致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9W8gt3YA7
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前提，是特殊情況之下355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6pp2Rcna9
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanRfr9Sxfe
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大概355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjktFDkqB7X
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpfmxs7UsM
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPiiJwbm1e
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「⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFLmFqPT16
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlubRzAze12
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaz0Byy4mc
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOb1o3vZuc
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9M5nKMl4rg
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不良日常性時候355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPZ9aAVMpA
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD2KWzyzEN
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcqjzB9VXd
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDH5F2wDOV
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91AEkqWoyQ
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmdoNncATT
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiYrJmUiFF
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb86DSBVF1
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU1Z6TJQhh
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdLTVaks9s
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGphRNixEl
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「呀！來了、來了！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjPCNKcAqR
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「走啊～」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGpGbn7fiN
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡronf64beYj
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzwfz2ZTnS
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他355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN2mRJyYx5
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「又被欺負了嗎？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPoHlc3ego
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDHwe7vXFK
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPM9kHauXWG
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdMXFde9oh
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WgWPAtuz9
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpXGrs1wDM
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⋯⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFKBJL8wjn
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怎也好呢355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OsJyFdx67
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「⋯⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnuW41rYr4
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIro9QpAKP4
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxuxdDNrn5
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—— 咔 ——355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhYByw8wEf
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⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK0MN3BH1f
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⋯⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM5wMq2DTv
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9W0N8lMlqJ
「嗚⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ulu4yw2ep
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wUUzz65p2
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVdIfl4mRV
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16XrJighBg
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「啊？！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YIaskSoFS
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—— 啪噹 ——355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfwq6xR4Qi
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUv5PyoJZ3
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfgWfbTF6E
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她一樣355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVrE8ITLR6
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h1S1wDTG4
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKS3w6nveQ
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「對不起！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaeccbk7jF
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9iMzII9RI
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「來」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQF5lPhT1b
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「⋯謝謝」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjyriFpBFW
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML9HnrVN5e
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZxxJFVekB
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaJiAGZ5kx
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR3v7A4sBE
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「那個，水無月？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrs1fl4lnU
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「怎麼了？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk6zCa6Pah
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmarwgzSqPJ
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各種355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVD3ijHJkbu
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZapAoLO2Yc
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoW7mPiP1XP
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且只能回味355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1B2Uh1VUh
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「回來了嗎，島見？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1eznMAJWf
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkej3YsA7Tb
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw69zQoTra2
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkQaVX4Qp8
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「媽媽⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ201pW8IbUv
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「⋯⋯是的？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuLFL3BJTh
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXUo1pq5MN
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aKmGY0u4b
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs38BrVXcpV
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxvm9YfR6L
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呢355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7iJ5i4fos
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbxA5kiVWf
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgRff7sOsk
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLow8R71w0d
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXZoQJvkLh
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「這樣嗎⋯？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SMfQbtZLl
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9PNTlW0s3
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「生日快樂！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eIWfEZykn
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5mHNOfQqa
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太過成功才使人後悔啊355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHc4CCAAAZ
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「⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21rMkLo2iG
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—— 噗 ——355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYMdZG2lwW
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「喜歡」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GjjyX3aNF
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「太好了⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mHAwdyQHm
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXK8CM6iB1
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如果⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9MVG2Aljn
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTRCMc0WrE
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來得太突然了，去得太突然355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmeW51bcj6
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355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSxZlWmNEO好痛355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7NJ7EFgMJ
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「什麼？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡro2bPZkD5K
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYASHKIVdB
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTjsn4BgBU
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84nUW1GByk
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9MrpItAWv
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「⋯對不起⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutq5h4HOIG
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對不起有什麼用？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6oS6SbESz
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道歉又有什麼用？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9QMiyXtTr
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卻355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87WhEnemdF
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwD6xNGDiu
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要説再見了嗎？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqcWPE7W9S
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我不想355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXubTTCXbU6
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIaTdWTQXj
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETN8Aw2EAA
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我不想那樣子355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WND7R8v9q
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8DiB4TcOM
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgP5DfsfDaW
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不在這般的前半生之後355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8iv4bBfYp
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⋯⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBInjSCjSET
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無論如何，日子倒是來了355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6rQyA9Tqg
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最後的笑容，就在當刻355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uIe1Szkuh
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAyrGOcD1k
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW542hv1bXG我不接受355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OstqZsNR7
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECOSwQZ3mH我不接受355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOXKNZ5TqV
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—— 啾 ——355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LyxgO9Dop
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我不接受355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJsgajxxEn
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「賀羽⋯？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0f2WAeywv
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—— 啾 ——355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOj2lCFNYsZ
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh86c41esbW
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXRWFUXhVF
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我不接受這樣的結果355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWntbfF6zM
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr31J8O1ZO9
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaGnY3p6rN
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboJPa3My1A
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我的本性355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs00lbNXYuj
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCEl39TA9x
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—— 啪 ——355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBQ99yOUZv
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「給我閉嘴」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0VbgrAo2n
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy90nQzVqT
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我終究只是野獸而已呢355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkyD8xQuAN
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUfBglQL8E
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYChzhIfUjj
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而作為人形野獸真的該死355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBpQeYkjeN
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如此痛苦也是活該355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzqTeeAWJD
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忘記不能也是355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxCialUiHm
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDicJ44yye9
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5O7TZmdfmS
「張開口！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMLZW3bMMH
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrHgX6NXtw
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發現了嗎？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlF8b5XNZWT
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8oKgVbnjG
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vGZiqBAK4
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMQLaX27Br
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「為什麼⋯⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJY77Q1FlL
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我所嚮往的355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeI3aSWCSrh
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所謂的355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7n2dwYYwA
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「正常」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1JxTii9mQ
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純粹是個謊言355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ264yetVU7l
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64dxjCyTt8
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OjbpuRqcZ
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⋯⋯355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcoRwDhSOU
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所以說，我是異類嗎？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtabMuGQz0
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「⋯⋯再見了」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2v57lVCii1
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當然355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLLexqG1QF
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtJ7ues5Sv
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmga6jD0GG
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmG4Aqo2Ns
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「嘿⋯」355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwkYM2KP4R
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自討而已355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOjPGW7geF
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
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