我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnK1dM0uqMb
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv00nPEolO
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23Aqc1r6bQ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXAmZO8qdk
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXs969IBNF
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nhByukSTn
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowCC87LlI9
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJN3FtbqZO
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwiWlhS8kX
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0C5hvpZNA
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fLeaCj8zM
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuF7aU5xgQ5
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GA6ZrcVJh
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LQxlqtbZt
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7087THrzEL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH5PgR3JNT
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqlKFxorxY
熬夜……對，我的錯。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Q4UtZvlTI
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxVorM2Hl7
的“林布蘭特”？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhQ0dVxDDt
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5o4k6sS0O
吸了……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIncgh38YuM
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnphEInqEg
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdh3zowzddp
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZCLAWI9cZ
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI95nEDI7R
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eCoxHgcDb
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlc6zeQtGi
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZQMeMl9mS
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFUUs4ShyU
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEx9SIccZN
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjBcAwQmyq
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qRKiIXH4r
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6xLj3Uk0m
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1HbfjHK4m
怎麼辦？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhJORPDntt
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rP0gsWLPX
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAm1mBJLS8
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78PKeppl7n
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpv1xbum0U
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClV8ccKvER
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9RrIQs1pf
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SYbH6L2kj
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8ENNjZHm3
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFO0p1jnzB
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnvy15cjCb
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqpogXvmlx
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZBtf1fM2J
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXH4jcXgXZ
「下跪道歉」？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQUaqa4i3q
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1b2g74IK7x
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXjvYjhUXs
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdIAnr7jv3
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ3HazW5Oh
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kn8itbnd2
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3nLdV3tf2
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03JaAQw5vN
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUqVFM7IGy
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPbWBy6vCw
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy3kcoASXA
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxtCuyu24V
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSdwu3TkKU
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3rDpect3B
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7pxz2wQFY
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0nnezKm2F
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMrDPmqrBk
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGAjXGLvTF
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdBFZZIMaA
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sBdkbgNdC
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhj4GXtZPB
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3r0y9ruLR
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPpeu7XgTz
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3p4FklPRtv
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtxqsP5ua9
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2KDd3mrOB
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4X1qXXiEB
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoq5aNzeOP
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdBJCPcVeX
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIHkaDgCUl
「媽」…唉…又來了…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2L1FxPOHcG
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTK2QQva6jo
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWnfF4jQSA
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAC7JZ97eg
咦…不對……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fsAkjRbQ6
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjifBWg4hxZ
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9SOlQTO21
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgzSpOOj4j
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyEM5w7Mx9
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI64LEWL4LG
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkHZGTX6Zp
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlj9hugd1YG
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LAfS0SRin
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqZEp0lQSo
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvGM5RIwXt
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpMjSclfzk
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpClK9b03Xm
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnz20t1eit
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSIHzVaSYp
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3NpxNUOzX
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFI1oaS28F
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscNVFttV8r
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEfiNmBR9Z
　　575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuatJ9MuQyG
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXGNqFRdTe
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yS5690yIR
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNzQ3mIslL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9LBUFMCFI
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVpEhkh8Fv
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgt8FvvYrEz
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MWIfCGPJ7
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56aOoms8Rc
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKj8X1FDZsi
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLCuQgB1Xj
退不得，那就跑吧！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLyFEH2IHN
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWhRQMGBTR
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRMixJanZG
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDr65ikrkT
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0064yAyhc
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwElpFfz56V
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。