一家人合照、用過的筷子碗碟、她最愛多啦A夢公仔⋯⋯ 有關阿媽貼身用品及心頭好，均一一齊全，幾乎沒有遺漏。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4tXaaEGwW
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9xFh9LTWC
物品可以循環再造，生命卻無起死回生。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCF02AIeZP
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeJv20whar
兩年來，我依然不曾發現，甚至誤認為他無情，為其加施出軌「罪行」。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeszHvUVZw4
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwjqlWMvTx
也許，真正無情的，是我。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKiS90L2gY
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYafgJGuvV
「除咗你之外，無人可以幫佢。」她拿起其中一隻多啦A夢公仔，輕力拍去塵埃，再小心放回原位。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1rKcgoIxj
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6f5Y3AYBH
此話一出，有種無形壓力壓在雙肩，恐懼自己無法勝任：「點解得我一個？」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLG9k9e4UF5
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5A8fVEJiPU
阿媽沒作解釋，而是隨手拿起其中一幀家庭照，放到我眼前。 那是阿媽測出癌症前，我們一家三口，最後一次到日本旅行。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DNthC0DaP
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUKhDGf1wq
照片中，我擺出一個冷漠微笑表情，他們兩人則圍住我，於富士山山尾拍照。 昔日畫面，頓時湧上心頭。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwriaTLo4ux
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmaeMu93tL
那時，沒有知曉未來能力的我，還傻更更哼着《富士山下》，裝作睿智問道，應為「要擁有，必先等失去怎接受。」抑是「要擁有必先等失去，怎接受。」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp6aw1Gl3M
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbYY9DZLKc
我想，無論是前者或後者，結果同樣沒法接受。 有時候，我會羨慕別人，自己不過是二十多歲，竟已失去母親，被迫面對死亡。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVqeRAbqLd
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0R5CG4JpM5
喪禮當日，不少親戚長輩，均輕拍我肩膊，要我好好孝順阿爸，表示未來就靠我支撐。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QvDAEPtFn
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4T9MYAz5Z
每下輕拍，都如巨石般重壓，有種無形壓力，要我一下子負起所有責任。我只能點頭苦笑，敷衍他們說話。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CYWxMRvzz
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwAzRGGQt3
若果自己再年長點，會否有足夠成熟及智慧，能夠承受這一切。 仔細再想，無論何時發生，年輕或年老，均無法淡然接受，豁達面對。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZW3n16gd77
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpTb9KnySe
可我竟認為，阿爸年紀大，能成熟應對，懂走出傷痛，輕視他痛苦。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJEexlJ2TB
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG054407iZo
他會否與我一樣，渴望有人關心，而非獨自承受？ 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Q9ETTSZMm
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrFmF1w6zz
「呢段時間，佢將所有心機放喺我哋身上，最能夠相信嘅人，就喺曬相入面。」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwE9Juwb2g
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEZr1eVdIa
「但阿爸會信得過我？」畢竟從那天開始，他就決心隱瞞事實，不讓所有人知道，打算獨自承受一切。 時隔兩年才示好，就連如何開口，我都無從入手。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCV05uoJTVD
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6mtmSqPC4
「呢張相，你話呢度好睇，佢先Set腳架影，我話另一邊清啲，佢就點都聽唔入耳。咁你話佢信你定信我多啲？」她反問。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1J7Y369c2
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmkY8oJJFh
我沉默不語，內心卻冒出答案。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxop2eAGAe
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJHdwSR7sB
「佢一直信你，只係你唔信佢。」阿媽直接了當說，我下意識立即反駁，卻無法自圓其說。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjDYYovgHJ
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUFimDIhLP
「年紀差太遠，呢啲叫代溝。」我推搪着。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW21j4SfrI7
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiGpAfKKHL
「車，又唔見我哋代溝。」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBt8I4Wo5fc
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DhDAcv6TV
「都有㗎，但你明我講咩。」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTcFiBNDVy
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9ZscQfrFP
「你都無同佢講嘢。」136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOCwrKT7jn
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3i2VDF1J6
「一講咪嘈交。」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZMFchvwSR
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFDh1PY4Fu
「你唔講佢點明。」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqwWJdlN6n
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxI8ggELrj
「佢聽得入耳先得㗎。」136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8ZgmCjVWm
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuSOhvQcnQ
「你未試就知佢聽唔入耳？」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJvPNa6BAS
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocBgUfmLl3
「我試過，但⋯⋯」我欲言又止。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Q8HVFMeFo
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrOzzuzFNT
「試吓原諒佢？」阿媽的三寸不爛之舌，出口快狠準，簡短卻精準，令我啞口無言，不得不屈服。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQp5qlLn0q
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KzdVg4v9f
儘管每次落敗，我依舊懷念鬥嘴時光，好比沉默不語。阿媽回來，頓覺整間屋充滿活力，非死氣沉沉，沉靜無聊。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhbpPRWQXO
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Pi7EYJ192
不知何時開始，我害怕面對阿爸，連說一句晚安，都經多番掙扎，每次說到嘴邊，便打消念頭，直接上床訓覺。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2FGF6Hkw1
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62j4I2Jd46
漸漸地，彼此不再交流對話，同坐餐桌，各有修行，卻曉有默契，互不搭嘴。 若他與阿媽說話，我則專注食飯，他安靜下來，就由我與阿媽閒聊。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZ9TDkmibW
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSwO5khRWI
彼此傾訴對象，就只有阿媽一個。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4yOgXYBq2
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhf8PcFO0ey
這兩年來，大家對答次數，應該也有百多句，如果「哦」及「嗯」這些答覆也包括在內。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrTnhjNXnE
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2Flj1bOqj
但真正交流，可謂少之又少。 對上一次直視他、講出心底話，要追溯到四年前爭執。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF11sowJUr9
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAddBCZ5jkQ
那時候，阿媽為勸交，竟勸得流眼淚，可阿爸並無動容，無情說出一句話，令我感心寒可怕，自此對他心死。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjcZWX1sre
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEN9pvtoZ9
「你走咗唔好再翻嚟。」 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDNWs2dnCU
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6ZJVCisAC
他說得字字鏗鏘，像是我踏出家門半步，就馬上斷絕關係。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6vAfVJCEI
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6m6MvJuZkR
原來，於價值觀面前，關係也不過脆弱如紙。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaarbHzLw4q
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XNxZZSZar
我只不過，希望他能理解我想法，而非站在電視前，隔住螢幕指手劃腳，喝罵批評我們的不是。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iSf0TRQEn
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NMC725hl9
我怕，他變成我最討厭一群人，我更怕，我就是他所指的混蛋。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsrMor2SYp
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMChESUXPA
當雙方處於對立立場，彼此都渴望對方歸邊，誤以為激辯一番，世界就會變好，我們就能和好。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHhe8cQFgl
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMPWCwylMq
但最終，我仍淪為，他口中的混蛋；他終成為，我內心最討厭的人。 也許，我們都有錯，錯在想拗贏對方，錯在想得到對方認同。 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc29uKwz8oD
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiGhFZcglZ
如今，彼此不再交流半句，這結果，又如他所願、如我所想嗎？ 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvN9RrWrXc
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrD5A0DcDg
我不知道。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPCU2kKPPR
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK1GNVYrSm
我只知道，他能輕易說出那句話，輕視我倆相處回憶，輕鬆捨棄彼此關係。136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IgVOTy8RB
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWkgkHy2UM
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFFZtFFksM
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