致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlP6vyJwrr
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前提，是特殊情況之下297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqH7PGlM8j
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TB23e2bLL
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大概297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaflLJRPov
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lq57QiJTB
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAV2ssvHz4
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「⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgin6w6j2B4
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9BuMKLpVG
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZgpkTxHz2
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdjOYeENil
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6KfLp7Vbq
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不良日常性時候297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVoe5FFiEs
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNQtDieK23
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3SVIfamkU
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RhVYzGSBU
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreBl7mfmeS
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXZLkDQTmx
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVCkpyRe7P
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuJkgxKxgQ
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKpSXaAqII
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWDFcsSnnI
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ7ErveF0b
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「呀！來了、來了！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0fFqstErD
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「走啊～」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjCfaxvSKQ
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdF98tYLkY
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKn5Ca7wcp
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他297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHl9N2U0N3
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「又被欺負了嗎？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbkj7mm8af
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauADxl5NTX
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mJ85dLkBQ
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jpuucXxth
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqg4GPxcxlG
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaD288KmpO
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⋯⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGDgUmoQZg
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怎也好呢297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSFCeenZcM
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「⋯⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hni4slrQI
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy4eKvjOoz
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlc5EVGYXE
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—— 咔 ——297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPvkmpVBnx
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⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfIiwCgdyf
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⋯⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuDZAwmPO0
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxucD7VLi8
「嗚⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWYqhWEhO1
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhGPTN5H4N
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYFMSQwqbL
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37SpRABk0W
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「啊？！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HyO7vq0Ol
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—— 啪噹 ——297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIyip9cDqW
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4L3ZJCMO90
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiFEkfTtbL
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她一樣297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2KskgXJPY
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjaaIsd5bU
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOwpIQyyZK
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「對不起！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrgk64oINK
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptg3CYNO7o
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「來」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡai7MM2rWHB
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「⋯謝謝」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRpwNUh2lc
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9fC6Y2que
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHkPGjYcnE
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKQVgQEK3C
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0bxasvKTs
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「那個，水無月？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxQskB6Ly2
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「怎麼了？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iTtr5rryl
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfiRCh4xOx
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各種297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsycYU4tsBm
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmf6q98q7F
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz9SzZ10CQ
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且只能回味297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r1ypzT7dg
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「回來了嗎，島見？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08nToccSys
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0CTuQKp3m
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGa1JQpZYPT
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXzkwy73Dj
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「媽媽⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBWDVrOmdC
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「⋯⋯是的？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfejjvpAvW
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VzRQqpOW8
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbAnP6Ng8R
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡln5PP4JYZZ
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPjzfrD6oL
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呢297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTGWKxcHNu
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9wp6oK0pd
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWslavvAfO
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRjv6ZDuiQ
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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「生日快樂！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazx1dXgHew
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太過成功才使人後悔啊297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC297e17vnF
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「喜歡」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUxIydsJCq
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yMXpEJ8Jv
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如果⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0S1o4T2ZZi
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGZUGxdn1h
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來得太突然了，去得太突然297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxEfphw3sS
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQvr7OAzLo
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYC3ZyqZfr
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ERp5ZRB5t
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對不起有什麼用？297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CLukSATsA
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道歉又有什麼用？297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRi8WMJHD1C
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卻297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCasQqX1XL
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnwfgMuiTa
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要説再見了嗎？297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCYQVepvxT
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我不想297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXaxtEW00F
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZRg0dClTu
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKZR3GZRcl
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我不想那樣子297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3q1Y5I24A
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHZ3CZDqzs
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoE77oeziNj
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不在這般的前半生之後297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmhDmSQZe4
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⋯⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIEPA2maeM
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無論如何，日子倒是來了297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtlU03j9Nb
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最後的笑容，就在當刻297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkNMWd4IME
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZq5EYOzUz
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—— 啾 ——297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3CBd8qQIU
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我不接受297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri7PmQNyJW
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「賀羽⋯？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnGkkqqnnB
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—— 啾 ——297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19i5SzHmPr
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0Obwv56hZ
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuc6McVowoy
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我不接受這樣的結果297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwXLkhbhO4
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqPC7BK9qg
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgNqQMxETu
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEBO7JktuG
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我的本性297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGY7IsWDZIN
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykuaEYFvR2
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—— 啪 ——297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouB66ztt37
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「給我閉嘴」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSXLM7BEKL
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLiRd7fK7f
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我終究只是野獸而已呢297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhYyCvFBUL
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7uSQwd9zH
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUo2KongNR
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而作為人形野獸真的該死297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYybqccMKV
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如此痛苦也是活該297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMp6JOeTVEy
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忘記不能也是297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgXUmQaoRQ
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Yrn0dEOBt
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy39o6TIYt2
「張開口！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpszQP2l1AL
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDLVNJXtJE
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發現了嗎？297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYg3Q1yiBfz
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8LM5a3x1U
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx4Ufl5iTj
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbavaWtVzaW
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「為什麼⋯⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIpPSNBxQX
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我所嚮往的297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyCzgqwj9k
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所謂的297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sCaQBeFiS
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「正常」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGa97T8Xwz
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純粹是個謊言297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQDMjOvSbL
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYz0Fh1Pmj
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzBwcXJl7x
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⋯⋯297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfJoIDxIYZ
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所以說，我是異類嗎？297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sufJBaeMT
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「⋯⋯再見了」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AjeColx0M
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當然297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FbWCk6jDD
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0D7DxdzgCl
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmES2Xz1eV
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjHlwKuNVt
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「嘿⋯」297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSE3bt2EJln
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自討而已297Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi25FXWD5i
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns3.129.39.144da2
