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-免責聲明：故事內容涉及以人類加入妖怪食物鏈情節，純粹以現時生物學生態類比，只屬幻想與虛構，如有雷同實屬巧合 - 205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVAUIkapuu
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「喂，華仔。」條鬼佬以鬼佬腔廣東話叫我。「今晚有無節目？無就一齊去一野咬到d女一頸血啦？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUJYJwbJUr
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問返果時做咩咬鳩我？佢話，因為佢飲醉左酒喎。而家我焗住要同佢住。無計啦，就算嬲鳩佢咬鳩我，都要同返d生活習慣一樣既人往，做野起上黎方便d呀嘛。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoPLgcEeas
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「戇鳩仔先會用牙隊落人條頸，噴到成身都係。」我話。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJ7ADWKId4
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「哈哈，我係戇鳩仔。咁先好玩！」鬼佬話。其實鬼佬份人都幾nice，有少少英國紳士feel。不過鬼叫佢咬鳩我咩？咬鳩我我就屌佢架啦。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR8jdkduHQ
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvHm3A37W6
鬼佬平時真係會著到成個吸血鬼咁，典型英國風格既吸血鬼。每年Halloween佢就最出位架啦。佢對於班本土派香港殭屍就好少理，因為佢吸親既，都係鬼妹。美國妹英國妹俄妹賓妹索高維亞妹，有邊種妹佢未食過？所以呢，佢又唔會話搶哂班殭屍風頭。有時真係想學下佢咁豁達。英國佬就係咁。BTW佢話佢最憎蘇格蘭吸血鬼。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6JUCwvYQA
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我地住埋同一個單位，位於元朗某間村屋。如果你都住附近，不防留意下果有架老爺benz，就係我地所在既位置啦。咁當然唔會話埋你知咩車款啦:o)205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia9R8AxYkX
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不過鬼佬佢佢從來唔會渣，因為佢會直接變蝙蝠飛去目的地，渣架車過老蘭？佢先唔會啦，過海好撚貴喎佢話。所以成日叫我郁下架車，費事電池無電，叫人黎救車又洗幾舊水。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSKZXgNkIu
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（旁白：點解你地成日乜都話貴？）205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1qOgLP5LG
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屌啦，吸血鬼都要洗錢架！我地要一日2餐，一個月要飲一次人血，果兩餐唔係錢呀？仲有交租呢？燈油火蠟呢？香港做咩唔洗錢架？做吸血鬼，係香港仲難生存，都唔知邊忽有血！鬼佬就話唔洗點做野，幾百年前銀行D錢，今日仲收緊息，都咪話唔和味！至於我，就係雙失吸血鬼。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjH8fGyh1v
失業、失戀。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12yBGFGjqj
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不過咁，呢部黑色 Benz都叫做變左我溝女既工具。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ282G38BtZ5
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呀係，小姓劉，名叫做華仔，德華。因為我好鐘意做愛，所以d人又會叫我做愛德華，或者華仔。二十年前，1996年係24歲。今年，2016年，個樣仍然係24歲。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO77DjuqDHQ
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當年未有SARS，大學生好吃香。今年，大學生做慘過擔爛泥怪。我雖然用左十年時間，讀左個degree，但都唔知做乜好。我呢D夜行生物，除左看更都唔知做咩好囉。試過係老蘭d夜店做過一排bartender既，不過環境太嘈了，吸血鬼對耳唔多頂得順。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInFRLZ7dTO
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但係，最近見左份新工，希望可以搵到食啦...我諗，應該都幾過癮既。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXI9zOuE3q
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「華仔下嘛，請坐。」一個著住西裝的女人話。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneHQU4OKAr
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「..唔該。」我話。「可唔可以拉左個窗簾或者..較暗少少個燈。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgD3gzGOEM
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYViOLw7z7
「先生，我都想請你除左副超先，我地先至可以繼續。」個女人話。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxj92CwyGq
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rvfrzqFWK
超，除咪除！吸血鬼唔鐘意見光姐，唔代表見光會死。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Mqiz8DpEx
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「愛德華先生，想請問下你對於你申請既職位，有幾了解？同埋有咩期望呢？」個女人問我。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveW10NK6Ce
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「咩呀...殺人之嘛下嘛。」我話。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQlUMI9WRZ
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「你的確講得無錯...」女人話。「不過...我地指定要殺既人物，一定要以特定方法令佢死亡，唔係只係殺。你知啦，香港地呀嘛。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83781RMgZu
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無錯，我見呢份工就係全職殺手。當然唔係上jobDB就搵到啦，點都要靠D門路先至搵到。（唔好問我邊度搵）205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6v7BdrwWDO
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（旁白：香港有殺手架咩？）205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3e8heu0bL
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你地以為香港無殺手？哈哈，咁你地就錯了....你地自己睇下政府公佈既每年香港失蹤人口數字啦，每年穩定地有幾百人。我可以話，除左比我地呢類人外生物食左之外，都係殺手所為。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZKwaiKgMr
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「明既明既...」我話。「不過可唔可以舉少少例呢？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RF5l87y6z
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「我地係你正式加入前，唔可以講太多。」女人話。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqEFIA57RC
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「咁我加入囉。」我說。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDzhbmwgWe
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「等等先....先生，我都未知道你適唔適合我地呢份工作。」女人企起身，指住一個紙板人。「我想請你係500米外，刺殺佢比我睇下。工具有哂係檯面，你可以用任何方法。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRA2gq7zql1
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我望住檯上面，有刀有弓箭有球棒仲有支甜筒，就係無槍。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡve3vfj18rN
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不過都好，比槍我反而唔識用。一個正常香港人有幾可掂過槍呀？205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlyl1WHVa3
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「開始得未呀？」我問。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMLj8iHFWZ
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女人點頭。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqQaqeUb9D
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難得有機會，我當然要玩返少少花招啦，豈有此理個女人睇少我？區區一個人類....睇少我？205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZM2NIvXKb
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「颯！」一下風聲，紙牌人既頭先經比我撕左落黎，係我手上。而我仍然企係原位。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs8Ramtk2K
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「....」女人呆左。「你點做到架？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyciQrmOc99
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「秘密。」我羅住個人頭放係我塊面前面當做面具。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuFY5esSXu
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「....」女人開始好好奇。「起碼都話我知呢個係咩門派既武功？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKH3ZNZgS4
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我轉一轉個方向再擺pose：「都係秘密。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdVgnufHl1
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