▌類型 新詩41Please respect copyright.PENANAXtbuPLJNhp
▌作者 胤宸
41Please respect copyright.PENANAptnpcFMBzQ
六出飛雪如精靈般飄逸著這片冬季的華麗,好似星光點綴美不勝收。41Please respect copyright.PENANAnnOZ8Fwk9A
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以景物寓情,用凋零枯葉來佈置出另一襯托的梅香肆意,卻為冬之饗宴,好比如沐浴在詩人自賞玩味的冷風中。41Please respect copyright.PENANAtYauViIY84
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以七言絕句形式上表達出冬季的感覺,用描述景物的田園詩詞來呈現出冬季。41Please respect copyright.PENANAYX4wi8kY4x
上段「仄平平平仄平平、平平平平仄仄」以詩行句,魚魚不專業的建議,下句可為略改動「臘梅青竹矗飄飄。」而達到矗與舞同為動作上的呼應,翩翩起舞,與飄飄蕩蕩的青竹隨風搖曳的姿態,雙雙孤芳高雅,而以達成「仄平平平仄平平。」上下句的音韻上的對稱。41Please respect copyright.PENANAelXPhEmKmH
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至於下句,我覺得宸大已經詮釋得非常完美,我的詩詞上也不夠程度能給予建議,那讓那夜梅飄香它而去吧。41Please respect copyright.PENANAdxxkygHZUg
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感謝這番美意的詩,來照亮這片寒冬!