5b
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkx218G52EP
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkULSAFAOE
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3fuq7pjU0
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQwOIIRHGS
以為。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptH4SXytOI
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPHU0ZFAB3
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6bgXdZ4kA
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlD7kXYGS3
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ48U3CdDP
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINVWxWaqgL
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUq01eoouK
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3Rl6UZxS5
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8ybDqXKL4
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5B6NEMIwy
我的作品感動了我。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YIozdLS6k
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80DGH2RkaS
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfWvWY5Eue
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx4jin7pU9
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlTzO368nO
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSwuQtKQGS
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyMVKadDfV
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClLpKCD9EQ
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpqEwt2Fo2
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUi06sSGDx
熱茶又涼了。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFWWjBgQdC
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixcjrBCrPQ
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxDoA2aSUx
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohQFQmOxSs
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJpnikvfnh
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmoN42fGOA
我的作品只感動了我。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDaRDQT7ge
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ5BNXGTXQ
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ3tcC8AwG
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.217.7da2
