"Why the hell is this so hard?" I mutter to myself.522Please respect copyright.PENANAqAI0itJLZb
522Please respect copyright.PENANArIpzwO0USH
522Please respect copyright.PENANAyoyCf1wHnL
Remember how I missed two of Evetta's birthdays? Well, I've decided to buy her two presents — one for each birthday that I missed.522Please respect copyright.PENANA8MccqGy4UZ
522Please respect copyright.PENANA84ludDMvD1
522Please respect copyright.PENANAx6hZlEFi1O
I already got a violin bow for her. It isn't some grand, expensive, £2000 bow from 1752, but it's from me; I'm pretty sure that she's the sentimental type.522Please respect copyright.PENANAOUBiPzRDi3
522Please respect copyright.PENANARRjETQkI56
522Please respect copyright.PENANAyDt1z0uhkT
Now, I'm looking for a black doll, and none of them seem perfect. Every single one that I've seen — which is actually only a total of two dolls — have processed hair. For some reason, I feel like she would want a doll with natural hair.522Please respect copyright.PENANAaoSH0mlPTd
522Please respect copyright.PENANApGEFJPGzfM
522Please respect copyright.PENANA4QAj5Lux95
I'm about to give up and just get her a bracelet or something, when I see it through the window of a store. It's called "little Jamaica", and a black rag doll with what looks like twists on her head is smiling through the window.522Please respect copyright.PENANAuFp4FDx25u
522Please respect copyright.PENANAOhCrywP8kJ
522Please respect copyright.PENANAq3bKf1di5n
I walk into the store, which smells like lavender, and am immediately greeting by a middle aged woman with locks. Her face looks halfway between black and Chinese; full lips, dark skin, sharp cheekbones, tiny nose and slanted eyes.522Please respect copyright.PENANApRZtQuHa9P
522Please respect copyright.PENANAijtbWkYt3M
522Please respect copyright.PENANAnSogGMb8z3
"Good afternoon sir," she says in a warm voice, but with an accent that sounds identical to Evetta's.522Please respect copyright.PENANAp7FHLSLKsH
522Please respect copyright.PENANAJUURtnHxR2
522Please respect copyright.PENANAfHYh4VLBaH
"How may I help you today?"522Please respect copyright.PENANANVAY7cIg1n
522Please respect copyright.PENANAHYvkExZXra
522Please respect copyright.PENANAiH4NjNhB6T
I look at the window, and see the doll.522Please respect copyright.PENANAxU09SxSuQq
522Please respect copyright.PENANAZMS2szk7LV
522Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZQ2YZzSEH
"I want that doll; the one by the window. Upon inspection, I realise that it has "Jamaica" written across the front. She looks like she's crying, and she's facing me. 522Please respect copyright.PENANAIIIGAUZbb7
522Please respect copyright.PENANAkLAM1kW1iu
522Please respect copyright.PENANAc0mok2CNot
I think I might be losing my mind. Maybe it's more than just amnesia. What if there's temporary brain damage? What if I'm going to completely lose my mind, and have to live the rest of my life in an asylum?522Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2bNHQLRBV
522Please respect copyright.PENANAKmSjOh2tsX
522Please respect copyright.PENANAgUX7AwnlVt
Before I have a full blown panic attack, the woman speaks again.522Please respect copyright.PENANArgVpZds0ej
522Please respect copyright.PENANAsltnhDUyGV
522Please respect copyright.PENANAVRwIFMUGlT
"The doll has too faces; one side is smiling, and the other is crying," she says, seeing my confused expression, and following my gaze to the doll.522Please respect copyright.PENANArvupkINGf8
522Please respect copyright.PENANAsm4o0KhQOh
522Please respect copyright.PENANALXC0HJq2uZ
I walk over to it, pick it up, and flip it. Sure enough, it has a face stitched on the other side — the smiling face that I originally saw.522Please respect copyright.PENANANDHGzmwAyj
522Please respect copyright.PENANAwuiJPPYXvF
522Please respect copyright.PENANAK0nNJt6VoH
Thank god. I'm not mad. Yet.522Please respect copyright.PENANATefaCFs8mX
522Please respect copyright.PENANAFItaXDwK9y
522Please respect copyright.PENANAgwNVE3G49K
This is so... special. I love it, and I know that Evetta will love it, too. 522Please respect copyright.PENANAuCoVevjwqi
522Please respect copyright.PENANAVPlXRo9qf2
522Please respect copyright.PENANAiA6FbioIML
I pay for it and walk out, feeling rather proud of myself.522Please respect copyright.PENANAFHlM98kOAj
522Please respect copyright.PENANAYbAvzdJ2a5
522Please respect copyright.PENANArV5DhLgYAN
Yes, she's gonna be so pleased.522Please respect copyright.PENANA5GYAqWQvNg
522Please respect copyright.PENANAGvpCtpqYU6
522Please respect copyright.PENANAnDWKer81Vj
Of course, my day can't possibly be that easy.522Please respect copyright.PENANAw4sI9YB6eH
522Please respect copyright.PENANAip3psQSdyR
522Please respect copyright.PENANAw7ECIlySpC
As I'm walking on the sidewalk, one of the pink ear rings from the doll fall off and break on the pavement.522Please respect copyright.PENANA5D4DtyExlF
522Please respect copyright.PENANA9ghUMMhCsI
522Please respect copyright.PENANAcITTaRRpHt
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.522Please respect copyright.PENANAiaix4BBbhB
522Please respect copyright.PENANAbPMMvRlcQT
522Please respect copyright.PENANABZZX0y4EfN
What the hell am I going to do now? I can't give it to her like this.522Please respect copyright.PENANAzCQ6zEjnAJ
522Please respect copyright.PENANAYKZl0JgFbq
522Please respect copyright.PENANAJTavhMWFnQ
Think Caleb. What else can be used as ear rings?522Please respect copyright.PENANAxQ8L1psh8M
522Please respect copyright.PENANAPfxaICY89I
522Please respect copyright.PENANArknEjDXJy7
Paper clips?522Please respect copyright.PENANA9BIiOeQR25
522Please respect copyright.PENANAHWfRoXaOKv
522Please respect copyright.PENANAAXM0qPVFW8
No.522Please respect copyright.PENANAjUB2od30b2
522Please respect copyright.PENANAQihDAXDOGW
522Please respect copyright.PENANAx3i2tK54BD
Hairpins?522Please respect copyright.PENANAdXz35LRsj5
522Please respect copyright.PENANAdRaw0AeTKr
522Please respect copyright.PENANAoiI26NhgAr
Am I stupid?522Please respect copyright.PENANABxHQUrKHLr
522Please respect copyright.PENANApBnJRzetkQ
522Please respect copyright.PENANAv1RIojWmnz
Nose rings?522Please respect copyright.PENANAqpLilIyzzH
522Please respect copyright.PENANAafdk8Q5bQ2
522Please respect copyright.PENANAVaEjhndx5W
Wait. That's not a bad idea.522Please respect copyright.PENANAanRSDbQo89
522Please respect copyright.PENANA1tUyarmw46
522Please respect copyright.PENANAbCt03ILMtn
At least this isn't that hard to find. 522Please respect copyright.PENANASfMszWgNfQ
522Please respect copyright.PENANAcoX1rRQjMS
522Please respect copyright.PENANAnrnxH0FXbv
After a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a shop that is stocked full with all kinds of body jewellery, and I pick up a pack of nose rings. Now that I see them, they look far thinner and flimsier than I'd imagined.522Please respect copyright.PENANAPWPEKPMXqz
522Please respect copyright.PENANAN7iglOJ0Dv
522Please respect copyright.PENANAH7vVsPzBvg
God, I really hope this works, I think to myself looking skeptically at the tiny golden hoops.522Please respect copyright.PENANAZa77RhTGEw
522Please respect copyright.PENANAIoNdafJDbj
522Please respect copyright.PENANA3w4bBLQ7ST
522Please respect copyright.PENANAu5dLUdk9zh
522Please respect copyright.PENANAhDAMDoFwl0
***522Please respect copyright.PENANAFCzpqi4glm
522Please respect copyright.PENANA5tuFC8S0T3
522Please respect copyright.PENANA6MoqVRePDI
522Please respect copyright.PENANAxBCJFGLJuY
522Please respect copyright.PENANAoIrAyCVyKb
The nose rings actually worked, much to my surprise. You'd never be able to tell that anything ever went wrong with the doll on the first place.522Please respect copyright.PENANAsiM3UYBTow
522Please respect copyright.PENANAih8NLobTBx
522Please respect copyright.PENANAKfHdQzmIoQ
I'm finished walking the streets for today, so I've decided to take the tube back to the area in which I live. Throughout the entire train ride, I can't keep still. My knee is bouncing like a tennis ball, and I realise that it's more than me wanting to give her a doll and a violin bow; I want to see her again; hearing her voice through a phone isn't enough. Still, I call her as soon as I get out of the station.522Please respect copyright.PENANAYIWWHxGHPW
522Please respect copyright.PENANAHgfgyH82mN
522Please respect copyright.PENANAo6AXHoVABB
"Hello?"522Please respect copyright.PENANAk6rsoAiTeF
522Please respect copyright.PENANAThl2iVP3WU
522Please respect copyright.PENANANT9ykYaX0g
God, her voice is beautiful. It makes me feel warm, from the inside out, even though it's freezing outside — snow has just begun to fall, and now I deeply regret not bringing a winter coat — and the cold air biting against my skin seems inconsequential.522Please respect copyright.PENANAwEMZJe0eBS
522Please respect copyright.PENANAHX5q57hqmI
522Please respect copyright.PENANABPUmWMotAJ
"Can you come over?" I ask. 522Please respect copyright.PENANAGosPmVjsab
522Please respect copyright.PENANAK27YcRsMlI
522Please respect copyright.PENANAjeuno3NHL3
But a better idea comes to me.522Please respect copyright.PENANAs1gMfCcIty
522Please respect copyright.PENANAOQCmjsq2KG
522Please respect copyright.PENANAWyG8lpPe7Q
"Are you at home?"522Please respect copyright.PENANAtlXuerj63f
522Please respect copyright.PENANAga6Jvw77fZ
522Please respect copyright.PENANAjukvgbp4vw
"Yeah."522Please respect copyright.PENANAVThPpQqWDv
522Please respect copyright.PENANA6GopbEkt5a
522Please respect copyright.PENANAZ86ws4yJ8e
"Um, can I come over? I mean, you'd have to give me your address, and I'd try—"522Please respect copyright.PENANAD29X7xebqj
522Please respect copyright.PENANAoSpR8NGNkx
522Please respect copyright.PENANAecpfF8f6pw
"Caleb, it's very cold — you sound cold, as if you've forgotten you coat — and I don't want you to get lost, and die of hypothermia. I'll come over. I'll bring you over to my house one day — show you the path."522Please respect copyright.PENANAGnXYvnnZkv
522Please respect copyright.PENANAOuK8GuiisC
522Please respect copyright.PENANA5oOO1jmA0S
"Fine. But please stay."522Please respect copyright.PENANAS84YI7TSPG
522Please respect copyright.PENANAptb8omzWd2
522Please respect copyright.PENANAODImJ6lMdU
"Okay, but I have to leave early tomorrow. I have work."522Please respect copyright.PENANARDsJO0EDm9
522Please respect copyright.PENANAENEmFknpx1
522Please respect copyright.PENANAtL87oJsbWd
"That's fine," I say as I walk through the front door of my house. 522Please respect copyright.PENANAc2CtpTSNEI
522Please respect copyright.PENANA0JkgEmjkbQ
522Please respect copyright.PENANAMbVEGkYv58
The call ends and I make it to my room, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 522Please respect copyright.PENANAx0iyzLjKq4
522Please respect copyright.PENANAakO7M51sWI
522Please respect copyright.PENANAxZcdYDByy9
However, I fix an image of her face in my head. I tell myself to stay awake for her. And I do.522Please respect copyright.PENANAfyOFT27L5r
522Please respect copyright.PENANAkYbEoUrFpL
522Please respect copyright.PENANApwXHAAy02l
"Caleb," I hear from the bedroom door, and instantly perk up, exhaustion forgotten. She's shrugging off her winter coat by the threshold of the door.522Please respect copyright.PENANAfX237t7XjG
522Please respect copyright.PENANAsrrSgce3O6
522Please respect copyright.PENANAmoBcZp4j8o
"Evetta. Thanks for coming."522Please respect copyright.PENANAEh8GXLsAtk
522Please respect copyright.PENANA4DeA8bFjlK
522Please respect copyright.PENANACRR1KVJriC
"Of course, baby," she says, and when I hear the word "baby", I get that warm feeling all over again.522Please respect copyright.PENANAYLPuXCRGvf
522Please respect copyright.PENANA9p3maI1hcX
522Please respect copyright.PENANAaC6GDkI1yf
"Um, I got you some stuff."522Please respect copyright.PENANAyypEitAAMt
522Please respect copyright.PENANAAyOFcOsp43
522Please respect copyright.PENANAg7qypQyCnQ
"Yeah?" she inquires as she walks over to the bed and sits beside me.522Please respect copyright.PENANA419KbmL0Jj
522Please respect copyright.PENANA3FOFLclBTz
522Please respect copyright.PENANAHcVcH85vpH
"I realised that while I was out, I missed two of your birthdays."522Please respect copyright.PENANAk64LPs6S59
522Please respect copyright.PENANAuRRfEHNfW7
522Please respect copyright.PENANAtrNUfSBGSb
"Oh, god, Caleb," she says to me, catching on, and her voice sounds so... touched.522Please respect copyright.PENANAZ66BCSBZue
522Please respect copyright.PENANAQgah5q8hPc
522Please respect copyright.PENANAQOLzabNp3b
"So I got you some stuff."522Please respect copyright.PENANA7cxZ9IpgRJ
522Please respect copyright.PENANAU9cSb1VUng
522Please respect copyright.PENANARNou86CDt4
Her eyes actually have tears in them. Good god, I never expected her to actually cry.522Please respect copyright.PENANAn6aiNpF77v
522Please respect copyright.PENANAXMj77RGftz
522Please respect copyright.PENANAuvLveMBrpe
Before I can even decide which one I want to show her first — the bow or the doll — she throws her self on me and gives me a bear hug.522Please respect copyright.PENANA9xasl9liZw
522Please respect copyright.PENANAF7EDv1Nkth
522Please respect copyright.PENANALzyX3WfReK
"I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best."522Please respect copyright.PENANAVadrz2vQYb
522Please respect copyright.PENANA0aXYOAXxe5
522Please respect copyright.PENANAqH7J4DDae2
"I love you too."522Please respect copyright.PENANA466QdeI8Rq
522Please respect copyright.PENANAxvOv5YsSNv
522Please respect copyright.PENANAplFlTolv6E
We stay like that for a while, just holding each other, and when we finally untangle ourselves from each other, her eyes are red.522Please respect copyright.PENANAPqsd4PgC7E
522Please respect copyright.PENANAYIlOdeF9eD
522Please respect copyright.PENANANUiSpem4kZ
"I got you a violin bow," I say as I present it to her.522Please respect copyright.PENANAcy6u03mbcG
522Please respect copyright.PENANAMcO0OZVe7H
522Please respect copyright.PENANAgcnZHGIDOK
Her eyes widen and fill with tears again as she removes it from its casing and inspects it.522Please respect copyright.PENANA3churEWSYO
522Please respect copyright.PENANAAFlCdWooZ4
522Please respect copyright.PENANAgJ2E7eFJ6v
"I mean, it's not great, but it works—"522Please respect copyright.PENANAyZ0cruOyYT
522Please respect copyright.PENANA9lptv2Xuzb
522Please respect copyright.PENANAx1oC13vUtS
"And it's from you," she says. "That means so much to me."522Please respect copyright.PENANA9rB1R980nS
522Please respect copyright.PENANAdy66xnxKeo
522Please respect copyright.PENANAa5hg6Dy4nT
I was right. She's sentimental.522Please respect copyright.PENANActDLx6vqSP
522Please respect copyright.PENANAgBQDFrbxgz
522Please respect copyright.PENANAM6j3wFw9oq
"I also got you a doll. A black rag doll."522Please respect copyright.PENANAkrUkieHe6I
522Please respect copyright.PENANAFZGMLLmeHI
522Please respect copyright.PENANAhdrn4t4EML
As soon as those words leave my mouth, her eyes become filled with what can only be described as utter vulnerability.522Please respect copyright.PENANAD5LvCXv7cZ
522Please respect copyright.PENANA3OKP4vqvwq
522Please respect copyright.PENANAKqnkWFt0dH
"Really?" she asks, her voice getting high pitched.522Please respect copyright.PENANAIisz0SPidM
522Please respect copyright.PENANAoKNcjYPgcn
522Please respect copyright.PENANAXwU0GwRXDu
Damn. I really didn't foresee her being this emotional.522Please respect copyright.PENANAQjbQQjDilg
522Please respect copyright.PENANA5xClURCmlb
522Please respect copyright.PENANABhbMTwkjPC
"Yes. I found it in a Jamaican store," I say as I pick it up and hand it to her.522Please respect copyright.PENANAQ7NGVKyGO6
522Please respect copyright.PENANAOZctZK4ZHl
522Please respect copyright.PENANAA7Zg9WZzZ8
"Oh, fuck. This is... Caleb, I don't even know what to say," she whispers, turning the doll over, her eyes widening in surprise as she sees the other face.522Please respect copyright.PENANApgRzGXJ47U
522Please respect copyright.PENANA9Pv5nRBO72
522Please respect copyright.PENANAc0bf4Jm1PQ
She hugs me, and kisses my cheek, before retracting and rubbing her eyes, smiling at me.522Please respect copyright.PENANAsxJaN9ias0
522Please respect copyright.PENANADNq51DBbHq
522Please respect copyright.PENANASDEREc4k48
"Incidentally, I brought something over here for you, too."522Please respect copyright.PENANAXs0GjCMkUB
522Please respect copyright.PENANALx9Rz92oe0
522Please respect copyright.PENANAlJNewqoiad
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.522Please respect copyright.PENANAwdWtYeb9qx
522Please respect copyright.PENANA0Qvvl2rSxm
522Please respect copyright.PENANA0XUnfW0mdC
She takes out a tiny black doll which is attached to a card that says "Watchover Voodoo" at the top, and has some writing on the bottom.522Please respect copyright.PENANAIOmjJb1f0H
522Please respect copyright.PENANAUKijmWbEz2
522Please respect copyright.PENANA9itxYF3E58
It's supposed to guide you," she says. "Now, I don't believe that some tiny doll on a piece of cardboard has magical powers, but I do believe that if you read an inspirational quote every day, you'll probably try to follow it."522Please respect copyright.PENANAJ83KkxL3CI
522Please respect copyright.PENANAbGPrYlZyOs
522Please respect copyright.PENANArAYwNmtG0c
I read the bottom, and it says:522Please respect copyright.PENANALGVeIHozY7
522Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0Jwo2ltVh
522Please respect copyright.PENANAiFfftS4l4o
Reggae Kid522Please respect copyright.PENANAsiMu6NjFi7
Keeps you in rhythm with nature and at peace with those around you.522Please respect copyright.PENANA1UcJIFLfUo
522Please respect copyright.PENANAIc5aRSRSbI
522Please respect copyright.PENANARR99wUYMjw
"You lost your rhythm and piece of mind with that accident, and by extension, the piece that you had with those around you. I can feel the unease within you every time I hear your voice, every time I see you, every time I'm near you."522Please respect copyright.PENANAON34Qzvdns
522Please respect copyright.PENANAlzHbu538kw
522Please respect copyright.PENANA72mqosNzPQ
I think about it; I never realised that she knew just how much all of this is affecting me.522Please respect copyright.PENANAJovM1btYt0
522Please respect copyright.PENANAviG036g9lD
522Please respect copyright.PENANADH3E8oovMJ
"You need to find your peace and rhythm again."522Please respect copyright.PENANA4Hb8Ok7ygV
522Please respect copyright.PENANAlw6Lqa5agU
522Please respect copyright.PENANADkOlZxz3sY
"Thank you, Evetta," I say, taking the doll from her.522Please respect copyright.PENANAg2HmTeas0E
522Please respect copyright.PENANAu3CnfRYLkJ
522Please respect copyright.PENANACgDjhQUL9N
Thank you for noticing.522Please respect copyright.PENANAU5IzOOI57W
522Please respect copyright.PENANAveesSoHw0h
522Please respect copyright.PENANAqtd3dqKzaL
Thank you for caring.522Please respect copyright.PENANAN8N9Lb0kd8
522Please respect copyright.PENANAQRWQcBNGx1
522Please respect copyright.PENANAiZqAN3K0Tn
Thank you for loving me.522Please respect copyright.PENANARJvZM10Cts
522Please respect copyright.PENANA6kQXUJ6zVn
522Please respect copyright.PENANALIGmddZXAe
And I do something that neither of us saw coming.522Please respect copyright.PENANAooyQo3Sufz
522Please respect copyright.PENANAQTssnHPJOc
522Please respect copyright.PENANALKYPLEA4wQ
I kiss her.
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