許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4amo6UBEq
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「急事。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi61ORMplDP
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「你不吃晚餐？」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtEvasfsLp
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我沒應答，逕自出門。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC2AEUEwzw
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPksrhVJMqo
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SAPVxMXjl
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvcy2fFhhr
難以言喻的鬱悶。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfq0iGFFAx
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4oqugadrU
長嘆。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3DiHvPYdS
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9M3gqkBy6
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlYyaYYhfl
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AMtorC9X4
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbs7kBQxmiF
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXanyZVqoab
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZNgrCfFX9
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7BougqFma
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiguq6rN5I
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZC5OjXLGF
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VLBBphFlk
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe22tGnLMV8
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73d0a4KeET
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHfFm6eWKp
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzZFeZyLcX
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTXkQJmx81
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9S3aa5zXda
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDgJNRhKqF
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGK4OxWmCp
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmlShfgopa
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8HdCH0E5W
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46CeatnOzO
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCC0hr6oyTr
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RMD6tcg2N
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vVOK3OC6d
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKXYeui91P
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPV8Na5QQq4
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8cWD8Z49S
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOIgkmTc4p
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD93g07HT1q
註定的。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3wetjcAjc
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDJMaTYY8M
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNxQcF9iYN
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMpu9Opgsr
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡST34YvIVWG
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgibmf1WiIa
停步。猶疑。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAlBrgll3c
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEabGd0q3h
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nbfPhLRhO
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAEyOqrOGs
轉身。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaI1fh2aVf
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM6fFBUlmO
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqDPvHmsOQ
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lfZBdXqQJ
我回身走去。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeC1alswDq
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZ23iE9yCT
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWzvGcFHYl
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qknJgZi89
把小狗抱入懷內。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOVL0zVofG
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJqc4AqyUI
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oHTQHcVko
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LxIR0thq3
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYX1s5l7IXQ
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI9Mn24w9D
海風？海濱公園步道？231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFD4tOMfiwC
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhORDLkn83N
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfm7piitA2
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx6LmjdEq9
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRmlgslLZI
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dBhx8laOn
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKU176TpTc
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYBxOP87RH
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dfhFS1Zo6
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQdxso0PiQ
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfA9LgIqcTm
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYmti8IDAD
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZP8el6kxsg
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2z1uMKrMBL
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku7Ybw2TNF
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEmhYZK0pf
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzqrGjvnXl
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIhCej2aYY
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwD4OhNgcNI
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmt5CD8B95j
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2YFiKUWB1
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxugSa8UNxZ
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvirCNQIy5
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhIOavOLd8
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7aB3YDKqy
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZ9QvoQKjP
鬱悶何來？231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhlcM2G0vv
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxKzUZpx6w
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86Of9zawgP
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlXoxI5p57
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegOfmHpZOV
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKyWwoO24g
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8GXgRSYyV
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJDjLYf7Kh
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrbcRDT3l6
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TAUUXOemG
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FWheRDAkC
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fd4Nk1c6R
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzokgoORbNj
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ctAgGRbzp
然後呢？根本沒有然後。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bfUxohssI
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvAcvExA0G
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDqIE8DbRS
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO0G1CjxdN
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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