我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnww5LrWaY
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhWPrXTUom
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibrrtulxu4
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但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMFxNQXSCa
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pt84wgTn8
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1ld1mA2fx
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoGLYRuRP6
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoTQ4k0IgP
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EmXNJn5UT
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaF5lEzoBM
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4ceHDsvpp
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwxEQ6MWTl
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPXf855log
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9HzupSttV
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eArr4oIDq
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFidKoX4Qh
熬夜……對，我的錯。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAwpqq5hOd
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7y1bCyCUeV
的“林布蘭特”？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWYrR6GDI5
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2ZR0WVGr8
吸了……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyddOG7OiL
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcepYS7qPhF
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDqLQweGTd
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKD4EeBGMn
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKLG86jscm
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5pMAqhBpc
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbGhdGB6Ne
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3BEhIUNpX
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfrgszGyTA
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerMitHUxhq
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMquC2AOgI
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn50Xp1yXKQ
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMwuJyXNpm
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEMq487Ds6
怎麼辦？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PbX4zivwP
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQc8CFHDan
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTndcKxhTN8
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsNZ8FrXsR
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe1dL6ul4R
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXPr76Y8iO
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjWBUbJSQd
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvatXVL8ghS
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVTb6EFYNe
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvup0HPHQ2R
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSeWPOOYs8
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKwcMWxj86
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN39slPzYfB
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1qZmpxDXQ
「下跪道歉」？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaPrnIrcwc
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qvZDJ0NKZ
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAr4XRVLXj
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nobs3S4Uz
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8PXk0aEfo
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ttePmuJyt
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsGeSvLmbV
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEoAcbPwoY
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8H044VocvV
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yY0IvQS2N
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0T22VXlVG
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5N9RGb5lb
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZuNOMMj95
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn64uR48M7
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztPQu0iYXu
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRc62MJIORb
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseSdpZXJp0
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eiLT5LMcp
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUS0IVhOm6e
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOwS7cBPzZ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmXp0hCuTI
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWpgpHukDd
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTieFsHuq2
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt1BvGYoG3
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5j6EZwgTi
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6kLg7GkFi
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0thjdtBlTX
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o6ZOgXREu
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7MaRjnvBV
「媽」…唉…又來了…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyC6Tt5CuT
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6hZpWEHts
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96MM1z3frc
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPbhmOTevW
咦…不對……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguv3CLBmXB
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6J1kwUMgp
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYy3KVut5U
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7isXjYfnIs
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLxFJQTKoJ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeRuKy2sYp
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxppHY7Q3r
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe265vY7N2y
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUSCRMqvYD
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKg1Ij7ArF
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4D7lEbljl
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMwXtRHsRL
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvDYmv0Ek1
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2f3Moami0
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEf2bb6eZt
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0rtRR79XJ
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4i68VCdiz
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66EWiAb6AH
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDeBysbn9e
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HEP8Z0bqf
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcrTEAHag1
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVpJZm9YRz
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAca0iTo5YQ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYta6UbCLV
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yfHFuHZBJ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNijAobPb6Q
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEaTLSCuDW
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsCPIbDudu
退不得，那就跑吧！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoS01c4fTj
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkIV1of3WF
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonbyPuKSKK
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9GE9lkHVW
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuIUh2t2jr
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRHIKx5Vth
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。