[細思極恐] 不連續人生 - 4章 – 人造精神病

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多謝各位嘅支持

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4章 – 人造精神病

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我︰「點解…點解我嘅記憶…好似同其他人唔同步咁？」

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成個下晝，我坐咗喺青青醫院中庭，又喺度懷疑自己意識、眼前嘅物理世界、腦裡面嘅認知世界。

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打從我俾人扑濕咗個頭，眼前發生過嘅嘢彷彿就係一種「有實感嘅幻覺」，明明當下發生完，所有人都記得、所有人都有反應，點解之後就個個人都唔記得晒，拒絕承認我哋一同經驗嘅嘢咁？我甚至開始懷疑︰其實佢哋係咪夾埋玩我。只要一同否定、夾計搞一個人，即使當事人其實先係冇問題嗰個，都會因為環境同佢講「你有問題」而懷疑自己。如果呢個正正係佢哋做緊嘅嘢，咁到今日為止發生嘅事就得到解釋，咁另一個問題就會係︰點解佢哋要咁做？

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我又唔係出生顯赫，又唔係名人巨星，只係一個卑微嘅學生小朋友，何苦要用咁多公帑資源、人力物力、醫生護士去玩尻我呢？

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難道我先係有問題嗰個？我個腦自動生成咗好多虛構記憶，同時抹去真實記憶？喂，啲人有即時反應，符合我當下認知架喎？啲人問我「求先發生過咩事」我都答到，點解問我「過去發生過咩事」我就答唔到佢哋心目中嘅答案？

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點解？扑頭案之前個世界一直好正常，唔係咩？

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真實嘅世界，究竟係咩一回事？我眼前嘅？定係他人眼前嘅？

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如果係我眼前嘅世界先係真，咁明日嘅佢哋會去咗邊？如果他人眼前嘅世界先係真，咁…

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昨日嘅我，其實係邊個？

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究竟嗰個我冇印象嘅「我」，係咪同樣地都係我？

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分分鐘我老豆老母日日都唔撚同，你話勁唔勁？

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「周海問…介唔介意我坐低？」

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「嗯？」我回頭一望，原來係阿慈。「你咪坐囉。」

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阿慈︰「周海問，你係有一個咩精神病？」

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我︰「青青醫院所有人都有精神病架喇。」

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阿慈︰「唔係，我講你嗰個精神咩咩病。」

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我︰「精神紊亂症？做咩呀？」

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「人少少，得我哋兩個，我可摸耳問吓你。」阿慈哄個頭埋嚟細聲講。「你扮架？」

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我︰「哈？」

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阿慈︰「你係咪扮架？」

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「你都痴撚線！好玩唔玩，扮痴線？你冇撚嘢吖？」我一嘢推開佢個死人頭。

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阿慈︰「我覺得你好識玩喎，原來有『精神紊亂症』呢樣嘢，真係開咗眼界！如果我早知有呢個病，可能同你揀同一個病。」

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我︰「『揀同一個病』？病有得揀架咩？即係你可以揀要心臟病定癌症，咁嘅意思？」

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莫名其妙。

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阿慈︰「既然我哋同一類人，當識個朋友，我話你知。」

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屌，其實我唔想同你做朋友，死毒撚。

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阿慈︰「其實我係冇病。」

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我︰「你扮架？」

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阿慈︰「噓！！！我哋入嚟都係為咗同一樣嘢︰窮人三寶——白金卡、公屋、老綜，有晒呢三樣嘢，下半生唔洗再捱，安安樂樂食過世，又冇人蝦到我哋。」

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我︰「…」

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阿慈︰「我知你好醒，扮幻覺，高招！扮幻覺就唔洗傷到自己，又可以拎窮人三寶！你上網揀病揀咗幾耐呀？」

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我揀你老母。

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阿慈︰「唔講唔緊要。我知道起首嘅時候揀咩病真係難，因為影響終身幸福！」

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終身幸福係透過揀咩精神病去得到…你嘅人生真係多姿多彩。

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阿慈︰「你將來即使出得番去，都會有一張青青醫院發嘅白金卡，跟你一世，留過青青醫院嘅記錄都係跟你一世。如果你揀得唔好，你要用好多精神去維持自己有晒窮人三寶嘅狀態，咁就關乎終身幸福喇！好似我咁，我揀咗『失控症』，得閒要打吓人、自殘下。我決定揀呢個病嗰日開始，間中就撞吓啲牆、周街咬吓人、吐口水，我撞牆撞到隔離鄰舍報警捉我入嚟架。聽講有攻擊性快啲入嚟青青醫院，點知真係！之後要一直繼續扮，直到上樓為止！睇吓我個頭。」

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阿慈撥起自己額頭嘅長髮，露出一笪二笪瘀傷。我真心覺得好癲，為咗一張白金卡，竟然可以去到咁盡，要自己破相，忍受不必要嘅身體痛苦。

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我︰「值得咩？」

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阿慈︰「不如我又問你︰幫財團打死一世工，又值得咩？」

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咁睇…好似要財團養政府，再要政府養番我哋正啲喎。做星斗市民竟然想要白金卡去得到人生幸福…有一陣心酸。

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阿慈︰「出到去唔洗做有大屋住，政府幫你交租、送錢俾我洗，佢養我一世呀！點解唔值？」

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我︰「你喺出面撈唔掂咩？點解咁諗？」

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「我一直都冇嘢撈…」阿慈尷尷尬尬咁講。

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呵…即係你狀態其實冇變，唔係多此一舉咩？

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我︰「咁唔係都有老綜咩？」

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阿慈︰「唔夠多…」

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屌！原來到最後都係貪心！用埋晒啲屎橋浪費人生，虧你用到「終身幸福」咁冠冕堂皇嘅詞去形容自己做緊嘅嘢！

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阿慈︰「有白金卡每個月多幾舊…」

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得喇得喇，你收皮啦，為咗幾舊水搞到遍體鱗傷，你係幸福嘅！

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阿慈︰「你呢？你點入嚟架？」

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「我俾人扑穿個頭，自此記憶就同人硬係有啲出入。」微風輕輕吹過嘅中庭草木，我講。「我成日都見到啲…人哋話冇發生過嘅事。」

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阿慈︰「所以話你勁，高招！」

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我︰「你聽完會唔會覺得好笑？如果覺得好笑，可以笑兩聲俾我聽吓。」

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阿慈望咗一眼我嚴肅嘅表情，可能感覺到我唔係講玩。

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阿慈︰「呼…點講好呢，我唔覺得你有事囉。」

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我︰「…」

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阿慈︰「談吐等等各方面都係正常人，你比我更正常，甚至更勁，所以我先懷疑我哋係咪同類。」

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我︰「我有醫生證明架。」

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如果你一條毒撚就可以證明我冇事，我就唔洗入嚟瞓咁耐喇。

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阿慈︰「我夠有咯。」

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我︰「講起上嚟，你記唔記得琴日做過啲咩？」

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「嘻…」阿慈終於忍唔到笑。「sorry，我冇心。你呢個問題真係太唔係路。」

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我︰「咁你記唔記得吖？」

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阿慈︰「都話摺筷子套同入信封。」

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吓…？冇理由架喎…明明我記得琴日係入廚房同阿慈同組，點解佢會唔記得嘅？我記得好清楚喎，我哋一齊嗌肚餓，夜晚食生果佢係其中一個唔夠我搶嘅人。佢喊咁口個樣我仲記得，佢竟然唔記得？呀唔係…佢竟然話「冇呢一回事」？

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阿慈︰「我仲記得你條友摺信封摺得好撚慢！成日蛇王要我做晒，屌你老母！」

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我連要你做過都唔記得呀大佬！無喇喇俾人屌！

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我︰「你有冇懷疑過自己腦海裡面嘅嘢係咪真？」

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阿慈︰「吓？今次你又問咩？」

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「其實冇玩筷子冇玩信封，你真係同我去煮飯。」我望住腳下自己嘅影問。「你有冇懷疑過…其實我先係啱？」

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「超！」阿慈冷笑一聲。「咁我同醫生一定係一齊記錯同樣嘢，又不約而同記錯做另一樣嘢喇！你都戇鳩鳩，有冇咁橋呀？」

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我︰「唔係呀，不如你懷疑一下。」

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阿慈︰「咁你會唔會唔記得自己係邊個、父母叫咩名、住喺邊忽？你啲問題都戇鳩！」

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我…周海問…其實係邊個…

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我︰「如果今日發生嘅嘢，今日嘅人記得，但係聽日所有人都唔記得，而只有你記得。依個情況其實邊一個先有問題？」

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「你。」阿慈諗都冇諗。「世界得你一個係咁。」

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個問題…喺我身上…？

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「喂！咩問題呀？」一把女人聲喺遠處傳嚟。

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4章 – 人造精神病

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