許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j3sLDLUIZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrcxnRELB3
「急事。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXc9tn3oNN
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dFlVOG8tV
「你不吃晚餐？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lwmjjbuUv
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0hNtiv1xg
我沒應答，逕自出門。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6OY3nPZ0L
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeNBcJV1Sc
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cOnrp3R8q
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3ndoSajiJ
難以言喻的鬱悶。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYltXGCoOgy
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDZOUOvsqR
長嘆。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mNpXp9RbK
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNKLrBG0xE
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCEldUa0FR
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vB9ElpHNt
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu2e1uTrwC
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6YhvAnc0p
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6WSUGkt79
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqCaj7mnK2
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukFksYsyt6
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU3RkOo7pU
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl99UKnS849
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahja1liXyl
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjlGAsN6Bt
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV43TNzXSkT
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt08k33sBj2
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kGSM2zRlo
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZHD9PhBeX
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ307zjMjUnv
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzklh7eB1M
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1gyjvkX20
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMcFML6ubw
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcVoKrPVMD
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6DEOwbdGO
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwE2zOi7DMm
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyx7tVUnPu9
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHswywBx2NP
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHL5aoOwIk
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvf8sUXc6H
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPQD4aONRA
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq0XZjTEKa
註定的。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SQmdWRiOj
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3r4uoAJNR
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnSUA4RRLr
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbaf10I3gm
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aviCtY0xq
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYHaOeWpUh
停步。猶疑。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTB1PuzLEDO
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRctQSDlGep
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvU9Yd5vCHQ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kF3VgauVb
轉身。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡib6Tlxdiga
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cUzcJsisi
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxErpuUldcO
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQUX5w4TbE
我回身走去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3YUuvijpx
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7AUTFq3Nr
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVguiHgyg9C
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrFMKU6lXo
把小狗抱入懷內。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPifmdBP4Xz
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoycjHLjuG5
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejqn8b6D95
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5E2nYiVoN
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyq3jdg7WfH
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VA3CmbkW1
海風？海濱公園步道？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF74VAaaUn
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW17CvAIwN6
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsUiIwqqpO
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcO7fmPNi2W
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzxVI27TF9
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLL5VMpNsc
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXHthfugPj
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkuMsdiJ5n
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaFueSpxO5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zGTGCa4Ks
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ6jLza30a
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFcaDLkNQJ
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhhAgDj2oJ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP49jTyPmZ
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyTzsvqc39
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdgrRcuf1c
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfCXivtQkZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMTrLVl2PC
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtVftOAgHi
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpl8w5Nzvm
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62Y5PHuL8j
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARNH7Ws02m
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VWnBa1BW5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4APPho17U
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUAAFNQJZo
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlASRBweK76
鬱悶何來？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8ZhTis948
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRFajjKb5p
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXONli52ok
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVVa9J3nlD
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xMMo2CgiT
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLUIzaC9Iu
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs78rhpSYOh
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBJ06jKZrH
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZV3WlmSo5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYV447fyRWZ
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfSXZKRStT
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGxytQ4lQc
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7RAafAmGq
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZab1cUsrfx
然後呢？根本沒有然後。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80XDTNs3I9
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEML2UIExX
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEY3IBVCkw
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLCXvxmGWN
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.197da2
