我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqVqmTYxLs
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDUhxOnlb3
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsba1upZ2F
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wAk2nZa4a
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfjzu2c3xl
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrWbiB7OLX
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpk6D6aiXa
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vrHyOZ4lv
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gg4qy5Ip6
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtmKuazrYV
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAcVHCJPIR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPIxhKwYye
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEQle9VAEG
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzwMS1ehP0
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB4gwwi4XJ
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiezn6trVOc
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerAHGx9g8i
熬夜……對，我的錯。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrBBkuZlPR
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TyLa96BGr
的“林布蘭特”？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAlDc6eRMV
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEY0CayTl3
吸了……539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWmQtmNQzG
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNlRCJmlth
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfoBlCvlZl
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfw4FgtDNT
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0w9lA6Panx
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKF93TIf6U
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbaqBKdpcR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJBHsixCzz
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnjuRvycww
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXts5BEB7A
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIwglv3mB2
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wAUb1zyKG
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2T86BZfA1
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38sQAY1Bic
怎麼辦？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYXbwV2qiw
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8V88AQDG3
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPLLKGGRlB
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoDVyS5kAl
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaRp10LCup
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQK6furopX
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66tq3kLxJK
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GnMWbhROz
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQAt0gLbqd
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRf1312tA41
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjxUkBmDFl
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84p9MOjdT1
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkv2LnSVVi
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXAW2SOJF9
「下跪道歉」？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGXZxaYEYA
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7VJgNJU26
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ7H3WQzhp
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVn3kOoyh3
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyue5u9owR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLdvHmiWWo
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ766nmMCtdr
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9zlCiECYv
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOD8LijE5Jf
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivcE87dmeS
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSK8y86l9i7
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg931W8hLBp
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDRAAZyQy1
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSKOxzGooD
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96JI4ufKaj
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTBglBVhHk
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMiPbUTWR1
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYgZzkhgd5
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHHpsJQvyF
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPQ5TbX52x
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagfbdPrbxT
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1HfknekO9
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiW7We3TfbT
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1SyOVBOQj
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXA9fFvWFu
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBBlaW4xp2
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIKQL3Y8SF
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSwSS3KA1G
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5J2xNlK1Y
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwkomAPBK7
「媽」…唉…又來了…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFr1YStj08
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjITnqYQCq
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hlTqskrts
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkCLityBb5
咦…不對……539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7BUBHodiN
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEp0ZD7w8n
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BgEDbdjG3
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhEWm07G8H
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KH3MlcqF3
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgvq06tXvG
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk44HOAcLXd
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA3u9XBWjQ
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqJEPyTNYE
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNbnxLJjdO
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh8Gje497T
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhcLAWveN3
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZVYwATDmd
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgRj9gCB5X
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4PHffyTU8
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqNvixfWxb
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNfqHm2CDb
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuduYbrcAIH
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjOdaJHRek
　　539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtCU4lfnpP
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsVWhMmCk1
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxCSX94mWX
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5zJye6tI7
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVeb6Tbs9h
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlX9s00NQnL
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioNQBzJjtG
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8P2ClkT8s
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4Deelkft8
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWfMdcRamx
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0r9WNl2lf
退不得，那就跑吧！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnIJdvoe03
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XMJLjDOb2
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQNjoNEl94
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTYJWvHYSc
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dCaOQoAZR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY50ya5OKPt
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。