許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwirgHPYxSD
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「急事。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Zr6KHI0Nu
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBo3zBF2NL
「你不吃晚餐？」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLPlSx17v3
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHJq9TZmoG
我沒應答，逕自出門。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXEnujmGn5
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbrDnTW9Rr
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfegLztSzyS
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfItu0w1Z26
難以言喻的鬱悶。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oQQYIa9ir
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCscsp6Rtjl
長嘆。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5SCqhGiDQ
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKot3MOkxQ
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4r5o749EDx
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CWTMw3Eyr
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwz8JyScRBy
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ya1m24xzR
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0a9eHNWGML
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin4BlClqlS
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vBjWzS6oy
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8Mo3oa870
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj5FRV1wAv
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpticJC1hpS
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tpVYxN0Kc
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGb8S6Kpbnd
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr24hswYsLI
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4wTrX9IPJ
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSBxKeDvBT
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCo7uTElAqI
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUXd37CDap
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PiVH54exM
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufqxBPmiFE
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48yYKydEdy
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0LUplxzom
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWQpvUaVDq
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpkZ7uAKo0
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMXN5HAKDF
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t371y8uEq
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vd3MZoE99
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ECp9iHm2L
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTfBWBpJ7H
註定的。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWej6qvHgb
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPfbHZEzN6
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOgw2EcKvN
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj8ESyn08Q
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqSSxabfeM
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59nH0BjYOj
停步。猶疑。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8TTEqqPwI
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6FUVFnJnA
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwY1VFUirN
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOaZd674UE
轉身。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4R4KrgIBPR
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSaIsDKm7n
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79GinTzZd4
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v6Ffft7yU
我回身走去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6OMeq4XUv
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGRV9YdBp3
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto42DX4FcY
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9wAeBKbLX
把小狗抱入懷內。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYY2GafFQC
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe8Bsxacte
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrastpjpR5
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPzMGbljAK
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsqgGCM3Hi
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDDaUe8QEU
海風？海濱公園步道？226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwQyagrLFZ
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1ffR5pFiU
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLVaiPUXZv
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22n3UxnSzq
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCryyGgJsGr
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeim3ArCcBX
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9nV3lSFgF
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAa3FvGiS8
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrq1Hbrek0N
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFVsbBCgXt
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNnswRfNsv
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iW2xpa8BF
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwzY98ZFOc
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHfYybp8RZ
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5CIOn3uOQ
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE3aTgaDZJ
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2VatjBxnz
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCekFJbBbtG
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHalenBzDMb
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGmGwBspH8
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJM2RhnpwEK
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVr3uBE6px
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvn8eRvCpp
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OdZlUAffV
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i1zxfWZNX
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcgWxJ5nKw
鬱悶何來？226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lVg6jzF2x
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm91f3mZGS3
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRWcCrO1SD
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1XxOBWeTZ
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaFxlT5Aie
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5Wteb1isp
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU62NviXZOv
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69MDi4CeA5
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5Q0pjQS4A
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUcFY9axol
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyA6YsXZ3TW
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FBKP9IKBN
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqcRMhdNGc
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLD4n5djhe7
然後呢？根本沒有然後。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4H10gqmUeR
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUvH39H2Ae
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrhZssIRq4
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HhiQXHbaM
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns3.143.254.120da2
