致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqGE39ITpP
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前提，是特殊情況之下358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6iprkUWP5
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCziTidbpA
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大概358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NhxTPkNAV
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvixh8cS4TW
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80sUiD3Rxt
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「⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPzav1Lt8c
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNrISMiuPh
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7lf3idqvb
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yukpEAWJj
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQhAdci89C
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不良日常性時候358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLP0qjdyA2
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1Fhzx66Nl
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekKRmWJrYu
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLf47ZAT2C
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwn3LbXX1xi
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGk4moICsg
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkS1597daS
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFo4Zl8fDB2
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDv8F3ph5g6
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg74wuEhEOo
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgvoEOqXKT
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「呀！來了、來了！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHawUeJWf4
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「走啊～」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNY4iWE0q9
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhpfieXsNG
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FlcoPj2xn
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他358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhqddfcR2f
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「又被欺負了嗎？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNrpBiC5mQ
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQDfpYly8K
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TUj0SFLcn
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzgevzSPRD
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJzG11Qmov
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWEXcpSMoL
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⋯⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kIlIgu1Ni
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怎也好呢358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAAx1fTY4d
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「⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1iV98Ix8N
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OI6PWEeiH
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUO0MSpMTv
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—— 咔 ——358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWBm9KtbfR
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⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo08GdVHDpG
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⋯⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLDzNwl8iI
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoAYc3qnJ3
「嗚⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7G5G3vxOyk
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzmHFiLvs6
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhorjBJUHpa
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDV4piUcSO2
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「啊？！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jVaSsJyyc
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—— 啪噹 ——358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhaW3ujn1a
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVk403bJEP
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGn4Tf6CjW
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她一樣358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZIjEfulHs
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJkzgZPJ2h
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFcYf0pT3x
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「對不起！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPynBouhjLA
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoFhTgei6g
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「來」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJqjGC7WsD
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「⋯謝謝」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9HQfiD4MF
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSVt7DsA2g
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWJsbvarz1
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxe8vf4jbqC
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hAi4tvdTI
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「那個，水無月？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D4cCrFx0n
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「怎麼了？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tJaMEwaFo
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHwTqiNESX
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各種358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzy1MXkidov
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjXhehLKAa
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LgwjaQztn
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且只能回味358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXf16J2DByo
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「回來了嗎，島見？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoELdHZV3m0
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrCnYgoRH4
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAKpvdJMQF
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r5vc3cLGN
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「媽媽⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJp41GLq81
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「⋯⋯是的？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKguIuK1oCk
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEeN26ixWM
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CTsAfb0ES
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr20nBQBr8V
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtepzf9lb5
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呢358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDQlYnC25T
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKAYj5N9py
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdOOHYWeoa
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku9Z5VVXVG
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「欸？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSriwJPjTM
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglUmgIY2VZ
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「這樣嗎⋯？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHBJf6apRn
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcO9v7KUt3y
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「生日快樂！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS8YK8dQKu
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOm0H3qIrCb
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太過成功才使人後悔啊358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMKNZscD2m
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0E49HDtdA
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「⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GxCs44Q0A
「所以說⋯你的⋯你的答覆是—— 啊⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2xl48Xasq
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—— 噗 ——358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMNG1qB4gu
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「喜歡」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgAwswLkSz
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「太好了⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2fgYyT65m
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyo2ZtnxTqX
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如果⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IiAi0zRUQ
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoecKFSsv6j
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來得太突然了，去得太突然358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLva1nw2Bn
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「什麼？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqACDL825l
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjKYSjVv4a
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pz2m50Wsz
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMkVQuFov5
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2DVUWQD3p
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「⋯對不起⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFtv61xvde
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對不起有什麼用？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIXObhJE3s
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道歉又有什麼用？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Y629aU3qL
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卻358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVnXrYc8L5
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2SPpYmQZn
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要説再見了嗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtn9gpv6kE4
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我不想358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5NyO62t3b
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fMrp4mkvt
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9axHkAkIYY
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我不想那樣子358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGvUVubYXE
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFD81L3LLIY
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXaqttPSrT
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不在這般的前半生之後358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXTMM6Nc6j
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⋯⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WFg4EhcB2
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無論如何，日子倒是來了358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWf5jiJLasC
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最後的笑容，就在當刻358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJ3aZn0FpC
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKabAD83pP
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOk796ZaKQP我不接受358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpz9ia8mGo
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4EnU42PSG我不接受358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RVdP0zN2D
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—— 啾 ——358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0h26p0Jas
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我不接受358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pHb7PQsWG
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「賀羽⋯？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8Yh1UPluQ
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—— 啾 ——358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1hybXTdqk
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mVhrLI8IC
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuxYMnYwG0
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我不接受這樣的結果358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRLcdZlsbR
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6zKJsILNo
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8zqB4Yl7W
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFK7NWrPC3O
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我的本性358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyau4J00kYd
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQzSF44FLR
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—— 啪 ——358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5akPDNCfo
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「給我閉嘴」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefd0FKFdhf
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2xtPAOUa9
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我終究只是野獸而已呢358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzojoZgQ6r
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ4tmpraOy
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dxqGDDQQd
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而作為人形野獸真的該死358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtt9OeEKCS
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如此痛苦也是活該358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGm2QuPvGYV
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忘記不能也是358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBHGtNRiwf
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeZLbwUYX7
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7moWhZYZs
「張開口！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrO1hWWtORA
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvp8W1UIve
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發現了嗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSGv0BZOn8
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVtkEsmG6B
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNehAiQRLKr
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PntoDKX97
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「為什麼⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnH6xjz6Lv
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我所嚮往的358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmhmSWPMQm
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所謂的358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPJST6PU2L
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「正常」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUsS5vyyWu
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純粹是個謊言358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDzwkChQCh
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rhpJLgaYE
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqB3tYCjl1
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⋯⋯358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXleQsSeS8
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所以說，我是異類嗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozWdwcb1pI
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「⋯⋯再見了」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWJl3kap0T
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當然358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ultFVkPZL
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKI4eXVWrd
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIudt4NSKH9
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZTPaP3nPj
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「嘿⋯」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8hflQID9u
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自討而已358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRbdmD3DWs
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
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