一家人合照、用過的筷子碗碟、她最愛多啦A夢公仔⋯⋯ 有關阿媽貼身用品及心頭好,均一一齊全,幾乎沒有遺漏。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAE9qidyxMF6
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物品可以循環再造,生命卻無起死回生。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAuymhDOVt9C
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兩年來,我依然不曾發現,甚至誤認為他無情,為其加施出軌「罪行」。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAOhNE2oVY98
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也許,真正無情的,是我。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAUFnM7EJN6x
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「除咗你之外,無人可以幫佢。」她拿起其中一隻多啦A夢公仔,輕力拍去塵埃,再小心放回原位。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAnBZvx9w5Rr
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此話一出,有種無形壓力壓在雙肩,恐懼自己無法勝任:「點解得我一個?」 37Please respect copyright.PENANA9d5hnIgTUb
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阿媽沒作解釋,而是隨手拿起其中一幀家庭照,放到我眼前。 那是阿媽測出癌症前,我們一家三口,最後一次到日本旅行。 37Please respect copyright.PENANA8XhSNuWz0y
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照片中,我擺出一個冷漠微笑表情,他們兩人則圍住我,於富士山山尾拍照。 昔日畫面,頓時湧上心頭。 37Please respect copyright.PENANABWEdG4sDXu
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那時,沒有知曉未來能力的我,還傻更更哼着《富士山下》,裝作睿智問道,應為「要擁有,必先等失去怎接受。」抑是「要擁有必先等失去,怎接受。」 37Please respect copyright.PENANAWn2jlz1Qqu
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我想,無論是前者或後者,結果同樣沒法接受。 有時候,我會羨慕別人,自己不過是二十多歲,竟已失去母親,被迫面對死亡。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAWravtCIIb7
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喪禮當日,不少親戚長輩,均輕拍我肩膊,要我好好孝順阿爸,表示未來就靠我支撐。 37Please respect copyright.PENANA4nKMmORHUG
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每下輕拍,都如巨石般重壓,有種無形壓力,要我一下子負起所有責任。我只能點頭苦笑,敷衍他們說話。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAmCJgIc2KXg
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若果自己再年長點,會否有足夠成熟及智慧,能夠承受這一切。 仔細再想,無論何時發生,年輕或年老,均無法淡然接受,豁達面對。 37Please respect copyright.PENANA6WgweSvvY2
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可我竟認為,阿爸年紀大,能成熟應對,懂走出傷痛,輕視他痛苦。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAHzZj1ImEx5
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他會否與我一樣,渴望有人關心,而非獨自承受? 37Please respect copyright.PENANAyPxipIiwT7
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「呢段時間,佢將所有心機放喺我哋身上,最能夠相信嘅人,就喺曬相入面。」 37Please respect copyright.PENANAztbWFpiEkg
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「但阿爸會信得過我?」畢竟從那天開始,他就決心隱瞞事實,不讓所有人知道,打算獨自承受一切。 時隔兩年才示好,就連如何開口,我都無從入手。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAilex4VyCW3
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「呢張相,你話呢度好睇,佢先Set腳架影,我話另一邊清啲,佢就點都聽唔入耳。咁你話佢信你定信我多啲?」她反問。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAPBzNJc5PGO
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我沉默不語,內心卻冒出答案。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAzrbrz0NULs
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「佢一直信你,只係你唔信佢。」阿媽直接了當說,我下意識立即反駁,卻無法自圓其說。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAN49SaFctiT
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「年紀差太遠,呢啲叫代溝。」我推搪着。 37Please respect copyright.PENANACg1OO3EFB9
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「車,又唔見我哋代溝。」 37Please respect copyright.PENANAACQs44IMT1
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「都有㗎,但你明我講咩。」 37Please respect copyright.PENANAGzeJKagWTY
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「你都無同佢講嘢。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAAIl2QWo6g8
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「一講咪嘈交。」 37Please respect copyright.PENANAaN3cbM2BDb
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「你唔講佢點明。」 37Please respect copyright.PENANA1F6zdPjW3W
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「佢聽得入耳先得㗎。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAxroXyiIPb7
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「你未試就知佢聽唔入耳?」 37Please respect copyright.PENANA9c00S5Ygp5
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「我試過,但⋯⋯」我欲言又止。37Please respect copyright.PENANAAs9DU7faVS
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「試吓原諒佢?」阿媽的三寸不爛之舌,出口快狠準,簡短卻精準,令我啞口無言,不得不屈服。37Please respect copyright.PENANAZL1VB9pENo
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儘管每次落敗,我依舊懷念鬥嘴時光,好比沉默不語。阿媽回來,頓覺整間屋充滿活力,非死氣沉沉,沉靜無聊。 37Please respect copyright.PENANABB1bTwXhJk
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不知何時開始,我害怕面對阿爸,連說一句晚安,都經多番掙扎,每次說到嘴邊,便打消念頭,直接上床訓覺。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAVqQ7MMjbuO
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漸漸地,彼此不再交流對話,同坐餐桌,各有修行,卻曉有默契,互不搭嘴。 若他與阿媽說話,我則專注食飯,他安靜下來,就由我與阿媽閒聊。37Please respect copyright.PENANA02pDd7UWeq
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彼此傾訴對象,就只有阿媽一個。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAWKmbBdpGSB
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這兩年來,大家對答次數,應該也有百多句,如果「哦」及「嗯」這些答覆也包括在內。37Please respect copyright.PENANAvC5vM4SDuj
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但真正交流,可謂少之又少。 對上一次直視他、講出心底話,要追溯到四年前爭執。37Please respect copyright.PENANACGhiLh00CL
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那時候,阿媽為勸交,竟勸得流眼淚,可阿爸並無動容,無情說出一句話,令我感心寒可怕,自此對他心死。37Please respect copyright.PENANAPXk6sE8TWx
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「你走咗唔好再翻嚟。」 37Please respect copyright.PENANAvHXkpN9tEw
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他說得字字鏗鏘,像是我踏出家門半步,就馬上斷絕關係。37Please respect copyright.PENANA85smLAxMEr
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原來,於價值觀面前,關係也不過脆弱如紙。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAzePciPJMes
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我只不過,希望他能理解我想法,而非站在電視前,隔住螢幕指手劃腳,喝罵批評我們的不是。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAepQ0u8u80m
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我怕,他變成我最討厭一群人,我更怕,我就是他所指的混蛋。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAePTlUO8q1n
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當雙方處於對立立場,彼此都渴望對方歸邊,誤以為激辯一番,世界就會變好,我們就能和好。 37Please respect copyright.PENANAt7Di130HmG
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但最終,我仍淪為,他口中的混蛋;他終成為,我內心最討厭的人。 也許,我們都有錯,錯在想拗贏對方,錯在想得到對方認同。 37Please respect copyright.PENANARRquY00bDd
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如今,彼此不再交流半句,這結果,又如他所願、如我所想嗎? 37Please respect copyright.PENANAzfNpyiYrvf
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我不知道。37Please respect copyright.PENANAU4VMCoqPz3
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我只知道,他能輕易說出那句話,輕視我倆相處回憶,輕鬆捨棄彼此關係。37Please respect copyright.PENANA4CIQScmKV8
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