Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTa3mx5rxNu
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOETRF1gvP
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCUJiUnvi6
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46uV86IkKm
Her face remains serene.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADYuNiDT7n
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdItH6JhfBP
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNapjEyJ0He
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfna6kcTvEy
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3ckNURGSa
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXNSYwdpNL
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Wc6mYydLq
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5GMh4TtEz
This should have been her beginning.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexudmhNK2g
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1yhogj0Aa
*/*/*965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnv8CFC2Xhe
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1j41sqSVYh
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhWCs8cX0G
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8KkNdn2xQ
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPRPS5RcwG
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LhpjuZ1FN
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLn4XqVf48w
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AYyNLf3TH
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsVGdNv1XO
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9Dn9qGX8K
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHcWLO9bgL
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsXU0wW2IK
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRCFghZrzF
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmwyqiN97S
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVY1UChSOJK
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSmVzXJ6CP
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4I88CztRJ
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFuFAiBMus
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhje1a5bON
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡij06yCWK03
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkHidRIqc7
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2GIz8BrNW
*/*/*965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqxjWkSPsV
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlfeiYp5N9
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9sZK8uffw
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhcKoQsqvD
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxSInN8Srq
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZLknDjrdL
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlA4Xb5bKBj
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3wvzHNzk0
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyd51dLPw2
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rlGfqv4Tl
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlWIFYXfP8
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iRmXTLJjG
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygXaWZsLCO
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BvHoIKNAZ
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIDVbRoDCt
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuwh6d4DuJ
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPtHsHlCaA
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ28c46O579
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqPBjO1aoV
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtRBN8JcjI
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MRxMG1oRd
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjIuWn3Myl
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuiNwN4JTP
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67jMCBLm8z
*/*/*965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpevTtwAaZt
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8Ue9fn56a
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjxeOg0S4U
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlDNHGyjnr
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBokmUXMssx
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxt8HERBq5
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSsw8t8Utx
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgabz5DBFhw
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF77xvru8HT
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2H3RNnKhSJ
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WRY3HPxIe
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0cOgDE0ZH
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQynuXQGKc
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYordHDnSHf
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGduGNKTn6n
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9WKj8FlHp
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6JpAxDmCO
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFUozC9I0n
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprkysXAQds
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAwAPWfPU1
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcgu6FYBYT
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6spY1Ec5Lq
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOA8hrFx4c
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzHt9tABRK
*/*/*965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUiKvsZVAi
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoo5UL9BnE
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4oPkSbDCr
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKr28CuNZa
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFSaWmloG8
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJdFXIsE99
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqprjbWTIBJ
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSNDPEUHi0
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgJjTWSJot
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a1R7QnNMC
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgC7kogasX
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5CM7vcJaW
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU7KQOUVV8
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTwC2Mb6Qj
*/*/*965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbFY4ABF6x
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofjDEl73Ud
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcQXzBATuc
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPeSgL4nWe
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Pxw7XWnUT
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqFz8TZobL
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxihHrTyA44
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstrZL8uLWz
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjaPcP6XM2
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLydVisF3wR
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbACqOI3FNq
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSJasYvs5P
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVtisc4oTU
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFgfg8EIG9
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r1U0UNKlS
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZo06NeB7j
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4VdAvYvId
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0xs5aMyXG
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ETfCmcZEq
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkC7g0EZBZy
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI24Yx2pxav
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIxw2hC6py
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwY23X8E6tY
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPg2x69Mfs
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L5Nsps8rr
965Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgqcpjF5ZJ
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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