我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91Z4MXKrjZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FCmN9tyg9
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPs1DQlPWk
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZedkSw7US
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgggBEFgOq
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJr4zbEsjk
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m5CxY0e0C
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnxM1EM4np
壓力似乎一併消散。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFJiBHNW5o
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyLsq7lGDr
茶盡。我再續杯。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHi9APs3UCS
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFwfMAZuBy
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3h4ily5ej
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LvvygcxqL
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4Yl6cRlax
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3xJ1dhcvZ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt94lwXkios
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY98b1IAkN
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMthZRzC7F
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqONvWTcS6
夢醒一場空。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO64qao7RW
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRImxx6zy1h
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOMw8RSnxa
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyvJtzyBvM
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbt0S8UFZeg
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenE47t9Gr5
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUhsm7am3q
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoASN6XmQ07
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo48OaRuyET
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgu1WO0zbeA
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZ74kf3DFl
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jUiXoCt4F
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrhqaZpmto
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSinGfLy9n
我沾沾自喜。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GkKdGNRKB
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3C1tYCL92P
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgv49Sgsdl
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6g2wGhniim
但我沒有向同學們坦白。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamJCK4kc2A
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcIWgJ2ecT
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fxqWvorXy
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwabDlsYO4E
努力，努力，努力。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARCcuHSNpu
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwttY85JYM
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50BgOIPn2M
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzOEBS6QwK
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8EQgwPyhj
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbQXKbzlHu
以為。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibcwe56uyQ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDGcptQFc9
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQQTnufU0l
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwaSr0yRDP
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU29XFzVVug
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvKZp9b5CW
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1kunRahGm
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8oi4zw3CN
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycc2KALgV3
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtD9YWFdMG
我的作品感動了我。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2u5g87uBjM
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OgbetN7sB
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0O1Nou7Bnd
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH84UQYmNyx
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVicp0iCzj
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQQkVGX6vT
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0mfmCQ7D1
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0k1BTPPFu3
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50PbGrRP0f
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxEQy7ACAQ
熱茶又涼了。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQkG5PZMYS
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGYEmg8K4e
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkkxMpt72c
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOK2JBVBCd
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczKEKlQ1OM
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUBMIwmQmh
我的作品只感動了我。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cQ6Uc3W9k
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6CJ7ujwFs
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BPSDOPuy1
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns18.221.85.236da2
