致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhaWea4xwo
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前提，是特殊情況之下314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnBC6bVHAo
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeZvPxoFRZ
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大概314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodUnRMDzJF
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7cNhQ5bRe
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg75rQ7hPjf
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「⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWme9j643zi
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSvJSJSDmS
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVb7AXMOPr
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZyIg9CQ2q
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXQXUZr1aR
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不良日常性時候314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nQhkovogc
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumkNUMgfE7
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM6YfgtaZZ
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg0R445WKh
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDAAuc2VQY
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceQAtAYP50
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VvX7V7Sf8
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQ176H4ij4
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4ooIvXQGH
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4EOceFMr1
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKbDwQaUxy
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「呀！來了、來了！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdCT4TbOQm
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「走啊～」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2XgsjvwdZ
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHls5AoTGW
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44ydF9KQlA
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他314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkDPjHLDpy
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「又被欺負了嗎？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FoIelc1Yk
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAaWguxqvr
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXl3TtIyk6
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DlUwwLvkg
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vsZHphWvf
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHJDbqS4Nw
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⋯⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwyBF6XDGM
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怎也好呢314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurEMUIrQJc
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「⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7sAw0nugg
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4F2MAAykmX
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaEoNbN2OK
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—— 咔 ——314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGeJqSNsjW
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⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiDgvSDT5N
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⋯⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifFVOu9G2j
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdU5YNKc76
「嗚⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSe4U2266O
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFOz5tYS1D
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmZWAVLIPO
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhfYw7uyt6
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「啊？！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUxNEpKZm0
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—— 啪噹 ——314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOkv7Z5QlE
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD476CxCuI
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTGvt35zIy
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她一樣314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsDkPvM9PF
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn7T742vnS
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoTpIfYW7b
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「對不起！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivVBHA3cOx
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiSXU02n19
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「來」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkM4LfEQtcN
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「⋯謝謝」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdJvqKUKxl
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y1SUJgyvS
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0DM7wjyRJ
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09ZoHXsC19
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddfFd3hTCg
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「那個，水無月？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTgDunu1qs
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「怎麼了？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0LOGwX00P
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22elP1tNTe
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各種314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNHIHARZGN
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPBexZVDHQ
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gNdwrWyDo
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且只能回味314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdehrCH2R6
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「回來了嗎，島見？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBes5KYfJwt
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0Kx4woDld
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdh07hZZfy
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDuCPkTRm7
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「媽媽⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobRkeBnv5O
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「⋯⋯是的？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyLqabKaQx
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ907ODoWfbB
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBjwEwCdTR
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvqT72LnVz
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ7v7cJKD0
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呢314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbc9wPi8aEK
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyhaFBuwHS
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl9WIjO1mL
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcCc2fafUb
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「欸？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRYNai8t0N
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sAxIYqFoq
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「這樣嗎⋯？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjrziOTVZf
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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「生日快樂！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Sekx7Zhu0
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8C05B76pz7
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太過成功才使人後悔啊314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVABCU0rtL
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnb54f86JT
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「⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjFqzczics
「所以說⋯你的⋯你的答覆是—— 啊⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Eorbn2YXv
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—— 噗 ——314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpd93gMdYo
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「喜歡」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UbqJJdhbJ
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「嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJe0KalGzls
「太好了⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsMvS5kIYU
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWaCUzxqhP
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如果⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMvQ9If7nA
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF61NJaKYME
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來得太突然了，去得太突然314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkBWmXTUiU
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314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADMV3F93zj好痛314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKexQvZ4fux
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「什麼？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2T8rIGN6ZE
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQakIBsmK0a
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjxhNkulLC
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5ixxwGZSI
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpEeCl6urV
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「⋯對不起⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtXlQ1briy
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對不起有什麼用？314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddUwRSiA5K
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道歉又有什麼用？314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsG0fWbPZu
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卻314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HmzoJMjlX
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdq0mB8yzbd
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要説再見了嗎？314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSccqR76o9c
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我不想314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi7kfzwAgx
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkd52MG7msh
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcF1DEA5lt
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我不想那樣子314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9TegtMdPF
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgMxds7s6d
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgx1Ah4HtLy
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不在這般的前半生之後314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjJ0FPfp96
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⋯⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKxRFOd14Y
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無論如何，日子倒是來了314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHtUGOPCPF
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最後的笑容，就在當刻314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aUiktKCo5
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNaMCEYZ29
314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2QC0OY27a我不接受314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4TeCcj6AH
314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQoNqQGVz3我不接受314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90OUyCso5o
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—— 啾 ——314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKVZaqgLRV
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我不接受314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0AlCzAokq
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「賀羽⋯？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcEQH8KtlF
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—— 啾 ——314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBRXRh291K
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj54HYBj9le
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYYj5Pv0b9
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我不接受這樣的結果314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauhHTQmbsh
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpwv6JRch7
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLjhgNxJDe
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LnQKHpTyu
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我的本性314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtb81GicWYA
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM84V1rWusd
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—— 啪 ——314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxASkPHUW2W
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「給我閉嘴」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7y2gnwL32
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHItSTawlh
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我終究只是野獸而已呢314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId2uap4skK
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbcHJWFcHa
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1tZx3IlpO
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而作為人形野獸真的該死314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMlxA105yA
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如此痛苦也是活該314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH63HRnlyGm
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忘記不能也是314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UwnABUk4O
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4foEn8jz9m
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyERQ3ehbLg
「張開口！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ40ecWLqkg
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRpAFXy5tS
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發現了嗎？314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg1vFP3wVN
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxUFRyg8Hg
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qGjggkKXC
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbukLqVQLPK
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「為什麼⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZX1lR2brBl
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我所嚮往的314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq1OhDWMLJ
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所謂的314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEzF9PC5vv
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「正常」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErMmANVnpO
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純粹是個謊言314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmltJQIu3eR
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYg4WZkHbQ
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2gcR56EjF
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⋯⋯314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx2LZegFZR
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所以說，我是異類嗎？314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ689cO6YgtQ
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「⋯⋯再見了」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsH1KGXe2C
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當然314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFJQvNfTPp
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonDPw21Jqp
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfnJU56DtM
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pg8fllNNS
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「嘿⋯」314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqeoSRT8uR
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自討而已314Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fiQ5Hoajy
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
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