x
No Plagiarism!F4OzDp71LWeon3Iywduoposted on PENANA
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAatCmmv9Tok 維尼
廣告回來476Please respect copyright.PENANA9EuqFwttRa
再次歡迎大家收看8964 copyright protection472PENANAoChIWfRD9M 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAX3RWhMdxnk 維尼
Helloooooooo8964 copyright protection472PENANARZCtIfPWoj 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAABetAYsMb2 維尼
廣告前,12位參賽者經過的選擇門476Please respect copyright.PENANAcMtKd2E2wT
當中只有4位通過476Please respect copyright.PENANA2ecqJy0sXA
一位得到誠意✊✊的機會!476Please respect copyright.PENANAqmuOcIGn3P
接下來就看看其他11位囉8964 copyright protection472PENANAtxn8ulkjNv 維尼
首先第一位登場的是476Please respect copyright.PENANAqATWGDHbtz
子鶱的作品——8964 copyright protection472PENANAP8qTztYDX8 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANABVj22uNKQ6
8964 copyright protection472PENANAdoa9M443OC 維尼
七十•七萬•七十億8964 copyright protection472PENANAQJy3IKEQZx 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANAW3EOvnmrqe
8964 copyright protection472PENANAQaguChlKnW 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANABr0UFkb9Yg 維尼
以阿美的明星夢起夢醒貫穿,故事完整,也能帶出作者想表達的意思。476Please respect copyright.PENANA539ueUEdz5
可是,整個故事有點流水帳的感覺,角色的塑造亦不夠立體,未能使讀者代入角色的遭遇,如果能多加描述,將字數拉長至兩倍左右,應該會更感人。8964 copyright protection472PENANAwahNAXRdPe 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAVM2buDFTMe 維尼
我一直幫本篇作品改了個花名做下一站天后,因為我覺得是個很「追明星夢」的題材,而且故事完整度頗高,所以我對本作頗為讚賞。476Please respect copyright.PENANAqpv0Py3bPc
同意紀言的觀點,就是故事有少少流水賬,編排與節奏上仍有改進空間。476Please respect copyright.PENANA4UihEPSZdf
作者把四千字全部聚焦在阿美身上,使其經歷飽滿地刻畫了出來,可惜的是阿美的塑造略嫌平板缺少深度,雖然經歷有了,心路歷程都有了,但缺少了點立體感。476Please respect copyright.PENANA91cxloYixj
可中段的故事也平淡了點,而且因為所有焦點都聚焦在阿美身上,其他角色就相對模糊了一點,其實還有六千字,有些位都可以盡量刻畫下,豐富一下其他角色,這樣或許會更好。8964 copyright protection472PENANAghwUjeGrNS 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAiJWkxa6RyO 維尼
相當不錯的故事佈局,更起了首尾呼應的效果。476Please respect copyright.PENANAdwdttmSJ0d
從女主角(阿SA!?)被紙醉金迷的世界繼而忘掉初衷,到最後重新回到起點之地,想回了那個熱愛歌唱的自己。476Please respect copyright.PENANAdmNn03HzRK
值得提醒的是,文筆略有待改進。476Please respect copyright.PENANADbB95dkIf0
若行文再嚴謹一點,這篇作品足以進入前十之列。8964 copyright protection472PENANAFhJ567DQRo 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAJGoKNmWXET 維尼
三位都已經給出了意見了476Please respect copyright.PENANAKzS7hCprZv
到底這篇下一站天后會得到多少⭕️呢?476Please respect copyright.PENANAV0tdD5oSRN
準備好了嗎?8964 copyright protection472PENANAYdJynwldH7 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAzJvUOVpbAG 維尼
ok8964 copyright protection472PENANA5omKiXpOlq 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANACwy2CmIfav 維尼
我們來8964 copyright protection472PENANAm3rJSohns7 維尼
3476Please respect copyright.PENANAP7w75OGS74
2476Please respect copyright.PENANAzfI93qcOb5
18964 copyright protection472PENANAosOdHiErZq 維尼
8964 copyright protection472PENANAuQiILS93of 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAZScMIHk54d 維尼
對不起QAQ8964 copyright protection472PENANAfEla9aD3u6 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANADsdcIhW3le 維尼
……476Please respect copyright.PENANAMXdXvfAi0A
又是可怕的三叉!476Please respect copyright.PENANAjrt2lhEbwo
三位有甚麼想安慰一下的嗎?8964 copyright protection472PENANA0Do1io84gN 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAVyXX4vBuS7 維尼
QAQ8964 copyright protection472PENANAxIW4FJJ9kg 維尼
我覺得........................476Please respect copyright.PENANA0HVCDflxvs
(細聲說)是圈太少了..8964 copyright protection472PENANAVKvBDeUR3L 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAdIky8hgu36 維尼
不錯的作品,奈何對手強勁8964 copyright protection472PENANAPswBBYLddE 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANA4pnGEc64FN 維尼
期待復活賽再見8964 copyright protection472PENANA2OLOvn98hD 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAHsH2LBPeHf 維尼
嗯,評語上面都說得差不多了。476Please respect copyright.PENANAjVUY3WFKey
其實可以從中見到作者的潛力的。不要灰心,復活賽再見!8964 copyright protection472PENANAGy5plmARYL 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAyQcmWDYz64 維尼
子鶱,聽到了嗎?要加油哦!8964 copyright protection472PENANAOjtZ2Ln9y1 維尼
好的。476Please respect copyright.PENANAdwR42UfQM2
接下來上場的參賽者是……476Please respect copyright.PENANAfOUMMnYYtY
migt的作品——8964 copyright protection472PENANAIOU0afUwYj 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANAnmdXxnwLbw
8964 copyright protection472PENANAj2WGWBCYdA 維尼
十年回魂8964 copyright protection472PENANAdlesHgDXSZ 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANAI4xce3QJIM
8964 copyright protection472PENANAoEbI0Yk8Tv 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAFgISfsLtjZ 維尼
氣氛營造得相當不錯,真的會讓人覺得毛毛的感覺。476Please respect copyright.PENANA6OOrZGbA4h
只可惜的是沒有故事,就變成單純作者氣氛把控的show。476Please respect copyright.PENANABBsEjztASu
哎喲其實還有六千字左右,不妨把它完成了嘛。476Please respect copyright.PENANAiUvejUFDxz
現在太過意猶未盡,未必是件好事哦。8964 copyright protection472PENANAA0ivH74YCX 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANA4177V7j3rP 維尼
東南很怕鬼故的……(奸笑)476Please respect copyright.PENANA8LGFJQXi1b
不過也認同恐怖氣氛營造得不俗喇,但是日記形式的解謎會使讀者的投入感減低,最後的高潮位如能將懸疑感再推上一層相信會更佳。8964 copyright protection472PENANAkrl3FfSwmL 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANA4eGBHP67bc 維尼
一開始看下去,氣氛等等都營造得相當不錯,令我心生期待。476Please respect copyright.PENANAejmoC4dMoB
算是不錯的驚慄故事,也相當切題。只是建議在故事中對於主人公再多一點的描寫,若是太過於執著劇情、驚慄的故事而忽略了對主角的描寫,讀者難以替主角感到緊張繼而代入。476Please respect copyright.PENANADvs95R9GAp
再恐怖一點,恐怕東南就不敢看了嘿嘿。8964 copyright protection472PENANAMgSrYEB3Zq 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAJnaa1vuGL8 維尼
這部讓人毛毛的作品476Please respect copyright.PENANA9bBd5WyNVo
到底又逃不逃得過三叉的下場呢?476Please respect copyright.PENANA2rOYjmPHjj
準備好了吧?476Please respect copyright.PENANAa7uIrmAqJP
一起來8964 copyright protection472PENANAYOGs1b4lu0 維尼
3476Please respect copyright.PENANAPWJUUTCsiT
2476Please respect copyright.PENANAy0j50RwRUb
18964 copyright protection472PENANAqKCunQNHHs 維尼
8964 copyright protection472PENANA3wEDKjrrSP 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANA7sdVRfQDug 維尼
可惡!8964 copyright protection472PENANAffjRF7ZyCx 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAyHcqhYvPlj 維尼
有點可惜~476Please respect copyright.PENANAmvFIUgS8ve
他的懸疑感很夠476Please respect copyright.PENANA3y782bXbzm
只是劇情上稍有欠缺8964 copyright protection472PENANAhqAYCuXOKq 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAwlZ9uZ6BRs 維尼
評語上面也說清楚了。476Please respect copyright.PENANAPMYePHvMLp
其實我覺得作者營造氣氛真的做得很好,奈何劇情上面確實差了點。476Please respect copyright.PENANAFxQJYHV7ra
希望繼續努力!復活賽再來一篇鬼故!衝啊!8964 copyright protection472PENANA7pszOCT8g3 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAV3EQ8bcADO 維尼
若在故事劇情及人物多著墨,會是競爭前十的強力人選8964 copyright protection472PENANAuaEkfHjaB5 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAzuVSrbPf1a 維尼
期待復活戰讓東南嚇得不敢看!8964 copyright protection472PENANAN7iBj68oLH 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANATPCZnjQvRk 維尼
希望migt 能從評審們的建議中有所得益哦!476Please respect copyright.PENANAdL1YwpAmuq
然後重點是要嚇倒東南ww8964 copyright protection472PENANAK2zUHdN7kI 維尼
好了476Please respect copyright.PENANACjweOWIPNA
下一位參賽者又準備好上場囉476Please respect copyright.PENANALdpCZOsJW3
他是御林君,作品——8964 copyright protection472PENANAx9jHXsNJ9h 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANAFWS4QcrDZ5
8964 copyright protection472PENANAWVDl2P38UE 維尼
花開花落終有時,相逢相聚本無意8964 copyright protection472PENANAms8LRmJIlz 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANAz9copqU4wi
8964 copyright protection472PENANAdNa8k40dPC 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAjgz69ZVxtg 維尼
文筆不俗,可惜的是故事過於平鋪直敘,而且盡量避免用對白推進故事,太多對白的話容易減低讀者看下去的意欲。8964 copyright protection472PENANAFlMPxCZdU1 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANALT7AzkgVwC 維尼
見到作者努力建立自己的行文風格,不過現時仍稍見沙石,相信假以時日會更精進。476Please respect copyright.PENANAlOMNnIl4qY
兩位主角的對比鮮明,如果劇情上能多加轉折應該會更佳。8964 copyright protection472PENANAIUKK8UZa7y 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANA42hivrI6SE 維尼
同意兩位看法,繼續加油。8964 copyright protection472PENANAxm5FabUmA9 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAhxsu7p4dQ2 維尼
聽起來好像有點不太樂觀呢……8964 copyright protection472PENANALmP8ApPCTQ 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAcADLdwivnc 維尼
沒事沒事…8964 copyright protection472PENANAPiOcNFnxFU 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAfVIDhQqinj 維尼
不過沒關係476Please respect copyright.PENANAHoLYK7EshU
御林君,我們一起來迎接結果吧!476Please respect copyright.PENANALQdxUTPU6m
準備好了吧?8964 copyright protection472PENANAXBnYpsIZZf 維尼
3476Please respect copyright.PENANA3c6VGzZP48
2476Please respect copyright.PENANA0Ii7GMEgDJ
18964 copyright protection472PENANAP7vZ1KPbjj 維尼
8964 copyright protection472PENANAxnOICHjZje 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANA6Do7Dms9Dq 維尼
可惜了,謝謝御林君的參賽。476Please respect copyright.PENANAr4Cua6R5u8
別忘了我們還有復活賽哦8964 copyright protection472PENANA8hjGNQkSeG 維尼
可怕的三叉已經出現了三次476Please respect copyright.PENANAkKE18PE5f6
到底接下來的這位參賽者可以打破這局面了嗎?476Please respect copyright.PENANAHgzV53eyyR
接下來的是……476Please respect copyright.PENANANlduh0EeNF
文楓!8964 copyright protection472PENANAmLNgsyDmwp 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANAR1aCKhqGDZ
8964 copyright protection472PENANAqQVIpqwVp3 維尼
星光,燭光和火光8964 copyright protection472PENANAcQaMGx6z0B 維尼
476Please respect copyright.PENANAfdmyFWMmki
8964 copyright protection472PENANABojzZ6e8fx 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANA2Ib39cWOFG 維尼
頗具完成度的西方奇幻小說。476Please respect copyright.PENANABpr1sHoTAE
開首的佈局讓我非常期待接下來的發展,可惜尾段有點趕,以致看上去有點虎頭蛇尾的感覺。476Please respect copyright.PENANAFmReieLPX9
故事去到中間時,十年後必須兩個死一個,其實是一個不錯的切入點,女巫與養女之間,對於這點其實可以寫多一點劇情。476Please respect copyright.PENANA111uGQp7Si
我不知道是因為時間太趕,還是作者有意為之,如今的收尾就顯得有點可惜了。8964 copyright protection472PENANAiQiXjnmLCe 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAdofYupMVdo 維尼
嘛,為了趕死線而草草收尾的事,大家也經歷過啊~以前大半部分來說,我還是很看好的。476Please respect copyright.PENANACVcmZBA2zs
獵巫的世界觀完整,故事感情細膩動人。476Please respect copyright.PENANAj9fSwAv0Gz
略嫌可惜的是結尾收得有點草率,沒有全部呼應前面的伏筆。8964 copyright protection472PENANAfHKUi9Gd8y 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAt0LXopOGNr 維尼
很難說的一部參賽作品。476Please respect copyright.PENANArjzwYV7mz5
前中段表現出色,但到後段直線下降,令心生強烈反差感。476Please respect copyright.PENANAEyYt2LTo18
以獵巫為背景,不論是女巫、惡魔及人類孩子的佈局也是相當有趣。476Please respect copyright.PENANATyi4VLTaLX
只是結局有種草草了事的感覺,並沒能把前中段鋪墊良久的情感進行爆發,有點可惜。476Please respect copyright.PENANANm4yEtXGVB
宏觀整部作品仍屬不錯的作品,很期待你的進步及完整的故事作品。8964 copyright protection472PENANA1sSTz63sYA 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAGDfONbrCkj 維尼
這部西方奇幻的作品476Please respect copyright.PENANAHduRrTMMzc
可以得到評審們的青睞嗎?8964 copyright protection472PENANAhnAD53G9wd 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANArPTiyGLK2H 維尼
嗯……476Please respect copyright.PENANApZEdw2cFQ4
這個需要慎重考慮(認真8964 copyright protection472PENANAvGE49DT3PS 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAE43C7CqrEZ 維尼
= =|||476Please respect copyright.PENANApOmbseqeWU
唉476Please respect copyright.PENANAlB7pyKCIP3
這個真有點糾結8964 copyright protection472PENANAkXPKfV1vr2 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAxInXuNHjhS 維尼
嘛⋯⋯8964 copyright protection472PENANAWKBMuoBUgp 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAL591uEFoQO 維尼
三位還需要點時間嗎?8964 copyright protection472PENANAEXVj9GMbGP 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAHMACTmh3o8 維尼
但按實力而言應該沒問題的476Please respect copyright.PENANAXGm4R6HxGd
來吧476Please respect copyright.PENANA0IYgGDLoKl
要來終究要來8964 copyright protection472PENANA2IUsSZzSRu 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAlM3GKvU9e6 維尼
來!8964 copyright protection472PENANA9bkW8wOolY 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAWlJy5kol9S 維尼
來囉8964 copyright protection472PENANAqWmggTFxh0 維尼
3476Please respect copyright.PENANAkS57rFl3jl
2476Please respect copyright.PENANABhpHrAs1Py
18964 copyright protection472PENANAphJ4fJE32E 維尼
8964 copyright protection472PENANASzcquDReKF 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANA4ZrL8PQqr4 維尼
.......................8964 copyright protection472PENANAmHJEOPq9gE 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAc8s3z4QPWh 維尼
……8964 copyright protection472PENANAd9ThzgAFvK 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANADbUDdGU671 維尼
Nani476Please respect copyright.PENANA3Uel9Mv8FH
⋯⋯⋯⋯8964 copyright protection472PENANAn26aU5gwzv 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAxObcBFPOBR 維尼
啊?你們怎麼不給圈?476Please respect copyright.PENANAr0UsuxNiVP
癡線8964 copyright protection472PENANArXRijSwTdL 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAfoo4CDjzOx 維尼
你們不是給圈嗎?8964 copyright protection472PENANA5eQOwPX0b0 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANAScYvmkIB2R 維尼
可惜了……8964 copyright protection472PENANAsbLn3snQkf 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANA10MCvts9vD 維尼
我還以為⋯⋯476Please respect copyright.PENANAo0mN9kL6V1
慢著慢著8964 copyright protection472PENANA2SgzlLkKh3 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAp27EH2ECoY 維尼
喂喂喂8964 copyright protection472PENANA692BztxRD7 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAWglfByrbr8 維尼
我沒有足夠的圈啦8964 copyright protection472PENANAOEZWY1sPFf 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANALpRf05jo29 維尼
............476Please respect copyright.PENANARw5M8SHeVR
哎呀........476Please respect copyright.PENANA4nRVPSSbFi
我以為你們兩個圈我就省下一個8964 copyright protection472PENANArriBnxFKIi 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection472PENANA9PZCOrLmoD 維尼
這賽果476Please respect copyright.PENANAs50tzk8Tpu
讓人太震驚了8964 copyright protection472PENANAwvm3HqRX05 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAkOheSvVEuD 維尼
先別到下一篇8964 copyright protection472PENANAcrry9NSdsO 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANALkhEqAzhft 維尼
!!!!476Please respect copyright.PENANAT2UIKnDdFL
紀師父!?8964 copyright protection472PENANAIUeB1Rqw6F 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAqqSWWv2wAy 維尼
8964 copyright protection472PENANA7cvExBndmM 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANADtWR559FTf 維尼
!!!!!!!!476Please respect copyright.PENANADaxdfM3ma0
把他給我救回來8964 copyright protection472PENANAEghw3OtF8A 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAhjyWoIcIOd 維尼
癡線476Please respect copyright.PENANAAUO7QmiNfU
有沒有那麼帥氣8964 copyright protection472PENANAl6mwRFziKk 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection472PENANAXr7oPtUomV 維尼
竟然476Please respect copyright.PENANAlhq4CIFhj3
是傳說中的拳法8964 copyright protection472PENANAEoUMfudvte 維尼
但你明明給❌476Please respect copyright.PENANAAOLOGd8ZQi
……8964 copyright protection472PENANAc2Oe9zVXxY 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection472PENANAUrFMRrYCbK 維尼
暴力救市8964 copyright protection472PENANATSpS1v0QwI 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection472PENANAOwxN2YuP1E 維尼
自己給❌然後自己給誠意拳拳476Please respect copyright.PENANAcQYle2SjdD
女人很恐怖8964 copyright protection472PENANAovp6QemMEN 維尼
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哪怕最後主角回到踢石頭的剎那,哪怕他沒能改變到甚麼,但內心大概也因為救了另一個平行時空的自己而感到欣慰吧。476Please respect copyright.PENANA89zckhE4O2
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或許作者收到字數限制,許多場景快速帶過,結果導致缺少了角色應有的反應,而讓讀者覺得出戲。476Please respect copyright.PENANAoFYzhS7OF0
在這字數與這題材裏,或許建議頭尾詳細寫,中間蒙太奇帶過,或許會好一點。8964 copyright protection472PENANAiJpb4mUGqd 維尼
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他的故事8964 copyright protection472PENANAlBeyp7BlAe 維尼
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是次比賽中少見的古風小説,文筆縱帶點青澀但已見古意,情感方面仍需琢磨,但不失為一部處女佳作。8964 copyright protection472PENANA4DeBzYoahu 維尼
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處女作而言已算不錯,加油!8964 copyright protection472PENANA4GxMVk70vm 維尼
古風掌握得到位,雖然劇情方面稍微薄弱,但文筆秀麗同整個武俠感的塑造十分成功,讓整體瑕不掩瑜,值得一讚。476Please respect copyright.PENANAwTIiZlLEsV
劇情方面有少少以倒敘與插敘的方式寫郡主與師叔的感情。476Please respect copyright.PENANAdF8vSAZnlv
這樣的手法雖無不可,但建議可以從多一點的角度去描寫,從不同人的視覺豐富兩個角色。476Please respect copyright.PENANAptQieR5BBE
而師徒戀在宋朝絕對是禁忌,這點也可以透過劇情發揮多點。8964 copyright protection472PENANAv7eyDAiIAv 維尼
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很不錯的武俠小說參賽作品,要在短短篇幅撰寫出武俠及江湖是一件相當困難的事情。但筆者還是做了,而且相當成功。476Please respect copyright.PENANA1CvnsEAGxI
最出色還是當中的文筆相當成熟,用詞遣字非常出色。476Please respect copyright.PENANA8zcLwIxbhT
只要在劇情那邊多補回一些不足,將會是相當有潛力的。476Please respect copyright.PENANA5dFZjatG4V
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呼……(拍胸8964 copyright protection472PENANAUCFhwtS4Uh 維尼
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他是1號參賽者香淚月8964 copyright protection472PENANAMk0umWFGjs 維尼
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一夜十年8964 copyright protection472PENANAdtlS70X6S8 維尼
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文筆不俗,但要注意下故事編排與節奏。476Please respect copyright.PENANAqtz983mDcL
當中父親死因屬於高潮位,雖然情緒是做到出來了,但也無可奈何,變成「噢是這樣嗎?只能這樣了」的感覺。476Please respect copyright.PENANAdyki5p325d
當然這種是最「真實」的,但作為說故事而言,或許前段的鋪排多點說父親身體如何壯健,從來沒有病,到中段主角懷疑父親是有暗病,自顧自憐埋怨不幸,到最後才發現真相,讓她決心離去。476Please respect copyright.PENANAg0XwuJ26ae
有了這樣的起承轉合,讀者才會比較容易代入你筆下角色的心路歷程。8964 copyright protection472PENANATuJkzLlHKk 維尼
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同意文筆的部分,但作者確實在編排與節奏方面有待改進。親情的互動頗感人和細膩,可惜開首鋪墊不足,末段又結束得太快。476Please respect copyright.PENANAaYmdJFbdlD
由於作者只寫了三千多字,而且是第一個交稿的,應該還很有發展的空間。476Please respect copyright.PENANAbKT3QOfH4a
文筆不錯,不過也許受題目影響,文中多次出現「十年」二字,就顯得有點刻意貼題了。8964 copyright protection472PENANAPKCc7fP5Kx 維尼
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故事作品的描寫代表作者對世界、社會的想法,但奈何故事性有所欠缺。476Please respect copyright.PENANALVaAu36Yvn
比起小說,更傾向散文。476Please respect copyright.PENANAxXAxjhtpzi
宜加強橋段的構思,仔細反思故事橋段並從中表達自己想要表達的意思,或有奇效。8964 copyright protection472PENANApQaESEacfQ 維尼
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一起來!8964 copyright protection472PENANAnbalcr53oR 維尼
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文筆是很秀麗的,可造之材,希望繼續努力!8964 copyright protection472PENANA9zhr5TOzvu 維尼
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如果交稿後能花多點時間再修飾,應該也是能一爭的喇8964 copyright protection472PENANAmKo51tarzl 維尼
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誰這篇不給pass476Please respect copyright.PENANAK9bu3f4UKW
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