"Why the hell is this so hard?" I mutter to myself.540Please respect copyright.PENANAWZwAiEpDuH
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJkgv56wHED
540Please respect copyright.PENANA08aJ0jxdoj
Remember how I missed two of Evetta's birthdays? Well, I've decided to buy her two presents — one for each birthday that I missed.540Please respect copyright.PENANAy4t0x0W5U5
540Please respect copyright.PENANAXT7Q7owztU
540Please respect copyright.PENANAz3wVgN1iWC
I already got a violin bow for her. It isn't some grand, expensive, £2000 bow from 1752, but it's from me; I'm pretty sure that she's the sentimental type.540Please respect copyright.PENANAZbsnI0sEAu
540Please respect copyright.PENANAIdJhMWIrPV
540Please respect copyright.PENANAeOhOPOrNM8
Now, I'm looking for a black doll, and none of them seem perfect. Every single one that I've seen — which is actually only a total of two dolls — have processed hair. For some reason, I feel like she would want a doll with natural hair.540Please respect copyright.PENANAnRYDFb7cUg
540Please respect copyright.PENANAr7kitrLPti
540Please respect copyright.PENANAVD3PwldnZS
I'm about to give up and just get her a bracelet or something, when I see it through the window of a store. It's called "little Jamaica", and a black rag doll with what looks like twists on her head is smiling through the window.540Please respect copyright.PENANAVEJ46nvOX4
540Please respect copyright.PENANA1NzluGDlHV
540Please respect copyright.PENANA0QviXdqxRP
I walk into the store, which smells like lavender, and am immediately greeting by a middle aged woman with locks. Her face looks halfway between black and Chinese; full lips, dark skin, sharp cheekbones, tiny nose and slanted eyes.540Please respect copyright.PENANAlTtkdfgaK6
540Please respect copyright.PENANA8vTX304JMI
540Please respect copyright.PENANA1vE0s6lR9k
"Good afternoon sir," she says in a warm voice, but with an accent that sounds identical to Evetta's.540Please respect copyright.PENANAguhh4MyI5d
540Please respect copyright.PENANAr798gdtFHY
540Please respect copyright.PENANAq1V8oaeg3e
"How may I help you today?"540Please respect copyright.PENANAFSPE8PaF9K
540Please respect copyright.PENANATi1zj9MxvA
540Please respect copyright.PENANA5jo96hAspk
I look at the window, and see the doll.540Please respect copyright.PENANAO11S74t8eG
540Please respect copyright.PENANAWxi4Hvi5B4
540Please respect copyright.PENANAwqFakPGUU2
"I want that doll; the one by the window. Upon inspection, I realise that it has "Jamaica" written across the front. She looks like she's crying, and she's facing me. 540Please respect copyright.PENANAuJl0YJ27Q0
540Please respect copyright.PENANAc4wxB08xst
540Please respect copyright.PENANABQrksbKMcP
I think I might be losing my mind. Maybe it's more than just amnesia. What if there's temporary brain damage? What if I'm going to completely lose my mind, and have to live the rest of my life in an asylum?540Please respect copyright.PENANATWZBqfv3Tz
540Please respect copyright.PENANACdHVthifDR
540Please respect copyright.PENANA6nTd6VjbKC
Before I have a full blown panic attack, the woman speaks again.540Please respect copyright.PENANA9yHYBMQXYt
540Please respect copyright.PENANAP87hgHRd2V
540Please respect copyright.PENANAfkXByfoz4h
"The doll has too faces; one side is smiling, and the other is crying," she says, seeing my confused expression, and following my gaze to the doll.540Please respect copyright.PENANAzj10mreLXS
540Please respect copyright.PENANAh0vzzMhb7z
540Please respect copyright.PENANA44FN6wctvL
I walk over to it, pick it up, and flip it. Sure enough, it has a face stitched on the other side — the smiling face that I originally saw.540Please respect copyright.PENANAfUqoUssxA7
540Please respect copyright.PENANAyrs79ZTy1S
540Please respect copyright.PENANAS5O9KpvLoA
Thank god. I'm not mad. Yet.540Please respect copyright.PENANAVSTStxXzct
540Please respect copyright.PENANAIJ9MOfcMLn
540Please respect copyright.PENANAS0B0tLpwRn
This is so... special. I love it, and I know that Evetta will love it, too. 540Please respect copyright.PENANAkFFZgkU6m7
540Please respect copyright.PENANAc5GOSA8FdB
540Please respect copyright.PENANADOMG7NsV74
I pay for it and walk out, feeling rather proud of myself.540Please respect copyright.PENANAgc4UL2Mzzq
540Please respect copyright.PENANArWBcWKFcZb
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbjSiKNwmyV
Yes, she's gonna be so pleased.540Please respect copyright.PENANANPraqLoAKb
540Please respect copyright.PENANAP5EVLXZH04
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbgJWxTQRuc
Of course, my day can't possibly be that easy.540Please respect copyright.PENANA3VIPHOhQwB
540Please respect copyright.PENANAh2uo3Y1Hfb
540Please respect copyright.PENANAb9LJwlAVID
As I'm walking on the sidewalk, one of the pink ear rings from the doll fall off and break on the pavement.540Please respect copyright.PENANAeoCwffhJuY
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJzAQ0Ymryz
540Please respect copyright.PENANAKhCrtPPzbL
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.540Please respect copyright.PENANA8LJTdjCS3t
540Please respect copyright.PENANA28cEnpVeUK
540Please respect copyright.PENANAIZSh3W400C
What the hell am I going to do now? I can't give it to her like this.540Please respect copyright.PENANArrSlRhRfmT
540Please respect copyright.PENANAd8WLLct4ND
540Please respect copyright.PENANAkx9C5HV6Lo
Think Caleb. What else can be used as ear rings?540Please respect copyright.PENANAfxiGulfGOS
540Please respect copyright.PENANAAzY3FfRmAf
540Please respect copyright.PENANAKtfhdZSsRn
Paper clips?540Please respect copyright.PENANADk5wdBqR3c
540Please respect copyright.PENANAwfHcW7oec4
540Please respect copyright.PENANAPT2Ruoxr3T
No.540Please respect copyright.PENANAUA50RO4vYo
540Please respect copyright.PENANAq7ErYcbTmd
540Please respect copyright.PENANA3W1VbwycA9
Hairpins?540Please respect copyright.PENANAuA2bWS1H7T
540Please respect copyright.PENANA44SIGYcLmG
540Please respect copyright.PENANAO2iTMW2Jyl
Am I stupid?540Please respect copyright.PENANAyMOEmfQX78
540Please respect copyright.PENANAnzKELRE9Gp
540Please respect copyright.PENANAxuzfKZdDaJ
Nose rings?540Please respect copyright.PENANAWRpYcPdRMG
540Please respect copyright.PENANAiXVQUOvXe0
540Please respect copyright.PENANAfEBaUX0ptx
Wait. That's not a bad idea.540Please respect copyright.PENANAX1GlAMmYzL
540Please respect copyright.PENANAK3LlzpBnfS
540Please respect copyright.PENANAzCpgDhHoJf
At least this isn't that hard to find. 540Please respect copyright.PENANAINub8jWJGW
540Please respect copyright.PENANAj7PKKSvgGc
540Please respect copyright.PENANAAFRoNzHutt
After a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a shop that is stocked full with all kinds of body jewellery, and I pick up a pack of nose rings. Now that I see them, they look far thinner and flimsier than I'd imagined.540Please respect copyright.PENANA9OED50Hu7b
540Please respect copyright.PENANA8dE7SJPOOz
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJQHn4KrqKm
God, I really hope this works, I think to myself looking skeptically at the tiny golden hoops.540Please respect copyright.PENANAXrmJbQNA3t
540Please respect copyright.PENANA19MLHL4xqo
540Please respect copyright.PENANAh07HQIRAyI
540Please respect copyright.PENANAeadGIOLbkB
540Please respect copyright.PENANAL2qkDQnij4
***540Please respect copyright.PENANA9sapk573KB
540Please respect copyright.PENANA9dPVUukDjt
540Please respect copyright.PENANAp0IaJvQ5dg
540Please respect copyright.PENANAgCSO8AS41f
540Please respect copyright.PENANAXyD0IxoVsS
The nose rings actually worked, much to my surprise. You'd never be able to tell that anything ever went wrong with the doll on the first place.540Please respect copyright.PENANA9Z8olgXdbJ
540Please respect copyright.PENANA17A62h3MO0
540Please respect copyright.PENANA4NE2Puk8a9
I'm finished walking the streets for today, so I've decided to take the tube back to the area in which I live. Throughout the entire train ride, I can't keep still. My knee is bouncing like a tennis ball, and I realise that it's more than me wanting to give her a doll and a violin bow; I want to see her again; hearing her voice through a phone isn't enough. Still, I call her as soon as I get out of the station.540Please respect copyright.PENANAUSzJUrrUed
540Please respect copyright.PENANAHOByuTgV1O
540Please respect copyright.PENANAhQ8eHpwQB2
"Hello?"540Please respect copyright.PENANA0Hl6luvN9K
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbdZ66RbKjx
540Please respect copyright.PENANArZMq7d8Dvo
God, her voice is beautiful. It makes me feel warm, from the inside out, even though it's freezing outside — snow has just begun to fall, and now I deeply regret not bringing a winter coat — and the cold air biting against my skin seems inconsequential.540Please respect copyright.PENANAcroEQEcYQk
540Please respect copyright.PENANA4wgCv6SovW
540Please respect copyright.PENANA1IDrVlPEVO
"Can you come over?" I ask. 540Please respect copyright.PENANAgwBGkZdRLh
540Please respect copyright.PENANA6ycKBQx9cz
540Please respect copyright.PENANAcaIb3LmPO2
But a better idea comes to me.540Please respect copyright.PENANANqf5HksTaz
540Please respect copyright.PENANA7cD8JE8cfd
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbjZP8mDX0S
"Are you at home?"540Please respect copyright.PENANA0mkS7O8kz6
540Please respect copyright.PENANARlKFwhmNgk
540Please respect copyright.PENANAtfLUycVCwQ
"Yeah."540Please respect copyright.PENANAyBeO1CENx1
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJDJn44MKx6
540Please respect copyright.PENANApC18KyvWzw
"Um, can I come over? I mean, you'd have to give me your address, and I'd try—"540Please respect copyright.PENANA2WC8eeJf6J
540Please respect copyright.PENANAIltTXinhDQ
540Please respect copyright.PENANA7s0TLGEdZo
"Caleb, it's very cold — you sound cold, as if you've forgotten you coat — and I don't want you to get lost, and die of hypothermia. I'll come over. I'll bring you over to my house one day — show you the path."540Please respect copyright.PENANAVkuALljWka
540Please respect copyright.PENANAjvqV4XaCX5
540Please respect copyright.PENANAG6rNc32z8P
"Fine. But please stay."540Please respect copyright.PENANA2tmELktbng
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbPR8i60MzJ
540Please respect copyright.PENANAmPNOxVkuVj
"Okay, but I have to leave early tomorrow. I have work."540Please respect copyright.PENANAZlDQ0CP1fu
540Please respect copyright.PENANAMDROcTuvYm
540Please respect copyright.PENANA9qes1lWVFW
"That's fine," I say as I walk through the front door of my house. 540Please respect copyright.PENANAqryJe3DgUz
540Please respect copyright.PENANA8zCsu3Iq6k
540Please respect copyright.PENANAjjuFCfWa2c
The call ends and I make it to my room, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 540Please respect copyright.PENANAIhz6A8bSpa
540Please respect copyright.PENANAoXyP4kGXrl
540Please respect copyright.PENANAlVsbEt5hCz
However, I fix an image of her face in my head. I tell myself to stay awake for her. And I do.540Please respect copyright.PENANAeuOo9xPdjE
540Please respect copyright.PENANAicz3p2YABz
540Please respect copyright.PENANAWpfaQ9JvKL
"Caleb," I hear from the bedroom door, and instantly perk up, exhaustion forgotten. She's shrugging off her winter coat by the threshold of the door.540Please respect copyright.PENANADaU7VI2qsj
540Please respect copyright.PENANAWMds9v7jz5
540Please respect copyright.PENANAFfWcOathTD
"Evetta. Thanks for coming."540Please respect copyright.PENANAzNWy7zTRsx
540Please respect copyright.PENANA1XUXjz6KYm
540Please respect copyright.PENANADGdo62jP0a
"Of course, baby," she says, and when I hear the word "baby", I get that warm feeling all over again.540Please respect copyright.PENANAfVgRrKRQ1X
540Please respect copyright.PENANAzpUiV1yiob
540Please respect copyright.PENANAVNFnLL8l7U
"Um, I got you some stuff."540Please respect copyright.PENANA290zdBpll0
540Please respect copyright.PENANAis2DIkYz2d
540Please respect copyright.PENANAew5Fjjg9sT
"Yeah?" she inquires as she walks over to the bed and sits beside me.540Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3lTjB3PGV
540Please respect copyright.PENANAYcLeUR1Bal
540Please respect copyright.PENANAUyegDbDGy4
"I realised that while I was out, I missed two of your birthdays."540Please respect copyright.PENANAn1oqNLLQZs
540Please respect copyright.PENANAa5BvudxJDN
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJD000HOC1r
"Oh, god, Caleb," she says to me, catching on, and her voice sounds so... touched.540Please respect copyright.PENANA96Lcmzbpth
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJiEeMA5eUe
540Please respect copyright.PENANARrfnHgcCYQ
"So I got you some stuff."540Please respect copyright.PENANA0M547ZE5lA
540Please respect copyright.PENANAufxdFDt7OE
540Please respect copyright.PENANAea0teXD5YX
Her eyes actually have tears in them. Good god, I never expected her to actually cry.540Please respect copyright.PENANAyOuqaguSY0
540Please respect copyright.PENANAlRMaVNt6rH
540Please respect copyright.PENANATGOBPBKaN9
Before I can even decide which one I want to show her first — the bow or the doll — she throws her self on me and gives me a bear hug.540Please respect copyright.PENANAAwgYgH9nnL
540Please respect copyright.PENANA32D5chydON
540Please respect copyright.PENANA7YmemV8kpC
"I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best."540Please respect copyright.PENANAe412tbrhJg
540Please respect copyright.PENANAHu8CLqT46u
540Please respect copyright.PENANALZ8HdkBkIY
"I love you too."540Please respect copyright.PENANAfYR3x6jiXQ
540Please respect copyright.PENANAEFR1EH4VJ0
540Please respect copyright.PENANA7OOf6NPZmu
We stay like that for a while, just holding each other, and when we finally untangle ourselves from each other, her eyes are red.540Please respect copyright.PENANAzoKjcGLYfk
540Please respect copyright.PENANAhdobFXQf4t
540Please respect copyright.PENANA4Fv84QKuJR
"I got you a violin bow," I say as I present it to her.540Please respect copyright.PENANA3RDAjeGv9i
540Please respect copyright.PENANA7fT17jfmuO
540Please respect copyright.PENANAlQnRD1NpXZ
Her eyes widen and fill with tears again as she removes it from its casing and inspects it.540Please respect copyright.PENANAXVvnJlYvFo
540Please respect copyright.PENANA98MEj3zSd0
540Please respect copyright.PENANAXF7BtKxe1F
"I mean, it's not great, but it works—"540Please respect copyright.PENANAcwGZcVinDf
540Please respect copyright.PENANAP61IzuvOUh
540Please respect copyright.PENANAqY8hQabnOk
"And it's from you," she says. "That means so much to me."540Please respect copyright.PENANAHLPBspkdK1
540Please respect copyright.PENANA2pAjsow6R1
540Please respect copyright.PENANAZmNs7EoqYw
I was right. She's sentimental.540Please respect copyright.PENANABAMzmxnodn
540Please respect copyright.PENANAE7haCiAmcp
540Please respect copyright.PENANAvoK8VU4WRA
"I also got you a doll. A black rag doll."540Please respect copyright.PENANA5vXFsCX8fX
540Please respect copyright.PENANAz3RDulKX6F
540Please respect copyright.PENANAG7FOtY8EWw
As soon as those words leave my mouth, her eyes become filled with what can only be described as utter vulnerability.540Please respect copyright.PENANA05FhnlWIBJ
540Please respect copyright.PENANAuh5IKEy6E7
540Please respect copyright.PENANAOVfmkYAF7u
"Really?" she asks, her voice getting high pitched.540Please respect copyright.PENANAxH1O83yH89
540Please respect copyright.PENANAAx2y3WLFRn
540Please respect copyright.PENANAMyfb7f7IFF
Damn. I really didn't foresee her being this emotional.540Please respect copyright.PENANA5sgcLmpWga
540Please respect copyright.PENANAYpNznutcKL
540Please respect copyright.PENANAcJ6lpoKtf5
"Yes. I found it in a Jamaican store," I say as I pick it up and hand it to her.540Please respect copyright.PENANA9XyxCR5VIB
540Please respect copyright.PENANA2LmGqYRS1t
540Please respect copyright.PENANAPqgfYI4JuG
"Oh, fuck. This is... Caleb, I don't even know what to say," she whispers, turning the doll over, her eyes widening in surprise as she sees the other face.540Please respect copyright.PENANAbPcILiPrXU
540Please respect copyright.PENANAw62a4otdzX
540Please respect copyright.PENANA6VFnFrUo3q
She hugs me, and kisses my cheek, before retracting and rubbing her eyes, smiling at me.540Please respect copyright.PENANAI8nQdD6NZ8
540Please respect copyright.PENANAGsB8iugkBi
540Please respect copyright.PENANApdkqD5KCf7
"Incidentally, I brought something over here for you, too."540Please respect copyright.PENANABaNhRBhBKG
540Please respect copyright.PENANAMMplFzVa7F
540Please respect copyright.PENANAYLPJeGHYVB
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.540Please respect copyright.PENANA509jyFnAtB
540Please respect copyright.PENANAflxqRfDS9c
540Please respect copyright.PENANAyFSLUTs1ch
She takes out a tiny black doll which is attached to a card that says "Watchover Voodoo" at the top, and has some writing on the bottom.540Please respect copyright.PENANAxX0C4H0rhk
540Please respect copyright.PENANAR5fwGgxIU9
540Please respect copyright.PENANAoiEdUKLlaU
It's supposed to guide you," she says. "Now, I don't believe that some tiny doll on a piece of cardboard has magical powers, but I do believe that if you read an inspirational quote every day, you'll probably try to follow it."540Please respect copyright.PENANATR8ydl7ka3
540Please respect copyright.PENANA8VDxY8Vqr7
540Please respect copyright.PENANAsfKsknNHMG
I read the bottom, and it says:540Please respect copyright.PENANAHQ2C65vnEC
540Please respect copyright.PENANATjmr2kXSZn
540Please respect copyright.PENANAybKfRSEJit
Reggae Kid540Please respect copyright.PENANAJbwVU1Bccz
Keeps you in rhythm with nature and at peace with those around you.540Please respect copyright.PENANAQL7G0GG0Vs
540Please respect copyright.PENANAlCwYpTcVHe
540Please respect copyright.PENANAizfzsSApfZ
"You lost your rhythm and piece of mind with that accident, and by extension, the piece that you had with those around you. I can feel the unease within you every time I hear your voice, every time I see you, every time I'm near you."540Please respect copyright.PENANAqnx3YwbKaH
540Please respect copyright.PENANA7Utg4YzfEP
540Please respect copyright.PENANArB3RdjOTXA
I think about it; I never realised that she knew just how much all of this is affecting me.540Please respect copyright.PENANAPOWzKlQHXP
540Please respect copyright.PENANAtETSQLNeKw
540Please respect copyright.PENANAmlk9Arld2z
"You need to find your peace and rhythm again."540Please respect copyright.PENANAoEN7Anj55d
540Please respect copyright.PENANApZIAGOXTod
540Please respect copyright.PENANAFNViK19LMg
"Thank you, Evetta," I say, taking the doll from her.540Please respect copyright.PENANADOhizUt28A
540Please respect copyright.PENANABWsBpU1P4g
540Please respect copyright.PENANARqIVAAZblV
Thank you for noticing.540Please respect copyright.PENANA9H8b8srSPL
540Please respect copyright.PENANAZhgApWEwzw
540Please respect copyright.PENANAY9zEqQpQL3
Thank you for caring.540Please respect copyright.PENANAdUBn2wS8rv
540Please respect copyright.PENANABOvlz1TSz3
540Please respect copyright.PENANA0RGHZB406x
Thank you for loving me.540Please respect copyright.PENANAJH91sYnx9c
540Please respect copyright.PENANA9KgWi20DXF
540Please respect copyright.PENANAegpZcnJOrs
And I do something that neither of us saw coming.540Please respect copyright.PENANAT5a0YPLjTD
540Please respect copyright.PENANALBpaQ56V8V
540Please respect copyright.PENANAohXXVR2oxT
I kiss her.
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