作品:《魚魚創挑第六期》 連結
▌#48 BL 如果你還記得幫我慶生
▌類型 小說
▌作者 Tanaka Kami
短短數句,元素卻過於繁多。29Please respect copyright.PENANAM2rVbomBn8
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或許只是擷取自某長篇小說的片段,但仍是有一定閱讀上的困難之處。29Please respect copyright.PENANAUbBgEUHQDx
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1.兩人角色所說的話,會很難分出到底是誰跟誰說。29Please respect copyright.PENANA4YZL0CJmIT
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2.用詞上有些問題,如開頭第一句「煙雲」應該是用「雲煙」,此處的倒裝句,不但沒有更闡述出環境的聯想,更多的是第一時間就讓人糾結在這個詞語上。29Please respect copyright.PENANABX8VQVCxsj
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3.進度推演的太快,情節、人物多的無法連串。29Please respect copyright.PENANAgRops5qysw
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以上,是我讀後的感覺。