Cru
I’ve just finished swimming a five hundred yard freestyle, a one hundred yard butterfly, a two hundred yard backstroke, and a fifty yard breaststroke. Breaststroke is my worst stroke because I have a hard time turning my feet in. As I throw my t-shirt on, I’m already halfway to the locker room door. The second I step out of the pool doors the heat hits me, and I welcome it with a laugh and start jogging back to the dorm. When I walk in Echo is laying on their bed stretching their calfs. “Hey Echo, which race are you running today?”
“The two hundred yard dash.” They reply.
“You’ll do great.” I say keeping my tone polite, distant, and cold.
“Whatever. I should be back in twenty minutes.” Echo says rolling their eyes.
“Okay, I’m getting in the shower do you need anything from the bathroom?” I ask them.
“No.” They say.
I don’t respond, already closing the door. I turn the water onto the hottest setting and climb in. I finish showering in about ten minutes. As I climb out I stumble and catch myself on the counter. When I see my face in the mirror a wave of nausea and dread creep over me. I sink to the floor, my memories pulling me under the ocean in my brain and into the locked up cave in my mind, where every thing related to Grayson goes.
Three years ago.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd63I9n8weC
Almost every day for the last four years I’ve been around Grayson, around the boy I loved. The only thing is, I’m his dirty little secret. The boy he tells stories with and touches with reverence. Then afterwards I was just the friend, just the person who’s in the same daycare. “Nap time.” Mrs. Romero calls. Since Grayson and I were the oldest at thirteen, we moved into the second bedroom and not the playroom. We move so the younger kids don’t throw a fit about us not sleeping.
“Cru.” Grayson growls. “Get over here.” As I slowly walk over I feel the overwhelming pain and joy I get from being around him. When I stop in front of him, he encircles my waist with his arms and kisses my neck, my shoulder, and my collarbone.
“Grayson,” I whisper. “What are you doing?”
“Making sure you know that you belong to me and only me.” He says with a devilish smirk that makes my knees weak.
“Grayson, what do you feel? When it comes to me?” I ask already anticipating his response.
“I feel pleasure, detachment, and something that isn’t love. This is just for fun. Just something to pass the time.” He whispers into my ear cruelly. I quickly shove him off of me, my body shaking. ”Oh, don’t tell me you thought that this was really something, that you loved me.” When I didn’t answer and avoided looking at him, his smile turned into something even crueler, something even more monstrous, something even more joyous too. “Damn, you really do love me. I didn’t think you were stupid enough to think someone, let alone me, could love you. But, here we are. I mean what’s there to love? You’re scrawny, stupid, clingy, desperate, pathetic, and weak. No one could love you of all people.”
As he listed the reasons I couldn’t ever be loved I thought bitterly, you told me to quit swim team. You made me. You made me quit my study group. You cut me off from everyone else. You held things over my head. You pulled away and became cold and distant. You broke me down. You made it so no one else could know me.
Now
My shoulders shook as I cried. Fat, heavy droplets falling from my eyes, down my nose, my cheeks, my lips, my neck. I kept my mouth clamped shut refusing to let myself make any noise. I remember how happy my mom was when she heard that I was swimming again. I hadn’t told her about what happened with Grayson. She thinks that we’re still friends at school. She thinks that I don’t avoid him. I avoid him because I know, god I know, that one word from his perfectly shaped lips would have me going back to how things were at daycare. The tears kept coming taking seven minutes to stop. When I was done I whispered into the silence. “Cupid is idolized by most people who want love. The only thing Cupid does is deliver pain and grief. Even if he gave you love in the beginning, it all ends the same, with someone in the relationship leaving the other person behind.”
“Cru. It’s been half an hour are you okay?” Echo calls from the other side of our shared bathroom.
“Yeah Echo, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” I call out to him. I hurriedly washed my face and got dressed. When I opened the door Echo was standing there scrutinizing me. Somehow I knew, that he knew I’d been crying and heard what I’d said. “I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t tell anyone please.”
“Yeah that’s fine and I won’t. I was told to tell you that we’re getting a new roommate. His name is Jay Miles and he’s in the same camp as you. He’s also our age.” Echo tells me.
“Thank you.” Was all I could say.
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