許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfGNTcQoCF
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbk78w9risv
「急事。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iMM6bcQlm
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qlM4CH0h8
「你不吃晚餐？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEmaEM8vtm
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1SAx8YQI9
我沒應答，逕自出門。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Zj3KCT9IN
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchRLROIHKo
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS9FUQJTFl
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUgGDLHX41
難以言喻的鬱悶。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSsyQV8wdN
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSCKk1fDGq
長嘆。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTPz0ddP6v
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsNtMluDRR
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrNj1Shd1y
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DM8IsbjfC
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8fx25bjdq
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxrAOpcr2d
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAn0WsRcPb
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ291TrPTjcS
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhOYTl7DxN
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j9a5swWNY
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoulyinbWBE
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw7jN42GnW
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEkHSPufbz
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0USvCSmjyT
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfX1L4Ns51W
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSw0yYKyo4
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqOw8GYKOL
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeSkuXBObF
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZCJxnwOND
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa57XrOHXyv
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0R62l82R8C
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY32oQpYzbo
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2RaG50Al8
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT69zJrJ6V
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmYSyBEOcv
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkkBhlif6S
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzNmycuCxT
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kX80mJSiv
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcYeUZyYtm
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy90cYVuOWf
註定的。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAm5hPaRjiC
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyzJqnzeAu
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssD374fchj
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucFBNdy09R
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZGH1CVFam
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKlCRlbCBS
停步。猶疑。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXHRzKkyyN
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡud7z4NDbK3
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAy0RMZqKZ
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9qlDYnesp
轉身。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKok6LbLkO
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJ22qhziFm
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlhCThe4cW
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2M2iIW852
我回身走去。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT10gG5UCT
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XlnVH2dBW
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhbOOfVuKU
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuFEsfBIyJ
把小狗抱入懷內。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayNDPNiqyd
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1DPxwLfTi
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqluGT4TmA
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBj3tGtPujZ
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifzhGy2uXv
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKQ9MyaLlk
海風？海濱公園步道？298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZCUKVSldX
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrgB4qinaz
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCvu56712c
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uSQl2mUfp
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO89IiYADq
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5Jt72ulLb
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkzeZhjG9B
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKz5dXSVfN
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre9iQ0fWBi
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry4Gp2qhNA
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6P2oS2FNcy
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vvWzu83gY
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxEok49bj9
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsRXePxung
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqoXiE8t3n
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rW0aoOpBL
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4N5blSFAk
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfP5oRI89tW
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGIiphPFpX
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXc44a8dDV
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZya8QpmpWX
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBqbEdPrs1
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ILmcnOnRk
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17oDg4TVkD
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJpqL0TF2m
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV2CCwM69P
鬱悶何來？298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VFdcRJ8gw
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ563pGHA0NI
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrhYGEiewi
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqfa7ARJ6D
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekNJUioRUw
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fhUEqmhSb
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAQHxb68XE
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKRon63TLB
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZTXEthkzK
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFvAypryzj
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCnc4jtzhq
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGrTHBgE8x
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtOZRYYJpq
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNYymCXLJQ
然後呢？根本沒有然後。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHZI1vIn3e
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYW9bYSijh
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEtyN4alve
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaa95kPhe4T
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.82da2
