許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4s61mQy366
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmlbORjxfI
「急事。」277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbEGIo4q0m
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQvgzkaKD8
「你不吃晚餐？」277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t8Z0KZsRl
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvqx72AjEN
我沒應答，逕自出門。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7LzGf1usp
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGStuJQVaIS
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMetexoiSG
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTKNSbpY84
難以言喻的鬱悶。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqOEx2ymMZ
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHL4g2HIUxK
長嘆。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKaiQTYo6M
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaIUT9hXZA
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZJtKeauNy
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0jkt4P1D7
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEoFXKXTSe
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2D8EGBGJyu
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrxgWyotRY
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDf0ObXcKPU
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhW15PWnm3U
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HGQiAjI9g
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjjfJs3NNh
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOK2YJh7PXf
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HwlkvpNOx
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIk1iSXHqZL
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARFdfHrdzT
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU76Q6epMwj
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfb4hNcNWKR
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRD8jyzPGV
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ6mI9bwqx
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMHk0PEkW4
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVzcTeEvPV
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Jyo4Qlygs
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7Rxqyqbeg
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiBlz94InQ
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySzP3zIYsD
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyjRyuX0VX
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOi2nGur0V
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzn542BvAVF
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmypljaOKb
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThp4JE2Epo
註定的。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rNjExjBRN
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ554eB1KExX
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumIKXTrFjy
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDLhxTNutf
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1H5QjJLkMM
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr499QE2R3
停步。猶疑。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ1IPi01mR
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5ONy2WCqg
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Z8x18G2tO
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHWnYoNl3j
轉身。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnbrKX2L9d
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmI4kotrjC
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qpk7QPL8N
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvUqoFkrwg
我回身走去。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69as6lpPOa
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9az1nOXnsj
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPe7mJdKze
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhU6l2dOwrZ
把小狗抱入懷內。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vc6VCU6Jo
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u0o5FsoHG
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP63szNgdAr
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziqLTjro4w
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDr6l1feMXJ
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvXXQQTGNc
海風？海濱公園步道？277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoqDAUnWek
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc1k8wtDrm
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tf6YhZc8h
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfY9A8u3cK
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMzGNAlnZ9
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQR32Lq69uC
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFc1UyhuAY
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHrVW7M0ot
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1PFhyEEYV
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YhpeMxQRi
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWH8q9Y3N8
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnASX92q0Bu
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUzTrPOlCP
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03dIZ51kSr
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmnXYnOfZi
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFOoD3PMDA
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFi8hE2lM7
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKUSM9LKah
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV35GivcRve
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCDooTBuz6
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1xyrX01ni
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ49skq1Xv
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7caoawxQ3
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTviiBUUXF
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJnIaKSTm4
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZSxl2CQZK
鬱悶何來？277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2drSVgYyln
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAcxHQYOPG
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TUETdPB7A
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbI1UhszqR
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleSY81QP5s
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJdKUBwyGR
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy58aYsn6kQ
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYaxuZXBHv
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcoceXrdAH
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jJsGWUPm3
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y8F6fo942
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3C9ifFqHdH
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQuW9RP4Xz
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyqxzMtuPf
然後呢？根本沒有然後。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFCITgnEIv
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Sa8tI7wab
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3dZ3JyOnj
277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCPYYYFf8M
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.6da2
