許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNpEN7IAfd
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBbS0OEJjz
「急事。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG03ln9peOh
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYH0EoFeETk
「你不吃晚餐？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiHXV0oNTP
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnqapMbdKu
我沒應答，逕自出門。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeF85Q3mKo2
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PODgNEQxZ
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWcnaVKBzn
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlt5IxWeTaF
難以言喻的鬱悶。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2D1KgFctr
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaxAcXuhyW
長嘆。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvFxFphjDf
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLf0MnsSIv
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwgsS4C5r5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkVkbg0K4w
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZYZaUx7ia
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBGHjjeRFO
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFNO4eV262
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviviZlpGOB
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd28GxGBEyc
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkjVj5Z56K
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfwyevemOL
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEq2xE2Vrv
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlSUG9aUjW
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZqkRsCn4X
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KOBxcBFRY
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREF8x2ZcQf
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WCpAKDrKG
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrtnZqhnra
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KTML7czJS
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrWTtfIk6A
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDvw2479sD
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IFNlcZTS7
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXF7zj3OtL1
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpRqYwRRkX
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmijiZFjXd
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS33HW1CDW
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyevayYgSOr
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGql0zMGt1
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrUM3wrGh0
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GnX8wVIym
註定的。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStrJpXMzTR
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AzpNGeJJJ
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKM2yi9uTm
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60K1G7iDNV
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCD9iAtDIq
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxalllHsRoa
停步。猶疑。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IZX0cINpb
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqzycjS6ze
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqCp1RqAJB
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSBqMMx4dY
轉身。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0LZymuw89
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcBrmIKOBN
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqA0Pfr7P6
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7HERWZH3E
我回身走去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNE7UEpN1a
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ap4VmNoPk
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv21yBp3noq
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhD4IKfldkm
把小狗抱入懷內。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0r9zEhnhmA
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZvGWicRaq
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBP6xTtbIY
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5I1R0ioKZ7
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3nLJDNBBc
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeovPUryD1
海風？海濱公園步道？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLXCiP8mkv
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRb72eHGePF
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlnl9bMniF
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimhCqUDpMZ
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYBaterIu7
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSO5ocInQ2i
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbodxmQmJgZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfudSzKIUC8
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AbnUqDUKx
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYejEpyZmnm
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8pteImrhI
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvipvajk5f
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGYVvUaChn
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5iHrgOL2a
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3shhkxbz3
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTNxe3BWen
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzg96q79pR
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67hW4oT9nl
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg28hFy13YO
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sa3zDA2VU
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6sTmD4QPL
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mh1ipV78v
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwBppDy8gl
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfLIVf3ZO4
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2zdFserQd
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOA9meIoLWo
鬱悶何來？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoQrTPziz7
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6B5b28tioe
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrmCQ0klTP
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWam2ZvIeqi
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5ap6HIYWZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nyc7OTApr
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGj0uwvpSAa
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjR3qKPjLyn
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjnwiF0gHx
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MGW91LP8u
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRy2iE8W0w
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuI4zsFV8tx
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgrukqgqks
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmCr6SDXxV
然後呢？根本沒有然後。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1e1YhZDQBi
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrdBxoHJLN
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcgNswkjmB
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3IrODA7CR
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.197da2
