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"W-Wait... No... Mom!?" I gasped. After processing the news from my teacher, I packed my things and hurried to the school entrance."
Soon, my brother arrived in his car to pick me up.
"Onii-chan..." I said as I got into the passenger seat.
My brother just nodded at me with a serious expression before starting the car. As we drove away from school, I couldn't contain my worry anymore.
"Onii-chan, what actually happened to Mom? Is she okay?" I asked.
My brother kept his eyes on the road and remained silent for a moment before finally responding, "You'll see when we get to the hospital later."
His vague answer only made me more anxious. We didn't speak for the rest of the drive.
When we arrived at the hospital, I spotted my father in the waiting area. He looked tired, but his expression wasn't as grave as I had feared.
I approached him immediately, "Dad, what actually happened? Where's Mom? Is she alright now?"
My father placed his hand on my shoulder. "Your mother is awake now. Go inside to see her---your sister is already there."
Hearing that Mom was awake brought me immediate relief. I rushed to the hospital room without waiting another second.
"Mom!!!" I called out as I entered the room.
There she was, lying on the hospital bed with my sister sitting beside her. Mom looked pale but managed a weak smile when she saw me.
"Akemi-chan… you are finally here," my mom said gently.
"Akemi-chan, lower your voice," my sister warned.
I slowly approached my mother's side and said, "Mom, are you okay? What happened?"
"It's nothing, my dear," she replied gently. "I just collapsed earlier---probably tired, that's all."
"Geez, didn't I tell you before? Don’t push yourself too hard," my sister said with a worried sigh.
"No, you're lying. I know you've been sick all this time." I replied. "Please tell me, what disease do you actually have?" I begged her.
"Actually..." my mother had difficulty saying the words.
"Akemi-chan, you should not be asking Mom like that," my sister said to me.
"Onee-chan, you know, right? About Mom's disease? Please tell me the truth."
My sister then looked at my mom with a concerned expression
Mom nodded at my sister. "It’s okay, Yuuka. Tell her the truth."
My sister then told me about my mother's disease, and I was shocked hearing it from her.
"Wait, what did you say? Cancer?"
"Since when? Why didn't I know about this?" I replied.
"It actually started 3 years ago," my sister said.
"Wait, it was that long time ago!?" I said, shocked.
"Well, we didn't mean to hide it from you actually. But back then you were so young, and we didn't want you to worry about me," my mother gently told me, trying to calm me down.
"But don't worry about me okay, I will be alright," she added with a forced smile. From her smile I knew that she was not actually doing well.
Mom… I thought while feeling sad.
I recently had been too focused on Hikaru-kun, without paying attention to my mother's real condition. A wave of guilt washed over me.
I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. How had I not noticed Mom's struggle? I had been so consumed with my own feelings for Hikaru-kun that I hadn't seen what was right in front of me.
"Looks like I need to forget about Hikaru-kun for now. I need to take care of my mother instead.”
"I see, thanks for telling us, doctor," I heard my dad's voice from outside, talking with the doctor.
Then both my brother and my father entered the room with sad-looking faces after talking with the doctor outside earlier.
"Dad, big bro," my sister said after they entered the room.
"What's with that face? Cheer up" my mother said to them.
"Did the doctor say something earlier?" my sister asked them.
"The doctor said you need to stay at the hospital from now on for monitoring," my brother said.
"I see, it's nothing we can do, then, just do as they asked, I'm okay with it," my mother said.
"Akemi-chan, listen to this. From now on, I need to stay here, so you need to listen to what your sister and brother ask of you, okay?"
"But mom, who will cook and take care for me now….?" I replied.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of that for now…" my sister said.
But I don't like onee-chan's cooking. It doesn't taste good like yours," I replied.
"What you said, Akemi-chan, repeat that!!" my sister got upset then started messing with my hair.
"Big bro help me, onee-chan, so mean."
"You deserved that Akemi-chan, after what you said earlier," my big brother said, laughing at me.
My father and my mother were laughing seeing the two of us act like this.
Half an hour later, my father asked my big brother to bring my sister and me home.
"Mikio, I think we're done here, can you bring your sisters home now?" my father said.
"Understood, but how about you dad? How are you going home after this?" he replied.
"I'm going to stay here for a little while to talk with your mother. Afterward, I'll take a taxi home."
"Understood, hey you two, we're going home for now, let's go…" my big bro called to the two of us.
"Akemi-chan, remember what I asked earlier okay, please get along with your siblings okay."
"Okay, mom, understood," I replied.
"Yuuka, please take care of her okay," my mother said.
"Leave it to me, mom, don't worry about that, from now just take a rest okay," my sister said.
After that, my siblings and I returned home, leaving only my father and mother together in the room.
"They're leaving finally, it got quiet suddenly," my mother said.
"It looks like that, honey," my father said.
Then my mother said to my father, "Honey, about earlier, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Actually, honey... about your condition," my father explained to my mother about her real condition after hearing it from the doctor earlier.
"I see... so it's like that... I don't have much time left," my mother said calmly, then dropped a single tear.
"Sorry honey, I cannot do anything to help you... I'm sorry," my father started crying.
"It's okay honey, you didn't do anything wrong," my mother said.
"My disease has been with me for a long time. I knew this would happen."
"You doing so much supporting me all this time, it more than enough for me."
"Hey, did Mikio hear about this too earlier? Because I saw him looking down when he entered this room earlier with you."
"Yes, he heard about this..." my father replied.
"I see..." my mother said.
"Hey honey, about this, can you not tell Akemi and Yuuka? I don't want them to worry about me... especially Akemi. I'm sure she'll be so sad when she hears it.
“Please tell Mikio to keep this from them too," my mother asked.
"Understood. I’ll ask Mikio to hide it too," Dad said.
"Thank you, honey," Mom whispered.
My father then left the hospital room after he done his conversation with mom.
From that day, I focused on taking care of my mother day by day, setting aside my feelings for Hikaru-kun.
I still glanced at Hikaru-kun from outside his class occasionally, but not as frequently as before.
Meanwhile, at home, my relationship with my siblings has grown closer, especially with my big sister. Even though she doesn't cook as well as our mother did, she's doing her best to cook and take care of me in our mother's place.
She even became better at it after trying so many times.
Each day at the hospital, I noticed Mom getting thinner. Her hospital gown looked bigger on her.
"Akemi-chan, you're here again," Mom would say when I arrived.
"Yes, Mom. I came right after school," I would reply.
I would sit beside her bed and tell her about what happened at school that day. Mom listened even though she was tired.
"You don't have to come every day, Akemi-chan" Mom told me once.
"I want to, I really miss you at home" I replied.
“Hey mom, do you want to know? Onee-chan cook is better now.” I said.
“Really, that good to hear, look like she manage to do it” my mother feel relieve hearing that.
Looks like they're all getting along, so I don't need to worry about them, my mother thought.
“Mom, you look so slim then before, are you alright?” I suddenly asked her.
“Don’t worry my dear, I okay” my mother replied.
She got tired faster when we talked. At first, she could talk with me for hours, but after a few weeks, she would fall asleep after just talking for a little while. The nurses came to check on her more often.
The hospital nurses began to recognize me. I did my homework beside her bed when she was resting.
Through it all, Mom kept smiling at me. She was happy that I was there with her every day despite her condition getting worse.
Sometimes I saw onii-chan and my father talking with the doctors in the hallway, looking serious, but they always changed the subject when I came near.
A month had passed. Today, I got my exam results—and I managed to get first place in my class.
My classmates were shocked by my achievement and looked at each other in disbelief.
"What? Mikoto-san got first place?" "I can't believe it. Her grades were always average." "I never knew she was this smart."
I ignored what they said and thought to myself, If I show this to Mom, I’m sure she’ll be happy.
After school, I rushed to the hospital as usual and showed my exam results to my mom.
“Mom, look! I got first place in my class!” I said.
“Really!? That’s great, Akemi-chan! As expected of my daughter. I’m so proud of you,” she said, patting my head as she looked at the paper.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said with a smile. I sat beside her and told her about my day at school, like always. She listened happily.
Then, suddenly, she started coughing again.
“Mom, are you okay!?” I asked.
“I’m fine, my dear. Just a little cough,” she replied softly.
I let her rest and left for home. On the way back, I thought to myself, Mom’s condition doesn’t seem to be getting any better… I really hope she gets well soon.
Lately, I hadn’t been thinking about Hikaru-kun as much.
Forgetting about Hikaru-kun wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I still glanced at him sometimes when I passed his classroom, but not every day like before.
Mom needed me now, and I couldn’t let myself be distracted by feelings that suddenly felt so trivial.
When I was with Mom at the hospital, I didn’t think about him at all.
What was the point of chasing after a boy who never even noticed me—when my mom needed me more than anyone?
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One month had passed since then, and now the rainy season had arrived.
At school, I was doing my usual routine when I got called by my teacher, asking me to meet her in the teachers' lounge.
I rushed to the teachers' lounge and suddenly saw my big brother waiting for me there.
"Sensei, did you call me?" I said. When my eyes turned to my brother, I immediately asked, "Huh, onii-chan, what brings you here?"
Then my homeroom teacher spoke, "Mikoto-san, pack up your things now. You need to leave right away."
"Huh, what actually happened?" I asked, confused.
"Well, it's about your mother..." my teacher said.
"Akemi, we need to go now. Pack your things. I'll wait in the car," my brother said. I rushed back to my classroom.
"Sensei, thanks for letting her go. I appreciate it," my brother added.
"It's not a big deal. I understand about your mother's situation, don't worry about that," my teacher replied.
"Then please excuse me, I need to go now," my brother said, excusing himself.
After I was done with my packing, I got into the car and my brother drove me to the hospital.
As we arrived, both of us rushed to Mom's hospital room. When we entered, I saw both my older sister and my father standing by her side. My sister was crying, and I saw tears falling from my father's eyes.
"Mom, stay with us... please," my sister said, sobbing.
I immediately rushed over to them. "Mom, Mom..." I cried, leaning over her while my brother followed me from behind.
"Oh, Akemi-chan, Miko... both of you finally arrived..." she replied weakly.
"Mom, please be strong. You'll be okay, right?" I said, my voice trembling.
My sister looked at me and said, "Akemi-chan..."
"I'm sorry, Akemi-chan... I can't hold on much longer..." my mother said, gently touching my cheek.
"No way... You told me before that you'd be okay," I said.
"I'm sorry," my mother replied quietly. "I lied to you all this time. I didn't want you to worry about me."
"Akemi-chan, listen to me," she said. "You need to be strong now. I've seen you grow these past months. Be yourself and be honest about your feelings. Don't try to do everything by yourself. I know you'll be okay even when I'm gone."
She looked at my older brother and sister.
"Mikio, Yuuka, take care of your little sister. Look after her for me. And take care of each other too. Don't fight with each other. I'm proud of both of you. I'll always be proud of all three of you."
My siblings nodded as they held her hands.
"And you, honey," she said to my father. "Thank you for everything. For our life together and for our family. I'm glad I spent my life with you. Please take care of our children. I'm sorry I have to go. I love you."
"I love you too. You don't need to apologize for anything," said my father. "Wait for me, okay? I'll join you soon."
"No, don't say that," mother said. "You need to stay longer. The children still need you."
"You're right," my father said. "I'll take care of them until they're grown up, like you wanted."
"Thank you all," my mother said quietly. "I love you all."
Then her hand became limp in mine. Her eyes closed and she stopped breathing, but she had a small smile on her face.
"Mom!" I cried. Everyone in my family was crying. My sister hugged me from behind as we cried together for our mother.
The hospital room was filled with sorrow and grief over Mom's passing. The heavy rain outside mirrored our sadness from losing her forever.
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A week had passed since Mom's funeral. Everything went back to our usual routine, but the house felt quiet and full of sorrow, unlike before.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxjiYI0JsS
Because of that, I shut myself in my room, isolating myself from the rest of the family.
I lost the person I loved the most. I feel like I have nothing left now. Even at school, no one wants to be friends with me. It's better for me to stay home than go to school.
Then I heard my sister calling from outside my room.
"Akemi-chan, open the door. Let's have dinner."
"I don't want to eat..." I replied.
"Come on, how many days have you gone without eating properly? Aren’t you feeling hungry or sick? We're all worried about you, you know," she said.
"Please, onee-chan... leave me alone," I replied.
"Still not coming out, huh?" my older sister sighed and walked back to the kitchen.
In the kitchen, my father spoke to her.
"How is she? Does she still refuse to come out of her room?” he asked.
My sister just nodded. “Yes, it look like that!?”
"I see," Dad said.
"Yuuka, after dinner, leave the food in front of her door like usual. Whether she wants it or not, just leave it there, okay?"
"Okay, Dad. I’ll do it later," she agreed.
"Yesterday, did she touch the food you brought to her?" my father asked during dinner.
"She ate the food, but only a little," she replied.
"I see. So she only touched a little. I guess she didn’t have much of an appetite," my father said.
Later, after dinner, she brought a tray of food and placed it in front of my room.
Then she knocked on the door.
"Akemi-chan, I’m leaving the food here. If you’re hungry, it’s okay to eat," she said before heading to her own room.
The next day, on a rainy afternoon, my big sister returned from school. On the way home, she thought, It's already been a week since Mom passed away, but Akemi-chan is still shutting herself in her room.
"I know she's very sad with mom passed, but she doesn't need to act like this," she added. She never acted like this before.
She’s barely eating… I’ve failed Mom’s request to care for her, and I'm really worried about her current condition.
Mom, what should I do to convince her and make her cheerful like before?
"I'm home," said my sister, opening the front door and walking into the living room.
"Oh, Yuuka, welcome home…" said my father, greeting her.
"Huh? Dad? I thought you were at work?" she asked. "I left early—I’m worried about Akemi," he replied.
"How is she…? She still hasn't gone out yet?" my sister asked.
"Still, she hasn’t left her room," my father replied.
"I see…" my sister said with a concerned look.
Suddenly, the door opened, and my big brother came inside while talking to someone on the phone.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSTTWpJJUJ
"I see. I understand. Thanks for telling me—I promise I’ll make sure she goes back to school soon," he said.
With a sigh, my brother walked into the living room to join the others.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxluqDIrHd
"I'm home," he said.
"Oh, nii-san, welcome home," my sister greeted him.
"What’s wrong, Mikio? Why are you sighing all of a sudden? Also, who was that on the phone? It sounded serious," my father asked.
"It was from Akemi's school. They told me why she hasn't been coming. They also said she might get suspended if she keeps skipping for another two weeks," he said.
"I see… This is serious. But with her like that… what are we supposed to do?" my father replied.
Suddenly, my big brother grew upset. He slammed the dining table and stood up abruptly.
"I can't take this anymore! How long is she going to keep shutting herself in that room? We need to get her out of there. She’s making all of us worry!" he said, then suddenly rushed upstairs toward my room.
"Wait, Nii-san…" my big sister called out, chasing after him.
When he reached my door, he shouted,13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYxg3PvdEy
"Akemi, open the door now. That’s enough already. Don’t make me break it down!"
I didn’t respond. I stayed silent and ignored him.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDIGkhVgU1
"Alright. I’ll count to three. If you don’t open it, I’m breaking this door," he warned.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UIPiVlgYJ
"Three… two… one…" he counted, but I still didn’t open it.
When no reply came, he kicked the door hard, snapping the frame as it flew open.
After the door open, both my brother and sister found me sitting in the corner of the room, wrapped tightly in a blanket.
"There you are… how long are you planning to sit like that?" my brother said.
I didn’t reply and just stayed quiet. My brother sighed.
"Huh… this kid…" he muttered.
"Yuuka, go talk to her. Try to convince her," he said to my sister.
"Huh!? Why me? I thought you were the one who wanted to do this?" she replied.
"She’s closer to you than to me. It’s better if you do it. Besides, my foot's killing me after that kick earlier, haha," he chuckled.
"I’m counting on you now, Yuuka" he added, then left the room.
"Geez, Nii-san… you’re really hopeless," my sister said with a sigh.
After my big brother left, my sister approached me and sat beside me.
"Akemi-chan, are you okay? Are you still sad about mom's passing?" my sister asked.
"Yes..." I said slowly with a nod.
"I see..." my sister replied.
"Well, I was sad too, but you need to move on and accept that she's gone."
"Also, remember, didn't she tell you to stay strong after she was gone? I'm sure she must be sad seeing you acting like this," she added.
"But... she was the one I loved so much... how can I not be sad... nee-chan... she always listened to what I said to her..." I replied, crying.
"What about me? Don't you love me too? And what about dad and big bro?" my sister said.
"I do love you too, and the others, but it's not the same as how I loved mom. She was different," I replied, crying more.
My sister suddenly hugged me while I was still wrapped in a blanket and said, “It's okay, Akemi-chan. You can keep crying, but from now on, you need to move on.”
"She might not be with us anymore, but it's okay. From now on, I'll be here for you—I’ll take care of you. You can tell me anything, alright? So please... don’t be sad anymore," she said, a single tear slipping down her cheek.
"Really!? Can you hear my problem like mom used to be before?" I replied.
"Sure, you can tell me anything" she said.
I returned her hug and said, "Thanks, onee-chan. And... sorry for making you and the others worry about me."
"Let's leave here now. Clean yourself, then eat, then apologize to dad and big brother for worrying them, okay?" my sister said.
"Understood," I nodded.
"First, let me remove this blanket from you," said my big sister.
As she removed the blanket that was wrapping me, she looked at me with a shocked expression and said, "Akemi-chan, you... you..." She was shocked.
"What's wrong, onee-chan? You're looking at me as if I'm a ghost," I asked.
"Look at yourself in the mirror now," she said.
I moved to the mirror in my room and looked at my reflection.
"Huh, what do you mean?" I said.
"Is this...? What happened?" I shouted, shocked by my reflection. My body had become significantly thinner from not eating properly for the past week.
"Onee-chan, did I...?" I asked my sister.
"Yes, Akemi-chan, that is you. You've become thin," she said.
Then both my father and big brother rushed upstairs to my room.
"Yuuka, Akemi, what's wrong? What was that noise?" my big brother said.
"Onii-chan, dad," I said, looking at them.
"Who are you?" My big brother asked, shocked and not recognizing me
"My goodness, it seems my youngest daughter has lost weight," my father said because he recognized me.
"Also, you look like your late mother when she was younger," my father said.
"Wait... Akemi?" my brother stared. "I can’t believe it."
"Who else would it be, nii-san?" my sister chuckled.
I stood in front of them and bowed my head. "Nii-chan, dad, I'm very sorry for worrying you this past week. Please forgive me."
"It's okay, my dear. I know you were sad about your mother. I was sad too, but don't isolate yourself again, okay? Your mom would be sad if she saw you like this. Let's clean you up first, then we'll have dinner and talk downstairs," my big brother said.
"Yuuka, please take care of her," my father asked my big sister.
"Leave it to me," my sister replied.
I went for a bath while my big sister cleaned my room. Then she cooked dinner for us with my big brother helping her in the kitchen.
After bathing, I joined the others at the dinner table.
The food smelled good—my sister's cooking had really improved.
"Akemi-chan, I made your favorite dish today," my sister said as she placed a plate in front of me.
"Thank you, onee-chan," I replied, taking a small bite. It tasted better than I expected.
My big brother cleared his throat and said, "Akemi, about earlier... your school called me. They said you need to return to school as soon as possible before you get suspended."
"I understand, onii-chan. I'll go back in a few days," I nodded.
While we were eating, I noticed my dad smiling at all of us even though I could tell he was still sad about mom's passing.
"Dad, what's wrong? Why are you smiling like that?" my sister asked him.
"It's nothing," Dad replied, shaking his head. "I just remembered some past events. Your mother used to love seeing all of us eating together like this."
After dinner, we all gathered at the small temple altar for mom. Everyone shared their thoughts with mom while praying.
When it was my turn, I clasped my hands together and said, "Mom, I promise to stay strong as you wished. I won't make everyone worry about me anymore."
Later that night, my sister finished her homework and was getting ready to sleep when I suddenly entered her room.
"Onee-chan... can I sleep with you tonight?" I asked hesitantly.
She looked at me with surprise but quickly smiled. "Okay, I don't mind."
I climbed into her bed and she turned off the light. We both lay there in the darkness.
"Are you feeling calmer now?" she asked.
"I'm okay now... a bit," I replied.
Both of us were lying on my big sister's bed, talking about past events with our mom.
After a while, my sister turned to face me and said, "Akemi-chan, if you want to tell me about your problems, I'm ready to hear them. You can tell me anything, just like you did with mom."
I felt hesitant at first, but then I decided to tell her.
At first, I told her about my problem at school, about being isolated by my classmates and most of the school students.
My sister sympathized with me and said, "I see, poor you, Akemi-chan. Damn them all! How dare they do this to my cute little sister?" She added with a hint of rage.
"But why did you keep this from me all this time?" she asked.
"Because I didn't want to disturb you," I replied. "Also, I wanted to focus on mom as a priority back then."
"Yes, you're right. We were really worried about mom back then," she agreed.
"Also, onee-chan... there's this boy in my school named Hikaru-kun. I... I like him," I said, my voice barely audible.
"What?!" My sister shot up. "You like someone?"
I told her everything about my feelings for Hikaru-kun.
"Wow, I never expected that you would have someone you like too," she said, patting my head.
"Don't worry, one day, you can do it too. You can tell him how you feel."
I suddenly made a request to her.
"Onee-chan, can I ask you for something?" I said.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Can you teach me how to dress up properly? To become popular like you at school? Also, how to cook too?" I asked.
She smiled and said, "Okay, I'll do anything to grant your request. Starting tomorrow, I'll teach you how to do all that you asked, bit by bit."
"I will make you look better than before and make those classmates who isolated you regret doing that to you. You'll see," she added.
"Thanks, onee-chan," I said before suddenly feeling sleepy. My eyes started to close.
"Sleeping already?" she chuckled, noticing my drooping eyelids. "It's okay, my dear sister. I promise I will take care of you as mom asked," she said while playing with my hair.
As I drifted off to sleep, I heard her whisper, "Don't worry mom, I'll make sure Akemi-chan will feel happiness after this, I promise."
From that day, I started learning everything from my sister—how to dress up, how to socialize with others, and also how to cook properly.
“Start with the knife,” she said, guiding my hands over the vegetables.
"Like this, onee-chan?" I asked, clumsily trying to imitate her.
"No, no, hold it more firmly. Yes, that's better," she guided.
She also suggested changing my hairstyle by cutting my hair a bit shorter and tying it in lower twin tails instead of my current twin braided style. She also suggested that I wear contact lenses instead of my current glasses.
"Trust me, Akemi-chan. This will suit you better," she said as she carefully trimmed my hair.
"Now, let me teach you how to put in contact lenses."
"Isn’t it hard?" I asked.
"You'll get used to it. Just open your eyes wide and place it gently," she demonstrated.
After she was done with my makeover, I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't believe it was me. I looked like a completely different person.
Both my big brother and father complimented me on my new appearance.
"Wow, is that really you, Akemi?" my brother said, adjusting his glasses as if he couldn't believe his eyes.
"You look good, Akemi-chan," my father added with a gentle smile.
I thanked them for giving me their support. "Thank you, everyone. I couldn't have done this without you."
Three days passed, and now I was ready to return to school after being absent for almost two weeks.
In my class, my homeroom teacher was taking attendance.
"Mikoto... Mikoto Akemi-san," she called out.
One of my classmates said, "She's still absent."
The teacher sighed, "I see, she's still not here..." with a concerned look.
"I hope she will be okay. She must be sad because she just lost her mom recently,” her thoughts.
Suddenly, I finally arrived at my classroom after rushing earlier, because today I was late waking up in the morning.
"Sorry I'm late…”I apologized to my teacher with a confident tone—unlike before—while still gasping from rushing earlier.
My hand hovered on the door.
My classmates whispered to each other.
"Huh, who is this?" "Do we have a new transfer student today?"
"Anyway, she looks cute..."
Why are they looking at me like that? Is something wrong with me?
"Does this uniform look odd? Well, this is onee-chan's old uniform, my own hangs loose now.
Calm down, Akemi, no need to be nervous... You can do it...
My homeroom teacher suddenly approached and asked me, "Who are you? Can I help you? Did you get the wrong classroom?" she said because she didn't recognize me.
"What are you talking about, sensei? Of course this is my classroom. It's me, Mikoto Akemi," I said.
"Eh......!!!" the teacher and my classmates were shocked by my presence.
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To be continued…..Amemonogatari X
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