我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC4WnBb0CQ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugvhqzSrf5
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80aE9XbSOx
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但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnhAYWLp1V
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0GjNPjHW5
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrnttpmhXM
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0RZ8yHXR1
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIS1wXF07b
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U2BJx2MD7
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TuKcVMyly
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31yeCqJlqr
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXT1nh65tWT
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsflLtLZlUs
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4U1yE97zuh
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4yM6yaL8Y
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypcSQD9oHA
熬夜……對，我的錯。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRhoZGgmJl
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vSFhROpKg
的“林布蘭特”？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQkJKCLWHB
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl48zv5P9jD
吸了……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgslKGXC5e4
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLskfOOTUs
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntYSIk9ZfK
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcN67MyvzME
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6pnCwzsdg
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCotnCoxitm
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIOtpSWcmo
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRZW3rYPYA
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qIfXQVFBm
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeVbpwibP6
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZH7PTDdBZ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyqy3itpMi
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcZxMuGXhB
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwUKGbCrYB
怎麼辦？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyqVUT5XLL
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCgdwy90PB
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwbFtmP87J
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeng7vI1uR
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJJlIX78FQ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ81Kelhzl
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTydFh7tPQ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ6dgmpqM9
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7DXm6eyWY
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrqtaMUgdM
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHWxBiteTp
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nEbSU03Im
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGtWhRjYs8
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkbF9BTcuq
「下跪道歉」？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnUkASrEFD
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5ZofdhEOu
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfw0A78b6g
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBYqkBX0Uf
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfHiFLkRy8
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ609ZHwkkar
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uZGsrqfWk
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0ucemz2CM
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr939hUFWLO
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vzwwGp8EC
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5PxMrNHFN
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSEs9d5YLk
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PrPtR7AdS
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPzzUwqfxp
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7R9bGmjcb
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgJYnB8toJ
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuTu1kIJSU
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOHNQ1K8AI
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8db9XlSpFG
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKCFurmWMU
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniJv7giv5g
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmqQV8Fe9m
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm57LaxgXjG
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrewutlTF6
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfHZbGAUqy
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgqFCuToNu
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3aj4KpUAt
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgJi9MU2SX
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkX8Ednzag
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCGACZkMTq
「媽」…唉…又來了…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOFZrcvRsw
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JDNd9plk1
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjQjcYIGIe
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqD4GXmbTAs
咦…不對……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSBO8dPcBk
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1rFkbi0kP
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJ85Hn1uHQ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRg2BGYiGvV
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjp1GJB4hc
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR34AgTGQPS
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPnRtLFszH
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKfx8sUp82
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEurOezOSJ
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4OWoJO1Wv
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweVsDd5T5W
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziAsnJY3Ud
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZdOH4imeC
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEp6mDCaPDE
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFfYESSmEZ
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hZvAKL6hC
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoEg4IKWVX
　　521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlbsnJInZj
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJYD2hW1me
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6Eie0YS9C
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorkurmhakK
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKRFKGc1eX
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkPSnJpwgf
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXrytGQlg0
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkZIBB8wjR
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZViCJ4AdW
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYma5ZocFC
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvN1JjyOru
退不得，那就跑吧！521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dxFCTzHyZ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0A17P3ARS
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOueVe2hp8o
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfUcUDD3TY
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0ArKtNYLA
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqb0IBRZv1
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。