許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbiOmrzV6b
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6PihnFrqD
「急事。」266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XaFGwuyag
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzyLTJUtQ8
「你不吃晚餐？」266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7oPjHNm8n
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcPSAx9Tyf
我沒應答，逕自出門。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVxzxIJPJd
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CPeOtdN7T
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPovtKAENl
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKMhbdutR9
難以言喻的鬱悶。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eu942XxwJ
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKWawOafZx
長嘆。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5cmLcDCCy
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl06p1uOiQK
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNtKm6Y6xS
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxbnKI4ANV
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDOgynLuv1
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzQg6J11bK
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRv7VyATye
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pz71DoWf6
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIq5yHOjr3
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWaPI8VrMH
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1avsuLOBa
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVohz2PkLl
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSgO9yciJY
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEA38aWsagE
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsFa2ccMCL
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHL3B2rTKv
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCFpR5HlsX
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0X0STqqz1
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBO8OdKotpW
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8DjnCUx0Q
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTKW3TgMOd
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0ohk9BRns
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYyI2mkHp4
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOktKtuNM6
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4pX20NtYW
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFBgZYb2Tr
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaZqgs2Noh
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yIK2dE47o
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvKHKe4px5
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqdIADK5Pn
註定的。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZqeIB23Wz
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2dUycObNW
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXgiCh8JEz
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQzYLfkKYG
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXPJOUVtbP
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfb6n2Mrxl
停步。猶疑。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BNvtUZBjr
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToV2xKFmAX
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcdbcZxHEL
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wL7UUMZCQ
轉身。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZQYNMWLoP
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVpbcNNSQb
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85NZhvh1iU
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsrluxhUwY
我回身走去。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTGpDZiUjM
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho1fmn2cYn
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCEyQdXNg8
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4AI4zB1nH
把小狗抱入懷內。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBW2sgJmYZe
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavT5Rr81HI
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhloNn8lsq
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8D2AQJiVWZ
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bfux8CAHd
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUa5BWQxlq
海風？海濱公園步道？266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpxDOpcGxm
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1czDK2chQ
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVOZQzoP4B
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmuPZyuMmC
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPMhm12avt
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSrFwqozB3
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06ZufgdyVx
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5s8z16dly
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6N3r3JC2bz
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4FeO1GZvW
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dd6ZUp14o
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyC8hL01Hv
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAhq9MGNGU
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDJ5HpM4Xo
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3QRQXEU6l
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyts1fBwRL
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrbfkkIz6b
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBRjXU2ugN
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgmgoHfN5i
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2akTbQ2KIG
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kQ6I2gAjy
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnCfZM3XHZ
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dfPxDHCXf
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVYDxPjRi2
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UTZc0ZWGi
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTaB39oVQR
鬱悶何來？266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrvxb8CYfY
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOko6w6f0r1
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaovBbDClF3
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zCtwQA1c5
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4QfzOjmBC
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8yqXeoKn8
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqThFMMtHQY
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsvecGol0w
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyiXmpSD5V
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YVFpi8UEJ
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8PgTYKFi2
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAnweAQbRz
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRf2Cp7BRye
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroanJdL85j
然後呢？根本沒有然後。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWbLeVh7TU
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMRab6xwXn
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzyipj5nXO
266Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjMgwmDHvk
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.197da2
