致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDBHcoD3qe
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前提，是特殊情況之下356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fh8Wabomw
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmoLzNBL3A
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大概356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeXLL32OrS
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrm8n1PTsmr
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB59iPl6its
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「⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1u3MmECpf
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKBClP9biG
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeuecCmQUF
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLRAHYmtXC
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNQBM1tOYr
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不良日常性時候356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3G5kCkp6Bz
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4jaA7h18q
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaIFR8Sv2t
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrFMDQIt4V
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOlDqwP1z1
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFymNiBIdT
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKxV1jOtTx
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDN88tYVrf
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27n88azaNn
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIlPIWHe54
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjttA6s80EN
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「呀！來了、來了！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfXzGwECHB
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「走啊～」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEgFH42KlW
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbgJjgIKnf
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4fNQfMTjU
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他356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z5nf82Lq4
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「又被欺負了嗎？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRW6bF5GL7W
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iNrYJ5I77
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQXuxf16Ib
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSr8gPVSXe6
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIukGGHIwvX
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBU2Dh3ryWi
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⋯⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxt7op3Gw3I
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怎也好呢356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAwS6Amw3B
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「⋯⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeKTT2pMNQ
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BDJXk4Ntq
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJz9DkL91G
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—— 咔 ——356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BqlcHyOU6
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⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VTPIormPw
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⋯⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTjBgSB13P
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgo1ech9Tb
「嗚⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD4OOJL7ge
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69nNyHK3ZD
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qil1QMXuu
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1wxBSb8Kt
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「啊？！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYgC9zLSzw
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—— 啪噹 ——356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60pnzRTPHj
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A02xpcexA
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfpAlCXfh4
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她一樣356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzR5I2yYwN
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWQVkr9W6V
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtkXYyG4r8
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「對不起！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMBLdnspF0
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sn3e0ZGCN
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「來」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRqCcF2TqJ
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「⋯謝謝」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg7y0T4uOR
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pMQ4R69zV
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgncx3izJB
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ266YmC9PVW
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oPrSkQAog
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「那個，水無月？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SuFugqv0Y
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「怎麼了？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gdclC0XAO
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWixCmG8hgu
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各種356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCobtkmXP7s
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBQCF3Vypp
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9ZLrUw8KW
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且只能回味356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpt6nQXgJ7
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「回來了嗎，島見？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWv5g1WeHO
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMOuqYMRJm
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qg0VqSpky
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxOTQ5phzL
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「媽媽⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzZmRDaJfI
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「⋯⋯是的？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZAtCQiyUu
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gwUL9vlnt
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhZGSebZlB
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcL0FqCLnd
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOehKUnh0cF
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呢356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoEH2Z3EEO
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zPs8QwaAO
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXSQ5Z3Gzt
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zrNuIfvOA
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「欸？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaozWGo4DM
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZPTaoqVNL
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTULJHMABa
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「生日快樂！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh9fJcCW2R
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAHTkIzJTq
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太過成功才使人後悔啊356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09tIuBwpmC
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—— 噗 ——356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9PmH9DQsl
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「喜歡」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHHruAcyiQ
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZCyFuVEXO
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如果⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GRT7gp6k8
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1nTSCB1UR
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來得太突然了，去得太突然356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEawdQk6AsD
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「什麼？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VCAki5Zg1
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLAoJ0J0fa
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKd1N97DcTT
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rnT7pnq6F
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「⋯對不起⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6WCO8htg0
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對不起有什麼用？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjn0HZdnGG
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道歉又有什麼用？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXILx2d4n5o
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卻356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDmq1eUBLu
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxS3TB1pjL
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要説再見了嗎？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPm1wmvnxU
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我不想356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HSuWwBLdS
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTVMUnCZfN
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguWebQMBf6
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我不想那樣子356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw4kJ0Tksy
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWc0iToDT2q
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG1gDJC8WO
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不在這般的前半生之後356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuva2OqYVNA
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⋯⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGt59x3DGbc
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無論如何，日子倒是來了356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Tu0PBjmb0
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最後的笑容，就在當刻356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvVUDdcTBR
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZufzfG30n
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXO8nnlW7xb我不接受356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTva6CAsn1z
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlykILTPAb我不接受356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCajB1EIyp
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—— 啾 ——356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls2hm6Yw7w
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我不接受356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQftWZYrnh
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「賀羽⋯？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYHQ0M1uih
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—— 啾 ——356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLV508TeOWl
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxfB6vzBp5
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7CK9Z8ozS
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我不接受這樣的結果356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2tPY18ZSZ
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSciqM1S5Kn
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoq9KXQ3zFC
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LKt7nHzJo
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我的本性356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsgCa2u5fu
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDVUC8rlfP
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—— 啪 ——356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7wR7RqjZw
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「給我閉嘴」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZufRNifxLV
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KtdtpIT2h
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我終究只是野獸而已呢356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzb5er4y24
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvgmN730PT
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIQXyLSoK6
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而作為人形野獸真的該死356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pUcoyEra3
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如此痛苦也是活該356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bFnU2PwTo
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忘記不能也是356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxmW9jatjB
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOZqN42YrV
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZJ8nm3Zw7
「張開口！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdj0dTnRGt
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpVgH2awRX
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發現了嗎？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLAn3R79ML
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGMNK2hca8
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzY0EfIlZYN
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQbwRBZnET
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「為什麼⋯⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnYMfjhkX3
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我所嚮往的356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCrwo2lubZ
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所謂的356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2MA7zO1EG
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「正常」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurQRmlt9HP
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純粹是個謊言356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qv3vLKEUo
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNYAc3hOTd
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPyqRczH74
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⋯⋯356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ29nJJ4l4i
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所以說，我是異類嗎？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKzX2kISdj
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「⋯⋯再見了」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPb6uhd4qPI
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當然356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayHQB5O1z0
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqYyfb1APE
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuBmEvycAA
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFcqRk4xJ8
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「嘿⋯」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbFfGHLnep
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自討而已356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWoXKEeNSW
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns216.73.216.39da2
