我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUL5mTwjpQ
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYelaFSNEij
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99rBgOFU1A
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuX2o8DhCr
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEknxMlsERK
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDNuNWcCGS
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdO0Tk1lao
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHEYR4r46m
壓力似乎一併消散。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5mNXQPOA9
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNZOfhEQ1m
茶盡。我再續杯。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RhROzW8js
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6Z5SulldQ
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwaKUwMclp
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfvmOI4YoB
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGkVBgXeME
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjluqJqOZb7
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXPUOHwqI2
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPrV2Ci4mx
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZ6KSulF8c
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbHhSNoO1m
夢醒一場空。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuJhcIk5mD
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJECkcjqjRL
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUpjhIawvZ
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8M6cfuP6Eq
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOB8k1Bths
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRMDWINj1C
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE1EytSoOH
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJpe04neKD
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRKSYaH69N
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeAFulVzyS
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzXglbHvle
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatA7HnJdu5
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjqXn1HxE4
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vTBYtl3Gf
我沾沾自喜。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWv7Jg2s3DI
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rJzXe5rlZ
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu5o8jxPqj
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoNhdtHtv1
但我沒有向同學們坦白。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFzWU7et9T
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzc4ImAsQy
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74TIshz2xG
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbqjaIRKLe
努力，努力，努力。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzgyRWGmZZ
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnij4RZQpoe
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwmw5ZJvfq
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2l6aYtMSi
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3Cim0PyLa
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbkVLnO36g
以為。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNtWownC9M
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXx3SriKvg8
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSzaodj4RH
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1H3PhyfSQ
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59797mmlO5
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW629WjQhm
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOk9Y6pxvk
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxBPExDmwT
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuFcCVAFEI
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilCVeaoHlN
我的作品感動了我。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblLYFDysL6
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ3G6yu6ma
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrMPva1lqE
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsslwz6VARj
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF22fjBbYSv
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXITBnj8L5e
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQUpE6sm0k
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCzVbaSVRF
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX0U7QKgZ1
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzmSftEYLC
熱茶又涼了。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLE4gCAAmr
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXkGpp2buf
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvy3v2IiQ10
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSul7ly4nrX
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjM2LEfuqX
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0cAagglrs
我的作品只感動了我。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgTRU6wEtz
323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WbfqdATjw
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpEC6BXBit
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.210da2
