惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBIK74Y50z
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6ZPln6TWH
但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSbMjYWLD7
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童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKuEcE6I7H
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUACq8Um4ye
是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9fVL7fqnP
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因為不同，意味改變307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhsvU1tG6Z
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwCSyshVuL
縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBr2rtlSIA
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXsIzYGhb0
卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVG5K0VnFAm
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這道理307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPlmuZuz25
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我是明白的307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeE41amy8i
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxweacy5wuB
但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdJ1m6HWv2
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHUeR79GwN
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1L3lbxzbf
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—— 啪喇 ——307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKhGmbjKRx
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x0yPCy88h
「廢物！」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DLcffy0we
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7sRUSsmCc
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRPjzWdDTH
見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCa0Rkw2Y1
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jCa5udOta
「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPp4puMOd4U
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWetXmWCCsg
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQlzCSWU5G
「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VUfmuUJKr
「該死⋯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0N0qzT7X4
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3o6Y8qi9C0
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數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUERBMVwwlm
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熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IqxKtx5NZ
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRQjiVJrT2
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雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTYvdMvV6I
不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAArD8mlVyk
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKCq7vrVrv
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW730kUddrT
但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPr5fayouT
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作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIzT4AlEy3
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看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx34J3ZRFjN
因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUKqoaz9k7
我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhvSDYf1Jj
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9z8e60niX
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDCK9eenzf
抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAWsNd4oY1
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovy8cVlReZ
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山松組的力量307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyD7u06A7re
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「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDpAG6x4nc
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEotyO5gZFH
回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mQdtjuPoM
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她是我的姐姐307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaApdUM2SRZ
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T7mIUyjuI
山松組的老大307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwDhrJeQeo
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大和英加307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzrjUqYjZP
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnGQ99NNYf
「說話啊」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3YnPGq8dG
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VlIHnyRyk
央百花307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhZZn6gLBS
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我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFGsrsVDk0
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytSWRFoY1d
「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
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「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kZXl5Fy2P
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「⋯⋯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXB44xfkYbj
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbdfYQ7tu2
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMQosnvHo7
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yIcMTD3SN
我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwvcoyGZr0
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUizuYK7P8
她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqh8XzaZFp
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理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinQhf6apet
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgAZ0byw4q
所以說，我到底做了什麼？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdzkqKAI0f
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我在反叛嗎？可能307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyP6HHo6goN
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
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讓困難自己解決307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9jvlln7Fb
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但困難就是自己307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9LOyHg0po
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所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPBBtJ0988
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我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7KFu7Q1QE
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不用去想更多平時的負面了307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqCPQjcReN
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單憑感覺行事307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XtEpRSi0n
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvKSx9Gn6N
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反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6XnE5vCrm
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DWlqsldTU
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別開玩笑307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqu5wuyti8s
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但我有選擇嗎？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyYsuB89ao
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVgUi1aBSt
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不過單是自己也是307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbGJGinoB5
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我不想這樣子307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI39H9k7nox
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ613Bd0nmZ0
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但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
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當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSLIxltEau
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYM35F4rfc
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沒有能力307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqvnKwJU4Q
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一直以來也是307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7O1PQ3iP5
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我⋯⋯307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsjy4Gvopt
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我307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmcVwcwqbG
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我根本沒有選擇307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUOPXdOLFB
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMbxwFXqai
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算啦⋯307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZc9q2qb3f
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就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWh8Nr8GeS
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怎也沒所謂了307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8XaxJvMwb
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGiHTm8OY3
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「⋯算了」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKAfRY48IX
「我要出去食晚飯了」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZXPZb9SKC
「你打算怎樣子呢」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgCRY7K6Yy
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「⋯⋯嗯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhI6hIteBZ
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307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hnUBKdB8E
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沒所謂了307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnqXUny0Tr
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「⋯⋯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpEoD2AXbr
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307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlFf7ZpFW3
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反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqE9zdtI1j
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtO2L57dPa
反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVxD8hQgBb
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbve9H9TDe
反正307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduzX4wMneA
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「⋯」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eH5Jxip30
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「笨蛋」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod2ivMKtJD
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRH8PWHqqk
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