致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyDEskf9Cw
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前提，是特殊情況之下393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLZ1GzBmq6
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NivyEWzYS
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大概393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRdEuj3J1b
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIGCSrdaHq
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMeWya2B8U
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「⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrMHv8Y3F3
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWz8G8kpkD
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6gkx3RHw2
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZ2SUYwp0p
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiHlnz6UnU
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不良日常性時候393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8igeF3xyu
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1SDgsufHT
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpaAXhTH8E
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZgfvwSyFR
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrDu5hrWXw
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOn3LBmSLO
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJXjC6Dx5b
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoj5JkSgXy
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQNLYfeGg4
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwTnI85iRV
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOa9L8aV2Z
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「呀！來了、來了！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELZsLxbqnC
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「走啊～」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfDbTHwJTJ
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO3Wf6eGh5
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrNel8wY0D
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他393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqDoH0rHcw
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「又被欺負了嗎？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTtWxz2Wb6
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9PI7xAEQM
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycXIBT2tCp
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr16lsebeDn
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejeWROPei0
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSrIBbAzXo
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⋯⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFyE1JJ2DS
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怎也好呢393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZcYSVoQsp
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「⋯⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuB1z7S0aW
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBO4fTOc9s
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmY5lFpxDM
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—— 咔 ——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHangAb52l
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⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrQgiugZnc
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⋯⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLa8cUvpED
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByNjQZjdot
「嗚⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn28gG5OnYe
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2Jluo3TqF
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzQvhugR5T
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgWyntI0nx
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「啊？！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvsEZqwlQ8
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—— 啪噹 ——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVWwTvjszu
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Kd9AfN5cf
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2iDwBEObm
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她一樣393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8m07DnDlDt
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKC8XyREtB
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDvEXcOkpB
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「對不起！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm2cvLDSnC
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiU1uynMGJA
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「來」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrItHhntNo
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「⋯謝謝」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMovHkhTkml
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30AZjNOPEK
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwr7Npi9Tv
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnK2fqValY
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaV5rfncpxR
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「那個，水無月？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvduoQksfIJ
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「怎麼了？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl26teftmia
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYQU00CfBc
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各種393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewG6FuiIbO
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6nUh8tJBj
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1KyHqueab
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且只能回味393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvb79Ha7A1
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「回來了嗎，島見？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZomrKrjuT
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SWPIdMyWm
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2Wgjcxj9P
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOmBm98d12
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「媽媽⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSm9rq7a8J
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「⋯⋯是的？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJw88Dg3ZK
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvWQqtUsYw
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgpURUgwEr
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI4RNioxwR
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGrkjQX1YJ
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呢393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9r4inEmqwf
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXZmpnqX1o
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiovf01p9K
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMv5wNVsVr
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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「生日快樂！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXco3yG8rrB
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太過成功才使人後悔啊393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0OgKg0M4C
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—— 噗 ——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMcpMAxNPe
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgRxsGIiXF
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如果⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx7c6TdrVp
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQy2wfgiAL
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來得太突然了，去得太突然393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAtXkoIB1W
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「什麼？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBvVnIUW3Q
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcMa0QI2wX
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OmvXYbJHn
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkwVutEYes
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhYQMiVGGl
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對不起有什麼用？393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4imH875sJ
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道歉又有什麼用？393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtfQikfuNs
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卻393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DyjMXJ0DQ
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFtuMKwFBs
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要説再見了嗎？393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXH1oyK0KGJ
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我不想393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidNvL3kZ1W
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11TTkgltBC
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzyV4UbWK6
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我不想那樣子393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4KJ1t8zrJ
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xgAjfTNpp
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iO7SOFwAl
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不在這般的前半生之後393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspyAT96cDC
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⋯⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfspZKopPL6
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無論如何，日子倒是來了393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzN2y5OHMH
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最後的笑容，就在當刻393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZjHuF1Lza
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhiAOhFXeE
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsl30VYJnv我不接受393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSGW8grtAt
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—— 啾 ——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UCvX7zcHr
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我不接受393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WSYr2gVSS
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「賀羽⋯？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Vsd0Xjvks
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—— 啾 ——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IK633EimT
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQy3hm19xdL
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ahy7E1ID2
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我不接受這樣的結果393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpoeyStCnp
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GlpRL1x6g
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslfKXQKfJL
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexHO84UGAR
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我的本性393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W29ix48M6
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8xTYNR5Sx
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—— 啪 ——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNVN4gxaGI
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「給我閉嘴」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV77nxci5pV
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpl8CKTltz
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我終究只是野獸而已呢393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1dh8bQgE6
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vgpdz6mMX
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0ezhY4Qfv
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而作為人形野獸真的該死393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwprcR7bs9Y
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如此痛苦也是活該393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqe7o1s6VLp
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忘記不能也是393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdsyRnbT1x
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzZyASQiOu
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNL3LfgW0M
「張開口！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8hg1BnHsu
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpehESJwLce
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發現了嗎？393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENTtkeTvRK
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2R0rtLzoEP
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsfPTgV5ge
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3b7abTOhAA
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「為什麼⋯⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadG2BXr4qZ
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我所嚮往的393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCC0tEvMPFH
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所謂的393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqWSxCBRQW
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「正常」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ga4YWafi5
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純粹是個謊言393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUG7KQa0aLk
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQrpQchKes
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlppsRFGUBI
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⋯⋯393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIZDPj9Gk5
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所以說，我是異類嗎？393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSwWT9H0hI
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「⋯⋯再見了」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMBOR26r9v
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當然393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYDbQK43ev
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ovEvOV1kL
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NwOTxLtsQ
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzvzig9f8k
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「嘿⋯」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5afQD0JGEp
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自討而已393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ4KLwZlc7
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns216.73.216.82da2
